Living in Survival Mode

What BPD actually feels like (from someone who lives with it)

People hear "Borderline Personality Disorder" and think they know what it means. mood swings. anger. too emotional. but that's not what it feels like from the inside. In this episode, I'm sharing what living with BPD actually feels like. The fear, the shame, the overthinking, the relationships, the healing, and the things I wish someone would've explained years ago. If you've ever felt like your emotions were louder than everyone else's, this episode is for you.

Healing doesn't feel like I thought it would.

What if healing isn't supposed to feel the way we thought it would? For the longest time, I believed that if I was still hurting, I must not be healing. I thought progress would look like waking up one day feeling "fixed." Instead, it looked like setting boundaries that broke my heart, grieving people who were still alive, celebrating quiet victories no one else could see, and learning that growth is often invisible while you're living it. In this episode, I'm sharing the version of healing that doesn't usually make it onto social media. The messy, lonely, frustrating, and surprisingly beautiful parts. We talk about why healing can feel like grief, how our expectations can make us feel like we're failing, what it really means to rebuild trust with yourself, and why the smallest decisions often become the biggest turning points. If you've ever wondered why you're still hurting... or questioned whether all the work you're doing is actually making a difference... this episode is for you. You're not behind. You're not broken. and maybe, just maybe, you're doing better than you think.

Living in Survival Mode

For a long time, I thought I was healing when really I was just surviving. In this episode, I'm talking about survival mode. The way trauma teaches us to stay busy, stay alert, stay prepared, and keep moving, even when the danger has passed. I'll share what survival mode looked like in my own life, how it protected me when I needed it, and how it slowly started costing me my joy, connection, and peace. If you've ever felt exhausted for no obvious reason, struggled to relax, or wondered why you can't seem to enjoy the life you've worked so hard to build, this episode is for you. Because surviving is a skill. But eventually, we deserve the chance to do more than survive. Thank you for being here. You can follow me on my socials @naviemaris

Adopted But Not Okay: The Hidden Wounds of Adoption Trauma

In this episode, I open up about my personal experience with adoption and the emotional scars that come with it. This isn’t the feel-good adoption story you’ve seen in the movies. this is the truth many adoptees live with but are told to stay silent about. I talk about what it was like to grow up knowing I was “chosen,” but never truly feeling wanted. I explore the grief, identity confusion, and abandonment that so often get overlooked. I also share legal alternatives to adoption that preserve a child’s identity and family connection. options I wish had been considered for me. Whether you’re an adoptee, adoptive parent, or someone who cares about the truth behind the system, this episode is for you. I hope it helps you feel seen, and more importantly, helps others understand what adoption can really feel like from the inside out.

The masks we wear

Unmasking the Self We Hid to Survive In this episode, I open up about the subtle, and sometimes invisible ways I learned to mask growing up. From adapting to survive unsafe spaces to shapeshifting into who I thought I needed to be, I share the versions of myself I wore like armor… and the moment I realized I didn’t know who I was underneath it all. It wasn’t until my grandma left ,my safe person, my anchor, that the masks started to crack, and I was left staring at the fragments of an identity built on performance, perfection, and protection. This is a conversation about the grief of losing yourself, the awakening of self-awareness, and what it looks like to begin coming home to the parts you buried to be loved.