How People Pleasing Stops Us Choosing Ourselves with Natalie Lue

When Wanting Something Is Reason Enough with Rachel Hartigan

What happens when wanting something is reason enough? In this episode of A Thought I Kept, I’m joined by writer and journalist Rachel Hartigan to explore a thought that has stayed with her for years: “I do it because I want to.” This opens up some surprisingly big questions: How often do we feel the need to justify what we want? How do we separate our own desires from expectations, responsibilities, fear, or the stories we’ve absorbed about who we should be? And what changes when we stop looking for a better reason? Rachel’s thought comes from Amelia Earhart, the pioneering aviator at the centre of her new book, Lost: Amelia Earhart’s Three Mysterious Deaths and One Extraordinary Life [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781426222542]. As we talk, Amelia’s story becomes a way into a much broader conversation about curiosity, self-trust, adventure, identity, and the unfinished stories that continue to hold our attention. Together, we explore the tension between doing what feels comfortable and doing what feels alive, the challenge of knowing what we really want, and the ways curiosity can help us navigate uncertainty when we don’t know what comes next. We also talk about visibility, creativity, midlife, motherhood, freedom, and the vulnerable experience of releasing something deeply personal into the world. Along the way, Rachel reflects on the years she spent researching Amelia Earhart, the pull of unanswered questions, and why some stories stay with us long after they should have faded. Rachel Hartigan is a writer and journalist who spent more than a decade at National Geographic and previously worked for The Washington Post Book Review. Her latest book, Lost: Amelia Earhart’s Three Mysterious Deaths and One Extraordinary Life, explores both the enduring mystery of Earhart’s disappearance and the people who continue searching for answers nearly ninety years later. This is a conversation about curiosity, courage, self-trust, and what it means to follow the things that call to us, even when we can’t fully explain why. Lost [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781426222542] | Website  [https://rachelhartiganauthor.com]| Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/rj_hartigan] | LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/racheljhartigan/] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/support/athoughtikept] This is A Thought I Kept — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. About Claire Fitzsimmons Claire is the host of A Thought I Kept, a wellbeing writer and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/]. As an ICF Associate Certified Coach and a certified Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments of their lives and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection. Find out about working with Claire here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions]. Claire's first book is out now here [https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Lost-Start-Here-Wellbeing/dp/191708319X/].  Like what you heard? Subscribe [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2521342/supporters/new], rate or review this podcast. Follow on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/a_thought_i_kept/]. Sign up for our newsletter [https://iflost.myflodesk.com/ge9axhtvis]. Shop Season 1 poster [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/shop-products/a-thought-i-kept-museum-quality-matte-poster-1]. For full video episodes become a member on Substack at MoreGoodDays [https://moregooddays.substack.com/]. Made with Descript [https://get.descript.com/xde23ggbyljl] & ... [https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=2463478]

How People Pleasing Stops Us Choosing Ourselves with Natalie Lue

My guest this week Natalie Lue is known to many people for her groundbreaking work on people pleasing, boundaries, emotional baggage, and relationships through The Baggage Reclaim Sessions and her book The Joy of Saying No.  We talk about the emotional roots of perfectionism and over-responsibility, the pressure to keep proving yourself, and the exhausting belief that you have to “earn” permission to change. We explore what happens when you realise you’ve over-identified with being useful, successful, capable, or needed and how frightening, freeing, and vulnerable it can feel to let some of that go. There’s so much in here about anxiety, control, people pleasing, emotional patterns, self-worth, and learning to trust yourself even when you don’t fully know what comes next. We also talk about art, midlife, changing careers, the stories we inherit about work, and the difference between striving and actually feeling alive. Natalie Lue is a writer, artist and podcaster best known for The Joy of Saying No and her long-running platform Baggage Reclaim, which has helped many people navigate relationships, boundaries, emotional unavailability, and people pleasing over the last two decades. Website  [https://natalielue.com]| The Joy of Saying No [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780785290476] | Let Go [https://natalielue.com/books/] | Baggage Reclaim Sessions [https://open.spotify.com/show/00dUs5rE5LLhFAF3mLnElR?si=6262d038ea564007] Also mentioned in this podcast: Financial Recovery by Karen McCall [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781577319290] My episode with Gabrielle Treanor Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/support/athoughtikept] This is A Thought I Kept — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. About Claire Fitzsimmons Claire is the host of A Thought I Kept, a wellbeing writer and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/]. As an ICF Associate Certified Coach and a certified Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments of their lives and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection. Find out about working with Claire here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions]. Claire's first book is out now here [https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Lost-Start-Here-Wellbeing/dp/191708319X/].  Like what you heard? Subscribe [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2521342/supporters/new], rate or review this podcast. Follow on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/a_thought_i_kept/]. Sign up for our newsletter [https://iflost.myflodesk.com/ge9axhtvis]. Shop Season 1 poster [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/shop-products/a-thought-i-kept-museum-quality-matte-poster-1]. For full video episodes become a member on Substack at MoreGoodDays [https://moregooddays.substack.com/]. Made with Descript [https://get.descript.com/xde23ggbyljl] & ... [https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=2463478]

When Self-Help Becomes Something We Do Together with Toni Jones

This week, I talk to Toni Jones about all things self-help. Toni is the founder of Shelf Help, the world’s first self-help book club and over the last decade she has read 1,000 self-help books while building a global community around reading, reflection and connection. We explore the difference between trying to optimise yourself and actually learning how to care for yourself. Toni shares why she thinks curiosity, experimentation, and connection can shift our approach to endless self-improvement culture. We also talk about emotional avoidance, self-trust, and the experience of becoming more visible to other people after years of keeping parts of yourself hidden. There’s a beautiful conversation here too about friendship, community, relationships that deepen over time, and the vulnerability of letting yourself be seen. Toni Jones is a journalist-turned-bibliotherapist and the founder of Shelf Help Club. She hosts The Bibliotherapists podcast and has spent the last decade exploring how books, reflection, and shared conversation can support emotional wellbeing and personal growth. Her new book, You: A Beginner’s Guide, brings together many of the ideas we explore in this episode. If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed by wellness culture, exhausted by trying to hold everything together, or wished someone would just say, “you don’t have to figure this out on your own,” I hope this conversation keeps you company. Shelf Help [https://shelfhelp.club] | You (A Beginner's Guide) [https://www.poundproject.co.uk/you] | The Bibliotherapists Podcast [https://thebibliotherapists.substack.com/podcast] Books, authors, podcasts and talks mentioned in this episode • Paul McKenna, Change Your Life in 7 Days [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780857509567] • Brené Brown, Rising Strong [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781473501553] • Brené Brown, TED Talk: The Power of Vulnerability [https://youtu.be/iCvmsMzlF7o?si=XW0Eidp9iKeqBdYK] • Brené Brown, TED Talk: Listening to Shame [https://youtu.be/psN1DORYYV0?si=z-71Mb61qIzdjXzk] • Glennon Doyle, Untamed [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781785043352] and the podcast We Can Do Hard Things [https://open.spotify.com/episode/4d1NMTJaBxOzmBUmBHer0r?si=449d753e5b2d4990] • Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat Pray Love [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780747585664] and Big Magic [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781408866757] • Amir Levine, Attached [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781529032178] and Secure [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781529976168] • Alexandra Elle, The Company We Keep [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781398555846] • Shahroo Izadi, The Kindness Method [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781509881833] • Will Bowen, A Complaint Free World [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780753513460] • Suzy Reading, Self-Care for Tough Times [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781783253753] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/support/athoughtikept] This is A Thought I Kept — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. About Claire Fitzsimmons Claire is the host of A Thought I Kept, a wellbeing writer and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/]. As an ICF Associate Certified Coach and a certified Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments of their lives and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection. Find out about working with Claire here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions]. Claire's first book is out now here [https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Lost-Start-Here-Wellbeing/dp/191708319X/].  Like what you heard? Subscribe [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2521342/supporters/new], rate or review this podcast. Follow on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/a_thought_i_kept/]. Sign up for our newsletter [https://iflost.myflodesk.com/ge9axhtvis]. Shop Season 1 poster [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/shop-products/a-thought-i-kept-museum-quality-matte-poster-1]. For full video episodes become a member on Substack at MoreGoodDays [https://moregooddays.substack.com/]. Made with Descript [https://get.descript.com/xde23ggbyljl] & ... [https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=2463478]

How We Live Between Belief and Doubt with Hiroko Yoda

In this episode of A Thought I Kept, I talk to Hiroko Yoda about grief, Japanese spirituality, uncertainty, ritual, belonging, and what it means to live somewhere between belief and doubt. We explore the idea of “half belief, half doubt” — the Japanese concept of hanshin hangi and how it can offer a more spacious way of relating to uncertainty, spirituality, and even ourselves. Hiroko shares how the death of her mother became the beginning of a deeper spiritual awakening, not through certainty or doctrine, but through noticing. A walk in the park. A shrine glimpsed through the trees. A feeling that perhaps we are less alone than we think. Together we talk about the everyday rituals that help us feel connected when life feels overwhelming: making coffee, eating a meal, taking a walk, speaking kind words aloud. We explore how Japanese ideas of kami — spiritual presences that exist in nature, objects, and everyday life — can shift the way we think about grief, anxiety, happiness, emotions, and connection. We also talk about anger, darkness, feminism, ghosts, belonging, and why playfulness can sit alongside spirituality rather than oppose it. This is a conversation about learning to live with uncertainty without rushing to resolve it, and about finding comfort in what cannot always be fully explained. Hiroko Yoda, a Japanese cultural historian and journalist whose work has appeared in outlets including The New York Times, The New Yorker, CNN and PBS, offers a path to joy and peace through the peculiar flexibility of Japanese spirituality. In her new book Eight Million Ways to Happiness: Wisdom for Inspiration and Healing from the Heart of Japan Hiroko takes readers on a journey to her homeland’s sacred core, revealing an essential part of Japan rarely experienced by outsiders – yet has much to offer those on their own quest for meaning and resilience, wherever they are.  Website [https://www.hirokoyoda.com] | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/hi_yoda_1/] | Eight Million Ways to Happiness [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781526672162] Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/support/athoughtikept] This is A Thought I Kept — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. About Claire Fitzsimmons Claire is the host of A Thought I Kept, a wellbeing writer and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/]. As an ICF Associate Certified Coach and a certified Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments of their lives and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection. Find out about working with Claire here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions]. Claire's first book is out now here [https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Lost-Start-Here-Wellbeing/dp/191708319X/].  Like what you heard? Subscribe [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2521342/supporters/new], rate or review this podcast. Follow on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/a_thought_i_kept/]. Sign up for our newsletter [https://iflost.myflodesk.com/ge9axhtvis]. Shop Season 1 poster [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/shop-products/a-thought-i-kept-museum-quality-matte-poster-1]. For full video episodes become a member on Substack at MoreGoodDays [https://moregooddays.substack.com/]. Made with Descript [https://get.descript.com/xde23ggbyljl] & ... [https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=2463478]

Hope, Hulp and Human Tricky Things with Jacky Power

In this episode, I talk to Jacky Power about feelings — the ones we hide, the ones we soften, and the ones we’re not always sure we’re allowed to have. We explore what it means to be seen, and why that can feel both deeply wanted and quietly risky. There’s something here about the tension between expression and protection — how we might say things sideways, through poetry or humour or busyness, and hope someone understands anyway. We talk about loneliness, and the difference between being alone and feeling emotionally unseen. About anxiety and overwhelm, and what happens when we start to understand our emotions not as problems to fix, but as signals from a nervous system trying to find its way back to safety. And we spend time with the idea of “hulp” and why it can be so hard to ask for help, even when we need it most. Jacky Power is a therapeutic poet, trauma therapist, and transformational speaker working at the intersection of psychology and performance poetry. With an MSc in Addiction Psychology & Counselling and advanced EFT training, she has spent years helping "cycle breakers” - people interrupting intergenerational patterns  - find language for what they've been taught to swallow. She is the creator of the HULP to HOPE framework, host of the Words in the Wilderness podcast, and has performed at the Edinburgh Fringe with her one woman show ’Stop the world I want to get off’ and has a poetry collection out under the same name. Her next book, From Hulp to Hope, is due out this summer 2026. Substack [https://jackypower.substack.com] | Website [https://www.jackypower.com] | Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/the_therapeutic_poet/] We also mention: The work of Dan Siegel [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781912854714] | Anne Lamott, Bird by Bird [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781786898555] | Deb Dana, Polyvagal Theory bk [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780393712377] | Brené Brown’s Atlas of the Heart [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9781785043772] | We’re Going on a Bear Hunt  [https://uk.bookshop.org/a/2541/9780744523232]| Charles R. Snyder's hope theory Support the show [https://www.buzzsprout.com/support/athoughtikept] This is A Thought I Kept — Weekly conversations about the ideas that stay. Listen every Monday morning for a new thought to hold onto this week. About Claire Fitzsimmons Claire is the host of A Thought I Kept, a wellbeing writer and the co-founder of If Lost Start Here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/]. As an ICF Associate Certified Coach and a certified Emotions Coach Practitioner, Claire helps people navigate the everyday lost moments of their lives and all the feelings, from anxiety to grief, overwhelm to disconnection. Find out about working with Claire here [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/emotions-sessions]. Claire's first book is out now here [https://www.amazon.co.uk/If-Lost-Start-Here-Wellbeing/dp/191708319X/].  Like what you heard? Subscribe [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2521342/supporters/new], rate or review this podcast. Follow on Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/a_thought_i_kept/]. Sign up for our newsletter [https://iflost.myflodesk.com/ge9axhtvis]. Shop Season 1 poster [https://www.ifloststarthere.com/shop-products/a-thought-i-kept-museum-quality-matte-poster-1]. For full video episodes become a member on Substack at MoreGoodDays [https://moregooddays.substack.com/]. Made with Descript [https://get.descript.com/xde23ggbyljl] & ... [https://www.buzzsprout.com/?referrer_id=2463478]