"Eat Toe Beans, Drooligan!" (Episode 16)

"Eat Toe Beans, Drooligan!" (Episode 16)

I spent most of the day worried about Mr. Darcy. And then Edgar chose violence. What followed included an aerial attack on the dog, a covert operation inside the couch, and a betrayal I was not emotionally prepared for. Somewhere in the middle of all that, I realized we are no longer a household. We are a situation.

Field Notes from the Alleged Vacation (BONUS)

Vacation promised rest. Instead, I got waves, sand, logistics, and the haunting realization that “relaxing family trip” is mostly just regular life in a swimsuit.

Daylight Savings + Feral Animals vs. My Middle-Aged Self (Episode 15)

In this episode: daylight savings, physical decline, pet mutiny, senior-cat breakfast theft, kitten tyranny, pollen, pain, and one very sparkly recital tutu that Edgar would absolutely destroy if given the chance. I am tired, the animals are confused, and the government remains suspiciously unbothered by the suffering it has caused.

The Edgar Containment Protocol (BONUS EPISODE)

My friend agreed to pet-sit while we’re on vacation. Very kind. Very generous. Deeply underinformed. What should have been a quick walkthrough turned into an hour-and-a-half briefing on inmate transfers, restricted zones, medication resistance, protective custody, yard privileges, toilet paper removal, and Edgar’s known priors. I did not mean to train an apprentice warden. But here we are.

Boof Has No Survival Instincts (Episode 14)

After battling giant fire ant beds in the yard, I thought I was solving one problem. Then Boof decided to lick the ant poison, because apparently eating random household objects was no longer enough of a challenge. What followed was trembling, an emergency vet visit, a full-body guilt spiral, and the realization that I am now fully trapped in my Pet Wrangling Era. Boof is home, medicated, unstable, and deeply loved. I, meanwhile, have a migraine and would like to crawl under my bed for three business days. Please pray for Boof. And possibly for me.