Eating While Crying Episode 6: But Really, Who Am I Without This?

Eating While Crying Episode 6: But Really, Who Am I Without This?

Content note: This podcast discusses eating disorders, identity, and recovery. We don't share numbers or get graphic about behaviors, but some topics may be sensitive for listeners in early recovery. This week Ashley and Shea dig into one of the most disorienting parts of recovery: figuring out who you are when your eating disorder has been running the show. They talk about how the ED quietly takes the reins — thriving on inattention, missed signals, and isolation — and what it takes to start taking them back. They explore the gap between who you thought you'd become after treatment and who you actually are, why recovery feels like it should be a mountain peak moment but keeps turning out to be more of a series of scrambles up and down, and what genuinely grows when the disorder starts to shrink: empathy, joy, a sense of style, the ability to eat pasta again. Terms & Resources Mentioned PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) – More intensive than IOP; typically full days, 5 days/week, but you go home at night. IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) – A structured treatment program typically 3 days/week, a few hours per day. A step down from PHP. Res (Residential Treatment) – 24/7 supervised care in a treatment facility; the most intensive level before inpatient hospitalization. Stepped up / stepped down – Clinical language for moving to a more or less intensive level of treatment based on current needs. Parts Work (IFS) – A therapeutic approach that treats the psyche as made up of distinct "parts," some of which carry pain or protective roles. Referenced when talking about reintegrating rejected aspects of identity. Get Help NEDA Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 | nationaleatingdisorders.org Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741741Find treatment: psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers A Note from Ashley & Shea: We are not medical or mental health professionals, just two people navigating recovery and sharing what that looks like in real life. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as clinical advice. Please reach out to a qualified professional if you're struggling.

Eating While Crying Episode 5: Who Am I Without This?

Content note: This podcast discusses eating disorders, identity, and recovery. We don't share numbers or get graphic about behaviors, but some topics may be sensitive for listeners in early recovery. This week Ashley and Shea dig into one of the most disorienting parts of recovery: figuring out who you are without your eating disorder. They talk about how the ED can become your whole identity — your thing — and what it feels like when that gets taken away. They explore the messages that shaped them (theater directors, rom-com protagonists, stay-at-home moms), why the eating disorder gives you a script for how to live, and what it actually looks like to start writing a new one. Terms & Resources Mentioned Body dysmorphia – A mental health condition where you perceive flaws in your appearance that others don't see, or see your body size and shape inaccurately. NEDA overview → [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] Body checking – Repeatedly examining, measuring, or touching your body to assess its size or shape. A common behavior used to manage anxiety or disorientation around body image. PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) – More intensive than IOP; typically full days, 5 days/week, but you go home at night. IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) – A structured treatment program typically 3 days/week, a few hours per day. A step down from PHP. Stepped up to a higher level of care – Clinical language for moving to a more intensive treatment setting when your current level isn't sufficient. Get Help - NEDA Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 | nationaleatingdisorders.org [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] * Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741741 * Find treatment: psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers] A Note from Ashley & Shea: We are not medical or mental health professionals, just two people navigating recovery and sharing what that looks like in real life. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as clinical advice. Please reach out to a qualified professional if you're struggling.

Eating While Crying Episode 4: The Noise

Content note: This podcast discusses eating disorders, treatment, and recovery. We don't share numbers or get graphic about behaviors, but some topics may be sensitive for listeners in early recovery. This week Ashley and Shea dig into "the noise" — the relentless internal voice that eating disorders use to stay in control. They talk about what the noise actually sounds like, how it shapeshifts over the course of recovery (from a catchy pop song to a death metal scream), why it promises safety but never delivers, and what it feels like when the volume finally starts to drop. They also get into body safety, the grief of realizing how much time the eating disorder stole, and the small ordinary moments that now feel like freedom. Terms & Resources Mentioned Purity culture – The religious and cultural messaging around bodies and sexuality that connects to body shame and disordered eating. Ozempic / GLP-1 medications – The episode touches on the current cultural moment around weight loss drugs and the impact on people in eating disorder recovery. Get Help - NEDA Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 | nationaleatingdisorders.org [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] * Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741741 * Find treatment: psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers] A Note from Ashley & Shea: We are not medical or mental health professionals, just two people navigating recovery and sharing what that looks like in real life. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as clinical advice. Please reach out to a qualified professional if you're struggling.

Eating While Crying Episode 3 - The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly of Recovery

Content note: This podcast discusses eating disorders, recovery, body image, and medical weight stigma. We don't share numbers or get graphic about behaviors, but some topics may be sensitive for listeners in early recovery. This week Ashley and Shea dig into what recovery actually looks like a year out from treatment — not the polished version, but the real one. They talk about grieving your sick body, why getting dressed in the morning can be the hardest part of the day, and how the eating disorder noise sometimes gets louder the harder you fight it. Plus: Ashley reads a letter she wrote to herself during her last week of residential, and finds out how accurate her predictions about recovery actually were. Terms & Resources MentionedIntuitive eating – An approach to eating that focuses on internal hunger and fullness cues rather than external rules. More info → [https://www.intuitiveeating.org/]Body dysmorphia – A condition where a person spends a lot of time worrying about perceived flaws in their appearance. NEDA overview → [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/body-dysmorphic-disorder]Fear foods – Foods that feel anxiety-provoking or "off-limits" due to eating disorder thoughts. A common exposure therapy target in ED treatment.Exposure therapy – A therapeutic approach that involves gradually and repeatedly facing feared situations or foods to reduce anxiety over time. More info → [https://www.apa.org/ptsd-guideline/patients-and-families/exposure-therapy]Set point theory – The idea that your body has a natural weight range it defends. More info → [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/set-point-theory]BMI – Body Mass Index. Ashley and Shea reference how the majority of people with eating disorders are not classified as "underweight" per BMI, challenging common stereotypes. More info → [https://www.neda.org/bmi-and-eating-disorders]Opposite action – A DBT skill that involves acting opposite to an emotion-driven urge. More info → [https://dialecticalbehaviortherapy.com/dbt-skills/opposite-action] Get HelpNEDA Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 | nationaleatingdisorders.org [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/]Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741741 | crisistextline.org [https://www.crisistextline.org/]Find treatment: psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers] A Note from Ashley & Shea: We are not medical or mental health professionals, just two people navigating recovery and sharing what that looks like in real life. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as clinical advice. Please reach out to a qualified professional if you're struggling.

Eating While Crying Episode 2: Treatment, Transformation, and Being Sick Enough

Content note: This podcast discusses eating disorders, treatment, and recovery. We don't share numbers or get graphic about behaviors, but some topics may be sensitive for listeners in early recovery. This week Ashley and Shea dig into their experiences with eating disorder treatment: the first time, the subsequent times, and everything in between. They talk about what it actually feels like to walk into residential care, why motivation matters more than people think, and how the people you meet in treatment can change the way you see yourself. Terms & Resources Mentioned * IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) – A structured treatment program typically 3 days/week, a few hours per day. A step down from PHP. NEDA overview → [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] * PHP (Partial Hospitalization Program) – More intensive than IOP; typically full days, 5 days/week, but you go home at night. * Residential treatment – 24/7 supervised care in a treatment facility. The most intensive level short of inpatient hospitalization. * Inpatient – Hospital-based care, typically for medical stabilization. * Meal plan – A structured eating plan created with a dietitian to support nutritional rehabilitation. Not the same as a diet. * Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs – The psychological framework Ashley and Shea reference when talking about why nourishment has to come before deeper therapeutic work. Wikipedia → [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Maslow%27s_hierarchy_of_needs] * ED dialogue / eating disorder dialogues – A therapeutic journaling technique where you write a conversation between your healthy self and your eating disorder voice. * Set point theory – The idea that your body has a natural weight range it defends. More info → [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] Get Help - NEDA Helpline: 1-800-931-2237 | nationaleatingdisorders.org [https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/] * Crisis Text Line: Text "NEDA" to 741741 * Find treatment: psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers [https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-centers] A Note from Ashley & Shea: We are not medical or mental health professionals, just two people navigating recovery and sharing what that looks like in real life. Nothing in this podcast should be taken as clinical advice. Please reach out to a qualified professional if you're struggling.