To Stay, To Leave, To Know - A Podcast for Ambitious Women Considering Divorce

9. Dealing with changing friendship dynamics

One of the most common occurrences for anyone who has done any self-development work, gone through therapy or mindset coaching is noticing the changes in dynamics with your long-term friends. More disagreements, differences in opinions, slight annoyances with things that didn't bother you (or them) before. Especially friendships that started in childhood or teenage years. 📌 You will notice how some of those friendships don't have strong foundations, and the imbalances when it comes to the level of effort put into the friendship. 📌 As your standards have changed and risen, you will notice that the calibre of the people you want to surround yourself with has changed too. It is something you won't be able to ignore. 📌 Friendships that do not meet those higher standards will experience friction and a desire for things to change. To either move on or have some tough conversations. 📌 You will start evaluating whether those people still feel aligned to follow you into your next stage of life. ⚡️ You might find yourself having some difficult conversations about boundaries, and your natural instinct as a friend will be to take away their pain. ‼️ Remember, that it is not your job to take away their pain. DO YOU HAVE TO CUT TIES WITH EVERYONE? No, I don't believe so. I don't think it would be productive. Here are some suggestions: ✳️ Evaluate what your non-negotiables in friendships are, and what are the things you can tolerate ✳️ Consider which friendships have run their course and which friendships are still going on just because you've known each other for such a long time ✳️ Have conversations with friends to create new commitments and reset the dynamics ‼️ Another thing to remember - your new boundaries and standards will offend and hurt others. It is not your responsibility to soothe them and fix it for them. Because it just might be the lesson and the learning that they need to receive in order to change and grow from that experience. ❤️ Sometimes, the kindest thing we can do for our friends is to let them make their own mistakes and learn their own lessons. Friendships are complex, just like any other relationship. The internet will have you believe that anyone who doesn't fall in line with what you want doesn't deserve to be in your life. Finding the right balance so that you also feel fulfilled can sometimes be tricky. ❤️ I help you strike that balance and re-evaluate which friendships need to end. Apply for a free exploration call with me to see in which capacity I can support you. Let me coach and guide you: ✳️ To recognise your blind spots and the ways you contribute to the dysfunction in the friendship. ✳️ To guide you to figure out what decision takes priority for you based on your values ✳️ To soothe your nervous system when it gets overwhelmed with the unknown and uncomfortable choices 👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ [https://bit.ly/form-call]. *** 👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/] (FREE) 👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/] ✳️ Connect with me: YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/] Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/] TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/ [https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/] *** DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM. ***

8. When all the differing opinions become too confusing

⚡️ There are a few things that helped me consolidate my thoughts among all the confusion and everyone else's opinions. But before I got there, I was stuck in confusion and feeling torn apart. 🔹 On one side, we have the spiritual teachings that you are the one in control, through the lens of the divine feminine and masculine teachings. That your experiences are the mirror of your inner world. When you apply that approach to your relationships, it means you must look within yourself, and when you change your patterns, your circumstances will change. And this has the potential to spin you into the loop of constant self-improvement and finding faults within yourself if your circumstances are not changing. 🔸On the other side, while I was going through it, there was another extreme of hyper-independent takes that advocated for dumping your partner as soon as they show xyz signs. Where complex relationship dynamics got reduced down to one-minute takes and punchlines... Both of these approaches seemed too extreme and too boxed in for the complexity of my situation. I was stuck in that limbo for a good 2 years. 📌 When I looked at the perspective of divine feminine and masculine, that spiritual view that we somehow attract the difficult circumstances for some bigger purpose - never sat well with me. Especially in the instances of abuse. ‼️ I believe that while these experiences allowed us to experience certain growth, I don't believe we somehow attracted it ourselves for a bigger purpose. It took me years to figure out the nuance of these circumstances and what they meant for me, and to make a decision. Which is why I started doing this work. ‼️ There is a serious lack of support when you are in that scenario. Nobody was teaching this when I was trying to find a way forward. There are still only a handful of people who are helping others make that decision. A lot of those are based on religious perspectives. I'm talking about this without the religious lens in mind. ❤️‍🔥 If certain elements of this podcast resonate with you, but you have so many other things to take into consideration… And you need someone to help you see your blind spots, to make order of the dozens of different thoughts and perspectives. Apply for a free exploration call with me to see in which capacity I can support you. Let me coach and guide you: ✳️ To gain clarity and make a definitive decision, and finally move forward rather than running in loops ✳️ To guide you to figure out what decision takes priority for you based on your values ✳️ To soothe your nervous system when it gets overwhelmed with the unknown and uncomfortable choices 👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ [https://bit.ly/form-call]. *** 👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/] (FREE) 👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/] ✳️ Connect with me: YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/] Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/] TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/ [https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/] *** DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

7. "Can we save our marriage?"

The answer to this question will depend on a couple of different aspects, as I've mentioned in some of the other episodes. ⚡️ There are certain scenarios in which things can be fixed, and you can reconnect and reenergise your relationship. ⚡️ From my observations, marriages can be fixed when these things apply: ✅ When you are BOTH interested and committed to address and fix what needs to be attended to. ✅ When you are BOTH willing to put intentional effort into maintaining the relationship, putting intentional effort into connecting and addressing your shadow parts That's the trap in which most married couples with kids fall into. You get busy with parental responsibilities, and then the moments when you're supposed to reconnect as a couple are left to chance. ❤️ Marriage is like a delicate ecosystem that needs nurturing and intentional effort in order for it to thrive. 📌 The couples that manage to make it work are the ones who have not let parenthood take over their whole identities. Who have assured that they, as a couple, still spend solo time. 📌 This is when it can work: ✳️ When there is love, respect and deep trust for one another, when you can rely on each other. ✳️ When the trust hasn't been broken, or there are no major resentments that have been built up between you two. ✳️ When you both have similar expectations from the marriage, and your worldviews about it haven't changed drastically. ✳️ When your idea of what your husband should provide, what his role in the marriage should be or how the marriage should work aligns with his. ✳️ Or if they've changed, when you can come to an agreement that this new dynamic is what you want to have moving forward. 📌 If you want to make it work, here are some pointers and suggestions to try: ✳️ You have to remember that this new stage and new era of your relationship will have a completely different energy, and I would NOT recommend you try to go back to the old vibes. You both have grown and matured; your energetic blueprint is completely different all these years and decades later. ✳️ Talk with an open heart and also remember the good things and positive qualities that got you together and what made you fall in love with each other. ✳️ Discuss your values, your future vision, goals and dreams you have for your life and your marriage. What aspects of the relationship are now more important to you than they were before? ✳️ Make clear plans on how you're going to address shadow parts and who needs to work on which part of their shadow. ✳️ Determine clear deadlines and boundaries for moving forward and how you're going to deal with the situations when you eventually fall back into old habits. The resentment will come up, and the frustrations will surface. ❓ How are you going to handle those situations when one of you falls back into an old habit and old way of dealing with things, so that you don't end up dealing with it in a dysfunctional way? 👉🏼 That's what I can help you with. Apply for a free exploration call here 👉🏼  ⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠ [https://bit.ly/form-call] to see in which capacity I can support you and whether we are a good fit to work together. *** 📌 In the next episode: When you're conflicted with different opinions 👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/] (FREE) 👉🏼 Website ⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/] ✳️ Connect with me: YouTube ⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/] Instagram ⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/] TikTok ⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Facebook ⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/ [https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/] *** DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

6. When you can't leave because "he's such a good dad"

When you’re considering your pros and cons, and thinking of leaving, there is usually that moment that comes to your mind, “but how he’s such a good dad to our kids”. ⚡️And while I think this is a contributing factor, it’s also important to take a few more things into consideration. It is similar to what I talked about in the episode of “Death of a marriage by a thousand cuts” when there are no major issues in the marriage. 📌 He does all the dad things. But at the same time, he doesn’t express his appreciation towards you. He doesn’t carve out time so that you can have the opportunity to do the things that fill you up. ❓ Is he a good dad if he is normalising to his kids that you, as a woman, should abandon your identity to take care of everyone else? If that kind of treatment is normalising to your kids to see you as a servant. What kind of message does that send to your daughters? And your sons? ❓ If he makes jokes about you, but they are secretly jabs at your expense… Is that a valuable lesson for your kids? Because it sends the message that it is ok to make fun of mum. It sends a message that it is ok to pretend that you are joking when making fun of the other person. ‼️ If he’s not doing these things, and he is truly a great dad, do you still want to continue with the marriage, taking other things into consideration? 🔸 Is preserving your marriage for the sake of your kids of higher importance for you than your own fulfilment? These are the questions you need to ask yourself. Because that is a completely valid reason to want to stay, if this is one of your highest values. 🔸 If you choose to do so, and you both decide to keep going for the sake of the kids, even if it means that neither of you is feeling fulfilled… Does that serve your kids, you or your partner? 🔸 Can you stay congruent in your business, if there is a big part of your life where you are not honouring yourself and what you need? To what extent will this kind of energy impact your business? ‼️ If there are certain elements of this podcast that resonate with you, but you have so many other things to take into consideration… And you need someone to help you see your blind spots, to make order of the dozens of different thoughts and perspectives. Apply for a free exploration call with me to see in which capacity I can support you. Let me coach and guide you: ✳️ To gain clarity and make a definitive decision, and finally move forward rather than running in loops ✳️ To guide you to figure out what decision takes priority for you based on your values ✳️ To soothe your nervous system when it gets overwhelmed with the unknown and uncomfortable choices 👉🏼 Apply for a free exploration call here ⁠⁠https://bit.ly/form-call⁠⁠ [https://bit.ly/form-call]. *** 📌 In the next episode: Can we save our marriage? 👉🏼 Sign up to Intuition vs Ego Guide ⁠⁠https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/⁠⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/intution-ego/] (FREE) 👉🏼 Website ⁠⁠https://enathecoach.com/⁠⁠ [https://enathecoach.com/] ✳️ Connect with me: YouTube ⁠⁠https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/⁠⁠ [https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/] Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/] TikTok ⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Facebook ⁠⁠https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/⁠ [https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/] *** DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.

5. Disclaimers for any men listening

⚡️ If you're listening to this podcast, I acknowledge that this is probably going to be difficult to listen to. But it is still important. Observe your thoughts and feelings, and write them down. Sit with it all. Give yourself the grace for any guilt or shame you might be feeling. 📌 This podcast is aimed at women seeking guidance, rather than to paint all men as bad guys. I know you might be asking, "Why are you not talking about women, and what they're doing wrong"? - I am... I take the time to keep everyone accountable and encourage all parties to seek therapy or coaching. 📌 For married men listening - please use this as an opportunity to actually hear your wife's concerns. Making a mistake doesn't make you a bad guy or erase all of your positives. Doing nothing about it and taking a passive approach does make you an irresponsible partner, though. 📌 If your wife is still considering, the clock is ticking, and you have little time to change things up. I lovingly invite you to reach out to me, so I can help you: - address any unproductive behaviours that are causing friction in the relationship, and - expand your vocabulary and communication skills, so you don't resort to isolation and avoidance when dealing with challenges. 📌 If your wife has decided already, honour it and give yourself time to process it all. Do not expect her to shoulder the emotional weight of dealing with your emotions too. Support yourself through the healing and be mindful of the support groups who are lead by people who haven't healed from their own hurt. Don't allow them to project their pain onto you. How to help yourself: 1. Surround yourself with people who don't see themselves as powerless, but who take this opportunity to grow and learn. 2. Build and expand your vocabulary so you can express yourself 3. Build your tolerance to confrontation and tolerance for having uncomfortable conversations 4. Learn soothing techniques & healthy ways of expressing your emotions of frustration, anger, sadness... ‼️ Important note for any men listening... You might find yourself targeted by algorithms and content from relationship or polarity coaches. ⚡️ If they only speak to your pain, they're not doing you any favours. 🔻 When they do that, they underestimate your potential for growth, your resilience and your power. 🔻 When they insinuate that your motivation to act right or to do right by your partner in the relationship depends on her submission, the way she behaves or speaks to you, they are taking away your power. If you are making your growth conditional on external circumstances and the external behaviour of others - You are giving your power away to something or someone other than yourself. Instead, allow me to support you. When you work with me, I will: 1. Coach you through the inner self-talk that makes you question your worthiness when you're challenged by others 2. Help you build resilience to the feelings of discomfort and guide you to increase the sense of safety when faced with the "mistakes" you've made 3. Coach you through the obstacles that make you want to isolate, stay quiet and run away from the conflicts and disagreements Apply for an exploration call here https://bit.ly/form-call [https://bit.ly/form-call] *** 📌 In the next episode: "But he's such a good dad" ‼️ Mental Resilience Coaching for men - https://enathecoach.com/mental-resilience-coaching/ [https://enathecoach.com/mental-resilience-coaching/] ‼️ 👉🏼 Website https://enathecoach.com/ [https://enathecoach.com/] ✳️ Connect with me YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/ [https://www.youtube.com/@enathecoach/] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/ [https://www.instagram.com/thedivineawakener/] TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach [https://www.tiktok.com/@enathecoach?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] Facebook https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/ [https://www.facebook.com/ena.bautista/] - - - - - - - - - - - - DISCLAIMER: THE COMMENTARY AND OPINIONS AVAILABLE ON THIS PODCAST ARE FOR INFORMATIONAL AND ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY AND NOT FOR THE PURPOSE OF PROVIDING LEGAL OR PSYCHOLOGICAL ADVICE. YOU SHOULD CONTACT A SOLICITOR IN YOUR AREA TO OBTAIN ADVICE WITH RESPECT TO ANY PARTICULAR ISSUE OR PROBLEM.