The Dear Money Podcast

The Dear Money Podcast

I Don’t Want Money to Change Who I Am.

9 min · 21. maj 2026
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episode I Don’t Want Money to Change Who I Am. cover

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Sometimes the fear isn’t that we won’t have money… but who we might become if we do. Transcript Hi. I’m Miata.This is Dear Money. Here, we tell the truth about our relationship with money—the parts we usually keep private. No fixing. No pressure to change anything. Just to see what’s there. Let’s begin. Reflection Here are some of the things I thought about after reading today’s letter. There’s a fear that I’m not sure we talk about enough. Yes, we’re often afraid that we won’t have enough money. But we’re also afraid that if we do… we might become someone we don’t recognize. Someone we don’t like. We’ve seen it before. People who became rigid, or entitled, or disconnected. Or just more focused on keeping money than on living their lives. And somewhere along the way, we made a decision: I don’t want to be that. So we create distance. We tell ourselves we’re not motivated by money. We downplay what we want. We keep our lives just small enough to feel safe. Because wanting more starts to feel risky. Not financially risky… personally risky. What if having money changes me? What if I lose something essential? What if I become less generous… less grounded… less myself? So instead of asking: How do I build a healthy relationship with money? We ask: How do I make sure money doesn’t have too much power over me? And that question shapes how much we allow ourselves to earn and how much we’re willing to receive. Sure, we may still have ambition. But larger than that ambition is our desire to protect our identity and values and our actual sense of who we are. That protection makes sense AND it creates a tension: You can’t build a strong relationship with money while also insisting on holding it at a distance. So what if the question shifts from Will money change me? to Who do I trust myself to be if it does? Because money doesn’t create character. It reveals it. It amplifies what’s already there and in some ways it puts pressure on the parts of us that we haven’t examined. And that can feel confronting. But it can also be so clarifying. Because the goal isn’t to stay exactly the same. The goal is to grow without abandoning yourself. To expand your life… without losing your values inside of that expansion. To let yourself have more… and still recognize the person holding that abundance. For many of us, that’s the real work. Becoming someone we trust… no matter how our circumstances evolve. If something in this brings up your own relationship with money here’s… A prompt, if you want it Write a letter to money that begins with: “I’m afraid of who I might become if I had more of you…” or “The version of me I never want to be with money is…” Let it be honest. Even if it feels uncomfortable. Even if it contradicts what you think you’re “supposed” to say. The anonymous letter that shaped today’s reflection Letters may be lightly edited for privacy and clarity. Dear Money— You’ve shaped more of my life than I’d like to admit. Long before I understood you, you were already influencing where I grew up, what my family worried about, and the choices that they made. And even now, it still feels like you have a say in everything. What I do for work.What I say yes to.What I have to think about every single day. There’s a part of me that resents that. When I think about you, my first reaction isn’t excitement — it’s tension. Frustration. Even anger. Because I’ve seen what people do in your name. I’ve seen how easily you get tied to greed, to power, to decisions that don’t feel human. And I don’t want to become that. I don’t want my life to revolve around you in that way. But I also know I can’t just push you away. Whether I like it or not, you’re part of this life. You affect what’s possible. What’s available. What I can create. And pretending you don’t matter doesn’t actually change that. So I’m trying to find a different way to relate to you. Not from fear. Not from resentment. But also not from blind trust. I want something more grounded than that. I don’t believe you’re inherently bad. But I do think you amplify what’s already there? And that makes me careful with you. I don’t want to lose myself chasing you.I don’t want to measure people by how much of you they have.I don’t want you to change what I value. At the same time… I do want to use you. To take care of myself.To [http://myself.To] support the people I love.To [http://love.To] build a life that actually feels meaningful. And I’m starting to see that those two things have to coexist. The resistance… and the reality. I may never feel completely at ease with you. But I don’t want to keep reacting to you the way I have been. I don’t want you to take up this much emotional space in my life. I want something steadier than that. Something where you’re present… but not in control. Where I can work with you — without feeling like I’m working against myself. I don’t know exactly what that looks like yet. But I know I don’t want to keep living in this tension. So I’m here. Trying to figure out what a different relationship with you could be. Thank you to the writer for trusting me with this letter.And thank you for listening. Dear Money is a space for honesty, not answers.You don’t need to do anything with what came up today. If you find yourself holding a truth you haven’t named yet, you’re welcome to write your own letter to money [https://forms.gle/foinKU6Z6QGbagGL7]. I’ll be here. New episodes are published every Thursday. Until next time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit miataedoga.substack.com [https://miataedoga.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1] This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit miataedoga.substack.com [https://miataedoga.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

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22 episodes

episode Money, Fear Has Been Running This Relationship. artwork

Money, Fear Has Been Running This Relationship.

I think one of the hardest things for many of us to admit is that our relationship with money has been shaped much more by fear than by understanding. Fear of not having enough.Of losing what we have.Of looking at the truth of where we are.Of knowing our numbers.Of discovering we’ve already made “too many” mistakes. And fear has a way of making us pull away from relationships that actually require care and attention. It’s so easy to respond to this “pulling away” with judgment. To decide that we’re in financial trouble because we’re lazy or because we don’t care. But the truth is simply that fear creates avoidance. I think that’s why so many of us carry the feeling that we’ve ignored money, abandoned it, mistreated it, or just plain failed at it. Underneath so much of this is usually just someone who never learned how to feel safe inside the relationship. And there’s a difference between blaming ourselves… and beginning to understand ourselves. A difference between:“What is wrong with me?”and“Oh… fear has been shaping this relationship for a very long time.” Naming that isn’t about avoiding responsibility. It’s about bringing clarity to the relationship. Because clarity creates the possibility for something different moving forward. Something built less on panic and shame…and more on honesty.Care.Attention.Partnership.Trust. It is incredibly vulnerable to decide to begin again with money. To admit we need new habits.New ways of relating.New forms of support.New levels of honesty. Especially after years of avoidance or fear. But maybe healing with money is not about suddenly becoming perfectly disciplined or fearless. Maybe it’s about becoming willing to stay in a relationship with money without running from it. Even while we’re still learning.Even while we stumble.Even while trust is being rebuilt. _________________ If something in this brought up your own relationship with money… here’s: A prompt, if you want it Write a letter to money that begins with: “Money, I think fear first entered our relationship when…” or “Money, the ways I avoid you look like…” Let yourself notice the fears, habits, and protective behaviors that have shaped the relationship over time. Please try not to judge yourself. Just tell the truth about what fear taught you to do. ____________________ Today’s reflection came from a letter that was anonymously shared with me. I’ll read it to you now. Dear Money— Thank you for not abandoning me and my child all these years. Forgive me for not paying attention to you, for not taking care of you. I understand now what an important part of my life you are and how necessary it is for me to take care of you, nurture you, love you, and be proud of you. I know now that if I protect and guard you, the quality of my life and work will be greatly enriched. I will be better able to manage and navigate the ups and downs of my precarious life and feel an ease and calm around my finances that I have never felt before. Commitment, planning, and education will be important tools for me moving forward in my relationship with you. Please be patient with me as I stumble along learning how to create and live within this new relationship. I have spent most of my adult life ignoring, abusing, and mistreating you. I will need time to develop the habits and practices I need to live with you as my friend and ally. I hope to be emboldened by my newfound awareness and appreciation of you. I hope to step out of the shadows of shame, confusion, ignorance, and fear, which have been my default way of relating to you until now. I understand now that my primary relationship with you has been fear. I am trusting that the road toward this new relationship is opening for me, beckoning me forward, and I am committed to moving with you in partnership, honesty, and trust. Thank you for your patience. ______________________ Thank you to the writer for trusting me with this letter. And thank you for listening. Dear Money is a space for honesty, not answers.If you find yourself holding a truth you haven’t named yet, I hope you’ll consider writing your own letter to money [https://forms.gle/foinKU6Z6QGbagGL7]. It would be an honor to reflect on your words—and a gift for all of us to recognize a little more clearly how not alone we are in this relationship. New episodes are published every Thursday. Until next time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit miataedoga.substack.com [https://miataedoga.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

25. juni 20267 min
episode Money, Our Relationship Feels Different Now. artwork

Money, Our Relationship Feels Different Now.

I think one of the most powerful parts of this Dear Money practice is realizing that our relationship with money is not fixed. That the way we feel about money today is not necessarily the way we will feel forever. Because many of us assume that whatever fear, shame, chaos, scarcity, confusion, avoidance, or anxiety we currently experience around money is simply “who we are.” As though our relationship with money arrived fully formed and permanent. But relationships change. And sometimes one of the most beautiful experiences is looking back and seeing that change happening inside YOU. Realizing there was a time when money felt frightening. Or shameful. Or impossible to hold onto. And recognizing that something in the relationship has softened. That maybe fear has become stewardship...more of just a feeling of responsibility.Maybe avoidance has shifted into care.Maybe shame has transformed into something that looks more like gratitude. And none of this happens because life suddenly becomes easy or because we stop making mistakes. We just start relating to money differently. I also think many of us are waiting to feel “finished” before we allow ourselves to acknowledge growth. But growth doesn’t work like that. Sometimes… most of the time… it sounds like: “I still get scared sometimes.”“I still notice old behaviors.”“I still have work to do.” And yet… something is undeniably different. Because there is such a difference between struggling inside a relationship you believe is hopeless… and struggling inside one you believe is worth caring for. Maybe that’s part of what healing looks like for many of us. It doesn’t look like perfection. It looks like becoming more honest. More peaceful. More responsible. More trusting of our own capacity to care for what we’ve built. And one day realizing: “This relationship feels different than it used to.” And allowing yourself to feel really good about that. _________________ If something in this brought up your own relationship with money… here’s: A prompt, if you want it Write a letter to money that begins with: “Money, the way I relate to you now is different because…” or “Money, I didn’t realize our relationship had changed until…” Let yourself notice what has softened, what has strengthened, and what still feels tender. You don’t need to prove transformation. Just tell the truth about what feels different now. ____________________ Today’s reflection came from a letter that was anonymously shared with me. I’ll read it to you now. Dear Money— I truly do love you. Not in a miserly way, but in a grateful way, because you have given me and my family such an amazing life. We were not always friends, but I think over the last few years I have grown to love and appreciate you. I am no longer afraid of you, and I do feel like I understand that I am worthy of having you in my life. I am not always the best caretaker, though. I am still learning to manage our relationship better, and sometimes it is easier to fall back on past behaviors that I know draw us apart instead of together. I am making those changes now, and I will continue trying to be a better caretaker and steward of you. I want our relationship to grow and flourish, and I am committed to working toward that. Our past is in the past. I have forgiven and let go of past mistakes, and I will not go back to where we were before. I only want to move forward toward becoming a better partner in this relationship. I love that you allow me to be generous with my friends and family. I want you to grow so I can continue being generous to more and more people. I would like us to create a place that helps tens of thousands of people. I love that you help bring me peace. We have a beautiful home and life because of you. Every month I am so grateful to live where I do, to have food in the kitchen, a car to drive, places to go and have fun, clothes on my body, and both career and personal needs taken care of. I love that you have given us the freedom to pursue our interests and support our kids in theirs. I love how you give me permission to follow my passions and support my efforts by continuing to grow. I love that you have given us security. A place of our own. Equity to grow from. A place in the world and generational wealth to pass on. I am so grateful that I can write this letter. It would have been a very different one years ago, but I have so much gratitude that our relationship has grown into a more positive and loving one. I still get scared sometimes, and I still have lots of work to do. But I know I can build on what we have and continue growing into a healthier and closer relationship with you. ______________________ Thank you to the writer for trusting me with this letter. And thank you for listening. Dear Money is a space for honesty, not answers.If you find yourself holding a truth you haven’t named yet, I hope you’ll consider writing your own letter to money [https://forms.gle/foinKU6Z6QGbagGL7]. It would be an honor to reflect on your words—and a gift for all of us to recognize a little more clearly how not alone we are in this relationship. New episodes are published every Thursday. Until next time. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit miataedoga.substack.com [https://miataedoga.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

18. juni 20268 min