Fixing Fairness: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough with Lily Zheng

Fixing Fairness: Why Good Intentions Aren’t Enough with Lily Zheng

In this episode of the Her Resources Podcast, Linda welcomes Lily Zheng, FAIR strategist, consultant, and author of Fixing Fairness: 4 Tenets to Transform Diversity Backlash into Progress for All, for a timely conversation about what it really takes to build fairer workplaces. Lily challenges the idea that good intentions are enough and explains why many DEI efforts fail when they focus on optics, one-time training, or individual self-reflection without changing the systems that shape workplace outcomes. Linda and Lily discuss the FAIR framework, how HR leaders can reduce discrimination through better processes, why “hiring the best candidate” requires examining the actual hiring system, and how leaders can communicate fairness as a win-win for everyone. This conversation is practical, honest, and especially relevant for HR leaders navigating backlash, polarization, and the pressure to create meaningful change without performative fluff.   Show Notes Links Lily Zheng’s website: https://www.lilyzheng.co/ [https://www.lilyzheng.co/] The FAIR Framework: https://www.lilyzheng.co/fair-framework [https://www.lilyzheng.co/fair-framework] Lily’s authorship and book links: https://www.lilyzheng.co/authorship [https://www.lilyzheng.co/authorship] Fixing Fairness publisher page: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/803298/fixing-fairness-by-lily-zheng/ [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/803298/fixing-fairness-by-lily-zheng/] Lily Zheng on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lilyzheng308/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/lilyzheng308/] “How FAIR Is Your Workplace?” diagnostic, shared by Lily: https://hbr.org/2025/01/what-comes-after-dei [https://hbr.org/2025/01/what-comes-after-dei] Her Resources Podcast website: https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/ [https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/] Her Resources Podcast on Podbean: https://herresourcespodcast.podbean.com/ [https://herresourcespodcast.podbean.com/] Contact Her Resources: https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/contact [https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/contact] Sponsorship or guest inquiries: contact@herresourcespodcast.com   00:00 Welcome and episode introduction 02:31 Meet Lily Zheng 03:03 Lily’s journey from activism to organizational strategy 07:25 Why traditional DEI efforts often miss real impact 11:11 “Fear of Finding Out” and why measurement matters 14:25 DEI as marketing versus meaningful workplace change 16:18 What hiring discrimination data reveals 18:28 How centralized hiring can reduce discrimination 20:17 Why Lily wrote Fixing Fairness 22:17 The Cobra Effect and when good intentions backfire 27:51 Moving from blame and shame to shared solutions 30:21 The FAIR framework 31:35 Why systems matter more than self-help 36:38 “Hiring the best candidate” and the reality of hiring systems 41:18 Why fairness problems are solvable 45:29 Lily’s take on unconscious bias 49:44 DEI backlash and what remains when the language disappears 51:56 The FAIR tenet organizations struggle with most 53:39 Practical steps HR leaders can take today 55:55 The mindset shift leaders need around fairness 58:09 AI as a multiplier in workplace systems 1:02:01 Closing reflections 1:02:54 Where to connect with Lily 1:03:27 Wrap-up and listener CTA

Episode 82: It’s Not Just a Mindset: Why Old Patterns Are So Hard to Break with Katherine Flechaus

Why do we keep falling back into the same patterns, even when we know we want something different? In this episode of Her Resources, Linda sits down with Katherine Flechaus, LCSW and founder of Aligned Core Life Coaching, to talk about the deeper patterns behind overcommitting, overexplaining, people-pleasing, and struggling to set boundaries. Katherine introduces the idea of “safeguards,” patterns of behavior that may have developed to protect us, help us belong, or keep relationships feeling safe. But over time, those same patterns can start costing us our energy, confidence, voice, and well-being. Together, Linda and Katherine explore why awareness alone is not always enough, how old beliefs can keep us stuck, why change often feels uncomfortable at first, and how to begin interrupting automatic responses with more compassion and curiosity. If you have ever felt like “the reliable one,” said yes when you meant no, or wondered why setting boundaries brings up so much guilt, this conversation will help you see yourself with more grace and clarity. Resources mentioned: Katherine Flechaus Counseling and Consulting: https://www.katherineflechauscounselingandconsulting.com/ [https://www.katherineflechauscounselingandconsulting.com/] Safeguard Pattern Mapping Worksheet: https://site.alignedcorelifecoaching.com/safeguardpattern-herresources [https://site.alignedcorelifecoaching.com/safeguardpattern-herresources]   Timestamps / Chapters 00:00 Why this conversation builds on “the reliable one” 02:14 Meet Katherine Flechaus 04:09 The gap between knowing and doing 06:09 What safeguards are and why we develop them 07:24 How women are conditioned to be nice, quiet, and accommodating 09:34 Why old patterns once helped us feel safe 12:18 Reframing the question from “what’s wrong with me?” 16:19 Why normalizing patterns removes shame 17:17 Looking at your origin story without blame 20:12 Turning old survival skills into strengths 21:47 Why we default back to old behaviors 22:09 Katherine’s Google Maps analogy for thought patterns 24:51 What are you protecting: belonging, identity, or relationships? 26:06 The cost of being the reliable one 28:43 Noticing burnout, resentment, and missed opportunities 29:37 Core beliefs and why old thoughts still feel true 33:36 Gathering evidence for a new belief 37:09 How stress and old patterns show up in the body 40:10 Why mantras alone may not create lasting change 41:29 Why change takes longer than we want it to 43:17 Building resiliency when old beliefs get triggered 46:43 Why relapse can be part of change 50:17 What we owe other people when we start setting boundaries 51:57 Teaching people how to respond to the new version of us 54:29 Starting with one small “no” 56:21 A practical pause for interrupting the pattern 57:15 Katherine’s worksheet for mapping your safeguard pattern 58:28 Questions to ask in the moment 01:00:45 Katherine’s reminder: you are not broken 01:03:30 Key takeaways from the episode 01:04:44 Connect with Katherine and download the worksheet

Why Women Over-Explain and How to Stop

Have you ever said no, then immediately felt the need to explain yourself? In this episode of the Her Resources Podcast, we’re unpacking the habit of over-explaining and what it reveals about boundaries, people-pleasing, and the pressure to be seen as helpful, reliable, and kind. We explore why so many women soften their no, how that can create confusion instead of clarity, and what it looks like to hold a boundary with more confidence. This episode is a practical and reflective conversation about communication, emotional responsibility, and the long-term cost of overcommitting at work and in life. If this resonates, share it with someone who needs the reminder that a clear boundary does not need a long explanation. 0:00 Welcome and new chapter of the podcast 0:55 The question: do you explain after saying no? 1:20 The hidden cost of being the reliable one 2:17 Why over-explaining matters 2:43 Why we over-explain in the first place 3:10 Boundaries and keeping your no simple 4:05 Sponsorship message 4:56 “Clear is kind, unclear is unkind” 6:03 Trying to manage other people’s reactions 8:02 Over-functioning and weakening your own position 9:20 When over-explaining becomes a pattern 10:27 The career cost of not protecting your energy 11:16 The biggest takeaway from this episode 12:13 The moment the pattern either continues or changes 12:57 A preview of the next episode 13:01 Final reflection and community invitation

From Reliable to Intentional: Why Change Feels So Hard

If you’ve ever been the reliable one, the person everyone counts on, the one who always says yes, this episode is for you. In this solo episode, Linda explores what happens after you start changing the patterns that no longer serve you. Because growth is not just about finally saying no. It is about what comes next: the discomfort, the guilt, the pushback from other people, and the identity shift that can make change feel harder before it feels freeing. Drawing on insights from Susan David, Henry Cloud, James Clear, and Brené Brown, this conversation unpacks why discomfort is often a sign of growth, not failure, and how to stay grounded when the people around you are still adjusting to the new version of you. In this episode, we cover: * Why change feels uncomfortable even when it is healthy * What other people’s reactions can reveal when you start setting boundaries * The difference between being responsible to people and responsible for them * How identity-based change actually works * Why leadership is about how you show up, not just the title you hold * The small, practical shift that helps real change stick If this episode resonates, share it with another woman who is learning to choose growth, clarity, and intention over overcommitting. Relevant Links Podcast links: * Website: https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/ [https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/] * Podbean: https://herresourcespodcast.podbean.com/ [https://herresourcespodcast.podbean.com/] * Linktree: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-resources-podcast/id1768680594 [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/her-resources-podcast/id1768680594] Resources referenced in the episode: * Susan David: https://www.susandavid.com/ [https://www.susandavid.com/] * Emotional Agility: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/318298/emotional-agility-by-susan-david/ [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/318298/emotional-agility-by-susan-david/] * Dr. Henry Cloud, Boundaries: https://www.drcloud.com/books/boundaries [https://www.drcloud.com/books/boundaries] * James Clear: https://jamesclear.com/ [https://jamesclear.com/] * Atomic Habits: https://jamesclear.com/books [https://jamesclear.com/books] * Brené Brown, “Clear Is Kind. Unclear Is Unkind.”: https://brenebrown.com/articles/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/ [https://brenebrown.com/articles/2018/10/15/clear-is-kind-unclear-is-unkind/] 00:00 Why growth feels uncomfortable 02:29 What happens after you start changing 04:15 Susan David and emotional agility 06:45 Why other people react when you change 07:31 Henry Cloud on boundaries 10:23 Sponsorship break 11:13 This is about identity, not just behavior 11:35 James Clear and identity-based change 14:14 Leadership is how you show up 15:31 Get comfortable being uncomfortable 17:28 Want to share your story with Her Resources? 17:59 One small step to take this week 19:35 Next episode preview: over-explaining 20:15 Outro

How to Say No Without Feeling Guilty | Boundaries, Burnout, and Being the “Reliable One”

What happens when being the reliable one starts to feel more like a burden than a strength? In this solo episode of the Her Resources Podcast, Linda explores why saying no can feel so hard, especially for women who are used to being dependable, helpful, and always available. She shares practical reflections on boundaries, burnout, resentment, and the quiet tradeoffs that come with overcommitting. This episode covers: * Why saying no feels so uncomfortable * The career cost of non-promotable work * How resentment can signal a crossed boundary * Why every yes is a tradeoff * Simple ways to start setting healthier boundaries Resources mentioned: * The No Club: https://books.google.com/books/about/The_No_Club.html?id=2hRJEAAAQBAJ [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_No_Club.html?id=2hRJEAAAQBAJ] * Essentialism by Greg McKeown: https://gregmckeown.com/books/essentialism/ [https://gregmckeown.com/books/essentialism/] * Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Glover Tawwab: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/647316/set-boundaries-find-peace-by-nedra-glover-tawwab/9780593192108/ [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/647316/set-boundaries-find-peace-by-nedra-glover-tawwab/9780593192108/] Stay connected: * https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/ [https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/] * https://books.google.com/books/about/The_No_Club.html?id=2hRJEAAAQBAJ [https://books.google.com/books/about/The_No_Club.html?id=2hRJEAAAQBAJ] * Essentialism: https://gregmckeown.com/books/essentialism/ [https://gregmckeown.com/books/essentialism/] * Set Boundaries, Find Peace: https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/647316/set-boundaries-find-peace-by-nedra-glover-tawwab/9780593192108/ [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/647316/set-boundaries-find-peace-by-nedra-glover-tawwab/9780593192108/] Podcast links currently listed publicly: * Website: https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/ [https://www.herresourcespodcast.com/] * YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HerResourcesPodcast * Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/herresourcespodcast * TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@her.resources.pod * Linktree: https://linktr.ee/hrpodcast