7 Truths I Wish I Had Learned Before I Tried to Heal the Hard Way

7 Truths I Wish I Had Learned Before I Tried to Heal the Hard Way

Ten episodes in. And before we go any further — thank you. For getting in the car with me. For doing the dishes with me. For showing up week after week, even when the topics hit places you weren't totally ready to look at. That means something. This episode is a little different. Alyssa is closing out season one with the seven truths that have made the biggest difference in her own life — not the things she learned from a book, but the things she had to live through before they actually landed. The ones she wishes someone had handed her back when she was in grad school, pregnant, in an abusive marriage, holding it all together on the outside while quietly unraveling inside. If you've been doing the right things and still feel stuck, this episode is the one to save. In this episode: * Why survival mode doesn't always look like chaos — sometimes it looks like the most competent, put-together woman in the room * Why discipline, planning, and willpower will never fix what is actually a nervous system problem * What distress tolerance actually means (hint: it is not getting better at handling more) * Why you don't have to forgive people who did unforgivable things in order to move on — and what happened when Alyssa finally stopped trying to * The real reason you can't stop even when you're running on empty — and why that vacation didn't fix it * The difference between rest you choose and rest your body takes from you because you never gave it a chance * Why healing alone is why you keep starting over — and what co-regulation actually looks like in practice The takeaway: One of these seven truths probably landed harder than the others. That's the one to sit with this week. You don't have to do anything with it yet. Just notice it. Let it be true for a second without immediately trying to fix it or think your way out of it. That noticing — that's already the work. Chapters 00:10 Ten episodes in — thank you for being here 01:59 Why Alyssa made this podcast and what this season has been about 02:56 Her story: grad school, an abusive marriage, and trying to think her way through all of it 09:12 Truth #1: Survival mode doesn't always look like chaos — sometimes it looks like competence 13:28 Truth #2: Discipline won't fix what your body is protecting you from 17:49 Truth #3: Distress tolerance isn't learning to handle more — it's learning to come back to yourself 20:19 Truth #4: You don't have to forgive people who did unforgivable things 24:27 Truth #5: Most burnout isn't from doing too much — it's from never feeling safe enough to stop 26:33 Truth #6: The rest you're getting probably isn't real rest 29:17 Microdosing regulation — why small shifts matter more than big resets 31:07 Truth #7: Healing alone is why you keep starting over 35:24 The workshop moment — the woman who hadn't showered in five days and the room that understood 38:06 What's coming in season two 45:09 Her Steady Circle membership — what it is and how to join Join Her Steady Circle Membership [https://www.skool.com/align-empowered-living-2177/about] Apply for Reclaim [https://portal.dubsado.com/public/form/view/69cad2be58e322a80f7314a6?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnHfKuyb7f9HbBb5KiCeWnnr31M47osWFBZzWRlb-LU1pRmj29cBv4QSx1k7c_aem_JMBzYGEGLxMLgrJpvlEDAQ] Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth [https://www.instagram.com/heyalyssabooth/] ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

She's Not Trying to Hurt You. She's Trying to Protect You.

You hear yourself mid-sentence with your kid and stop. The tone, the wording, the way it came out — it doesn't sound like you. It sounds like someone else. Someone you grew up with. You repair it. You apologize. You do the thing you never got. And it's real, and it matters. But there's another voice. She doesn't care about the repair. She wants to know why you keep doing this, why you need so many repairs, why no matter how hard you try, you sound more like your mom than you want to admit. That voice is the inner critic. And in this episode, Alyssa isn't going to teach you how to silence her, argue with her, or replace her with positive thoughts. She's going to show you something most people miss entirely: your inner critic has a job. She's not your enemy. She's a protector running someone else's script — and once you understand what she's actually protecting you from, your relationship with her changes completely. Alyssa shares the story of meeting her now-husband at 28, after years of healing work, and introducing herself by listing every "bad" thing about her — nagging, controlling, a bitch — like a disclaimer. It wasn't until she'd been in a safe relationship long enough to notice those traits never actually showed up that she realized: she had been introducing herself using her ex's words. Her inner critic had absorbed someone else's cruelty so completely that it had started sounding like self-awareness. In this episode: * Where the inner critic actually comes from — and why it rarely traces back to just one source * The difference between being regulated and being calm 100% of the time (it's not what you think) * Why your inner critic gets louder, not quieter, every time you try to fight her * Alyssa's story of giving her now-husband a "warning label" about herself before they even started dating * Why getting yourself first feels safer than being caught off guard by someone else's criticism * The real work: not silencing the critic, but asking her what she's afraid will happen if she stops The takeaway: The next time that voice shows up, get curious instead of combative. Ask her: what are you protecting me from right now? What are you afraid will happen if you stop? Usually the answer is fear of rejection, fear of being "too much," fear of being caught off guard. You don't have to agree with her or fight her. You just have to hear her — that's how she finally gets to rest. Chapters 00:00 The moment you hear yourself sound like someone else 03:02 Meet the inner critic — and why we're not trying to silence her 06:21 Where the inner critic's voice actually comes from 09:34 When criticism is dressed up as caring 10:55 The societal voice — impossible standards, absent support 14:38 What "being regulated" actually means 18:00 Alyssa's story: the disclaimer she gave her now-husband 23:51 Realizing the traits she warned him about never showed up 24:50 A different way to relate to your inner critic — validate, don't fight 29:41 What your inner critic is actually afraid of 35:24 Whose voice is that, really? 40:00 How to practice getting curious instead of combative 44:24 The deeper work in Reclaim Your Steady Apply for Reclaim [https://portal.dubsado.com/public/form/view/69cad2be58e322a80f7314a6?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnHfKuyb7f9HbBb5KiCeWnnr31M47osWFBZzWRlb-LU1pRmj29cBv4QSx1k7c_aem_JMBzYGEGLxMLgrJpvlEDAQ] Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth [https://www.instagram.com/heyalyssabooth/] ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

Your Broken Leg Doesn't Heal Because Someone Else Lost Theirs

If you broke your leg and sat down in the ER, and someone walked in who had lost their leg entirely — would you get up and leave? Would you decide your fracture didn't count anymore and walk out to figure it on your own? Of course not. Their worse injury doesn't fix yours. And yet that's exactly what you do with your own pain. If someone else has it worse, you don't bring it up. If someone else has fewer resources, you tell yourself you don't have the right to struggle. So you keep walking around on a broken leg, calling it fine, telling yourself you just need to be more grateful. In this episode, Alyssa names something that so many women have lived but never had language for — the way pain gets minimized by the people who are supposed to support you, the way empathy gets used against you the moment it points inward instead of outward, and what happens when this gets done to you enough times that you eventually start doing it to yourself. Alyssa shares her own story from after her divorce — accepting childcare help from her ex-in-laws that looked like support on the surface but came with control, comparison, and a Harvard study about what divorce does to kids, while never once acknowledging what addiction does to a child. She unpacks why she could name every clinical dynamic at play and still stayed stuck in it, and what it actually took to let herself feel it instead of just explain it. In this episode: * The "at least" minimization — why comparing your pain to someone else's "worse" situation isn't perspective, it's invalidation * How to spot help that isn't really help: support that comes with control, conditions, or someone else's agenda attached * Alyssa's story of accepting childcare help from her ex-in-laws after leaving an abusive marriage — and what it actually cost her * Why your empathy is only celebrated when it benefits someone else, and gets called "too much" the moment it turns toward your own needs * The difference between understanding why someone couldn't show up for you and needing them to have shown up anyway * Why grief and compassion aren't opposites — you're allowed to hold both for the same person at the same time The takeaway: Finish this sentence this week — "I've extended compassion to this person for this thing, and I've never extended the same compassion to myself for what it cost me." You don't have to remove anyone from the equation. You're just adding yourself into it. Chapters 00:00 The broken leg analogy 02:04 How minimizing your pain gets taught to you by others, then becomes your own habit 07:13 Extending grace to someone who hurt you — and what it costs 09:11 The complicated grief of figuring out parenting without ever being parented 12:38 Why empathy is only valued when it benefits someone else 14:29 Alyssa's story: childcare help from her ex-in-laws after leaving an abusive marriage 22:00 Naming the dynamics clinically vs. actually feeling them 25:38 The "at least" minimization 29:33 Help that isn't really help — support with conditions attached 31:39 Why women get trapped in caregiving roles 33:21 Noticing who only calls you "too sensitive" when it doesn't serve them 35:31 Where are you extending compassion you've never given yourself? 38:25 Holding both compassion and grief at the same time 41:34 Your practice for the week Apply for Reclaim [https://portal.dubsado.com/public/form/view/69cad2be58e322a80f7314a6?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnHfKuyb7f9HbBb5KiCeWnnr31M47osWFBZzWRlb-LU1pRmj29cBv4QSx1k7c_aem_JMBzYGEGLxMLgrJpvlEDAQ] Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth [https://www.instagram.com/heyalyssabooth/] ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

You Know Everyone Else's Temperature. But When Did You Last Check Your Own?

There's a conversation happening in your head right now. Maybe it's the one from three days ago that you've been editing ever since — what you should have said, what they probably thought, whether you overshared. Maybe it's the one you haven't had yet, the one you've already rehearsed six different ways, including the part where he misunderstands you and how you'll clarify. Maybe it's the argument you're having in the shower with someone who doesn't even know there's an issue. And while all of that is running in the background, you are also tracking your partner's mood when he walks through the door, whether your kid is off today and what that means for bedtime, whether your mom seemed short on the phone and if it was about you. You are running a full emotional weather service for every single person in your life. And nobody — including you — is checking the forecast for you. In this episode, Alyssa gets into the deeper layer of the mental and emotional load. Not just the schedules and the lunches and the dentist appointments — the invisible labor that doesn't live on any to-do list. The constant tracking, anticipating, pre-managing, and monitoring that has been running since the moment you woke up, at a cost no one is acknowledging. Including you. In this episode: * The invisible workload that lives underneath the physical one — and why it's more exhausting than anything on your list * Why you can tell anyone exactly how the people around you are doing, but go blank when someone asks how you are * The story of the client who could read the temperature of every person in her life — and had no idea what her own was * How being a highly sensitive person in an unpredictable environment taught you to attune outward so completely that your own signal got lost in the noise * Why you're exhausted at 6pm — not from what you did, but from everything you've been tracking since you woke up * Why the shower arguments and the rehearsed conversations aren't neurotic — they're your nervous system doing the job it learned when being prepared was how you stayed safe The takeaway: Once today, before you check on anyone else, check on yourself first. Before you ask your partner how their day was, before you read the room at pickup, before you assess anyone's mood — ask yourself: how am I doing? What do I need? It doesn't have to be deep. Maybe you're thirsty. Maybe you're cold. Maybe you just need to put both feet on the floor and take a breath. You don't have to fix anything. You're just practicing the habit of adding yourself to the list. Chapters 00:00 The conversations you're having in your head — all day, every day 02:06 Running a full emotional weather service for everyone around you 04:37 The invisible workload underneath the physical one 08:44 "I know everyone's temperature — but I don't know my own" 10:20 How an unpredictable parent teaches you to track instead of feel 11:54 Being a highly sensitive person in an environment that called it too much 16:05 When attuning to others goes into overdrive 17:07 Hypervigilance as a nervous system adaptation, not a character flaw 23:50 Why you're out of bandwidth by 6pm 25:06 Why you rehearse, replay, and pre-manage — and what it's actually costing you 27:12 How are you actually doing? 29:21 Putting yourself on the list 31:46 Sensitivity isn't the problem — it's where it's always been pointed 35:06 Your practice for the week Join The Living Aligned Collective [https://www.skool.com/align-empowered-living-2177/about] Apply for Reclaim [https://www.heyalyssabooth.com/reclaim] Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth [https://www.instagram.com/heyalyssabooth/] ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.

"No" Is Not a Complete Sentence (And Other Advice That's Making It Worse)

You've seen the posts. No is a complete sentence. You don't owe anyone an explanation. Protect your peace. And you want to be that woman. You really do. So you walk into the conversation with your talking points ready. You know exactly what you're going to say. And somehow — you don't even know how it happens so fast — you walk out having agreed to the thing, comforted the person, and completely abandoned yourself in the process. And now you're standing in your kitchen wondering what is wrong with you. Nothing is wrong with you. Your nervous system did exactly what it was trained to do. And "no is a complete sentence" was never going to override that. In this episode: * Why you keep walking out of hard conversations having agreed to the opposite of what you came in to say * The fawn response — what it actually is and why it shows up hardest when someone is being nice * Alyssa's own story of knowing exactly what to say, having the notes, having the pep talk — and still getting completely pulled back in * The difference between a boundary and a request (and why most of what we call boundaries are actually just requests) * Why boundaries aren't something you either have or you don't — they're a muscle, and you've been trying to max out without ever lifting the five-pound weights * Micro boundaries to start practicing this week — no confrontation required The takeaway: Pick one situation this week where you would normally default to yes. Not the hardest one. The small one. Try "let me check my schedule and get back to you" instead of answering on the spot. That's it. You're not becoming a different person. You're just buying yourself enough time to get out of the fawn response and figure out what you actually want to say. Chapters 00:00 Why the "no is a complete sentence" advice keeps failing you 02:08 What actually happens in your body mid-conversation 03:43 People pleasing as a nervous system response, not a personality flaw 05:39 The inner conflict between your values and your boundaries 13:24 The fawn response explained 17:14 Alyssa's personal story: knowing better and still getting pulled back in 22:38 Why boundaries are a practice, not a switch you flip 28:24 What a boundary actually is (and what it isn't) 35:20 Micro boundaries: starting with the five-pound weights 48:11 The nuance — when explaining yourself is actually okay 52:15 Your practice for the week Join The Living Aligned Collective [https://www.skool.com/align-empowered-living-2177/about] Apply for Reclaim [https://portal.dubsado.com/public/form/view/69cad2be58e322a80f7314a6?utm_source=ig&utm_medium=social&utm_content=link_in_bio&fbclid=PAZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQMMjU2MjgxMDQwNTU4AAGnHfKuyb7f9HbBb5KiCeWnnr31M47osWFBZzWRlb-LU1pRmj29cBv4QSx1k7c_aem_JMBzYGEGLxMLgrJpvlEDAQ] Catch Alyssa on IG @heyalyssabooth [https://www.instagram.com/heyalyssabooth/] ---------------------------------------- Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy [https://acast.com/privacy] for more information.