Complex Shame: Can One Un-Shame It?

Complex Shame: Can One Un-Shame It?

In this episode, you’ll learn what complex shame really is, how it fuels codependent and toxic relationships, and what it actually takes to heal it so you can build healthier love and a stronger relationship with yourself. On this episode of Uncoupled and Unfiltered, I’m joined by Dr. Zoe Shaw—licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker, podcast host, relationship coach, and fitness enthusiast—for a powerful conversation about guilt and shame, how they impact our psyche, and the ways they shape our relationships. We dive deep into what Complex Shame really is, the red flags to watch for, and practical ways to manage it while rebuilding yourself from the inside out. Sit back, relax, and enjoy this honest, eye-opening conversation. Key Topics Covered: * What Complex Shame is and the impact it has on relationships * The difference between guilt and shame— which emotion motivates growth, and which makes us want to run and hide * The origins of shame and how it shapes who we become * How shame shows up in toxic and dysfunctional family dynamics and relationships * A common misconception: staying too long in a toxic relationship doesn’t mean you’re weak—often, it means the opposite * How Complex Shame and co-dependency can affect your dating life and influence partner selection * Tools and insights for learning how to be vulnerable with yourself and with a trusted partner * Tips for friends and family who want to support someone experiencing it “If you are not able to verbalize what your part was and the ending of it and the dysfunction that existed, then you're not ready to start a new relationship.” - Dr. Zoe Shaw About Our Guest: Dr. Zoe Shaw Dr. Zoe Shaw is a licensed psychotherapist, author, speaker, podcast host, relationships coach, and fitness lover. She is passionate about helping women who struggle in difficult relationships, especially those with sometimes difficult relationships with themselves, overcome complex shame and co-dependency.  Dr. Zoe is the author of the Ask Dr. Zoe Column in the Grit and Grace Project women’s magazine and the books, A Year Of Self Care and Stronger In The Difficult Places, released by Penguin Randomhouse Waterbrook. She has been featured in the OWN documentary series UNLOCKED,  and published in Oprahmag.com, Recovery Today magazine, Forbes, and Today.com. She writes about helping women overcome shame and co-dependency. You can find her in the media on Instagram: @Drzoeshaw [https://www.instagram.com/drzoeshaw/?hl=tl] and in most social places at the handle DrZoeShaw. Who This Episode Is For: * You’re ready to understand shame without letting it define you or your worth * You recognize that staying in difficult relationships was a survival response—not a personal failure * You want to break unhealthy relationship patterns with awareness, self-trust, and compassion * You’re learning how to practice vulnerability in ways that feel safe, grounded, and empowering * You’re committed to rebuilding self-connection and creating relationships that truly support who you are becoming Connect with Dr. Zoe Shaw: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://drzoeshaw.com/ [https://drzoeshaw.com/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Get more info and sign up for the next cohort here- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Objectified, Rejected, or Done? Healing Trust After Divorce, Abuse & Heartbreak

How do you trust again after betrayal, abuse, or feeling “not enough”? This episode explores rebuilding self-trust, breaking self-abandonment patterns, and opening your heart again. On this episode of Uncoupled & Unfiltered, Dr. Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of Heart of the Matter Therapy and Coaching, shares insights on navigating trust after divorce, breakups, and uncoupling, including rebuilding trust in ourselves and others, with a focus on the challenges faced by survivors of intimate partner abuse. Using evidence-based approaches like Emotionally Focused Therapy and the Gottman Method, she explores why “beautiful women” often experience loneliness due to objectification, the impact on emotional intimacy, and how to prioritize authenticity over appearance. This honest and nuanced conversation offers guidance for anyone healing from heartbreak and seeking secure, emotionally connected relationships. Key Topics Covered: * How breakups and divorce trigger deep feelings of rejection — whether you were the one who left or the one left behind * Why endings awaken core wounds around “not enough” and unworthiness — and how to begin healing them * The complexity of rebuilding trust, especially after abusive or toxic relationships * The link between abusive dynamics and self-abandonment — plus practical tools to stop abandoning yourself * People-pleasing patterns in unhealthy relationships and how they quietly erode self-trust * The “beautiful woman” syndrome: being perceived as intimidating, objectified, or used * How to avoid the mental trap of seeing yourself as an object — and how to discern genuine interest from someone operating with their own agenda * Practical ways to shift out of a mental funk, rebuild self-confidence, and become your own strongest advocate “The more that you practice taking care of yourself, the more that your nervous system learns it's safe to take care of myself.” - Dr. Tasha Seiter About Our Guest: Dr. Tasha Seiter Dr. Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT, is a scientist-practitioner, researcher, therapist, and founder of Heart of the Matter Therapy and Coaching, dedicated to helping people build healthier relationships through evidence-based care. Her work spans research on relationships, mindfulness, and stress physiology, clinical mentorship, EFT community-building, and writing featured in outlets like Forbes, Bustle, Healthline, and Psychology Today. Who This Episode Is For: * You’re navigating life after divorce, breakup, or uncoupling, and struggling with rejection or self-doubt * You left the relationship, but still feel grief, guilt, or confusion * You’re healing from an abusive or toxic relationship and rebuilding self-trust * You notice patterns of self-abandonment or people-pleasing * You question your worth despite success, attractiveness, or external validation * You’ve felt objectified or valued more for appearance than authenticity * You want to recognize genuine interest versus manipulation or hidden agendas * You’re ready to stop overthinking and become your own strongest advocate * You want psychology-backed tools for secure, emotionally healthy relationships Connect with Dr. Tasha Seiter: Website: https://marriage-counseling-fort-collins.com/ [https://marriage-counseling-fort-collins.com/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtashaseiter/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/drtashaseiter/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Get more info and sign up for the next cohort here- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Addicted to the Wrong One

Logic doesn’t stand a chance when love feels like a drug. In this episode, Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards shows how trauma, low self-worth, and intense chemistry can turn a relationship into a full-blown addiction and what it really takes to finally walk away. Welcome back to Uncoupled and Unfiltered — where we talk about the things your therapist hints at and your best friend avoids saying out loud. I’m your host, Ksenia Muench, and today we’re diving into the messy line between love, obsession, and self-destruction with author and speaker Stephen Paul Edwards. Together, we unpack toxic attraction, attachment wounds, and why so many smart, self-aware people mistake intensity for intimacy and keep returning to relationships that hurt them. This episode is raw, provocative, and might completely change the way you see your past relationships. Key Topics Covered: * Why we're drawn to toxic and chaotic relationships — the psychological and neurological forces pulling us toward people who are bad for us * Why leaving is so hard — what keeps smart, capable people stuck in relationships they know are destroying them * How trauma and attachment styles shape who we choose — the childhood wounds quietly running your love life * Can intense, passionate relationships become stable and healthy? — the honest answer * Warning signs you're in a Venus Fly Trap relationship — and what it feels like when you're the fly * What Stephen learned about love, boundaries, and self-awareness — the hard-won insights from living through it “Trauma bonding is very powerful, that people are not even aware when it's happening.” - Stephen Paul Edwards About Our Guest: Stephen Paul Edwards Stephen Paul Edwards is the author of The Venus Fly Trap: Sex, Lies, and Repercussions, a memoir that dives into obsession, betrayal, and destructive passion with sharp honesty, dark humor, and emotional depth. Often described as part Fifty Shades, part Gone Girl, and part therapy session with the devil, the book explores the psychology of erotic obsession, toxic attraction, and the painful process of reclaiming yourself from a relationship built to consume you. Who This Episode Is For You If: * You’ve stayed in a relationship you knew was wrong, but couldn’t leave * You’re repeatedly drawn to unavailable or chaotic partners * You’ve mistaken intensity for love and suffered because of it * You want to understand the psychology behind toxic attraction and trauma bonds * You’re ready for an honest conversation about the darker side of love and desire Connect with Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards: Website: https://vft23.com/ [https://vft23.com/]  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@vft23_official [https://www.tiktok.com/@vft23_official?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc] LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/seemiracles/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/seemiracles/]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61575468609762 [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61575468609762]  X: https://x.com/vftofficial23?s=21 [https://x.com/vftofficial23?s=21]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/stephen_sapereaude/ [https://www.instagram.com/stephen_sapereaude/]   Free Resources From Dr. Stephen Paul Edwards:  First three chapters of his book, The Venus Fly Trap: https://bit.ly/4bsLZ7J [https://bit.ly/4bsLZ7J]  Exclusive coaching discount for listeners of the show: Coaching and Counseling https://vft23.com/coaching-and-counselling/?utm_source=Ksenia+Muench&utm_medium=Uncoupled+%26+Unfiltered&utm_campaign=Podcast+Interview+-++Ksenia+Muench [https://vft23.com/coaching-and-counselling/?utm_source=Ksenia+Muench&utm_medium=Uncoupled+%26+Unfiltered&utm_campaign=Podcast+Interview+-++Ksenia+Muench] Discount Code: VFT23! Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Get more info and sign up for the next cohort here- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

From Mom to Multi-Million Dollar CEO

When your marriage implodes, and the kids leave home, do you spiral or build something bigger than the life you just lost? In this episode, a multi‑exit CEO and mom of four breaks down how entrepreneurship can become your lifeline, your power move, and your path to seven‑figure freedom after divorce. In this episode, I sit down with Beth Mazza, co-founder of Female Mavericks, a powerhouse community dedicated to helping women launch and scale thriving businesses—without sacrificing their roles as parents, partners, and whole humans. We dive into what it truly takes to be a female entrepreneur today: navigating the realities of motherhood while building a business, redefining success on your own terms, and embracing the empowerment and healing that can come from starting over—especially after divorce. Beth shares practical insights and honest reflections on building a sustainable, scalable company while creating a life that feels aligned, fulfilling, and fully your own. Key Topics Covered: * Overcoming fear and self-doubt to confidently launch your own business * Why confident women entrepreneurs often outperform their male counterparts—and the mindset shift that makes the difference * How building a business can make you a stronger, more intentional mom—and the powerful life lessons your children learn by watching you lead * The real challenges of balancing entrepreneurship and motherhood (and how to navigate them) * How starting a business can become a powerful antidote to depression during and after divorce * The 9–5 corporate path vs. entrepreneurship—and the mental and emotional benefits of building your own venture during divorce recovery * The three biggest mistakes that keep women-owned businesses small—and what it takes to break into the multi-million-dollar range * Why separating personal and business finances is essential for growth, clarity, and long-term success * The one thing you absolutely must understand to build a thriving, sustainable business “You’re only able to become an entrepreneur if you have hope, if you have a dream. You're aspiring, you can do it." - Beth Mazza About Our Guest: Beth Mazza Beth Mazza is a seasoned entrepreneur, speaker, and co-founder of Female Mavericks, a community that helps women build scalable businesses while balancing motherhood and life. With over 30 years of experience, she has founded and exited multiple companies worth tens of millions and has helped women break the seven-figure ceiling. Beth has advised leading brands and has been featured in publications like Forbes and Crain’s 40 Under 40. Her work focuses on empowering women to embrace entrepreneurship, build confidence, and achieve financial freedom through business ownership. Who This Episode Is For: * Women who want to start or scale a business but feel held back by fear, self-doubt, or uncertainty * Moms and professionals seeking a way to build financial independence without sacrificing family life * Women navigating divorce or major life transitions who are ready to reclaim confidence and purpose * Female entrepreneurs who are ready to think bigger, break past revenue plateaus, and build lasting wealth Connect with Beth Mazza: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://femalemavericks.com/ [https://femalemavericks.com/]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Get more info and sign up for the next cohort here- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]

Why High-Performing Women Can Be Disasters in Relationships

When you’re a high-performing, hyper-independent woman, the same traits that drive success can quietly sabotage your relationships. In this episode, we unpack why strong women end up in unhealthy dynamics, ignore red flags, and struggle with trust and boundaries — and how to finally choose healthier love. On this episode of Uncoupled and Unfiltered, I’m joined by Dr. Abby Medcalf — psychologist, bestselling author, speaker, and podcast host known for helping people communicate honestly and stop avoiding hard conversations. We dive into why smart, successful women often struggle in relationships, including how they end up in toxic or third-party situations, what drives those patterns, and how to break them. We also discuss: * What men need vs. what women want * Red flags we mistake for green flags * Boundaries that actually work Honest, uncomfortable, and necessary — this episode is for anyone thriving in life but stuck in love. Key Topics Covered: * Why intelligent, beautiful, successful women can still struggle in relationships, is it biology, mindset, or both? * The paradox of the “strong, independent woman” who says she wants a partner but doesn’t need one. * Why high-achieving women end up in third-party situations and the patterns and rationalizations behind it. * The conscious and subconscious signals that attract the same type of partner over and over. * Boundaries vs. walls and why weak boundaries don’t work. * Red flags that initially look like green flags. * How to approach first dates with curiosity instead of resentment. * Why skipping drinks on a first date may actually help you connect better. * How to fix your “picker” and rebuild trust in yourself.  “Boundaries are meant to keep people in, and walls are meant to keep people out.” - Dr. Abby Medcalf About Our Guest: Dr. Abby Medcalf Dr. Abby Medcalf is a relationship psychologist, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, and podcast host with over 30 years of experience helping people build healthier relationships and communicate with confidence. Known for her research-backed insights, humor, and direct approach, she is the author of the #1 Amazon bestseller Be Happily Married, Even if Your Partner Won’t Do a Thing, and host of the top-rated Relationships Made Easy podcast, heard by millions across 180+ countries. Featured on CBS and ABC and trusted by companies like Google, Apple, and AT&T, Abby focuses on practical tools for communication, healthy boundaries, and lasting connections, starting with the relationship you have with yourself. Who This Episode Is For: * The woman who can run a boardroom or business but struggles in her love life. * The 10/10 who keeps asking, “How did I end up here again?” * The strong, independent woman who believes she doesn’t need a man. * The woman who keeps attracting emotionally unavailable men and calling it chemistry. * The one who says she has boundaries, but never enforces them. * The woman was tired of being the secret, the almost, or the maybe. * The high-achiever who succeeds everywhere except in choosing the right partner. Connect with Dr. Abby Medcalf: Website: https://www.brauerlawcorp.com/ https://abbymedcalf.com/ [https://abbymedcalf.com/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd [https://substack.com/@abbymedcalfphd]  YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/c/AbbyMedcalfThriving [https://www.youtube.com/c/AbbyMedcalfThriving]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving/ [https://www.instagram.com/abbymedcalfthriving/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/abbymedcalfthriving/]  TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd [https://www.tiktok.com/@abbymedcalfphd]  Connect with Ksenia Muench: Website: https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/ [https://www.thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com/]  Website: https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/ [https://www.instagram.com/thriveagaindivorcecoaching/]  LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/ [https://www.linkedin.com/in/kvmuench/]  Substack: https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc [https://substack.com/@thriveagaindc]  Email: ksenia@thriveagaindivorcecoaching.com  🎧 Listen, Subscribe & Share Follow Uncoupled and Unfiltered on Spotify, Prime, and Apple Podcasts for weekly conversations about divorce, relationships, dating, and self-discovery. If this episode resonated, please rate, review, and share to help others find the show. Want to hear more podcasts like this one? Check out Dear Divorce Diary with Dawn Wiggins- https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/ [https://mycoachdawn.com/divorce-podcast/] Get more info and sign up for the next cohort here- https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/ [https://www.highconflictplaybook.com/]