What Is My Purpose?

What Is My Purpose?

It’s not exactly a “happy” update, but it’s ultimately a positive one. This personal experiment & practice of writing, reading, sharing the inner workings of my mind is a vulnerable one. It’s funny, because as i fall further down the rabbit hole of awakening - it becomes more and more clear just how the practices & the lifestyle I’m trying to grow into is completely opposite from how our society, my survival instincts, and business skills (that I worked incredibly hard to forge) have programmed me to behave. Sharing these words with you, is in itself, an act of defiance against everything I’ve clung to in order to protect myself. It goes against my programmed behavior to share to the world that I, in fact, don’t have it all together, don’t know what I’m doing with my life, & am struggling within this human experience…especially as a very sensitive, and wizened soul. I’m so wise, in fact, that I know that I know nothing. And THAT’S not very good for business & branding, which is what I have lived and breathed for almost a decade. At the core of business, you want to appear as if YOU know all the answers, YOU have your act together, YOU are successful, and that YOU have it all. And that’s why people should listen to YOU. It’s generally not good for business to advertise online that you are a hot mess. But I have been drug through the coals of putting up smoke & mirrors to convey this facade. But for better or worse, I can not and I will not play that game anymore. I’m TIRED of the capitalistic need for brands, businesses, and humans to put up a front that they are perfect. Especially when what I personally long for, right now, in my time of existential struggle & growth, is to find camaraderie with others who are going through the same thing. Sure, I know a lot about a lot of things. I will tell you, I am wise. And I mean it. But as mentioned in my previous episode, the dawning that my life & who I’ve thought I am is not quite what it has seemed, due to my multiple causes of emotional trauma… has been extremely sobering, humbling, and yes, at times…crippling. When it feels like the earth is no longer solid underneath your feet, when it feels like you’ve been pulled backwards into a free fall that won’t end - it’s extremely disorienting. Because of the dark nights of the soul I’ve been surviving these last months, the focus of this piece, my quest to discover my purpose in life, is on the back burner. I want to take a pause here, and circle back to the first point I mean to express to you. As part of my inner child healing, my shadow work, self improvement practice, whatever words you use - AND my irritation with how easily it is to swindle people these days thanks to technology - I want to emphasize to you, my angel, to take my story as an example. An example of how things can seem sparkling and put together on the outside, when on the inside, it’s crumbling. This is a huge gripe I have now, more than ever, as I’m going through one of the most human experiences possible. Because as our sole focus (yes, this is a sweeping generalization) as modern humans in a capitalist, global economy is truly only to focus on either making enough money to survive, and if you are privileged, enough money to thrive? I can see now more than ever how it promotes & fetishizes a very, very, very, very, VERY unhealthy way of living. Instead of self help books, branding books, marketing books, systems operations books, management books, business culture books to succeed in life…it turns out I needed to be learning about nervous system regulation. Connecting with nature. Learning wisdom from elders who have lived through the cycles of life that only come to make sense once you get older. Romanticizing life. Dedicating intentional time for creative exploration. Let’s pause, so I can link a parallel here - something that irritated me to no end when aggressively working to DIY scale our small owner-operator business was the lack of help from…well, ANYONE as we worked to figure out how to do things that would be considered tribal knowledge, that if there were some sort of alliance of small business owners that could share the perils you’d go through, and how to avoid the pitfalls - would have made our lives A LOT easier. And yes I know about the chamber of commerce. Don’t mistake me as naiieve, as I’ve sought out & over 10 years earned my stripes learning about the grit and self guided discovery that operating a more untraditional business (the way I do it) requires. Sure, there’s info out there & I’m not saying every business owner should be given a golden handbook on how to succeed. But those who are savvy know that small business owners succeeding, are not necessarily good for those who hold power in this country. You know, the corporations who have been overtaking us small business owners, because they can float through the economy’s intentional upheavals and downturns, and add more of their stores where mom & pop joints used to flourish. But most people don’t like hearing that. It’s also true that the landscape of owning a brick & mortar, production focused small business right now is VASTLY different than it was when a lot of elders cut their teeth trying to grow. Sorry for the grumpy side tangent, but that’s also part of why I have such a respect and admiration for those who are strong enough to speak up about their struggles & share the reality that no one wants to admit, because, again - admitting you don’t have it all figured out is bad for business. And the crazy thing about going through this growth - is that it’s a lot like building a business. Marketing. Branding. Sales psychology. I guess I’m still using those skills and knowledge I worked so hard to embody. But it’s for me, this time. To hint at a future piece I have been marinating on, there’s also a lot of parallels between self growth and dog training, too. Funny huh? Anyways, as I grow older, further awaken, share my truth with those who are safe, and continue on my life path to heal & figure out my purpose and WHO I AM….I’m being shown over and over again that we are all going through this universal human experience of beauty & suffering at the same time. (cough cough we are all the universe experiencing itself cough cough) and gee whilickers, if only we could all be up front about this and our struggles, then I sure do think we would all be able to get through it a whole hell of a lot better. The reason I say this is not because I’m proposing a world where we are all trauma informed therapists who could administer clinical and tested advice to each other when presented with problems, and speak only to each other in an overly cautious manner - it’s because I think so much of what “healing” is turning out to be, at least for me……..is the comfort of knowing I’m not alone in this struggle. In a country where we are programmed to want MORE, be BETTER, be PERFECT, to never admit your faults! I want to sit with those who have decided that that’s not the life THEY want. And who can admit that they DON’T have it all figured out. Those who are humble, empathetic, and compassionate. Those who have the humility to learn and be taught. A la my beloved world of Pokemon... You teach me, and I teach you. THAT is the purpose I wish the whole lot of humanity could pursue. But, I digress. I’ll wrap up this portion by saying, once again, that I can assure you it’s very easy to create the illusion of a good, happy life. Even, a lot of the time, to yourself. But I’m learning that everything this world tells us will lead to that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow - is a distraction. Meant to cover up the void that our modern way of life has told us to live. When we are all essentially born to be cogs in the machine, nothing more than consumers and producers by those who run our country (and this all did start as soon as the colonization of our land began, don’t get it twisted) - it doesn’t leave much time for each of us to purse self actualization & to build a true sense of self & self love. Also, because if we all loved ourselves - that would be bad for business, too. Right now, my conclusion is that the only thing that will fill the void, comes from within. And you can only find it from introspection, from discovery, from curiosity, and most importantly - a LOT of compassion. And the crappy, BUT beautiful thing (depending how you look at it) is that every soul’s void will require a different combination to unlock congruency. As stated in the title of this episode, I’m still looking for my combination. I’m navigating my programming to think of this lifelong quest as a task to check off. Something I can complete if i just watch oneeee more youtube video, listen to oneee more podcast, read oneee more book……although those have all been paramount in my quest. When you live among the unconscious, it gets so lonely. Reading or hearing words from others on the same path - it helps me see that I’m not alone. Camaraderie. I’m also working on training myself to hold back these days, instead of getting a couple of somatic green lights by an interest or passion and then going all in & assuming that “I’ve found it! This is my purpose in life!” l o l. I’m surrendering to this chapter in the void. I’ll spare you the gory details, but I am not super mentally stable right now, and emotionally - much less so. They say this is normal, when bringing your past traumas back up to the surface of your consciousness & realizing what an impact they’ve made on you, subconsciously, without any consent. They also say it’s normal to go through this period of overwhelm when you’re learning to actually feel and sit with the tough human emotions we all experience, instead of pushing them down or swallowing them as an act of survival - like I have been doing for 34 years now. So I feel a bit like a child in that way, in the way that I’m trying on new identities, new personality traits, new ways of language, new ways of reacting, feeling, expressing, BEING. But I’m attempting to take all of this growth in stride, taking this time of questioning to sit with myself and take it all as a sign that I am on the right path in my healing. I’m doing what I can to re-wire my brain and to move on from feeling shattered to feeling EMPOWERED to build who I am, NOW - all by myself. Not survival mechanisms or limiting beliefs disguised as personality traits. Not doing things or being a certain way because it’s just how I’ve always been. But dreaming of my most alive, empowered, thriving & confident self. One who has learned to accept ALL facets of me, and loves even the darkest parts of me - and is no longer afraid of what happens if the world sees those parts. Because those who mind don’t matter. and those who matter, DON’T MIND. I’m thinking of this version of me. Asking myself what SHE would do, how SHE would react to circumstances, and how SHE would move through this world, on HER life journey. and gradually, brick by brick… reaching up to meet her. And then become one with her. I’m wishing it was a quick process, I really am!!!! But I have been humbled several times now by thinking my metamorphosis has finished, and now I know that we are just getting started. But as our world, again, skews our expectations & reality of human experience… Just as a work of art, a body made strong, a delicious batch of bone broth (i’m hungry) - thing built the right way, the manageable way, the quality way, the human way. are not formed over a short period of time. My nervous system will need thousands of safe reps to get stronger. My limiting beliefs will need to be gently corrected & replaced with my soul truths thousands of times before it becomes natural. Verbalizing and enforcing boundaries is something I’ll need to do over, and over, and over again before it becomes natural and doesn’t send me into an internal, short circuiting spiral. I have been avoiding this truth for years now, and it eventually led into a full blown nervous breakdown in 2026. Although I’m making great strides in my becoming, my body & my mind have made it very clear to me that I’m still in no shape to get back on the horse and continue my quest of finding my purpose. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still chipping away at my passions that I think could lead to it - but I’ve been broken down far enough now that I’ve released any timeline of when I’ll be “better”… in my mind, I’m SO READYYYY for something new to use my talents and knowledge toward!!! But since my intuition is not telling me which next step to take, I’m letting go. Surrendering. And accepting a much longer chapter of sitting in this liminal space, this limbo, this cocoon of metamorphosis until it’s revealed to me what to do next. I’m focusing on taking care of my gift of a body that has faced neglect in the name of entrepreneurship, and my nervous system. I’m gently taking steps to get more comfortable sharing my voice and speaking my truth, like you are witnessing right now. For those who know me personally, I hope this episode has been helpful in explaining my headspace and where I’m at these days. In an attempt to take a step back from my (extremely, extremely limited) social life, I’ve been voicing that I’m in an antisocial phase to focus on my healing, my art, and my purpose. As I continue to learn about healing, specifically as a BIPOC woman in a patriarchal world, experts say we women MUST find community of like minded souls to thrive…and because we have a special need for oxytocin for our nervous systems to flourish. I’m uncertain how to navigate that when those I know personally (not all, those who are exempt know who you are) are not necessarily walking the same path of self discovery & asking questions about the meaning of their life. So these spoken pieces mean a lot to me, because I feel like a candle in the dark. Maybe I can open the door for people I know personally or virtually to be able to experience a verbal form of community, with me. If you are walking this path, I hope my words can make you feel less alone. I want to take a minute to give so much gratitude to those who have been walking this path long before I came along, and I want to point out that based off of my studies, it does sting because this chapter I’m experiencing is such an important part of the human experience that the our native brothers and sisters, and my ancestors were very familiar with, and it’s just another example of something beautiful that we’ve lost during this shift due to colonialism, white nationalism, and modern life. I’d like to hope that I’m just one example of many who are waking up, realizing these things, and I do not know why but I need to express my thoughts about it. Luckily, sharing them with you serves as shadow work, somatic healing, feeling release, inner child healing, and strengthening my throat chakra, and hopefully finding like minded souls all at once. No one said you can’t multitask while surfing this astral plane, so I’m trying to figure out how LOL! Thank you for listening, and thank you for witnessing me. Sending you peace and love ❤ Elisa This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Who are you? ...Who am I?

Did you know that if you bottle up your emotions for decades, it eventually catches up to you? Ask me how I know..... The last time we “talked,” I was fresh off the heels of a life changing experience. Huzzah! You may have thought - she is cured of her mid life crisis and childhood trauma. All is well at last on earth. Unfortunately my angels, this is simply not the case! Far far from it in fact. I’d like to try to explain to you where my head has been since coming home and having received answers that are the gifts that keep on giving. I recently saw a screening of an 80s movie with a dear friend of mine, called “they live”. (I’m here to kick ass and chew bubblegum…and I’m all out of bubblegum) #sogood. Fabulous film. Really resonated with me, in fact it almost hit a little too close to home. Turns out the gift of clarity can sometimes be a “curse”, too. After dredging up the childhood and adulthood trauma I had locked away deep within my psyche, and identifying triggers and how harmful it is to my psyche to voluntarily be subject to those triggers, I’ve been having some rude awakenings now that I’m back in the real world. I notice triggers everywhere - in the places I would have least expected. I’ve also experienced the whiplash of being in the presence of different people, in the way that I (feel like) I have to act a certain way around some people, while others I don’t. Or hide my true feelings about whatever’s happening, however you want to put it. I’m being forced to come to grips with the knowledge of what I SHOULD be doing in certain situations, now that I know better, and now having to follow through with new patterns of behavior. It’s all fun and games identifying and understanding your trauma and emotional triggers, (not really) but it’s suddenly a lot more real once you have to face the facts about things that aren’t serving your inner child or wise adult or radiant child - things you may have thought did. For someone like me whose biggest struggle is setting boundaries with loved ones in my personal life (what if they stop liking/loving me?), I’m now being faced with a crossroads between how react to things - even things that I’ve been functioning alongside for years. Do I say something and set a boundary in the moment if something is said that crosses the line for my inner child? Do I schedule a one on one meeting with certain people informing them ahead of time that well, actually, I know I’ve always acted like this and has this type of personality and priorities and goals but now that I was smacked in the face with basically a guidebook to what I need to be mentally healthy, your mileage may now vary? There’s certain people I have to just face the music about and admit I can’t (for now) realistically maintain a healthy relationship with while I’m basically starting over & re building my personality and lifestyle habits from the ground up in order to actually live like a mentally stable person. Because I have not been. But I’m not alone. I’m not the only self employed entrepreneur good student self motivated stubborn person who thinks that they’ll be different, that they’ll figure out a way to reach the ideal work life balance as an owner operator small family business that is affected by the larger economy & capitalism. Me? Resentful? Yes. I am. But I’m learning how to let it go. The truth is, after being battered and broken by life as a self employed person for 10 years, it’s not all that it’s cracked up to be. And I really did believe in my power to make things work the way I wanted them to, despite so many things working against us. But that’s a story for another day. My point is, my life up until now has been half authentic to my inner child, half unhealthy and inauthentic coping mechanisms born from a mixture of beliefs that were instilled in me by others, patriarchy, modern society under capitalism in the United States, and my religious upbringing. It’s one thing to say to question why you think what you think, and again, another thing to actually test out, in public no less, interact with friends AND strangers, and witness & digest how it all went (and do that multiple times, to get an average), and then come up with a conclusion on whether the aforementioned set of actions is even aligned with your wise adult / higher self, or whether I need to do things differently next time. If it sounds exhausting, it’s because it is. That’s why, for now, I’m taking the first guilt free break of my life. Not entirely true, there’s still guilt and it’s not a true break as I’m still chipping away at side quests while we prep the next round of pieces to be released for 𝕯𝖊𝖆𝖙𝖍 𝕭𝖊𝖉 𝕯𝖔𝖌 𝕸𝖔𝖒𝖘. But spiritually - I am taking the pressure off myself, fo realz. Ive been forced to acknowledge that my nervous system is shot. I thought things I had successfully skipped processing were in the past. That I was somehow immune to the hustle & grind required to have done what I have. But now, I must do the work to repair the damage that Ive experienced. I am integrating nervous system strengthening habits into my daily routine, like meditation, journaling, breath work, and sound healing. I’m furthering my cutting off of all nonessential activities or interactions with peeps who aren’t a 100000% safe space while I try to hit some sort of nw equilibrium. I think I will be okay. I do not know how long it will take to get through this process, this ego death, this recalibration of my current timeline & my intentions for the future - but I’m committed to the work. I don’t have a choice. I’m no longer embarrassed to share just how mentally unstable and emotionally exhausted I am from going through so much in my life, without proper emotional support or healthy examples to learn from. I’m committed to my healing, and I’m committed to my art. And to follow through with my goals, I must become mentally stable and build a lifestyle in which where the inspiration I receive out of the blue can flow freely into my mind and out of my body. Sooooo, thank you for listening. And Stay tuned for my next update. I was really positively affected during my experience at STAR when I left my comfort zone to read aloud my thoughts in our group. I can only do what I can do, and this is something I can do that can keep me growing and best case scenario, resonate with you or make some dots connect when it comes to thinking about the bigger picture of your life. There is just so, so, much more to life that I am able to see as I move through each chapter on my path. I’m thankful for the wisdom, but my heart does break for every past version of myself (who is still inside of me) that had to suffer to learn it. So I guess this is also a way I hope to share my wisdom in case it can help others too. Until next time 🦋ES This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

I Have Been Reborn

For those familiar with my story [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-story], you might surmise a little bit of the baggage I’ve been carrying with me my whole life. I’ll be sparing you the details lest I burden you with the emotional weight, and focusing on my experience + what led me there. Just prior to leaving for Arizona, where this healing retreat [https://starfound.org/?gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=22272525720&gbraid=0AAAAABPWu53xkoOeiYmiYWZMOpjfVTFnN&gclid=Cj0KCQjw2MbPBhCSARIsAP3jP9zh-FdVJ4afOKVjEsnSIU3LNRFrEKVXtYr1tZNqeUKtGcqgaiQ2McwaAmJPEALw_wcB] was held, I felt like I had a metaphorical ticking time bomb inside me, just waiting to detonate. Despite my best efforts to “self help” my way into a balanced mental state, I was continually facing despair due to my earnest desire to “be the change” I wished to see in the world - and not having those efforts reciprocated in some of my closest personal relationships. This combined with my hyper empathetic instincts and betrayal towards myself to avoid “hurting feelings” kind of led to the perfect storm of mental, emotional, and ultimately physical instability. One thing that surprised me the most when I was finally isolated from the world in the desert, no phone, no internet, no distractions from the work we were doing - was reviewing one of my journals I had brought with me, hoping for some clarity by reading words from my past. I thought that what had led me to S.T.A.R. was recent developments in my life - inauthentic relationships due to my noble efforts of being a positive influence (spoiler alert, this well meaning idea backfired miserably), instinctual habits or obligations I felt chained to. Despite my VERY strong convictions about telling my loved ones to live life on THEIR terms, abandoning any feelings of obligation & guilt shown by others for “stepping out of line”, so to speak - it turns out I haven’t been following my own advice. I came to S.T.A.R. feeling trapped in a prison made of my own decisions, with no escape due to the fear I held of letting other people down. Just earlier this month of April, I was experiencing panic attacks due to anxiety, inability to contain my emotions & a lot of hopelessness considering “healing” has been my number one priority for the past year. I thought it was all due to the decline of empathy & common sense in the U.S. brought out by this god-forsaken government, but it turns out the root cause came from a much, MUCH deeper place - one that all the self help books, YouTube videos & trauma healing modalities would have unfortunately never unpacked for me. As I mentioned, I brought along a journal that I’ve been jotting down entries in since 2019. Upon reviewing my words, I was surprised to read how unstable my mental state has actually been, all throughout the last almost DECADE. Another piece of the puzzle was my intentional skipping of processing my late husband Alex’s sudden death in 2017. After learning via lecture at the beginning of our week at STAR how deeply trauma affects you mentally & physically, things were starting to click fast. No wonder fatigue has been an issue I’ve dealt with my whole life. No wonder I don’t have memories of my early childhood. No wonder I feel the need to please others in order to receive love. No wonder betraying myself in order to build a community has caused such a disruption in my emotional state. No wonder despite living my dream life (as so stated in my journal!!), I was still not “happy.” Footnote: two things can be true. I have been very happy, and I have been very sad, angry, and empty. For many, many, many years now. Honestly, the lecture part of STAR was eye opening enough to where I thought I was able to review my life & piece together why I was feeling like such an emotional hot mess. But something you may not know, and may not even KNOW you don’t know, is how much MORE there is to processing, understanding, and overcoming your trauma. Coming to peace with it. Letting it go. It doesn’t happen in the brain. It happens in the body, and in the heart. And for some people, like myself, we’ve either been raised to avoid any expression of emotion, or “negative emotion” (ex: anger, sadness) and therefore it truly took an exhausting amount of inner & outer work with my classmates, my facilitators, and myself to unblock the emotional dam I built & fortified over 34 years in order to survive. Breaking down the barrier within my body to express emotions in the company of strangers of sadness and anger was something SO FOREIGN to me that I was a little nervous at first whether I’d even be able to do - despite my desperate desire to do so, after learning that there was a way out of my emotional prison. This is where I want to give all the kudos & gratitude towards the STAR program, my fellow STARmates, & the incredible facilitators who helped to unlock within me what I desperately needed. I won’t spoil the details of the work done inside the program, because going in to it a bit blind yet wholly receptive & open minded is what I’d recommend to anyone considering it. When you know details, you have the time to talk yourself out of it, or THINK your way out of it…and I’ve now learned that the magic happens when you stop thinking, and just do the work. Like jumping into a cold body of water, I came into this experience knowing it was not going to be pleasant, and I was going to need a LOT of encouragement & support. But I’m so glad I did. “Lose your mind…and come to your senses.” The STAR program, created by baddie diva forever hallowed be her name - Barbara [https://pocketsanctuary.wordpress.com/staff-bios/barbara-findeisens-bio/#:~:text=Barbara%20Reid%20Findeisen%2C%20BA%2C%20MA%2C%20PhD%20honorarium&text=She%20was%20a%20founding%20member,Director%20of%20the%20STAR%20Process.] - is the result of decades of research done on how our thoughts, behaviors, actions, everything - is consciously and subconsciously affected by EVERYTHING we experience since conception, birth, upbringing by our parents / caregivers. An excerpt from the STAR website here, describing the work we were led through during the process: “Along the path to your true self, you will be gently guided through cognitive exercises, integrative breathwork, emotional release work, journaling, guided imagery, intensive writing assignments, and more, all designed to reveal patterns that may directly or indirectly affect how you live today.” After attending the program and working through these exercises myself, I smile as I continue to write, because that single sentence does technically sum up what we all did together over 8 days, but it’s impossible to convey the profound enlightenment, clarity, and peace that came from my work at STAR. How do you put into words the feeling of finally understanding WHO you are, why you do the things you do (especially when those things HURT you), receiving validation for the pain you’ve carried deep in your core since childhood, the closure of finally knowing that it wasn’t your fault - and learning why & how to care for yourself & your inner child that is still within you - back in your “real” life? That’s a trick question. It’s not possible. One of the most impactful takeaways for me, that came from STAR, was about how emotions, feelings, connection, and imperfection are what make us human. They are impossible to convey via lecture, via conversation, via intellectual analysis. And that’s not a weakness. That is beautiful. In our modern times where computers are where society is driving reliance upon, occasions for authentic human connection are dwindling in favor of cheap dopamine hits compounding exponentially due to capitalism & (in my opinion) the insistance that we are sooo different from our indigenous ancestors…jumping into the deep end of the emotional & philosophical pool was the glass of water so many of our souls are thirsting for. Looking into others’ eyes, and therefore hearts, hearing their darkest fears & heartbreaks, hopes and dreams, witnessing their tears and screams and feeling our collective efforts to complete the assignments that would unveil who our innermost selves are - it was something I will never forget, in this lifetime or the next ones we will forever be experiencing. Attending the STAR program helped me to uncover my past traumas, & connect them to why I was engaging in behaviors that, however noble, were serving to poison myself from the inside out. “We are every age we have ever been.” I was guided and prompted to physiologically feel the searing, painful emotions and feelings those memories caused me, by reliving them and dissecting every part of them with the safest, kindest humans as my parachute. I was taught to recognize and release those physical emotions from my body, in order to keep them from taking over & driving the car that is my life - and to prevent them from being bottled up so deeply within me. You don’t want to do that. Trust me. They will find a way to come out some way….and it likely won’t be in a way that serves you. I was taught to recognize the different parts of my psyche, the good and bad. And how this is also the beauty of our humanity, and how we have the power within to acknowledge and refrain from affirming the harmful parts of us we all contain. And how we are not defined by them, no matter how it feels. We learned the importance of creativity, curiosity, wonder, and play. We practiced using our newfound skills in scenarios we’d likely experience when back in the “real” world, with our new friends to help us test out new phrases, actions, and choices aligned with the people we now want to be. We received encouragement & recognition for our sorrows & struggles that led us each to STAR, & found support from strangers that re-instilled in me some hope for humanity. I learned how being true to myself & doing what I need to feel loved & in alignment is no one else’s responsibility but my own, and how that’s actually a beautiful thing to fight for. I was guided through ways to let go of past & present injustices I’ve faced, to relinquish guilt or responsibility for the habits I’ve held as a means of emotional survival. We learned how everything we learned was just the beginning, albeit a foundation I wish every human on Earth could build for themselves. Now as I begin anew, truly feeling reborn & at peace with what I’ve learned & with motivation to move forward by protecting my inner child, I know there will still be many more challenges to face. There will be new scenarios & relationships to test me, and I’m going to have to truly practice communicating & enforcing my emotional boundaries without shame. My relationships with certain people will be changed forever, & they’ll never be able to understand why (unless they choose to go through STAR themselves!) - and that’s simply not my problem. Although it was for good reason, I’ve spent the last year emotionally investing in humans who don’t fill my heart the way that I need, and now I know that doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with me. I now understand the full extent of the baggage I’ve been carrying with me, consciously and subconsciously, and by processing it and finally feeling it - I have released it from my heart. I now know how important it is to have relationships with people who understand me, make me feel safe, and allow me to express the full extent of who I am in order for me to flourish in this life. I know now to release judgements of others due to just how absolutely innate our behaviors & actions can be as a result of our past traumas. But I also know now that it’s not my responsibility to put myself in the receiving end of those who don’t know any better. I thought I knew this before, after dealing with the loss of my soulmate at such a young age in a traumatic way, but life is too short to harbor such pain and responsibility for others’ happiness. All we can do is focus on ourselves, and by understanding ourselves and the duty we have to our inner children, we can become a force of positive change in this world. A side effect of this realization is that I felt a slow digestion of understanding that it is not my duty to force others to realize the pain and suffering they are placing upon others due to their ignorance, biases, and ingrained harmful worldviews. Since my identity has grown to include the passion for activism and raising awareness for how severely the political environment of our country has been increasingly affecting me and my loved ones, I’ll admit that I’m currently uncertain how to proceed now knowing that such a large part of my identity is, ultimately, something I now know triggers me far more than I ever thought - and therefore is a harmful area for me to spend my precious time focusing on. This is a nuanced topic, and something that doesn’t require an answer or explanation past this at this time. But it is an interesting development as our country continues to fracture. Before attending STAR, I had been grappling with the question of whether my purpose in life was to help enlighten others & procure empathy in those who may not have been reached due to my very random assortment of life experiences, and therefore some authority to speak on certain topics that are relevant in the lens of “America Today”…but after STAR & experiencing the beauty of life when lived among others who “get it,” feel safe to be myself around, and are equally passionate about continually evolving into their authentic, mature, loving selves………I think I know what my answer is now. I’m still uncertain what the future holds, but now I have a compass I trust. I plan to invest even MORE time and energy into exploring who I am as an artist, spending more time on play, figuring out how to find humans who show love the way I long for, and who have a passion of their own for introspection, philosophy, and living life to the fullest. And now I know how to set boundaries along the way. To end this piece, I’ll spell it out for you in case it wasn’t yet clear - I cannot recommend attending the STAR healing retreat enough. It changed my life, and very well could be what saved my life moving forward. I’m not sure if the world will ever know the full extent of the darkness I’ve carried within, that I shared pieces of with my STARmates, but it has been heavy. If any of this information has resonated with you and your story, I encourage you to trust the process and attend a STAR retreat on your own. I’ve seen now the difference it makes to receive curated, 1 on 1 guided trauma support and processing compared to general self help books & methods - those are like trying to place a bandaid on an amputated limb. In order to introduce feeling back into your heart safely, to dissect, work backwards & determine the root of the pain - it takes a group of VERY special people, holding your hand through a very special & intense process that will take a LOT of work and introspection. And I can without a doubt, say that STAR is an incredible way to do it. ❤ Signing off until next time, angels. 🦋 E.S. ‍ Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work ✨ I would love if you joined me in this journey by subscribing to these broadcasts on this platform. The main distribution channel for My Work is via my website, on thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/]. You’ll find human apparel, dog hoodies, and fine art prints available for collection beginning February 14, 2026. To receive email updates about DBDM & other works, you can join my mailing list on my website, or via this link [https://pnw-dog-mom.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1oynjlq*_gcl_au*MTQ3OTU5NjUzLjE3Njc4NDA3NjguNDIyMjYxOTg5LjE3Njc4NDA3NzAuMTc2Nzg0MDgxOA..]. If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to raise awareness of My Work. I encourage you to check out my work on the platforms below & subscribe to the channels that resonate most. ✨ Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Your Introduction to DBDM

Hello, reader. It’s time for me to explain what this project is so you can see if it resonates with you ✨ and in hopes that if you’d like to add any of these apparel pieces to you (or your dog’s) collection, you can appreciate the love & meaning they were born from. My name is Elisa Marie, and I’ve worn many hats until now - but I started & am ending with the title of Artist [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-blog/nz7i9pa1f0kj0i46pjkgn3wfj8jq1i]. As a lifelong & forever destined dog mom (I’ve never experienced the desire for bearing or raising human children), dogs have been one of the only constant sources of joy & meaning in my life. As a lifelong loner, the bonds I’ve had the privilege of forming with the best dogs in the world (don’t grab your pitchfork - the magic about dogs is that every single one of them is the best dog in the world. That’s what makes them so special.) have oftentimes been the only thing to get me through the unexpected & also universal heartbreaking seasons of life. There was my first deathbed dog, named Patch - who I’ve shared one story about before [https://thepnwdogmom.com/the-blog/we-brought-home-a-brittany-puppy-in-march-2025-my-life-will-never-be-the-same]. He was a Brittany that was my best friend, partner in crime, and guardian as a child, while my father was building his commercial beekeeping business & my mom, who had immigrated from Colombia to a new world & reality, was figuring out WTF was up with america & learning how to be a mother. Although not deathbed dogs, a formative part of my love for dogs includes my mom’s unexpectedly successful empire she built breeding & homing Bichon Frisé puppies. What started out as maybe an unorthodox way of making some money doing something that our home had the space & my mom had the time & patience for ended up resulted in many, many happy families & the excitement that puppies brings, for me & my sisters. Although I feel like communicating with dogs, appreciating their simplicity & joy has been innate - perhaps it’s the years spent in the born - 8 week stage of life for several puppy litters that have made my knowledge of the care and repetition required to properly care for dogs something ingrained in who I am. As a child, where my mom’s dogs were less of human companions, and now an income stream (don’t worry, she cared for those dogs & they lived a great life on my family’s multi acre property), and my father’s dogs throughout my childhood were hunting dogs and nothing more, the greatest yearning I ever felt was for a dog of my own. The first adult death bed dog that changed my life forever was named Vixen. I was in my last year at University, nervous & unsure what the future held with my degree in Apparel Design & my soon to be husband having recently enlisted into the Air National Guard in hopes of providing for our family & leveling up his already impressive automotive mechanic skills. One of my best friends at the time had decided to adopt a tiny deerhead Chihuahua mix from the shelter, but wasn’t exactly dog savvy - nor did her parents even remotely let her think the dog was allowed to come home with her after graduation. The first time I saw Vixen (named “Luca” back then, if i remember correctly) - I experienced love at first sight, but with a dog. Let me know if this has ever happened to you, because I experienced it again, with one of my current pups - Villain. I offered to babysit Vixen whenever my friend needed, and fell increasingly in love with the little tan spitfire with half folded ears and a curly Q tail that literally stopped strangers in their tracks when they landed their eyes upon her cuteness. I’m not just saying this, it was a recurring experience. When my friend let me know that the ultimatum from her parents had been given, and there was now an ad on craigslist for her puppy, but did I maybe want her? My heart was set ablaze now that I would be able to call that little angel my own. And the adventures we had over the two short years of Vixen’s life were ones I’ll cherish forever. I spent countless hours training Vixen on my parents’ property in the summer heat of 2014, taking her to the elementary & middle school fields I had trekked to from my house for years, growing up through each grade, now as an “adult” to proof her commands & carry out my current studies as a hobby dog trainer. She got to explore the most beautiful parts of the Oregon wilderness with my husband & I, as light on her feet as a fairy, scaling boulders on hiking trails with ease. She was my constant shadow & companion throughout the scary & unmapped season of life after graduation. During life as a newlywed, during my first attempt to launch a financially successful clothing brand, through the years I spent apart from my husband while he was in Air Force boot camp & tech school. She kept me company as I spent hours getting ready for my life changing position at the MAC counter inside of Nordstrom, and even back then - I was known as the girl with the dog. And then, one day, after we had played in the idyllic summer late afternoon, Vixen romping around in the grass of the sprawling yard outside my parents’ house - I drove down the road to put in my time at the gym as I did daily back when my husband & I were long distance - and when I came home, opened the front door & called her name - I learned she was gone. Having made her way down to the main road, she had been hit by a vehicle and unable to save, like my first deathbed dog, Patch, before her. At 23 years old, it was my first, true and embodied experience with the death of a being far before it was their time. And two years after her death, my husband, Alex Serrano, was killed in a vehicle collision, too. As you can see, there’s quite a literal meaning behind this project. As an artist, art is how I’m returning to my roots to honor things that mean most to me in life, and as a physical form of expression that I can share with others who “get it.” Beyond the literal homage in the name of “Death Bed Dog Moms,” the unexpected embraces from death in my life have also changed everything about the way I live, and my philosophies in regards to happiness & the meaning of life - at least, for myself. In that sense, the name & this project also represent a reminder to live like a dog until you die. Loving others who care for you with your whole being, unconditionally. Living simply, with gratitude for the blessings the world gives us. Appreciating & soaking up every moment spent outdoors. Living in the moment. Being absolutely and unequivocally unapologetic about who you are, and unafraid to set boundaries with those who you don’t respect your way of being. Honoring your physical, mental, and somatic physiological needs as a creature with a body to take care of. Taking baby steps to overcome your struggles, or to achieve your goals. Being thankful for something as small as a ball, or a stick. And most important of all - taking any chance you can get to play. This is just a handful of lessons I’ve learned from my dogs. I would loveeee to hear the lessons your dogs have taught you. So with that context being given, I hope you can get a sense of how much meaning these pieces hold, the way they honor my dogs and yours, and how I hope they can serve as a physical reminder when you wear them of how to live your life - Like a dog. 💖 I would hope it wouldn’t have to be said, but since I’m the one in charge here - I’ll say it anyways. I know there’s new clothing brands being made every day, people with a dream just like mine, and also empty money grabs made by savvy entrepreneurs who know how to calculate what clothing and designs might sell to consumers. This is not that. This is an art project born from love and pain, and it’s uncertain what the future holds for it. If enough people resonate with this project to keep it going, that would be so lovely. But if it’s a limited time project that can’t sustain itself forever, then that’s okay too. It’s an experiment, and I’m so grateful to anyone that has taken the time to listen, & to hop on this ride. Every piece has been made with intention - and as I’ve said before, quite selfishly. I’ve always viewed clothing as a form of expression, evident by the craaaaaazy styles I’ve sported over the decades and, of course, my decision to spend four years acquiring a degree learning about the history, construction, and business behind clothing. Getting to learn & help structure the ins & outs of our boutique style, wholesale operated silk screen printing production facility & service based business in Oregon was the last puzzle piece this project needed. I’ve had the opportunity to learn the ins & outs of different clothing pieces made for different garment decoration methods, I’ve gotten to see what sets pieces apart from the rest and also what shortcuts are made to deliver budget conscious options for those who aren’t looking to offer a premium piece of decorated clothing. This means these pieces set for sale by me, and made possible by my partner’s screen printing shop, Don’t Lose Hope Screen Print [http://dlhscreenprint.com], are pieces made by those who have the experience, discernment, and professional ability to provide what many brands wouldn’t be able to: * afford * receive the appropriate ROI on * even be able to offer at this small of scale I’ve been able to be as hands on as you can get in this process of bringing these pieces to fruition, while collaborating with other professionals to cover the areas I’m unable to carry out myself. Okay, now I’ll clarify who this brand is for….. Essentially, anyone who resonates with the visual aesthetic, and/or the deeper meaning behind the collective art project. Thanks to my marketing & psychology training, & natural taste, it’s been SO FUN using the “alt dog mom” niche as the simplified target market, because of course that’s who this brand is for when you take it at face value. Macabre graphics like skeletons & scythes, nods to the occult with pentagrams & moons - oooooof what alt girly doesn’t LOVE??? My personal twist is to also offer this vision in soft & neon PINK…because that’s also me. And maybe it’s more girls, too. We’ll find out! As an artist, contradictions make me happy. And my own life & the way I live is proof that you don’t have to be one dimensional, predictable, or fit into a box of assumptions that others may have about you. BUT, I want to explicitly state that as someone who is passionate about inclusivity, just because the project name is “Death Bed Dog Moms” doesn’t mean it’s only for women - I intentionally curated designs that would be gender neutral, without “dog mom” verbiage on every single piece because these pieces are so much more than a self identifying label to wear on the street. This clothing is for whomever wishes to wear it and embody the values and meaning I described prior. Men, non binary peeps and heck, children, to me that would be rad - anyone is welcome to wear my art. 💖 You don’t have to be a dog mom, identify as a woman, or even like dogs - if you dig the art, then you’re welcome to add these to your collection. As for this project & how it fits into the framework of my other work, it’s just one way I’m trying to uplift others & embed meaning into your daily life using art works to serve as visual reminders. This podcast, or these personal broadcasts, are another format I’m using to connect with people like you who love dogs, consider themselves to be deep thinkers & feelers, and don’t shy away from reflecting on life & our place within the universe. I’m working on structuring these broadcasts into series to help simplify things for those who ONLY want updates on DBDM releases & updates, etc because I knowwww there’s gonna be peeps who don’t care to hear allat from me, and that’s okay!! For those who are open to hearing further broadcasts from me, I will be continuing to document this experiment of building a brand for My Work - which will include the stories behind my art works, my reflections on dogs, grief, love, creativity, and current events - because that’s the life I live. As an artist, and not a content creator, I’m happy to say that my priority is my artworks, and not the content creation in order to promote it. This means that for better or worse, these broadcasts are mostly unpolished & raw as a form of documentation for my own heart, and to help filter out those who are only interested in being entertained by shallow & addictive “content.” Because although content can be an art form, it’s not the one that I’m called to spend my time on. Wherever this all will lead me….I wake up every day remembering I will die. And to honor this, I will follow where my heart and my intuition takes me. Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work ✨ I would love if you joined me in this journey by subscribing to these broadcasts on this platform. The main distribution channel for My Work is via my website, on thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com]. You’ll find human apparel, dog hoodies, and fine art prints available for collection beginning February 14, 2026. To receive email updates about DBDM & other works, you can join my mailing list on my website, or via this link [https://pnw-dog-mom.kit.com/profile?_gl=1*1oynjlq*_gcl_au*MTQ3OTU5NjUzLjE3Njc4NDA3NjguNDIyMjYxOTg5LjE3Njc4NDA3NzAuMTc2Nzg0MDgxOA..]. If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to raise awareness of My Work. I encourage you to check out my work on the platforms below & subscribe to the channels that resonate most. ✨ Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

A Message From Beyond the Pit of Despair

For someone who’s never wanted children, I sure do think about my legacy a lot. I think it started when I reached the peak of small business ownership burnout in 2025, because a lot of small business owners will endure indescribable sacrifice in hopes of their children inheriting a successful business that will support them in the future. But as (it feels like) the rest of (white) American society is being forced to come to terms with current events & now being emotionally impacted by the pain being inflicted upon our collective society - it seems to be a topic I keep returning to as I spin my mental wheels, contemplating what I, a random dog mom in the PNW, can do that could leave a positive legacy for the next generations. Because the more I educate myself on the (intentional, let’s not forget this) racist undertones that are woven within the fabric of every single thing we encounter in our lives - part of my grieving process for the future I once imagined is also accepting that the battle against evil, racism, patriarchy, aka the current regime pulling the strings worldwide - is not a new battle. It’s just new to those who have either sought out or have had the dots connected for them. And it’s a battle that will continue on after I’m gone, I think. Because unprogramming centuries of racism, and combatting decades of imperialist & capitalistic propaganda doesn’t happen overnight. When I first began embodying my resistance - this was something I simply could not bear to accept. That things have been, are, and will continue to be SO WRONG, SO UNJUST, and my lay heart bleeding on the floor for those who have suffered, are suffering, and will suffer. For those experiencing this stage of your resistance, I have felt your despair. A little secret is that I still feel it, too. It will never go away. The way I’m surviving this war is to use it as motivation. To DO SOMETHING. Anything. I will now give you some tough love that helped shift my mindset last year. It’s not exactly comforting, but it’s a way to work through the pain. Let the suffering of others be what mobilizes you - not paralyze you. Now that the horrors (that have always happened to minorities) are being highlighted & in our faces daily - “staying informed” can easily become misconstrued as resistance. The thing is, subjecting your mental state to absorbing that information constantly is going to negatively affect your ability to fight & stay focused. And we need that from you. This is going to be a long game, not a sprint. As I’ve mentioned before, reducing my scrolling time by like 99% has massively improved my mental health. Right now that’s a frame of thought that others are shaming right now - and I get it. I used to think that way, too. But as with anything, your intention matters. If your reaction to the reality we are living in is to actively ignore the truths being publicized in order to selfishly soak up & coast along from whatever amount of privilege you have, then that’s cringe and yucky, dude. If your current habit is to soak up the evil occurring through your screen in order to “see it to believe it” per say, and to spread awareness, fact check claims, etc, well…that’s another way to process things. But the thing is, absorbing all of the violence and anger for no reason other than to feel the pain & be negatively affected, out of the guilt that looking away makes you an “ignorant person” - That’s frankly just not very helpful for me, for my loved ones, and for the others on the receiving end of the suffering. But I get it. I’ve been “not working” (in quotes because honey, I’ve been working my tail off. Just not in the capitalistic sense.) for almost a year now, and now that I’ve begun to dismantle the addiction ingrained in me to produce in order to prove my worth - I’ve experienced myself how unfair it is to ask anyone who’s in shackles to the system of capitalism to be able to dive in head first into activism & become a ⭐️shining example⭐️ of all the ways to fight against the soulless puppeteers pulling the strings in our world. At first, this made me skip & hop back into the pit of despair I have handy (it’s been there since I was a child, so it’s a familiar place, at least?) because I was all “okay, welp it’s gonna take allllll these people to make change, and they can’t! They’re all workin’ like dogs, slaves to the system - I don’t have the right to expect them to show up in the way experts say we need to do to overthrow the government.” And you know how easy it would be to just call that the end of it? Go on and live my little life & see how far I can get with my white privilege by proxy? Yeah, it would be easy for some, but NOT FOR ME……because I’ve got the blood of a fighter in me, I guess. Kind of annoying, actually!! (joke) But like life has forced me to practice before, acceptance is the last stage of grief, and it was the first stage of enlightenment & autonomy over my own life. Now that I’ve reached this stage of grief for the country I thought I knew, and as a result, the future I expected - I’m accepting the things I cannot change. With this comes an intentionally detached state of mind. And I’ve said, intention is everything. My intention by purposefully avoiding violent & cortisol heightening media is to use the bandwidth I’ve gained back to resist. Someone online shared a viewpoint, and I think it’s a more helpful & pointed one that could help direct those who are unsure of what to do. They said that right now, the people who are able to do the most will be the ones with the most privilege. Not everyone can afford the financial or mental toll it takes to resist in the common ways I see repeated often. But don’t let that discourage you, no matter what amount of privilege you do or don’t think you have. Let it empower you. I know it feels good for the ego to make grand displays of resistance, to imagine leading a charge upon the white house (too soon?), to envision winning the powerball prize & giving the winnings to the houseless population in your town… But it’s perhaps a bit more realistic to thing smaller. To think creatively. To think emotionally. Less immediate cause & effect. Because the effects of racism and the patriarchy (because all concentrated power leads back to these freakin’ roots) are such deep rooted, core programming and normalized ways of being that simply “having more money” or placing decision making power with “other” men won’t actually solve the problem(s) that result in these injustices. We kinda have to reprogram all of humanity……at least, the ones who don’t believe in equality for all. And that’s a tallllllllll order, I know. Wait, don’t jump back in your pit of despair just yet!! Because like we talked about, that doesn’t help. You’ve got to do what you can do, after taking an honest & zoomed out look at yourself and your life and your bandwidth. Shop small more often. Meet your neighbors. Strengthen existing connections with people in your life to where you have people you can ask for help if you REALLY needed it, and you know they would help you out. And you would do the same for them. Find ways to live outside the matrix that our lives have dropped us into. Those in power see us as consumers, nothing more - so an amazing form of resistance you might not even realize is doing absolutely ANYTHING that doesn’t involve buying something. Going on a walk? Resistance. Playing with your dog? Resistance. Reading a book, painting, dancing, giggling with friends on your living room floor - resistance. The first step of resistance I want you to reclaim is your own mind. Instead of spending your precious life on earth spent looking at life through a screen Begin seeking out real life experiences by yourself, in nature (my fav), or with like minded people to keep your spirits up and remember what it is we are fighting for. And it will take people like you and I, chipping away. Putting “safe place” hand made signs in front of your house? Resistance. Offering sliding scale pricing for your services if you’re self employed? Resistance. Giving art away to loved ones? Resistance. Making it clear to everyone you know what you stand for & not being afraid to show it? The biggest resistance of all. But the first step of the war is taking care of yourself, so that you can gather whatever energy and power you have to fight, in honor of those who came before you, and those who will come after. Because like I spoke about in my last piece, we are all one. Healing yourself will heal others around you. So it’s an act of discipline and resistance just to stay sane. So don’t feel shame by looking away from the graphic and spirit crushing truths being broadcast, if you don’t need them to confirm what you already know. Let the suffering inspire you to make small habits of resistance. And let those habits turn into a lifestyle. And let that lifestyle show others you meet that there’s actually a different way of being. As your bandwidth in each season of your life changes, adjust your ways and intensity of resistance accordingly. I’m learning it takes feeling, experiencing, embodying, witnessing - to change people’s minds, as opposed to facts & logic. Let your life be the example. Let your life be the spark. Well, now back to the first thought I had for this piece. As I’ve said before, I never really know where my mind will go once I start writing. But in regards to my legacy, and everything I’ve said in this piece, the heavily ironic thing that has come to mind for me is children. So much of who you are is formed by what you experience as a child. And so much of what your worldview becomes is formed by reading and the healthy or unhealthy forms of expression & way of being you are raised with. I already told you I’ve never wanted children of my own, but the idea of showing young children a different path than the one society lays for them (worker, consumer, passive follower) gives me some hope that it would carry on some positive butterfly effects after I leave this timeline. But I’m focusing on one step at a time. Now that some of my friends are having kids, I’m mentally preparing myself to learn how to offer support to them & their kiddos, spreading positive programming & ways of thinking to help offset what they’ll be absorbing, LOL 😈 Being an observer of motherhood at the age women usually experience it has been an unexpected lesson for me in learning how to be a villager when our society all but enforces self sustaining lifestyles upon us, in order to facilitate more sales to more consumers. I’ve gotten to see just a sliver of how much support it requires to be a good mother. So I will use my unique circumstance of being child free in order to use my energy towards resistance, womens’ & childrens’ empowerment, and trying to be the best example I can be to those in my world of what it looks like to live outside the matrix. Being born an outsider has given me a unique perspective. Somehow being unlike anyone else has become a gift in knowing how to survive without acceptance from the crowd. So, when it comes to my legacy…I just hope to leave one that’s as great as my late husband’s, Alex Serrano. One where everyone’s life I’ve touched, and hopefully people I’ve never even known I’ve impacted - are also inspired to live with gratitude, stand up for my beliefs, and become the best person they can be. What would you like your legacy to be? Peace & Love, E.S. Thank you so much for taking the time to witness my work. ✨ If this piece made you think, I’d appreciate if you shared it on a platform of your choice or sent it to a loved one directly to help my mission of resistance through my art works ✨ I encourage you to check out my work on these platforms to see if maybe my other projects strike your fancy, too 💖 Shop human clothing, dog hoodies, & fine art prints at thepnwdogmom.com [http://thepnwdogmom.com/] Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-pnw-dog-mom/id1858638496] Spotify Podcasts [https://open.spotify.com/show/2VbDR2FH28rZNpJVoC6R4T] TikTok [https://www.tiktok.com/@thepnwdogmom] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/thepnwdogmom/] Pinterest [https://www.pinterest.com/thepnwdogmom/] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit thepnwdogmom.substack.com [https://thepnwdogmom.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]