Introducing: Free Therapy with Ben & Kevin

Let’s Stop People-Pleasing and Start Having Hard Conversations #10

Our guest this week is my former therapist, Koorosh Rassekh! We talk about where people-pleasing actually comes from, why it isn't a flaw you need to fix but something that once kept you safe, and the techniques that actually make hard conversations easier. For most of my life I thought keeping the peace made me a better friend, partner, and person. I'd suppress my needs, avoid the conversations I was dreading, and tell myself I was just being easygoing. But it actually just built quiet resentment and slowly ruined my relationships. If you say yes when you mean no, or you've been sitting on a conversation for months because you're afraid of how it'll land, this one's for you. – Kevin New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. And as a reminder, we are not therapists, and while this may feel like therapy, it’s not. So if you’re struggling, please reach out to a mental health professional who can help. 0:00 – Intro: people-pleasing and conflict avoidance 4:29 – Why you're not broken 7:17 – Why expressing needs feels impossible 10:46 – People-pleasing caught in real time 19:58 – How to have hard conversations 33:38 – Signs you're people-pleasing, and the cost See omnystudio.com/listener [https://omnystudio.com/listener] for privacy information.

Why Relationships Trigger Anxiety and Avoidance #9

This week is about attachment styles and how to rewrite the one you grew up with. Someone takes three hours to text back and you start spiraling. Or things finally start to get good and you start pulling away for absolutely no reason. It isn't random and it isn't a character flaw. It's your attachment style, and most of us were never taught we had one. Today, we sit down with German psychologist Jenny Meinen, who studied attachment theory. We get into where these patterns come from, why anxious and avoidant people keep finding each other, and why the work underneath all of it is self-worth. Jenny breaks down what a secure conversation actually sounds like out loud, why the repair after a fight matters more than the fight, and the line Kevin is still trying to live by: their mood is not a threat to me, and I'm not responsible for other people's emotions. If you've ever needed reassurance you were too embarrassed to ask for, or gone cold the second things got real, this one's for you. You'll probably know your style before the guest even shows up. Also, a reminder that we are not therapists, and if you are really struggling, to get the support you need <3 See omnystudio.com/listener [https://omnystudio.com/listener] for privacy information.

The Grief Advice Nobody Gives You #8

Someone you love is grieving and you have no idea what to say. So you say nothing, and that's the one thing you shouldn't do. Grief therapist and author Claire Bidwell Smith has sat with thousands of people through loss and written five books on grief. With Father's Day approaching, Ben opens up about losing his dad Mickey three years ago. Claire breaks down how to actually show up for someone who's grieving, why anxiety after loss is something nobody talks about, and how conscious grieving can give you the tools to heal. If you've ever lost someone you love, or you love someone who has, we think Claire can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. See omnystudio.com/listener [https://omnystudio.com/listener] for privacy information.

Performance Anxiety and Feeling Like Less of a Man #7

Every guy is carrying a list of things he'd never say out loud. How often he's embarrassed in bed. What makes him feel like less of a man. The stuff he pretends to have figured out and absolutely doesn't. This week there's no therapist. Just Ben and Kevin. Their producer handed them the questions most men would lie about and dared them to answer honestly. They get into performance anxiety and the trap of staying stuck in your own head, the moment money makes you feel like less of a man, the version of yourself you've already mourned, and the gap between chasing status and feeling like enough. It turns out the more you say this stuff out loud, the less alone it makes you feel. If you spend way too much time in your head, this one's for you. New episodes every week. Listen on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, and iHeart, watch on YouTube, and follow @freetherapy on Instagram. See omnystudio.com/listener [https://omnystudio.com/listener] for privacy information.

We Were Wrong About Happiness #6

You did everything you were supposed to do. The job, the friends, the life. So why does something still feel off? Happiness expert Dr. Danielle Taillieu explains why chasing happiness might be the exact thing keeping you from it. We get into the feelings you were never allowed to have, why you can be surrounded by people and still beat yourself up the second you're alone, the comparison trap that quietly wrecks you, and what the research actually says about a life well lived. If you've ever caught yourself asking why am I not happy, we think Danielle can help. New episodes every week. Follow on the iHeart app, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts and on Instagram at @freetherapy. 1:02 - Why We Suppress Our Anger 4:48 - Why Happiness is Hard 7:57 - Research on Happiness 11:11 - Accept the Challenging Emotions 23:48 - How Comparison Destroys Happiness 29:33 - Will Love Make You Happy? See omnystudio.com/listener [https://omnystudio.com/listener] for privacy information.