The Blueprint You Didn't Choose

The Gottman Equations

Week 3: Bids, Turning & Active ListeningGottman followed newlyweds for six years. Couples who stayed together turned toward each other's bids for connection 86% of the time. Divorced couples: 33%. This episode unpacks bids, the 6-second pause, mirroring, validation, and the stress-reducing conversation — all drawn directly from Gottman's published research.

The Precision of Feeling

Week 2: Emotional Granularity & CBTMost people use 5–10 emotion words. Research by Lisa Feldman Barrett shows that expanding your emotional vocabulary reduces aggression, binge drinking, and self-harm — and makes you a better partner. This episode teaches the CBT thought record, the needs-vs-strategies reframe, and why "I'm fine" might be the most damaging phrase in your marriage

The Blueprint You Didn't Choose

Week 1: Attachment & Self-Awareness Your attachment style was formed before you could talk — and it's running your marriage on autopilot. This episode covers Bowlby's attachment theory, Ainsworth's Strange Situation, and Hazan & Shaver's landmark 1987 study showing the same patterns in adult love. Plus: your first CBT mood journal and a validated attachment assessment you can take tonight.

Intro

What if the secret to a lasting marriage isn't more romance — it's more science? The Science of Staying Together is an 8-week guided podcast grounded in decades of peer-reviewed research on what makes relationships thrive — and what quietly destroys them. Each episode translates real studies into daily micro-practices you can start today. You'll learn why John Gottman's lab can predict divorce with 93% accuracy from 15 minutes of conversation. Why couples who respond to each other's small bids for attention 86% of the time stay together — while those at 33% don't. Why a 20-second hug triggers oxytocin release that measurably lowers blood pressure and cortisol. And why the precision of your emotional vocabulary may be the most underrated predictor of relationship health. This isn't advice. It's evidence. Drawn from attachment theory, cognitive behavioural therapy, Gottman's interaction research, emotional granularity science, and oxytocin neuroscience — then structured into 5-minute daily actions that fit a busy life. 10 episodes. 8 weeks. One relationship, taken seriously. New episodes weekly.