Recovering Out Loud

Self-Forgiveness in Recovery: Why You Can't Afford to Hate Yourself Sober

Self-forgiveness in addiction recovery is the work nobody markets — because nobody wants to buy it. In this solo episode, Anthony shares why shame is a stronger predictor of relapse than a deterrent, why guilt and shame are not the same emotion, and the 5-step practice he uses to forgive himself one day at a time. After 7.5 years sober, Anthony relapsed in 2024. He came back January 12, 2025. This episode is about what kept him stuck on the way back — and what finally got him off the hook. In this episode: - Why "I'll just feel bad enough to never do it again" doesn't work - Brené Brown's guilt vs. shame distinction — and why it matters for relapse risk - June Tangney's research on shame-proneness and substance misuse - Kristin Neff's three pillars of self-compassion, adapted for recovery - A 5-step self-forgiveness practice you can start today - The "cookie jar" — using your own hardest experiences as proof you can do this Chapter markers: 00:00 Cold Open: The Day I Stopped Trying to Forgive Myself 02:55 Resentment Is Poison: Forgiving Others First 04:55 Welcome to Recovering Out Loud 06:30 Real Check-In: My Struggle With Patience This Week 09:55 Why Self-Forgiveness Is the Hardest Step 12:44 Story 1: Blowing the Money & Relapsing After 7.5 Years 17:47 Guilt vs. Shame — The Distinction That Changes Everything 20:32 The Relapse Reckoning 22:00 What Self-Forgiveness Actually Is (and Isn't) 24:21 The 5-Step Self-Forgiveness Practice 29:17 You Are Not the Worst Thing You Did 31:16 The Cookie Jar: Drawing on Past Wins If you got something out of this, please follow, rate, and share with one person who needs it. — Anthony Host of Recovering Out Loud · Real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy. #RecoveringOutLoud #SoberPodcast #Recovery #SelfForgiveness #Shame

I Used Daily in a Motel For 5 Months: How Two Cops Ended His 32-Year Addiction

Steven spent five months in a hotel room smoking crack, accepting he'd die there. Then his mother asked a judge if he had children — and two cops knocked. The story of one last day. Six and a half years ago, Steven was sitting in a hotel room he hadn't left in five months, smoking crack cocaine in the same clothes he'd been wearing since July. He'd accepted he was going to die there. Two weeks before the end, in a sober moment, he whispered, "Please make this stop." He didn't know who he was talking to. Then his mother sat down with a Justice of the Peace and asked the judge one question: "Do you have children?" Twelve hours after the cops knocked, Steven was in rehab. He's been sober since December 14, 2019. In this episode, Steven walks Anthony through the last day, the Form 2, the divine intervention timeline, and the turning points inside treatment — including the two women who walked in taking responsibility while everyone else played victim, and the counselor who put his hand on Steven's shoulder and said, "I believe you kid, because I tried to quit too." Anthony shares his own relapse map after seven and a half years sober — how it started with body image, became ADHD pills, then cocaine, then benzos. The slow drip. The line: "I emotionally relapsed long before I picked up." They close on current unmanageability — financial insecurity, body image at 52 — and a closing line that does the work of the whole episode. No clinical voice. No experts. Two guys in recovery telling the truth about what it actually took. 🎙️ Recovering Out Loud — peer-led recovery media built on lived experience.

Chasing Pleasure, Finding Meaning: What I Got Wrong in 7.5 Years of Sobriety

Most people don't relapse because they wanted to drink. They relapse because they were still chasing pleasure — just in a legal package. Anthony had 7.5 years of sober time before he picked up. In this episode, he breaks down the real reason long-term sobriety unravels: the war between pleasure and meaning, and why the recovery world is full of people white-knuckling a life they were never trained to actually want. Covered in this episode: – The hedonic treadmill and why every "high" eventually feels like baseline – Anna Lembke's pleasure-pain balance (from Dopamine Nation) – Bruce Alexander's Rat Park study and why connection beats the lever – Cross-addiction: gym, golf, Instagram, work, achievement — the "ism swap" – Viktor Frankl, Dr. Joseph Lee, and the iPhone-vs-house metaphor that changed how Anthony sees addiction – Why "I don't need to feel good. I need to do good." is the line he comes back to If you're newly sober and bored, or years in and quietly restless — this one's for you. New episodes Tuesdays. Recovering Out Loud — real stories of addiction and recovery, no clinical voice, no guru energy.

Is Alcohol the Problem or Are You? The Honest Answer About Addiction

Is alcohol the problem, or is the person holding the glass? Anthony breaks down the science, the shame, and the honest answer most people in recovery won't say out loud. Full description: Is alcohol the problem — or is the person drinking it? It's one of the most argued questions in addiction recovery, and how you answer it changes everything about how you get sober and stay sober. In this solo episode of Recovering Out Loud, host Anthony — alcoholic, addict, and addiction counselor in training — pushes back on the growing "alcohol is the villain" movement on social media and asks the harder question: if alcohol were really the problem, why do most drinkers never develop alcohol use disorder? And why did rehab alone never keep him sober? Anthony walks through the neuroscience (GABA, dopamine, why alcohol withdrawal can kill you), the genetics (50–60% heritability, AMA's 1956 disease classification), the 12-step "allergy" model, and the critical difference between guilt and shame in recovery. Then he lands on the answer most camps refuse to hold: both are true. Alcohol is genuinely addictive AND the person has the capacity to change. If you've ever wondered whether you're "broken," whether you can ever drink normally again, or why the just-drink-like-a-normal-person advice feels so damaging — this one's for you. Topics covered: * Why "alcohol is the problem" is the wrong frame for people in recovery * The neuroscience of alcohol addiction (GABA, dopamine, the reward pathway) * Why alcohol and benzo withdrawal can be fatal * DSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteria and WHO global stats * Heritability, co-occurring mental health disorders, and the 14% who develop AUD * The 12-step allergy metaphor and its critics * Disease model vs. agency model — and why both matter * Guilt vs. shame in addiction recovery * Why the anti-alcohol movement misses the point * Anthony's relapse at 7.5 years sober and what he learned Mentioned in this episode: * DSM-5 alcohol use disorder criteria * AMA 1956 disease classification * Dr. Nick Heather's "complex learning disorder" model * WHO data on alcohol-related deaths (5.3% globally) * Previous episode: Is Alcoholism a Disease or a Choice? * Previous episode on peptides Connect: * Instagram: @recoveringoutloudpod * Recovery is simple, not easy.

I Relapsed Before 2 Years Sober And Now I Can’t Stop

Emily returns to Recovering Out Loud mid-relapse to announce she's ending her own sobriety podcast. This is by far The most raw and vunerable conversation we've had on chronic relapse, identity in recovery, and what happens when "sober Sally" disappears. Emily came on the first season of Recovering Out Loud almost two years sober, running her own recovery podcast Talks on the Rocks. She's back — and she's fighting addiction demons every day. In this episode, Emily opens up about chronically relapsing on cocaine and alcohol, why she's putting her sobriety podcast on pause, and what it feels like to be the "sober girl" online while crying in the bathroom rolling up a bill she doesn't want to use. We talk about the Mother's Day relapse, the overdose from fentanyl-laced cocaine that nearly killed her, the hole in her septum, dating apps as a relapse trigger, isolation, and the identity crisis of taking a new sales job that puts her in clubs and at open bars for a living. Anthony shares his own seven-and-a-half-year relapse and why "the obsession of every addict is that one day they'll control it again." If you've ever relapsed after long-term sobriety, struggled with chronic relapse, or felt like a fraud in your own recovery — this one is for you. Topics covered: * Why she's ending her sobriety podcast * Chronic relapse after almost 2 years sober * Cocaine addiction, septum damage, and using alone * The Mother's Day relapse * The fentanyl overdose at work * Dating apps and addiction * Identity in recovery: who are you when you're not "the sober one"? * Why we don't pick up the phone even when we have hundreds of numbers * Self-pity, shame, and starting over If you or someone you love is struggling with addiction, please reach out to a local recovery resource. In the US: SAMHSA National Helpline 1-800-662-4357. In Canada: Wellness Together 1-866-585-0445. Recovering Out Loud is hosted by Anthony. New episodes weekly.