"If You Want Monogamy, Marry A Swan.": HEARTBURN

"She'd Do Anything For Attention.": SALTBURN

You’d have to practically be dead to not hear of this cinematic phenomenon that has swept the world. Dead-like practically all the characters from the movie. Emerald Fennell has done it again; horrifying audiences everywhere with her unabashed snarky, Female Gaze-riddled stories. If you ever stalked someone from afar and weaseled your way into their periphery just to breathe their CO2, then this film is for you. It’s giving Yolanda shooting her beloved Selena vibes. Perfectly timed for Valentine’s Day, this movie asks you to show it where it hurt you on the doll. Don’t throw your baby out with the bath water, make a romantic cocktail or perhaps a "bathtub jizz-fizz?" Sarah and Heather run naked through all the film’s glamorously shocking tropes, pausing to reflect on its overt and irreverent mockery of the upper class. This movie will love you to death. *intro/outro by Jumbled* IG: @john_bachman_

"Here's Looking At You, Kid.": CASABLANCA

OK. We did it. Sarah and Heather dared to tackle the archaic Behemoth of a classic. Surprisingly, they both had never seen this one. Hold on to your papers! The definable romance power couple “Boags and Bergman” reunited in the midst of political strife, exile, and uncertainty, which always turns the passion to an 11. Will the Nasty Germans prevail? Will their love be resuscitated? Will Sam play their song again, which will steer their loins to each other like uncontrollable magnets? Will large quantities of alcohol be consumed in every single scene? We’ve got questions! Join us as we excavate this sacred epistle to self-sacrificial love. Don’t worry, they will, “Always have Paris.” And Sarah and Heather will “Always have Vegas.” *intro/outro by Jumbled* IG: @john_bachman_

"If You Want Monogamy, Marry A Swan.": HEARTBURN

Oh look, Heather suggested a movie that Sarah didn’t sneer at and veto!! Heather should go play the lottery! After a brief hiatus, we head on down to the 80’s to a demure and soft Meryl Streep and a philandering scoundrel trope timelessly embodied by Jack Nicholson. This Nora Ephron film had us feeling all kinds of melancholic thoughts, as it explored Ephron’s own personal story of blushing marriage to the throes of pie-wielding divorce. At least she pawned the Ring. And we are team Richard. *intro/outro by Jumbled* IG: @john_bachman_

"But I Also Guarantee, That If I Don't Ask You To Be Mine, I'll Regret It For The Rest Of My Life.": RUNAWAY BRIDE

Can you recreate the same Magic as the first time? Richard Gere and Gary Marshall certainly thought so when they begged Julia Roberts to star opposite Gere in another Wacky Rom-Com destined to win everyone’s hearts. Welp, they definitely tried. Tune in to hear why it’s never as good as the first time, while Sarah and Heather plot their next madcap vacation tracing the very fated steps of our lead characters Ike and Maggie, as they sprint away from and then run towards Love. **Smoosh** *intro/outro by Jumbled* IG: @john_bachman_

“Fuck Off, For Sure! Like Totally!”: VALLEY GIRL

Before Renfield, there was Randy. Randy is both his character’s name and personality. Come see a baby Nicholas Cage from the mean streets of Hollywood woo a coddled, prissy Valley girl (Deborah Foreman) while hiding in a shower. Hey when and where romance hits, it just hits. Who are we to comment on suburban Mall Culture vs. dirty-city Punk Culture? Opposites attract. Full stop. Sarah and Heather go “over the hill” and not so deep into the Valley for this lively and light hearted episode. (Heather tries not to gag herself with a spoon.) *intro/outro by Jumbled* IG: @john_bachman_