Quitting Drinking in Midlife, Desire & Reinventing Yourself

Quitting Drinking in Midlife, Desire & Reinventing Yourself

I just wrapped up a Substack Live with Allison Deraney [https://substack.com/profile/46320510-allison-deraney] and I wanted to make sure you didn’t miss it. We talked about quitting drinking in midlife, why so many of us become seekers of self-help and personal growth, and what we’re really searching for underneath all of it. We also got into one of my favorite conversations: the stories women inherited about desire as they age. We’re told that sex fades, that desire is only about sex, and that wanting less is simply part of getting older. But what if none of that is true? What if desire is about so much more than sex? What if it’s the life force that fuels our our capacity to feel fully alive and it’s finally coming online? Whether you’ve quit drinking years ago, you’re questioning your relationship with it now, or you’re simply interested in what it means to come back to yourself, I think you’ll find something in this conversation. I hope you’ll give it a listen. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com [https://ashleykelsch.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Desire, Sex Drive and The Discovery of Something of New

hi again! I know, you’re hearing from me on Substack. I’ll get to that in a second. but first… This live video was a bit of experiment that frankly, went off the rails when I thought my Dad was watching. It turns out I have zero problem talking about sexual desire and pleasure practices UNTIL I think my Dad is listening. I’ve already decided I am going to do a follow up so I can expand on * desire and sexual drives shifting * how some of us may feel like we are losing our identities * and that maybe all of that is okay * plus the practices that have brought a sense of peace to all it for me Consider this video a pilot… or a preview of what’s to come :) Speaking of… This Friday at Noon, I will be going live with Allison Deraney [https://substack.com/profile/46320510-allison-deraney] of DARE TO BE to discuss being seekers of self help and personal development or, as I like to call it, self help sluts. We will also be talking about sobriety, desire and midlife. I think you should join us. Next month I will be going live with Romi [https://substack.com/profile/338214844-romi] of BREATHE MIJA who has been sharing her story on Substack and quickly rose to the TOP 10 in the literary department. It’s that good! See you Friday! xo ash This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com [https://ashleykelsch.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

On Aliveness and the Things We Don't Let Ourselves Feel (2023)

Nobody taught us how to feel. Only how not to. Most of us learned early that certain emotions weren’t welcome — not in public, not in relationships, sometimes not even alone. So we got very good at managing. Reaching for something to take the edge off. Keeping the lid on whatever was building underneath. This episode is about what’s actually under there. And what happens when you stop trying to keep the lid on and let it move through instead. Jealousy. Grief. Rage. Disappointment. The feelings we were told made us hysterical, crazy, too much. Turns out they were just incomplete. I recorded this in 2023. I’m putting it back out because everything I’m building now grew from what’s in here — the idea that a body that learns to feel everything becomes a body that needs to escape nothing. In this episode: * Full catastrophe mode. What it is and why some of us live there * The NOW practice: Name it, Open to it, Watch it; a body-based framework for processing emotion in real time * Swamping: a practice from Mama Gena for moving emotion through the body completely, including what it looked like the night I used it * What a 20-mile run in Taos taught me about grief I didn’t know I was still carrying * Why pleasure and self-touch are part of how the emotional cycle actually completes If you’ve been holding something for a long time and you’re ready to stop — this one is for you. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com [https://ashleykelsch.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Where Did the Desire Go?

Something I keep noticing about midlife women: we keep calling it exhaustion when it’s actually something else entirely. The women I work with aren’t running out of energy. They’re running companies, raising children, managing households, taking care of aging parents, showing up for everyone who depends on them. That’s not depletion. That’s misdirection. In this episode I’m talking about the difference between life force, eros, and aliveness, and why so many women find themselves reaching outside themselves for something that was never actually out there. In this episode: * The direction problem: why desire goes underground, not away * The double bind: what happens when you spend decades getting good at everyone else’s needs and forgetting your own * What it actually looks like when desire goes dormant: the dance class that never happens, the trip that never gets booked, the question you can’t answer * Why pleasure isn’t indulgence. It’s information. * Why midlife, as disorienting as it feels, might actually be the moment desire finally gets loud enough to hear If you’ve been feeling that low hum of something missing, this one’s for you. This Substack is reader-supported. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com [https://ashleykelsch.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Midlife and the ‘I Can’t Believe This Is My Life’ Moment

Ever look around and think, “I can’t believe this is my life”? You’re not failing—you’re human, and midlife has a way of making even the most accomplished among us question everything. Today on Unfucking Midlife, I am digging into the shame, comparison, and identity shifts that hit hard in midlife—and how to flip the script, understand what’s really happening in your brain and body, and turn “Is this it?” into “How can I make this matter?” In This Episode: What You’ll Discover: * The shame spiral: Feeling embarrassed about where you are and why you’re not alone * Gap vs Gain thinking [https://bookshop.org/a/106585/9781401964368]: Dan Sullivan and Dr. Hardy’s powerful framework that changes everything * Momentum vs milestones: The difference between busy work and meaningful progress * Professional identity shifts: From “I used to be somebody” to “I’m becoming someone new” * The Hedonic Horizon: Why happiness keeps moving and how to keep up * Ownership without blame: Forgiving your past choices and reclaiming your power * Starting over as a beginner: Why curiosity is your midlife superpower The Real Cost of Staying Stuck * How constant comparison and “gap thinking” trigger stress and anxiety * Why social media makes it harder to feel content * What chasing outdated identities does to your confidence and energy Practical Tools You Can Use Today * Gain inventory: Write down three things you learned, one problem you solved each week * Ownership mantra: “I made the best decision I could with what I knew then” * Aligned action: One small step this week toward what actually matters * Time audit questions: “Is this serving me? Do I really want this? Is this current or outdated?” Key Quotes: * “Who decided by 50 you should have the dream career, perfect marriage, ideal body, and financial security? Show me this person—I have questions.” * “Midlife isn’t a decline—it’s a recalibration. You’re not running out of time; you’re running out of patience for what doesn’t matter.” * “Your best decisions were made with the tools and capacity you had then. Forgive yourself and move forward.” Share This Episode If this episode hits home, share it. Send it to a friend who’s questioning everything in midlife, post it to your stories, or bring it up in your group text. There’s a message here someone you know needs to hear. Listen or Watch: You can listen wherever you get your podcasts or watch the full episode on YouTube. Subscribe to my channel for [https://www.youtube.com/@unfuckingmidlife] the video version of every episode plus bonus content. Today’s Episode is Supported By: MOON JUICE One thing that’s been supporting me lately is making calm an AM/PM ritual. In the morning, I take Moon Juice’s SuperYou—an adaptogen blend shown to help regulate cortisol, boost energy, and steady mood. At night, I wind down with Magnesi-Om—a magnesium powder with three essential magnesiums plus L-theanine to restore balance and ease me into rest. 👉 Explore Moon Juice Supplements → Here [https://amzn.to/42rXjxh] *Full disclosure: this is an affiliate link, which means I may earn a small commission if you purchase through it. I only share what I actually use and love—and right now, these two are part of my daily calm ritual.* Unfucking Midlife is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit ashleykelsch.substack.com [https://ashleykelsch.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]