I Have Four Children (Episode 9)

The Edgar Regime - Surprise Bonus Episode

Edgar Allan Purr is eight months old, and his personality has officially launched. He steals Mr. Darcy’s food, compromises the royal chamberpot, destroys toilet paper, demands ice, sings while he purrs, and has slowly dismantled every remaining shred of household discipline through the combined force of toe beans and emotional manipulation. This bonus episode is an incident report from inside the Edgar administration. The purr bug has entered his tyrant era. Pray for us.

I Have Four Children (Episode 9)

I have four children, and only one of them is human. In this episode: Mr. Darcy protests the washing of his royal bedding, Piper serves as household informant, Boof loves mud but hates baths, and Edgar continues his campaign of emotional manipulation, bathroom occupation, and open warfare against the elderly.

The Takeover (Episode 8)

He was fifteen weeks old. He had been here eight days. The takeover was already complete.

The Porcelain Throne Room (Episode 7)

Before Edgar took over the house, he first took over my bathroom. In this episode, I talk about those early days: careful introductions, kitten filth, Mr. Darcy’s deep skepticism, Boof’s overwhelming enthusiasm, and the small morning ritual that made me completely smitten with a tiny, exhausting, cocoa-colored menace.

The Fruit of the HeirLooms (Bonus Birthday Episode Tribute)

This is a special bonus episode. My husband is turning 50, and naturally, the celebration involves expensive coffee made from digested beans, a late-night forensic investigation over a mysterious pair of underwear, and a family group text that should not exist. In this episode: rogue boxer briefs, inherited bad decisions, yellow jackets with terrible timing, and a man who has never once chosen dignity when absurdity was available. He is not suave. He is not smooth. But he is steady, funny, and somehow still mine. Happy birthday, Dave.