What “I Don’t Feel Safe” Really Means in a Sexless Marriage | Zac Fine & Marijke Roberts

What “I Don’t Feel Safe” Really Means in a Sexless Marriage | Zac Fine & Marijke Roberts

When your wife says she “doesn’t feel safe,” it might sound like an accusation. What does that even mean, and how is it your fault when you’ve worked hard to provide? In this team episode, Marijke, Zac and I unpack what safety actually means for women and for men, why it affects desire, and how two people who love each other end up feeling unsafe with the one person who’s meant to be home. 👉 Book online sessions with Zac or Marijke: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] In this episode, we discuss: ✔️ Why women carry a constant, low-level scan for safety — and how it follows them into the bedroom ✔️ “Diffuse awareness” vs single focus — why a loud, messy, overwhelming environment can switch desire off ✔️ How men signal stress as aggression or brooding — and why it can feel frightening even when nothing is wrong ✔️ The archetypal homecoming row — “What’s wrong with you?” — and the argument that ends any chance of sex ✔️ Why women read men better than men read themselves — and the energy you carry through the door ✔️ What men actually hear in “I don’t feel safe” — and why it lands like an attack ✔️ Gottman’s love map — why sharing your day is for the relationship, not just for you ✔️ Pokes vs strokes — and the five-to-one ratio that keeps a marriage warm ✔️ The power of specific praise — and why “you’re amazing” means nothing ✔️ “I love you” vs “Do you like me?” — the question that changes everything ✔️ The double bind of wanting to feel liked while withholding the very thing he needs ✔️ Laying down the sword — why real intimacy takes courage, vulnerability and surrender We record this monthly — we’d love to hear from you. 👉 Leave your questions in the comments for the next episode. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💎 More ways to connect and grow: 💠 Therapists — Work with me: https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/ [https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/] 💠 Join my newsletter: https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ [https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/] 💠 Support my work: https://laurahow.com/support/ [https://laurahow.com/support/] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📲 Follow me: Instagram → / laurahow Facebook → / laurahowcounsellor Twitter (X) → / laurahow ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⌚️ Timestamps: ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📌 Hashtags #SexlessMarriage #EmotionalSafety #MarriageAdvice #CouplesTherapy #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageCounselling #IntimacyInMarriage #LauraHow #FeelingSafe #LoveAndCherishPodcast

Infertile But Fruitful | Leigh Fitzpatrick Snead

Leigh Fitzpatrick Snead spent years navigating unexplained infertility before becoming a mother of four sons through adoption. Her debut book, Infertile But Fruitful: Finding Fulfillment When You Can't Conceive (Sophia Institute Press, 2026), is the book she wishes had existed when she was a young woman carrying that cross alone — a memoir, a resource, and a quiet argument that a marriage can be fruitful in ways that go far beyond biology. In this conversation, Leigh sits down with Laura to talk about the early shock of realising pregnancy might not happen, the complicated pull of IVF and why she and her husband Carter ultimately chose a different path, the grief that lingers even after four adopted sons arrive, and the everyday, stubborn work of keeping a marriage alive through all of it. She's honest about the jealousy, the shame, the self-blame that can sneak in, and generous about what held her and Carter together when the statistics say most couples don't make it through. Toward the end of the conversation, Laura asks Leigh to speak directly to the heart of what Love & Cherish is about — the sexual and emotional connection inside a long marriage, and how you protect it across decades, children, careers, and seasons where life simply gets in the way. Leigh's answer is one of the warmest and most grounded things we've had on the podcast. Whether you're walking the road of infertility yourself, love someone who is, or simply want to hear two women talk honestly about marriage, adoption, grief, and joy, this one is worth your time. CHAPTERS 0:00 Introduction 0:40 First Realizing Infertility 4:45 Writing the Book 6:08 The Impact of Honest Storytelling 9:32 The IVF Temptation & Catholic Ethics 10:14 Seeing a Fertility Doctor 11:37 Dr. Hilgers & the Creighton Method 17:49 Walking Out on the IVF Doctor 18:09 Choosing Adoption 19:58 Life in Indiana & Building Community 21:07 Pursuing Both Adoption and Fertility Treatment 29:22 Grieving Infertility 35:39 Raising Sons & Modeling Marriage 38:42 Infertility's Impact on Marriage 41:58 Marriage Advice 56:54 Tally Keeping in Marriage 59:13 Division of the Sexes in Modern Culture 1:01:59 Intimacy in Marriage 1:07:39 Closing & Where to Find Lee ABOUT LEIGH Leigh Fitzpatrick Snead is a writer, speaker, and mother of four, and a Fellow with The Catholic Association. She co-hosts the nationally syndicated radio show Conversations with Consequences, and her writing has appeared in the National Catholic Register, the Washington Times, Newsweek, the Washington Examiner, Aleteia, and Theology of Home. She has spoken on marriage, family, adoption, and infertility at the University of Notre Dame's Vita Institute, the Napa Institute, the Edith Stein Project, and the Catholic Women's Forum. She lives in Indiana with her husband Carter of twenty-six years and their four sons. Infertile But Fruitful: Finding Fulfillment When You Can't Conceive draws on her own journey to offer encouragement, honesty, and practical wisdom to couples walking the same road, and to the family, friends, and clergy who walk alongside them. FIND LEIGH Book (Sophia Institute Press): https://sophiainstitute.com/product/infertile-but-fruitful/ [https://sophiainstitute.com/product/infertile-but-fruitful/] Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/leighsnead/ [https://www.instagram.com/leighsnead/] The Catholic Association: https://thecatholicassociation.org [https://thecatholicassociation.org] FIND LAURA Laura How is a relationship therapist specialising in sexless marriages and intimacy in long-term relationships. Website: https://laurahow.com [https://laurahow.com] The Love & Cherish Podcast is available on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, Amazon Music, and wherever you get your podcasts.

Sex & Intimacy After Children | Zac Fine & Marijke Roberts

If you've noticed your sex life decline after having children, you're not alone. In this team episode we talk honestly about why intimacy after baby is one of the biggest threats to a marriage, what drives resentment between partners in the newborn phase, and what couples can actually do to reconnect sexually before distance becomes the default.👉 Book online sessions with Zac or Marijke: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] Having a baby is one of the most beautiful things a couple can do together, and one of the most threatening to their sexual bond. We explore why the arrival of children so often becomes the beginning of the end for intimacy, and what it actually takes to choose each other through it. 👉 Book a session with Zac: https://laurahow.com/therapists-zac-fine/ [https://laurahow.com/therapists-zac-fine/] 👉 Book a session with Marijke: https://laurahow.com/therapists-marijke-roberts/ [https://laurahow.com/therapists-marijke-roberts/] In this episode, we discuss: ✔️ Why new parenthood can become the beginning of the end for intimacy ✔️ The resentment trap — and why both partners fall into it ✔️ How porn fills the gap when men check out instead of leaning in ✔️ The "crucible" — why crisis is the perfect ingredient for transformation ✔️ Why reclaiming your sexuality after babies is an act of courage ✔️ How Russ made Laura his muse and what that looked like in practice ✔️ The danger of anti-marriage messaging and the friends who normalise it ✔️ Why a sexy, stable marriage is the greatest gift you can give your children ✔️ Maturity, choice, and why parenthood removes every excuse not to show up We record this monthly — we'd love to hear from you. 👉 Leave your questions in the comments for the next episode. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 🔔 Subscribe for monthly conversations about: sexless marriages, intimacy after children, responsive desire, resentment and repair, and what it really takes to keep a marriage alive long-term. ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 🧠 Need support? Work with me or one of the therapists on my team: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💎 More ways to connect and grow: 💠 Therapists — Work with me: https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/ [https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/] 💠 Join my newsletter: https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ [https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/] 💠 Support my work: https://laurahow.com/support/ [https://laurahow.com/support/] 📲 Follow me: Instagram → / laurahow Facebook → / laurahowcounsellor Twitter (X) → / laurahow ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⌚️ Timestamps: ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📌 Hashtags #SexlessMarriage #IntimacyAfterBaby #MarriageAdvice #CouplesTherapy #RelationshipAdvice #MarriageCounselling #IntimacyInMarriage #LauraHow #ParenthoodAndSex #LoveAndCherishPodcast

The Way Feminism Failed Women (And Men) | Carrie Gress

“Feminism has always been a force for good and equality.” Is that really the full story? In this conversation with philosopher and author Carrie Gress, we explore how feminist ideas have shaped modern relationships, and why many men and women are now questioning the narrative they were raised to believe. 👉 Book an online session: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] Carrie Gress, Catholic philosopher, author of The End of Woman and co-creator of Theology of Home, joins me for a direct and thoughtful discussion about the deeper impact of feminist ideology on marriage, family life, and how men and women now relate to each other. We talk about the growing divide between the sexes, the loss of trust, and the quiet confusion many people feel but struggle to name. From rising mental health concerns to the breakdown of shared meaning in relationships, this conversation looks at what’s changed, and what it’s costing us. We also explore ideas that are rarely spoken about openly, including the concept of “toxic femininity,” the devaluing of motherhood, and why conversations about men’s needs are often met with resistance. This is not about blaming one side. It’s about understanding what has gone wrong, and what needs to be rebuilt. In this episode: ✔️ Why many people are starting to question feminism’s impact on relationships ✔️ The growing mistrust between men and women ✔️ Mental health struggles in both sexes, and what’s driving them ✔️ Why “toxic femininity” is rarely discussed ✔️ The devaluing of motherhood and its wider consequences ✔️ Why talking about men’s needs creates backlash ✔️ The impact on children and future family life ✔️ How modern culture shapes how we see each other ✔️ Why restoring trust between men and women matters ✔️ What a more grounded, family-centred life could look like 👉 Find Carrie Gress: • Website: https://www.carriegress.com/ [https://www.carriegress.com/] • Theology of Home: https://theologyofhome.com/ [https://theologyofhome.com/] • Bio: https://www.carriegress.com/about [https://www.carriegress.com/about] 💬 Let me know in the comments: Do you think feminism has helped or harmed modern relationships? What are you seeing in your own life? ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 🔔 Subscribe for conversations that challenge mainstream narratives about marriage, men, women, and what really creates lasting connection: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE_Fs1wPifrghIGdSzsbrKg?sub_confirmation=1 [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE_Fs1wPifrghIGdSzsbrKg?sub_confirmation=1] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 🧠 Need support? Work with me or a therapist on my team: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] One-Day Couples Intensive (crisis support): https://laurahow.com/1-day-couples-intensive/ [https://laurahow.com/1-day-couples-intensive/] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 💎 More ways to connect & grow Therapists, work with me → https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/ [https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/] Join my newsletter → https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ [https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/] Support my work → https://laurahow.com/support/ [https://laurahow.com/support/] Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/laurahow/ [https://www.instagram.com/laurahow/] Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/laurahowcounsellor [https://www.facebook.com/laurahowcounsellor] X (Twitter) → https://twitter.com/laurahow [https://twitter.com/laurahow] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ ⌚ Timestamps [Add after editing] ━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━ 📌 Hashtags #Feminism #MarriageAdvice #MensIssues #CouplesTherapy #RelationshipAdvice #CarrieGress #MarriageCounselling #IntimacyInMarriage #LauraHow #TheologyOfHome #

Feminism’s War On Men & Boys | George ‘TheTinMen’

"The Future is Female." But where does that leave our sons? In this conversation with George from The Tin Men, we examine the silent crisis facing men and boys, the institutional bias in our schools and courts, and why society seems to have lost its compassion for male suffering.👉 Book an online session: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] George, the creator behind The Tin Men, joins me for a critical look at how modern narratives are failing a generation of young men. From classrooms where boys are subjected to "misogyny training" and viewed as potential threats, to family courts that presume fathers are second-class parents, we explore how these systemic biases are destroying lives. We discuss the devastating data on male suicide, the widening education gap, and why standing up for boys has become a revolutionary act. In this episode: ✔️ The "War on Boys" in education: Why boys are falling behind ✔️ "Misogyny Training": How schools are teaching boys self-loathing ✔️ The "Violent Male" Myth and its impact on Family Court ✔️ Why society struggles to feel empathy for men ✔️ The link between relationship breakdown and male suicide ✔️ Institutional bias: Is the system rigged against fathers? ✔️ How to protect your sons from toxic narratives ✔️ Why "The Future is Female" is a dangerous slogan ✔️ The importance of male advocates like The Tin Men ✔️ How we can build a future that values both sexes 👉 Find The Tin Men: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thetinmen/ [https://www.instagram.com/thetinmen/] Blog: https://thetinmen.blog/ [https://thetinmen.blog/] 💬 Let me know in the comments: Do you think schools and society are biased against boys? What changes have you noticed? 🔔 Subscribe for conversations that challenge mainstream narratives about marriage, men, women, and what really creates lasting connection: 👉 https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE_Fs1wPifrghIGdSzsbrKg?sub_confirmation=1 [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCE_Fs1wPifrghIGdSzsbrKg?sub_confirmation=1] 🧠 Need support? Work with me or a therapist on my team: https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/ [https://laurahow.com/online-therapists/] One-Day Couples Intensive (crisis support): https://laurahow.com/1-day-couples-intensive/ [https://laurahow.com/1-day-couples-intensive/] 💎 More ways to connect & grow Therapists, work with me → https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/ [https://laurahow.com/work-for-me/] Join my newsletter → https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/ [https://laurahow.com/newsletter-signup/] Support my work → https://laurahow.com/support/ [https://laurahow.com/support/] Instagram → https://www.instagram.com/laurahow/ [https://www.instagram.com/laurahow/] Facebook → https://www.facebook.com/laurahowcounsellor [https://www.facebook.com/laurahowcounsellor] X (Twitter) → https://twitter.com/laurahow [https://twitter.com/laurahow] ⌚ Timestamps 📌 Hashtags #TheTinMen #MensMentalHealth #WarOnBoys #FamilyCourt #Feminism #LauraHow #EducationGap #MensRights #FathersRights #Masculinity #SystemicBias #BoysCrisis