Becoming mum, finding your voice: matresence and motherless mums

Becoming mum, finding your voice: matresence and motherless mums

Becoming a mum isn't just sleepless nights, research is now showing how it changes you at a physical and mental level. In this episode of A Normal Family, I’m joined by my old school friend Rebecca to continue our series on matrescence – the often invisible transition into motherhood. 👉 Watch to find out how becoming a mum can quietly rewrite who you are, what it really feels like to parent without your own mum, and why something as ordinary as singing in a choir might be one of the most powerful mental health tools you haven’t tried yet. ⟡ Becoming a mum – identity and body * What life looked like before children * How pregnancy changed her relationship with her body and boundaries * The shock of realising she wouldn’t be “90% the same person, just more tired” ⟡ Motherless mothering – grief in the background * Losing her mum at 20 and being a “motherless mother” * The hidden moments that hurt most * How motherhood made her see her own mum’s life and sacrifices differently ⟡ Singing as healing – choirs, nervous systems and finding your voice * Why choir rehearsals became her therapy * How group singing supports mental health (breathwork, vagus nerve, co‑regulation) * Simple ways to use singing to reconnect with yourself, even if you “can’t sing” This episode is for you if you’re: * navigating early motherhood and wondering who you are now * doing motherhood without your own mum * interested in women’s identity and life transitions * curious about novel and accessible ways to support your mental health 🔔 Subscribe for more true family stories, matrescence conversations and healing‑centred tools for modern family life. In the comments, I’d love to hear, how would you describe your journey of becoming a mum? Surprising? Tiring? How did it shape your identity and sense of self? Purchase Matrescence by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1 [https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1] Grief and choir singing: https://spcare.bmj.com/content/12/e4/e607 [https://spcare.bmj.com/content/12/e4/e607] Topics: motherhood, life transitions, matrescence, motherless mothers, singing as therapy, postnatal depression, vagus nerve, choir, women’s mental health, nervous system

Want a better relationship with your mum? Try this Ep.11 #matrescence #betterrelationships #compassion

We all came from a woman’s body, but have you considered what that experience was like for her?  In this short episode Anna offers an apology to her mother friends and an experiment for you.  A big aim of A Normal family is to help you lead better relationships and more fulfilling lives. Stepping into someone else’s shoes is a great way to build compassion, so I invite you to  a (potentially awkward) conversation with your mum or loved one about her motherhood story including how she fed you.  Key takeaways:  * Understanding your mum’s story can shift how you see her. * Conversations about motherhood can be uncomfortable but strengthen bonds. * Vulnerability and discomfort are key to connection. * Try this with your mum or another trusted mother in your life. This conversation is inspired by the concept of matrescence – the often unseen transformation of becoming a mother. Look out for my next guest interview with Rebecca where we talk about her experience of matrescence.  All data in this week’s episode are taken from Matrescence, Lucy Jones (2023)  Purchase Matrescence, by Lucy Jones: https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1 [https://shorturl.at/Qv4R1]  Topics: understanding your mum, mother–daughter relationships, healing family dynamics, matrescence, difficult conversations with parents. Chapters  00:00 Why this one conversation can change how you see your mum 00:55 How understanding your mum builds better relationships 01:43 My blind spot and an apology to mothers 02:39 The experiment: three areas to ask your mum about 06:09 If you can’t talk to your mum + final reflections

Why DNA is not destiny: epigenetics, trauma and hope

Is trauma 'in your genes' – and if so, can you ever really break the cycle for your kids? In this special episode, Anna sits down with epigenetics researcher Ryan Smith (TruDiagnostic) to explore why DNA is not destiny, and how generational trauma and healing both leave traces in the body. Together they explore: * how your grandmother, mother and you once shared the same body and what it means for weight, stress and resilience  * How mothers and fathers both influence inherited traits in different ways * Why some families seem wired for stress, addiction or hyper‑vigilance – and what animal studies (bees, mice) tell us * What you can do before conception, during pregnancy and in everyday family life to support healthier gene expression If you are new to epigenetics this is a great 101 to the subject and sheds scientific light on how some experiences are passed down at the  molecular level.  Let me know if you like this topic and want to hear more!  CHAPTERS 00:00 Introduction 00:27 Epigenetics and family 101 03:30 Maternal ancestry and effects on metabolism 06:59 The paternal line in inheritance 07:54 The imprintome - your family software setting  12:30 Nature vs nurture: identical twins 14:34 Optimising your genes 16:24 Inheriting fear: other ways experience is passed through the generation References and inks  Ryan Smith – TruDiagnostic: https://ryansmith.trudiagnostic.com/optin1627581630595 [https://ryansmith.trudiagnostic.com/optin1627581630595] Netflix Documentary, You Are What You Eat: A Twin Experiment (Netflix, 2024): https://www.netflix.com/title/81133260 [https://www.netflix.com/title/81133260] The Agouti Mouse Study:  https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/470102 [https://www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/470102] The Cherry Blossom / Fear Inheritance Study (Dias & Ressler, 2013), article in National Geographic: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/mice-inherit-the-fears-of-their-fathers [https://www.nationalgeographic.com/science/article/mice-inherit-the-fears-of-their-fathers]

Advice from a family systems therapist and youngest of 13

In this episode of A Normal Family, family therapist Anita Sommers paints a picture of what life was like growing up in a large, chaotic Catholic household and what it taught her about family patterns. Drawing on her work as a family systems therapist we also talk about how intergenerational trauma created a self‑sacrificing mother and a larger‑than‑life, sometimes narcissistic father, anxious attachment and how our childhood still shapers our relationships today. We talk about:- What it was really like to be the youngest of 13 – the chaos, the security, and why Anita does not recommend having thirteen children- How big families are made up of smaller units. - How intergenerational trauma, loss and Catholic duty shaped her parents, and how those family stories trickle down through generations- Family scripts and narratives: how the stories we tell ourselves shape our identity, and how to rewrite them- How to rewire your nervous system and self-soothe and how anxious attachment, people-pleasing, and conflict-avoidance are often old survival strategies- Practical tools: why we have to regulate to relate, EMDR, self-soothing, and becoming "the one you were waiting for" instead of hoping a partner will fix it- Birth order psychology: why being the eldest, middle, and youngest children shapes us differently If you're navigating family patterns and cycles, generational trauma, toxic family dynamics, or feeling cast in a role you didn't choose – the strong one, the easy one, the fixer – this conversation is for you.Key moments 01:45 Introduction to Anita: youngest of 13 children10:43 Empathy and understanding in family relationships13:31 What is systemic family therapy?16:45 Understanding family scripts and narratives18:34 Rewiring your nervous system28:24 The importance of repair in relationships31:01 Sibling birth order and personality types34:15 Traits of only childrenBuy ‘You are the one you have been waiting for’ - Book by Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems here: https://shorturl.at/r3jXWKeywords: family therapist advice, generational trauma, family patterns, anxious attachment, birth order psychology, toxic family dynamics, nervous system healing, self-soothing, intergenerational trauma, family scripts

No contact, no children, still a family: Emma's story

Emma went no‑contact with her mum, was made homeless at 17 and still chose to live child‑free in a world that keeps telling women they’ll “change their mind”. In this episode of A Normal Family, Emma shares the long road to choosing estrangement from her mother, navigating addiction and self‑harm in her family, and why she believes having children should be a deeply selfless decision rather than an expectation.  She also talks about building an honorary family from friends and their parents, and how that has shaped her into a fiercely independent adult with her own definition of what family can be. Please take care of yourself before listening if you have been affected by any of the issues raised and see the comment for resources. Key moments 05:58 The decision to go no‑contact  15:24 Why I chose a child‑free life 20:13 Building an honorary / chosen family 24:37 Finding silver linings