Why You Shouldn’t Rush to the Next Version of You

Why You Shouldn’t Rush to the Next Version of You

Leonard Cohen has a lyric in his song Anthem that goes, "There is a crack, a crack in everything. That's how the light gets in." Most of us spend our lives patching over the cracks, trying to manage the fractures and keep everything looking intact. But what if the moment your identity starts to break open is when something more real can finally come through? Identity shifts are inevitable. Whether you choose the transition or it chooses you, you reach a point where the version of yourself you’ve been performing no longer fits. Instead of rushing to the next role or title or polished version of yourself, standing in the messy middle is a far more powerful (yet uncomfortable) place to be. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m talking about two major identity shifts in my own life and why the disorientation I felt while still in the middle of them was necessary. I’m opening up about the grief that lives inside transitions we rarely talk about and why pausing during the in-between instead of running from it will help you find the gift waiting for you on the inside. 0:59 – How a simple shopping trip sparked a major realization about the identity scripts the world hands us without our permission 3:33 – The shift that happened inside a career transition that, at first, looked like a step backward but became a gift 8:08 – What happens in the mucky middle stage of transitioning, and the questions Ellie found herself contemplating as a result 11:47 – The grief tied to transition that never gets talked about enough but is felt by everyone 13:58 – How a decision Ellie thought was purely spiritual turned out to be one of the most disorienting identity shifts of her life 17:02 – Why the key to making transition periods work is to not rush to the next identity 18:49 – Two things that helped Ellie get through the uncomfortable in-between phase of transition 21:56 – The perspective shift that makes it possible to stop seeing the cracks in your identity during a transition as something gone wrong 24:56 – Why the real transformation in a styling experience has very little to do with the clothes themselves Mentioned In Why You Shouldn’t Rush to the Next Version of You  Anthem by Leonard Cohen (Official Audio) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1jzl0NlTmzY] How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/how-personal-style-became-part-of-the-performance] When Perfectionism Stops Working [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/when-perfectionism-stops-working] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

What I Thought Would Expose Me Actually Created Connection

“I used to be so intimidated by you.” Earlier in my career, that’s what I’d hear from client service team members after we’d worked together for months, and it always floored me. When I’d ask why, the answer was some version of, “You just look so polished and put together. It looks like you don’t struggle at all.” And every time, it bothered me, because that wasn’t how I felt on the inside. Not even close. If you’ve ever been around me, worked with me, or been in my zone, you know I walk like I mean business. I move like I always have somewhere important to be. And my clothes were absolutely part of that armor too. If I looked impressive, if I looked totally put together, maybe nothing could touch me. Maybe I could avoid criticism, avoid being told I was doing something wrong, and keep myself safe. What I can see now is that all of those little pieces of armor were part of something much deeper, perfectionism. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing what happened when that armor cracked at a recent networking event, and I stopped trying to sound like I had it all figured out. I’m talking about the polished image I didn’t realize I was using for protection, the elevator pitch I rehearsed in the car but couldn’t make true, and why the thing I thought would expose me ended up creating the exact connection and support I was craving. 1:00 – How trying way too hard to look like she had it all together led to Ellie’s team members feeling initially intimidated by her 3:19 – The real reason why a polished, put-together exterior quietly functioned as a form of self-protection 4:21 – The "worst fear" scenario that forced a choice between faking it and telling the truth out loud 8:41 – What happened when Ellie replaced her rehearsed elevator speech with an unscripted, unpolished introduction that left her bright red in the face 12:37 – What made the difference for Ellie, and her vulnerability as a permission slip for others to admit their own 15:16 – Figuring out where to let go so you can let change happen Mentioned In What I Thought Would Expose Me Actually Created Connection The Gifts of Imperfection [https://brenebrown.com/book/the-gifts-of-imperfection/] by Brené Brown How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/how-personal-style-became-part-of-the-performance] When Perfectionism Stops Working [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/when-perfectionism-stops-working] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

When Perfectionism Stops Working

I was playing charades with my family when I realized I had no idea how to act out the card in my hand. Instead of laughing, guessing, or letting myself be bad at something for a minute, I froze. Then I got angry. Then I stormed out of the room like a full-grown adult having a tantrum. And that moment has haunted me for years because it showed me something I did not want to see. I had taken something that was supposed to be fun and turned it into something I had to do perfectly. That was not new for me. Perfectionism had been the way I kept myself safe for most of my life. It protected me from criticism, rejection, getting in trouble, and being seen as not enough. And I thought it worked, until I started seeing what it was costing me in the very things I had built my life around, including my family, my business, my body, and the work I genuinely wanted to offer. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing the story I’ve avoided telling until now, the one that starts with a charades game over 20 years ago and leads into the messy middle of me finally choosing to stop performing my own life. I’m talking about what happens when perfectionism stops feeling like protection and starts becoming the thing that keeps you from actually living. 1:01 – The haunting moment when Ellie knew perfectionism had disconnected her from her joy 4:33 – How a clear message turned into one of the few times Ellie has allowed herself to play as an adult 7:07 – How that period of play turned into performance a year later, without Ellie even realizing it 9:18 – How Ellie’s life was at a breaking point when she decided to put her faith in Jesus 11:05 – Why Ellie is telling these stories now, and her invitation to come along on this messy middle journey Mentioned In When Perfectionism Stops Working How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/how-personal-style-became-part-of-the-performance] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance

There is a strange moment that can happen when you realize you’ve been performing for so long, you’re not even sure where the performance ends and the real you begins. For me, that realization did not come all at once. It came slowly over the past year as I started questioning things I had accepted and normalized for a long time, including the way I was living, the work I was doing, the way I was showing up, the clothes I was wearing, and the things I thought made me valuable. A lot of this started after my daughter came home from summer camp and told me she had committed her faith in Jesus, which led me to reaffirm my own faith in a way that changed how I was seeing everything. It felt like putting on a new pair of glasses. And once I saw my life through that new lens, I could not unsee how much of my identity had been built around achievement, excellence, praise, perfectionism, and performance. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I’m sharing a transformation I have not fully talked about before and what it has shown me about faith, personal style, entrepreneurship, and coming back to who I actually am. I trace where my perfectionism began, how it followed me into corporate life and business ownership, and what started to shift when I realized style had become one more place where I was trying to prove I belonged. 2:45 – The unexpected moment from her daughter that catapulted a reaffirmation of Ellie’s faith 5:30 – How the deep discomfort of disappointing her mother drove Ellie to perfectionism and performance in search of praise 11:13 – Why Ellie’s pursuit of perfectionism and performance intensified and made things worse once she became a business owner 13:45 – How Ellie’s love of style and creativity got swept up in the need for approval, triggering her impulse to question it all 17:00 – The power of big life moments to jolt you awake and allow the truest version of you to emerge 19:07 – Questions to ask yourself during your own self-awakening transition Mentioned In How Personal Style Became Part of the Performance The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]

When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility

You have a closet full of clothes, and nothing in it feels quite like you. Maybe you've tried subscription boxes, made appointments with Nordstrom stylists, or fit in a session with M.M.LaFleur while traveling for work. You've spent real time and real money trying to solve this, and you're still standing in front of your closet feeling like something is off. One of my clients, Erin Wood [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/erin-woods-personal-brand-and-style-aligned], described it perfectly, there were nice pieces, but nothing great, nothing that made her feel like herself. Style spending spirals in specific, identifiable ways, and underneath almost all of them is the same thing. Fear. Fear that you're not enough, that you won't belong in bigger rooms, that if you stop evolving outwardly, people will stop taking you seriously. The spending is rarely the root issue. It leads back to something much bigger, and most women never stop long enough to look at what that actually is. In this episode of The Visibility Shift, I'm walking through the specific ways style becomes expensive, both financially and emotionally. I'm naming the pressures that keep women on the spending hamster wheel, including the ones coming from retailers, from entrepreneurial culture, and from within, and talking through what it looks like to build a style that comes from a grounded place instead of a striving one. 2:49 – The issue that subscription boxes and store stylists simply aren’t set up to address 5:31 – How the pressure to keep your brand "fresh" is costing you more than you think 7:35 – What retailers are really doing with their trends messaging 10:40 – Why certain high-end circles create pressure to spend beyond your means  15:03 – Why fear is almost always the source of your overspending 16:10 – How internal pressure turns clothing into a frantic crutch for credibility 21:25 – The pathway to shift your relationship with shopping from an anxious striving cycle into real wardrobe freedom Mentioned In When Style Becomes a Crutch for Your Credibility How Erin Wood’s Personal Brand and Style Finally Aligned [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/post/erin-woods-personal-brand-and-style-aligned] The Style Mindset Reset [https://elliesteinbrink.myflodesk.com/stylemindset] Stand Out Style Kick-Starter [http://elliesteinbrink.com/standout-style-kickstarter] Work With Ellie [https://www.elliesteinbrink.com/] Follow Ellie on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/style.decoded/] and LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/elliesteinbrink/] Leave a rating and review [http://ratethispodcast.com/visibilityshift]