How Many Calories In A Ladle Of Spunk? | Episode 36 | Glaswegians Anonymous

Mate, I'm putting a spy cam in your room" – Darren and Gary are getting a flat! | Episode 45

The big news is finally out, people! Darren and Gary are officially moving in together. What could possibly go wrong? Darren’s already planning on installing surveillance, so we’re placing bets now on who completely cracks up first.Before the domestic bliss (or chaos) begins, the boys are tackling the hard-hitting issues: * Glasgow's New Look: Why we need to bin the current city layout and just model Glasgow entirely on Boston. * The Tartan Army Takes America: Visualising the absolute carnage of Scotland vs. Haiti, and the Tartan Army taking over the streets of Boston. * Two-Wheeled Terror: The absolute menace of cutting about Glasgow on electric bikes. * Battering into Grannies: (Exactly what it sounds like, pure chaos).Plus, Darren gives a wee recap of his latest comedy gig and shares a mental health update—thankfully, his sanity is officially on the mend after the trauma of Banger-gate. To settle a debate, Darren rings up his cousin—and British Featherweight Champion—Nathaniel Collins, to get the definitive answer on who would actually win in a street fight.And finally, Gary takes us down memory lane with a brutal confession about his first DVD release. Turns out, he accidentally signed the plastic shrink wrap instead of the actual cover... 500 times.Standard mental behaviour from start to finish. Tune in!Listen now on all major platforms. Don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, and let us know in the comments who is moving out first! 🎟️ LIVE SHOW TICKETS Don't let Darren relapse. Grab your tickets for the second Glasgow live show on June 20th before they are completely gone!👉 https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2 💛 SUPPORT THE PODCAST ON PATREON For exclusive bonus content, early access, and to keep the lights on, support us on Patreon:👉 patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous Don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a 5-star review.

I'M GONNA RELAPSE..BUY A TICKET TO OUR LIVE SHOW | EPISODE 43 | GLASWEGIANS ANONYMOUS

🚨 THE BIG ONE IS ALMOST HERE! 🚨The boys are back and desperation has officially set in. We need absolutely every single one of you to buy tickets to the SECOND live show in Glasgow on June 20th. Seriously. Buy a ticket, or Darren might actually push the big red button. In this episode, the lads attempt the impossible: trying to formulate a "family-friendly" podcast. Naturally, that immediately devolves into: Urinal Etiquette: Gary gets caught taking a cheeky glance at Darren’s local scenery. Burger Desperation: Darren explains exactly what he'd do for a premium burger (warning: it involves turbo Gluck Gluck). Milestones: Darren managed to save his lives for the first time in 7 months. Gig Talk: Gary breaks down his recent gig in Kilbarchan and the boys debate the soul of small, intimate venues versus corporate, commercial spaces. Matchday Madness: Darren’s chaotic drinking habits at the football, and the absolute mutants in the stands who think it's acceptable to scream at elite, peak-fitness athletes for being "fat." The Target Weight: The guys reveal their ultimate goal weights (and how realistic they actually are). Fake News: Darren is entirely convinced that T-Bone steaks are still legally banned in Scotland because of Mad Cow Disease. Spoiler alert: they aren't, Darren. The Final Frontier: A deeply unsettling pitch for Gary and Darren to visit a nudist beach, leading directly into Darren’s inevitable career pivot into the adult film industry. It's chaotic, it's completely unhinged, and it is definitely not family-friendly. 🎟️ LIVE SHOW TICKETSDon't let Darren relapse. Grab your tickets for the second Glasgow live show on June 20th before they are completely gone!👉https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2 💛 SUPPORT THE PODCAST ON PATREON For exclusive bonus content, early access, and to keep the lights on, support us on Patreon:👉 patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous Don't forget to like, subscribe, and leave a 5-star review if you want to see Darren's debut adult film.

Bro Your Farts Smell Different | Episode 42 | Glaswegians Anonymous

In this week's episode, the boys trade the familiar cobbles of Glasgow for a chaotic "jolly" down to Liverpool. From getting unceremoniously rejected by a local Vietnamese restaurant to debating the finer points of restaurant etiquette, it’s a masterclass in how not to be a tourist.This week’s madness includes: Liverpool Diaries: A deep dive into the travel experience (and the unique sensory challenges of being confined in a car with each other), a comparison of Liverpool vs. Glasgow "Jackies," and Gary subjecting Darren to an impromptu, high-volume wedding band listening party. Production Chronicles: The boys discuss the heat—both the temperature in The Green Room Podcast studio and the feedback from their recent Sunday night shows at Blackfriars. Ink & Consequences: An uncomfortable investigation into why they both have tattoos on their backsides, followed by a pivot to far more important life-or-death decisions: their ultimate death row meals. Prison & Planning: If the law finally caught up with them, what would a stint behind bars together actually look like? Plus, they sit down to scheme up exactly how the Patreon cash is getting spent. Vegas Vows: The long-awaited, semi-tragic story of that one time Gary almost walked down the aisle in Las Vegas.Strap in—it’s another classic. Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com 🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2 Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous Don’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell for all the latest episodes of Glaswegians Anonymous!#GlaswegiansAnonymous #GlasgowPodcast #Mounjaro #Asda #SummerHolidays #ScottishComedy #GlasgowPatter

Did You Know Asda Has Doctors? | Episode 41 | Glaswegians Anonymous

The boys are back in the Studio for a chaotic catch-up! This week, the conversation takes a turn into the absurd as Gary reveals he’s back on the Mounjaro journey—and we’re not just talking about the weight loss. Somehow, the chat spirals from pharmacy visits to the baffling discovery that Asda is now effectively a medical hub.Also on the agenda: summer holiday planning. From the stress of booking to the inevitable dread of the "family getaway," Gary and Darren break down the reality of trying to get away from it all without losing their minds.Expect the usual blend of Glaswegian patter, unfiltered opinions, and questionable life advice.In this episode: The Mounjaro update: Gary’s latest experiences. The Asda pharmacy rabbit hole: Why are we getting health advice in the snack aisle? Holiday plans and the inevitable pre-trip panic. Support the Show: 👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com 🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymousDon’t forget to like, subscribe, and hit the bell for all the latest episodes of Glaswegians Anonymous!#GlaswegiansAnonymous #GlasgowPodcast #Mounjaro #Asda #SummerHolidays #ScottishComedy #GlasgowPatter

Are Penis Pumps Still a Thing? | Episode 40 | Glaswegians Anonymous

In this week’s episode of Glaswegians Anonymous, the boys are back to dissect the chaotic reality of modern travel and the even more questionable state of modern intimacy.Gary takes us through his recent Venetian escape, including the humbling experience of navigating the hostel scene—and shares his plans for his upcoming Swedish expedition. Meanwhile, the drama continues on home soil as we finally get to the bottom of Darren’s "alleged" appearance at Gary’s recent gig in Cumbernauld (or lack thereof).Things take a sharp turn into the bizarre as we tackle the hard-hitting questions: Are we really still talking about penis pumps in 2026? And just how close are we to a world populated by sentient sex robots? Plus, we break down the logistics of Darren’s upcoming gig—which happens to fall on the exact same day as the Glasgow Orange Walk. Tune in for the usual unfiltered, Glaswegian take on the world’s weirdest corners. Support the Show:👉 Grab the Merch: https://glaswegians-anonymous-march.bigcartel.com 🎙️ live show: https://www.sec.co.uk/events/detail/glaswegians-anonymous-live-ep2 Patreon: patreon.com/glaswegiansanonymous 🔔 Subscribe: Hit that bell so you never miss an episode.💬 #standupcomedy GlaswegiansAnonymous #ScottishPodcast