When You've Gone Over the Edge (And How to Come Back)

When You've Gone Over the Edge (And How to Come Back)

EPISODE 51 - KEVIN BARNHILL: "WHEN YOU'VE GONE OVER THE EDGE (AND HOW TO COME BACK)" You know exactly what you're doing—cutting people off mid-sentence, getting short, getting harsh—and you can't seem to stop. The people closest to you have noticed the shift. The question isn't whether you've drifted. It's whether you can actually come back. EPISODE DESCRIPTION You spend eight years in a high-pressure role thinking you're fine. You tell yourself the hard edge is necessary, that it's part of the job. Then one day your chief pulls you into his office and asks a simple question: "Why are you mean to people?" And everything shifts. Kevin Barnhill spent 28 years in law enforcement—pastor turned cop turned clinical counselor. Somewhere around year eight, he realized he'd become someone his family didn't recognize. His ex-wife asked years later why he didn't change sooner. His kids wanted to know the same thing. But here's what matters: he actually changed it. Not ten years down the road. While he was still in the thick of it. In this episode, Kevin walks host Shelly Rood through the spiral—how it builds layer by layer, how you can watch it happening and still feel powerless to stop it, and most importantly, what actually shifts the momentum. You'll learn the specific moment recognition turns into action, how to train yourself to stay at your center under pressure, and why your only job in the wreckage is to get honest. CHAPTERS & TIMESTAMPS * 00:00 Catching Yourself—The Moment You See It Happening * 01:49 Cutting People Off—Small Actions, Big Damage * 01:53 Momentum Builds—How the Spiral Accelerates * 02:00 Spiral Begins—The Wreckage Behind You * 02:05 Knowing Better—Why Awareness Doesn't Stop the Cycle KEY TOPICS & INSIGHTS * How high-pressure work erodes light-heartedness and compassion over time * Recognizing when you've drifted from your core identity * The difference between knowing better and actually changing behavior * Why your chief calling it out matters (and why leadership accountability is crucial) * The moment you realize the cost: relationships fractured, family distant, friendships lost * De-escalation and presence: sitting with people instead of rushing to fix * Training yourself to stay at your tactical center when everything wants you to tighten up * The hippocampus room: how anxiety and gratitude occupy the same space * Why gratitude becomes a practical tool, not a motivational phrase * Coming back to yourself—what it looks like from the inside and how your family knows it's real ABOUT KEVIN BARNHILL Kevin Barnhill is a clinical counselor specializing in first responder mental health and trauma. Former Detroit Police Department (28+ years), U.S. Navy Reserve officer, ordained pastor, and current leader of behavioral health initiatives for the State of Michigan. Kevin works with police academies, National Guard units, and leads the 12-week First Responder Recovery Program. His lived experience moving from ministry to law enforcement to counseling gives him unique credibility in bridging the gap between high-pressure work and mental wellness. Connect with Kevin: cadencecounseling.org RESOURCES & CALLS-TO-ACTION Join the Conversation: If this episode helped you see your own drift, your challenge is simple: get honest about what staying costs you. Connect with us at join.othersoverself.com [join.othersoverself.com] where leaders choosing different are building something together. Get The Gear: 📊 My Business Report: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report] 🎯 StoryBrand Framework: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand] Listen Everywhere: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | Amazon Music | iHeart Radio | https://othersoverself.com/podcast [https://othersoverself.com/podcast] Work with Shelly: One-on-One Coaching | Workshops | Speaking | Team Training → Book a discovery call: join.othersoverself.com [join.othersoverself.com] Stay Connected: LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/shellyrood | Instagram: @TheShellyRood | info@missionambition.org

Why Women Veterans Keep Getting Misread: What 242 Just Told Us

EPISODE 50: "WHY WOMEN VETERANS KEEP GETTING MISREAD: WHAT 242 JUST TOLD US" You show up. You read the room. You fill what needs filling before anyone asks. And somehow you still leave feeling like nobody quite got you. That is not a character flaw. It is an unmapped pattern. And 242 women veterans just gave us the map. This episode brings you the results from 242 women veterans who completed the Wildflower Assessment for Women Veterans™. The data reveals how this demographic is wired with a precision nobody has mapped before, and it is the halfway-point proof of what Trust the Process, the T element of the Hardcore and At Ease™ Framework, produces when you stay the course. One in four women landed on the Daisy pattern. But here is the question worth asking: is the assessment finding her flower, or is it finding her military training? The answer changes how you read yourself and every woman veteran in your life. (00:00) Wildflower Identity Hook (01:24) BBQ Story and The Pattern (04:26) Protect Your Joy to Mission (06:32) Assessment Voices Montage (11:31) Why This Data Matters (12:56) Results: Daisy and Lily (18:07) Compass Conflicts and Shared Language (20:24) Book, Digital Shelly, and Next Steps In This Episode You'll Discover: ✓ Why 1 in 4 women veterans landed Daisy and why that number deserves a harder question ✓ The Daisy-Lily blend pattern and what it reveals about the woman running two operating systems at once ✓ How the Hollyhock and Goldenrod misread each other and what shared language fixes ✓ What is coming this summer: Digital Shelly and why 242 completed assessments made her smarter A special thank you to the women who shared their voices in this episode: Kim Liszka, Becca Spehar, Jennifer Koenig, Renee Frey, Danielle Springall, and Debi Clifford. Your words are the map. Take the Wildflower Assessment for Women Veterans: $20 at https://othersoverself.shop/products/wildflower-assessment-for-women-veterans [https://othersoverself.shop/products/wildflower-assessment-for-women-veterans] Attend a peer gathering? https://www.womanveteranstrong.org [https://www.womanveteranstrong.org] Join the Community: join.othersoverself.com [join.othersoverself.com] Be At Ease Woman Veteran Gatherings: womanveteranstrong.org [womanveteranstrong.org] Substack / Digital Shelly: https://shellyrood.substack.com/ [https://shellyrood.substack.com/] Learn More: Hardcore and At Ease Framework: https://www.OthersOverSelf.com [https://www.OthersOverSelf.com] Contact: info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org] Affiliate Disclaimer: I only recommend products I genuinely use. Full disclosure: https://othersoverself.com/affiliate-disclaimer/ [https://othersoverself.com/affiliate-disclaimer/] Get the Gear: 📊 My Business Report: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/biz-report [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/biz-report] 🎯 StoryBrand.ai: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand-ai [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand-ai] 📚 Business Made Simple: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/bms [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/bms] 🚀 Flight School: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/flight-school [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/flight-school] 📈 My Marketing Report: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report] Listen: Apple Podcasts | Spotify | YouTube https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbwdY5eMeQlCbUmUIAmiiedzPazjuPBxG [https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLbwdY5eMeQlCbUmUIAmiiedzPazjuPBxG] | https://othersoverself.com [https://othersoverself.com] Connect: LinkedIn https://www.linkedin.com/company/missionambition/ [https://www.linkedin.com/company/missionambition/] | Instagram @TheShellyRood https://www.instagram.com/othersoverself/ [https://www.instagram.com/othersoverself/] | Twitter/X @OthersOverSelf Email: info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org] Rate & Review: Leave a 5-star review on Apple Podcasts Work with Shelly Rood: One-on-One Coaching | Workshops | Team Training | info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org] About the Host: Shelly Rood is a former U.S. Army Reserve Captain of Military Intelligence, Distinguished Military Graduate, and broadcast television executive. She is the founder of Mission Ambition, LLC, host of Hardcore and At Ease, and co-host of Veterans Radio. Her work centers on serving ambitious leaders — with particular focus on women veterans — through the Hardcore and At Ease Framework for Everyday Excellence, powered by Others Over Self®.

When Opposite People Become Your Greatest Asset

EPISODE 49: "WHEN OPPOSITE PEOPLE BECOME YOUR GREATEST ASSET" You know that person at work who makes decisions the opposite way you do? Who needs things from people that you don't want to give? What if the problem isn't them at all—what if you actually need exactly what they bring? EPISODE DESCRIPTION Two women veterans with completely opposite operating systems spent years on separate paths in the Air National Guard. Debi retired after 20-plus years of deployments and rebuilding her life from scratch when she realized she had no idea who she was outside of her titles. Renee built a 32-year military career and then transitioned into civilian leadership without skipping a beat. Today they work side by side on committees that pull junior enlisted women up the ranks. What makes their partnership remarkable isn't that they figured out how to tolerate their differences—it's that they figured out they need their differences. One thinks out loud and needs people around to move. The other goes internal, needs space to land her thoughts. In any other context, that tension would split them apart. Instead, it's exactly what makes them effective together. Host Shelly Rood explores what happens when two ambitious leaders stop trying to change each other and start asking what power they can build. This is about the choice that matters more than personality type, framework, or strategy: deciding that someone else's way of thinking is the piece you're missing. CHAPTERS 00:00 Do Opposites Attract 02:32 Meet Renee and Debbie 04:07 Renee Joins the Guard 10:11 Debi's Military Roots 17:38 Retirement and Transition 28:24 Medical Retirement After Deployments 29:49 Empty Nest Identity Crisis 32:31 Service Dog Breaks Isolation 36:42 Friendship Patterns and Flower Types 52:12 Mentorship and Closing Reflections IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL DISCOVER ✓ Why the leadership trait you think makes you incompatible might actually be what you need most ✓ How loss of identity after a major transition can become the foundation for rebuilding ✓ What two women veterans learned about using opposite strengths instead of fighting them ✓ The only question that determines whether you clash or create together FEATURED GUESTS Debi Clifford — Air National Guard veteran, retired after 20-plus years with medical retirement. Currently co-chair of the Women's Advisory Committee for the Ohio National Guard Enlisted Association, pulling junior enlisted women into leadership. Works in communications and information management; now focuses on mentorship and bridging the gap for the next generation. Renee Frey — Air National Guard veteran with 32 years of service, retired in 2021. Transitioned to civilian work at the Defense Logistics Agency as Tuition Assistance Program Manager, bringing her expertise in human resources development across the enterprise. Also serves as secretary of the Ohio National Guard Enlisted Association. RESOURCES & LINKS Learn More: Hardcore and At Ease Framework [https://www.othersoverself.com] Wildflower Personality Assessment for Women Veterans [https://othersoverself.shop/products/wildflower-assessment-for-women-veterans] Work with Shelly: info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org] | https://www.othersoverself.com [https://www.othersoverself.com] Affiliate Disclaimer: I only recommend products I genuinely use. Affiliate Disclaimer [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/affiliate] Get the Gear: 📊 My Business Report [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report] 🎯 StoryBrand.ai [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand-ai] 📚 Business Made Simple [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/bms] LISTEN & CONNECT On All Platforms: othersoverself.com [https://othersoverself.com] | Apple Podcasts [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/hardcore-and-at-ease/id1569898092] | Spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1S9EfxHSmKMYBD2qRQfBzx] | Amazon Music [https://music.amazon.com/podcasts/6d27e87d-a8a7-4ba5-85cc-5bc23e9e0c6f] | iHeart Radio [https://www.iheart.com/podcast/hardcore-and-at-ease-101160523/] Connect with Shelly: LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/company/missionambition/] | Instagram @TheShellyRood [https://www.instagram.com/theshellyrood/] | @OthersOverSelf [https://www.instagram.com/othersoverself/] Email: info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org] Work with Shelly: One-on-One Coaching | Workshops | Team Training Book a discovery call: info@missionambition.org [info@missionambition.org]

Building a Category Instead of Writing a Book: The Strategic Decisions That Shape It

Episode 48: "Building a Category Instead of Writing a Book: The Strategic Decisions That Shape It" The Book: The Wilderness and the Wildflower: Naming the Language of Women Veterans You're building something that matters. But you're torn between sending it and making it excellent. What if the difference between those two isn't what you think it is? This episode isn't about publishing a book—it's a masterclass in building a category. And when your turn comes, you'll know how to think. EPISODE DESCRIPTION This is an exposure episode. Shelly brings you behind the scenes of The Wilderness and the Wildflower, the book she's writing for women veterans. You'll witness the strategic decisions that shape the entire project—why narrative-first matters, why three parts and not four, which resources guided every choice. You'll discover how Donald Miller's StoryBrand framework positions the reader as the hero (not the expert), how Category Pirates' intellectual capital stacking changes what "writing a book" actually means, and why the data from 650+ women through Be At Ease gatherings became the proof. This episode teaches you how to think about building something that changes people—not just finishing something that works. KEY TOPICS & TIMESTAMPS (00:00) Show Setup and Stakes (01:06) Behind the Scenes Exposure (02:20) The Core Problem: Women Veterans & Isolation (04:43) Three-Part Solution: Sanctuary, Signal, Service (07:42) Book Structure Breakdown: Narrative-First, Sequential, Category-Building (11:01) Guiding Frameworks and Proof: StoryBrand, Category Pirates, Data (14:39) Narrative and Publishing Strategy: Mini-Books, Public Iteration, Stacking (19:14) Process, Vision, and Wrap-Up: Element Flow, Multi-Book Strategy, Three-Level Close IN THIS EPISODE YOU'LL DISCOVER ✓ The narrative-first decision and why it changes everything about how women see themselves ✓ Why a three-part sequential structure (Terrain → Pattern → Navigation) matters more than getting it done fast ✓ How Donald Miller's StoryBrand makes the reader the hero and you the guide ✓ Category Pirates' intellectual capital stacking: posts → mini-books → medium books → category bible ✓ Why 650+ women tracked through gatherings became proof, not aspiration FEATURED RESOURCES The Book & Platforms: * The Wilderness and the Wildflower: Naming the Language of Women Veterans (in progress): 70,000 words | 3 parts | Narrative-first architecture * Mission Wildflower Substack: Chapters publishing weekly as completed | Founding Member access includes Digital Shelly: https://shellyrood.substack.com/ [https://shellyrood.substack.com/] * Wildflower Assessment for Women Veterans: https://othersoverself.shop/products/wildflower-assessment-for-women-veterans [https://othersoverself.shop/products/wildflower-assessment-for-women-veterans] * Be At Ease, Woman Veteran™ Gatherings: womanveteranstrong.org [womanveteranstrong.org] * Digital Shelly (24/7 Resource Library): Included with Mission Wildflower Substack Founding Member access Frameworks Referenced: * Hardcore and At Ease Framework: How to keep your edge without going over it * Others Over Self®: The mindset that shapes everything * Wilderness Framework: 5 criteria for unwinnable situations * Wildflower Patterns: 8 movement patterns (Sunflower, Iris, Lily, Goldenrod, Primrose, Violet, Daisy, Hollyhock) Resources Guiding the Work: * StoryBrand by Donald Miller: Reader is hero, guide shapes the story * Category Pirates Framework (Eddie Yoon, Christopher Lochhead): Intellectual capital stacking * Gatherings Data: 650+ women, measured outcomes (steady confidence, clearer choices, protected joy) CONNECT WITH SHELLY Community: join.othersoverself.com [join.othersoverself.com] Email: info@missionambition.org Instagram: @TheShellyRood Website: othersoverself.com [othersoverself.com] Work With Shelly: * Wildflower Assessment: othersoverself.shop [othersoverself.shop] * Strategy Session: info@missionambition.org * Women Veterans Engage Conference (May 30, 2026): [womenveteransalliance.com [womenveteransalliance.com]] ABOUT THE SHOW Hardcore and At Ease is powered by Others Over Self®. A show about people who are keeping their edge without going over the edge. Mission-driven leaders, women veterans, founders, and builders who refuse the shortcut and understand that excellence takes time. DISCLAIMER I only recommend products I genuinely use. Full disclosure: Affiliate Disclaimer [https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/affiliate]

Double Middle Fingers and a Homecoming

EPISODE 47 — ADAM CASTILLO: "DOUBLE MIDDLE FINGERS AND A HOMECOMING" Hardcore and At Ease | Mission Ambition, LLC You gave everything to a country that claimed to want you back. So what do you do when it doesn't make room for you? You build something they can't take back. And then you come home. Adam Castillo came home from Afghanistan ready to work. Corporate America hung the banners. Hire a hero. And then wouldn't get him through the door for a warehouse supervisor interview. So he gave it double middle fingers, packed up, and moved to one of the most dangerous places on earth. What he built there, and who he became, is the kind of story that reframes everything you thought you knew about rejection, reinvention, and what it means to finally come home. In this episode, United States Marine and combat veteran Adam Castillo breaks down what happens when the system hands you something that was never actually meant for you, how anger becomes either your exit or your engine, and what a man carries back after twelve years of building in a war zone. This is leadership in crisis. This is the American spirit abroad. This is Hardcore and At Ease. IN THIS EPISODE * Why corporate America's "hire a hero" movement felt like a betrayal to returning veterans in 2012-2013 * How Adam channeled post-service rejection into building a security company in Myanmar that employed thousands * What it means to lead a business community through a military takeover with no playbook * The VA claim he didn't file for over a decade, and the all-night sign-up in Bangkok that changed everything * Why faith and a fellow veteran's words became the turning point * What he is carrying back to Riverside, California, and why it fits this time FEATURED GUEST Adam Castillo is a United States Marine, combat veteran of Afghanistan, author, and founder of a security company in Myanmar that employed thousands at its peak. He served as president of the American Chamber of Commerce in Myanmar, leading the American business community through a military takeover and years of crisis. After more than twelve years abroad, he is returning home to California with a mission to invest in the community that raised him. NEXT EPISODE Episode 48 — Solo. Shelly gets into the process of tying up loose ends on the road to publishing a book: what the journey looks like from the inside, what she has learned, and what is coming next. RESOURCES MENTIONED * Finding Our Voice: A Story of Leadership in Crisis and the American Spirit Abroad by Adam Castillo — Available now: https://a.co/d/05WGMqAe * Mission Wildflower on Substack — Women veteran stories and additional content: https://shellyrood.substack.com Affiliate Disclaimer: I only recommend products I genuinely use. Full disclosure: https://othersoverself.com/affiliate-disclaimer/ Get the Gear: 📊 My Business Report: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/biz-report 🎯 StoryBrand.ai: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/storybrand-ai 📚 Business Made Simple: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/bms 🚀 Flight School: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/flight-school 📈 My Marketing Report: https://hardcore-and-at-ease.captivate.fm/marketing-report LISTEN & CONNECT 🎙️ Apple | Spotify | YouTube | https://othersoverself.com 📲 Instagram: @TheShellyRood 💼 LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/missionambition/ 📩 info@missionambition.org Character count: ~3,100 | Under 5,000 limit ✓ Draft 1 | Ep47 | Mission Ambition, LLC | Others Over Self®