Episode 5: How to Find the Right Divorce Lawyer (And What to Do If You Can't Afford One)

When Your Friends Can't Handle Your Divorce

Some friendships don't survive a divorce. Not because people are bad — but because your life is changing in ways that not everyone can follow. If you've lost a friendship during your divorce, or found yourself surrounded by people who don't know what to say, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about why some friendships end, why the people who show up are often not who you expected, and what the research says about social support as a clinical protective factor during one of the hardest periods of your life.   IN THIS EPISODE •     The books and chapters framework: why not everyone gets to read every chapter — and why that's not a betrayal •     The real reasons some friendships don't survive divorce: your marriage mirror, couple friendships, and people who simply don't know how •     Why your divorce makes some people in your life uncomfortable about their own marriages •     The clinical truth about social isolation during divorce and its measurable effects on health •     The people who showed up when Rachel didn't expect it — and what that taught her •     How to grieve a friendship while you're grieving a marriage •     Nurse's Note: Social support is a documented medical protective factor. The research on isolation, health, and why letting people in right now matters more than it feels like it does   You don't have to navigate this alone. The Breaking Upward tool helps you understand your legal and financial situation so you can focus your energy on the people and decisions that actually matter. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com]   RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Website: breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Who Are You Without This Marriage?

After a long marriage — especially a difficult one — you can lose track of who you actually are. If you've come out of your divorce not quite knowing what you like, what you want, or who you are when nobody's watching, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife Rachel Newhouse talks about rebuilding your identity after divorce, why the blank slate is both terrifying and a gift, and what salsa Tuesdays taught her about the science of starting over.   IN THIS EPISODE •     The identity question nobody asks when you're going through a divorce: who did you become inside this marriage, and who are you actually? •     Why the blank slate is terrifying — and why having preferences again feels selfish when it isn't •     How small, repeated experiences of dismissal and accommodation change how the brain processes your own needs over time •     Neuroplasticity and new beginnings: why salsa Tuesdays and V-necks are not trivial — they're how identity rebuilds •     How to start figuring out who you are without sitting down with a journal and deep questions •     What to do when the people around you are unsettled by who you're becoming •     Nurse's Note: The neuroscience of identity erosion in diminishing relationships — and what actually rebuilds it   Figuring out your next step doesn't have to feel overwhelming. The Breaking Upward tool helps you assess where you are and understand your options — privately, at your own pace, with nothing stored. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com]   RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Website: breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

The Emotional Timeline of Divorce Is Not What You Think

The emotional timeline of divorce isn't linear — and it's not what anyone tells you it is. If you've felt relief when you thought you should be devastated, or devastated when everyone thinks you should be moving on, this episode is for you. Nurse midwife and divorce survivor Rachel Newhouse breaks down what the emotional stages of divorce actually look like in real life — the liberation phase, why grief hits later, when anger finally arrives, and the gut-punch moment that catches every divorced parent off guard.   IN THIS EPISODE •     Why relief after divorce doesn't mean something is wrong with you — and the biology behind why leaving a stressful situation actually feels better •     The five distinct emotional waves of divorce (and why applying the Kübler-Ross grief model as a linear checklist is making things worse) •     Why anger often arrives months after you thought you were done — and what it actually means when it does •     What to do when your emotional timeline doesn't match anyone else's expectations •     The gut-punch moment: when it stops being about your pain and becomes about your child's experience •     Practical tools for living inside a nonlinear process: therapy, community, movement, and permission •     Nurse's Note: The physiological reality of stress relief — what happens to your nervous system when a chronic stressor is removed   Ready to understand your situation before your next step? The Breaking Upward tool helps you think through the legal, financial, and emotional pieces of divorce — privately, without storing your information. Try it free at app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com]   RESOURCES & LINKS Breaking Upward AI Tool: app.breaking-upward.com [http://app.breaking-upward.com] Website: breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] Instagram: @breaking_upward_divorce TikTok: @breakingupward National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 | Text START to 88788 | thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   DISCLAIMER This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation. I'm Rachel Newhouse. This is Breaking Upward. You are not breaking down. You are breaking upward.

Episode 5: How to Find the Right Divorce Lawyer (And What to Do If You Can't Afford One)

Because "just get a lawyer" is not a strategy.   Finding the right divorce attorney can make or break your case — and your sanity. In this episode, Rachel breaks down exactly what to look for in a divorce lawyer, what questions to ask in a consultation, and the red flags that should send you walking. She also covers the options most people don't know exist: collaborative divorce, mediation, limited scope representation, and nonprofits like the Lilac Tree in Evanston, IL that help women navigate the process even when traditional legal fees feel impossible.   IN THIS EPISODE •      Why Rachel hired three lawyers before finding the right one — and what she learned from each •      How to treat a legal consultation like a job interview (because it is) •      The single best question to ask a prospective attorney •      Red flags: the attorney who guarantees outcomes, the one who only agrees with you, and the one who picks fights that don't matter •      The full spectrum of divorce options — uncontested, collaborative, and mediation explained clearly •      "My sanity had a dollar value" — why Rachel made financial concessions to move faster, and how to decide what's right for you •      Legal aid, law school clinics, limited scope representation, and the Lilac Tree — real options when cost is a barrier   Save this episode and come back to it when you're ready to start making calls. If you're looking for a nonprofit that helps women navigate the divorce process, search for organizations similar to the Lilac Tree in your state, or contact your State Bar Association for referrals.   RESOURCES & LINKS breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com] — full show notes, resources, and community @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram  |  @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline: 1-800-799-7233  |  Text START to 88788  |  thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org]   If this episode helped you, please leave a review and share it with a friend who needs it. Reviews help other women going through divorce find this show.

Episode 4: Protecting Your Kids Without Lying to Them

The conversation delves into the impact of divorce on children, emphasizing the importance of age-appropriate communication, professional support, and the quality of how parents handle the divorce. It highlights the need for honesty and effective communication, as well as the significance of professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce. The overall theme revolves around the well-being of children during the process of divorce and the crucial role of parents in ensuring a positive outcome for their children. Takeaways * Children are affected by sustained parental conflict, not divorce itself * Honesty and age-appropriate communication are crucial for children during divorce * Professional support and therapy for children during and after divorce are important * The quality of how parents handle divorce matters more than the fact of divorce Chapters * 00:00 The Impact of Divorce on Children * 15:13 Professional Support and Therapy for Children breaking-upward.com [http://breaking-upward.com]  •  @breaking_upward_divorce on Instagram  •  @breakingupward on TikTok If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence: National DV Hotline 1-800-799-7233  •  Text START to 88788  •  thehotline.org [http://thehotline.org] This podcast is for informational and educational purposes only. Nothing here is legal, financial, or therapeutic advice. Please work with licensed professionals for your specific situation.