Ep. 11 - What to Do When Rejection Starts Affecting Your Confidence as a Singer

Ep. 11 - What to Do When Rejection Starts Affecting Your Confidence as a Singer

Rejection is one of the hardest parts of being a singer. It comes with the territory of pursuing your career as a performer, but me saying that does not make it easier on your emotions when you’re the one living through it. You know the drill: auditions that you prepared like crazy for, even paid to have coached, self tapes that took hours of preparation only to hear silence after submitting, callbacks where you know you're headed to the next round just to see the cast list come out without your name on it, applications, grants, programs, and opportunities you hoped would work out that you poured your time and energy into preparing for. It hurts. And we're gonna talk about it today, because learning how to navigate the emotional sting, or even grief, of rejection is incredibly important if you want a sustainable way to pursue your dreams. But what hurts even more is when rejection starts meaning something about you. Maybe you start questioning your talent. Maybe you start wondering if you’re behind. Maybe you start wondering if you’re actually cut out for this after all. So let’s talk about it. Because rejection is innate to pursuing your craft. If you’re putting yourself out there as a singer, you’re going to hear no. A lot. In this episode, we’re going to do something about how that feels. I may not be able to change the no for you or lessen the amount of rejection you face, but I am here to help you navigate it in a way that allows you to stay connected to the joy and delight of pursuing what you love to do. This episode is about learning to take the emotional charge out of rejection so it stops meaning something about you. We talk about how to reframe no, how to track and find patterns in your own audition data, how to build a personal toolbox for the hard days, and how to keep your well so full that rejection doesn’t have the same power to knock you down. I also share a story about an interview I heard years ago that completely changed the way I think about rejection. We also talk about: * the danger of internalizing rejection as meaning something inherently about your worth or ability to succeed * completing the stress cycle around rejection instead of suppressing or avoiding it * building a rich life outside of performing so rejection doesn’t become emotionally devastating * and creating your own work so you can keep moving forward even while hearing no in other parts of your singing life Because your voice has to be out in the world. And you can’t let a mountain of no stop you from getting there. In this episode, you'll learn: • Why hearing no is a normal part of putting yourself out there as a singer • How to stop transferring rejection into a story about your identity and your ability • The story that completely reframed rejection for me • How to use the “track it and tweak it” method to find patterns and get strategic • Why completing the stress cycle around rejection matters for singers • The personal toolbox I use to stay grounded, refill my well, and keep going • How creating your own work can keep you inspired and moving forward, even while hearing no elsewhere Chapters: 2:39 The inner and outer work of handling rejection 5:33 The danger of internalizing rejection as meaning something about your worth or ability to succeed 9:30 My favorite reframe: no means you put yourself out there 17:54 The “track it and tweak it” method 22:53 Completing the stress cycle around rejection instead of suppressing it 28:49 Refilling your well so rejection doesn’t drain your creativity and confidence 31:32 Reconnecting with inspiration through art, theater, and creativity outside your own field 36:08 Why creating your own work can keep you moving forward while you’re hearing no elsewhere Get in Touch: Voice Studio Website https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com [https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com/] Performing Website https://www.sarahhawkey.com [https://www.sarahhawkey.com/] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah [https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah] TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah [https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah]

Ep. 10 - If You Walk Off Stage and Immediately Start Tearing Yourself Apart, This Episode Is for You

Have you ever walked off stage after a performance or audition and immediately started tearing yourself apart? Fixating on the one note you didn’t like? Replaying every tiny mistake? Convincing yourself the whole thing was terrible, even when everyone else loved it? This episode is about that spiral. And if you’ve experienced it, you are SO not alone. Today we’re talking about something singers are especially prone to after performances, auditions, juries, competitions, or really any moment where we stand up in front of people and share our voice. The funhouse mirror effect. We (meaning singers) are especially prone to this because, as singers, we never have a true feedback loop with our instrument. We can’t hear our voices the way other people hear them. And when vulnerability, perfectionism, insecurity, or emotion enter the picture, our perception can become completely distorted. In this episode, I share what (shockingly, TBH) happened to me immediately after my most recent solo recital, when I found myself fixating on two tiny mistakes in a two-hour performance and started spiraling into ridiculously harsh self-talk that honestly had no connection to reality. We’ve gotta talk about it because I see this happen to singers constantly. It comes up in my studio all the time, and I’d honestly lost touch with just how awful it feels to experience. I also share the exact practical exercises I used to pull myself out of it and get back into a grounded growth mindset instead of staying trapped in the spiral. Including: * the somatic “star shape” exercise I use with my students who struggle with this * a simple way to name positive things about your performance without deflecting * the journaling exercise that immediately shrunk my mistakes back down to their actual size and helped me get back into a growth mindset Real Talk: If you stay stuck in that funhouse mirror mental spiral, it can slowly erode your confidence, your joy, your growth, and even your relationship with singing itself. This is serious stuff. And as your bel canto bestie, I’m not gonna let that happen to you if I can help it. In this episode, you’ll learn: • Why singers are especially vulnerable to funhouse mirror-like self-perception after performing • Why singers never have a true feedback loop with their own instrument • What the “funhouse mirror effect” actually is and how it distorts your thinking • The body-based star shape exercise to interrupt the spiral in the moment • How to name positive things about your performance without deflecting or minimizing • The simple list-making journaling exercise that helps shrink mistakes back down to their actual size • How to flip post-performance spiraling into grounded growth for the future • Why staying stuck in negative self-talk can slowly damage your relationship with singing Chapters 1:01 Why singers are especially vulnerable to post-performance negative spirals and self-criticism 3:08 The funhouse mirror effect: the negative spiral that erases everything you did well 6:52 My shocking reconnection with this terrible feeling after a recent solo recital 13:49 Practical tools: what to do when the spiral starts 19:21 The star shape exercise: naming three positive things about your performance 21:29 Taking it deeper with this simple list-making journaling exercise 26:00 How to use the negative spiral and flip it for growth in your future 31:21 Real talk about the danger of staying stuck in the spiral Get in Touch Voice Studio Website https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com [https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com] Performing Website https://www.sarahhawkey.com [https://www.sarahhawkey.com] Instagram https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah [https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah] TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah [https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah] YouTube https://www.youtube.com/@voiceteachersarah

Ep. 9 - Unlock Your Dream Voice From the Inside Out With a Vocal Technique Secret That's Hundreds of Years Old

Have you ever felt like you were stuck in one gear in your singing? Pushing. Pressing. Forcing the sound out. And wondering why it’s not working? Today I’m sharing a concept I’ve been waiting to teach on this podcast. It comes from bel canto, a vocal tradition that goes back to the 1800s, and it applies to every genre of singing, not just classical. My greatest bel canto teacher gave it to me in one sentence: Great oak trees from little acorns do come. When I moved to New York City with a voice that was wrecked, I had exactly one gear. Loud. I was pushing and forcing every sound out, and the harder I pushed, the further back my technique moved. What I didn’t understand then is this. The tiniest sounds in your voice are the seed of your biggest sounds. Not the quietest. The smallest. The most connected. The most free. When you learn to access them, they begin to move through your entire range and unlock a fullness and richness that forcing your sound can never create. I also want to speak directly to something I’ve been hearing from singers. There is a troubling amount of voice teaching right now that encourages singers to push out more, sing bigger, project harder. If something doesn’t feel right about what you’re being told, please listen to this episode. Strong does not mean loud. And pushing your sound out is not the path forward. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What bel canto is and why its principles apply to every genre of singing• Why pushing and forcing your sound moves your technique backwards• What “great oak trees from little acorns do come” means for your voice in practice• Two practical ways to start connecting to smaller, more efficient sound• What to do if you feel like you’re stuck in one gear Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Aligned Singer1:35 What bel canto is and why it matters for all singers3:30 The problem with over-singing, pushing, and forcing5:42 My greatest bel canto teacher and the phrase that changed everything7:01 Great oak trees from little acorns do come8:24 My story: moving to New York with a wrecked voice9:44 One gear: what over-singing actually feels like12:39 The tiniest sounds create the biggest sounds13:39 Two ways to find your “acorn” sound15:54 A lesson that changed how I understood sound16:50 Working with your softest dynamic levels20:25 The acorn visual22:53 A message from a singer that made me speak up25:36 If your voice teacher is asking you to push and force27:37 Closing: great oak trees from little acorns do come Get in Touch Voice Studio Website⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0] Performing Website⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkey.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkey.com%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0] Instagram⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah⁠⁠ TikTok⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah⁠⁠

Ep. 8 - When You're Ready to Uplevel Your Singing and Fear Takes the Wheel: The One Tool That Proves You Can Do It

Have you ever reached for something bigger in your singing life and found yourself flooded with voices saying “I’ve never done anything like that before”? That feeling like it’s over your head? That might actually be your sign that you are ready. You are having a surprising but completely normal reaction to growth. And in this episode, we’re going to do something about it. I’m sharing one of the most powerful inner work tools I use in my own singing life. It’s called the evidence file. An evidence file is a collection of proof from every area of your life that you are capable of growth. Not just your singing credits. Everything. The hard seasons you walked through. The things you’ve healed from. The projects you finished. The life you’ve built. All of it counts. Your brain is wired to treat creative risk the same way it treats physical danger. So when you reach for something bigger, your nervous system sounds the alarm. The evidence file is what you hand that part of your brain to calm it down. And when you look at what’s in it, the overwhelming answer to “are you capable of this?” is YES. I’ll walk you through the prompts to help you build yours right here, right now, together so you can use it the moment that fear shows up. In this episode, you’ll learn: • What an evidence file is and how to start building yours today• Why your brain treats creative risk like physical danger• How to gather evidence from every area of your life, not just your singing• The prompts to build your evidence file quickly and thoroughly• How to use your evidence file when big dreams feel out of reach Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Aligned Singer2:24 Introducing the evidence file4:46 Why we need extra support when going for big dreams7:11 Using your evidence file when things feel out of reach9:46 Why fear shows up when you dream big14:50 Why your brain can’t tell the difference between creative risk and real danger16:20 Let’s build your evidence file right now, together19:51 Where to pull your evidence from30:06 The overwhelming evidence that you are capable34:31 Let fear ride in the back seat34:49 Closing: your voice matters Get in Touch Voice Studio Website⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0] Performing Website⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkey.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkey.com%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0] Instagram⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah⁠⁠ TikTok⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah⁠⁠

Ep. 7 - If You Could Write Your Dream Bio, What Would It Say?

If you've ever found yourself stuck in the daily grind of your singing dreams and losing sight of the bigger picture, you're going to love what we're talking about today. Your voice matters — and I don't just mean your singing — I mean what you choose to give voice to through your work. Today we're diving deep into some inner work, the work that happens behind the scenes inside yourself that helps you connect the dots from where you are now to where you want to be. We're crafting your future bio, an exercise I created years ago to help reframe where my efforts were going in terms of auditions, repertoire, relationships, time, and focus. It became a way to check whether I was actually on the path I truly wanted to be on instead of reacting to what was in front of me. This is also a powerful exercise from the perspective of manifesting. When you write your future bio, you begin to clarify what you truly want to create in your life. Sometimes that clarity shows you that changes need to be made. It may reveal places where you're aligned, and it may also reveal places where adjustments are needed so your daily actions support the bigger vision you carry inside. In this episode, you'll hear four examples of bios that I personally find extremely inspiring. These examples are meant to help open your mind to what becomes possible when someone devotes their life to meaningful work and impact. Hearing stories of people who have made a difference through their artistry, leadership, or advocacy can help expand your sense of what is possible in your artistry and your life. We also explore how to create your own future bio step by step. Not just thinking about it, but writing it down by hand and speaking it out loud so it becomes something tangible. This process helps reorganize your focus, your decisions, and your awareness in ways that support the future you're building. This episode is especially meaningful if you've been feeling stuck in reaction mode, moving from audition to audition or opportunity to opportunity without stepping back to ask where you're truly headed. Your voice matters. Your life matters. And the story you are building with your artistry deserves to be intentional. This is your opportunity to imagine the legacy you want to leave and begin aligning your daily life with that vision. In this episode, you'll learn: • What a future bio is and how it differs from a traditional bio • How to step out of reaction mode and reconnect with a larger vision for your singing life • Why thinking beyond daily responsibilities helps clarify what truly matters to you • How inspiring examples from impactful artists and leaders can expand your thinking • The key questions to ask yourself when imagining your long-term artistic legacy • Why writing your future bio by hand helps activate deeper clarity • How speaking your future bio out loud strengthens focus and commitment • How this exercise can help you notice where adjustments may be needed in your daily habits and decisions • How aligning your time and energy with your long-term vision creates more intentional momentum Chapters: 0:00 Welcome to The Aligned Singer 1:45 Inner work vs outer work and why this matters 4:12 What a future bio is and why it matters 8:36 Thinking bigger than your daily routine 12:04 Realizing it had been six years since I last did this exercise 16:32 What makes a future bio different from a traditional bio 21:05 Four examples of inspiring bios to reflect on 49:10 Questions to guide your own future bio 55:02 Writing your future bio by hand 1:01:00 Speaking your future bio out loud 1:06:30 Silencing the voice of fear during the exercise 1:11:10 Final encouragement and believing in your voice Get in Touch Voice Studio Website ⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkeystudio.com/] Performing Website ⁠⁠https://www.sarahhawkey.com⁠⁠ [https://www.sarahhawkey.com/] Instagram ⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah⁠⁠ [https://www.instagram.com/voiceteachersarah%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0] TikTok ⁠⁠https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah⁠⁠ [https://www.tiktok.com/@voiceteachersarah%E2%81%A0%E2%81%A0]