Am I Vain?

Don't Worry

Don’t worry The song Don't Worry, Be Happy was written expressly for me. Because if there is nothing to worry about - than I worry about the absence of something to worry about.   I am concerned I may not be getting my point across.... (see what I mean.)   Over the years, I have tried to focus on what gifts I have as an antidote to paralysis. They say comparison is the thief of joy, and they may be right.   However, I am keenly aware that I have many privileges not afforded everyone. My body is not the strongest nor my brain the smartest, but I have good use of both. I am far from rich, but I have been employed steadily since I was old enough to work.   And so I try even when I worry I will fail-   because I know there are so many circumstances that would make the act of "trying" impossible for me.   On October 20th I will be hosting another Pop-Up dinner on Grace Farms in Chandler, AZ. It is a farm-to-table event that I am very proud of.   Am I a restauranteur by training or experience? No. Am I an expert in farms? No. Basically, do I know what I am doing? Not really.   But in the act of trying, I brought a set of experiences many people have loved into the world.   Those of you who’ve been long term listeners and those of you who have purchased one of our handmade charms –   You’ve helped me in this imperfect journey of mine.   Thank you and I promise that I am trying my best to be worthy of that trust.   And  - don’t worry –   I am doing enough of that for both of us.

Am I Vain?

I don't think of myself as a violent man, but when I hear:   "You look great..... for 48."    I get a little nutty. That qualifier sort of negates the compliment, no?    Am I vain? Ok, so I am vain.   I agree, it is not an attractive quality. And, I am sure that I have some measure of all the 7 deadly sins in my character.    My oldest daughter is 23 and launching the next phase of her life. I sat with her this week. She is marvelous.   People occasionally compliment me as a parent regarding the quality of my kids’ character.   I assure you, the astounding people they are becoming is born entirely of their own hard work and discipline and openness to the good in the world.   I am very lucky.   I am heading into another birthday. Reflecting on what remains the same about me, and what has changed, it is hard not to feel like I should be better a better version of myself.   What failings I have are not due to a lack of effort. I need to external prodding to remind me to improve the quality of my character everyday.   I am not sure if the next stage of my life will be to take all I have learned in the past half-century and accelerate the pace of my development as a person.   Or will I relax into the mixed bag of good and bad traits that comprise my character.   I am habituated to the struggle of overcoming my shortcomings.   I have no idea where I will land.   But – should you be interested – I will keep you posted.

Ice Cream in the Morning

I have been traveling to big cities these past three weeks. Austin, Chicago and San Diego.    I have walked to nearly all my meetings on these trips. The number of homeless people seems overwhelmingly high in these places.   Is the number higher than usual?   I can't say.   How to give someone their dignity while keeping a reasonable expectation that I deserve personal space- is a question that nags at me during these encounters.   Walking about 6:3 0 AM in San Diego a woman is ensconced in a restaurant’s doorway. She screams at the top of her lungs:   I WANT ICE CREAM.   She is a woman after my own heart.   I fully recognize that each person I meet carries their own unique story and set of circumstances that brings them to their current state.   I am grateful for my life - so in front of you and the divine - let me be unambiguous that I am aware of how fortunate I am.   There is an arrogance to thinking I can help all these people.   Yet there is a moral cowardice in thinking I am disconnected to them all and I can do nothing about any of their plights.   I have picked my spots over the years.   Buying food here and giving cash there.   I am not sure on what the best course of action we should all take.   I admit I did not do it.   But I hope someone got that girl some ice cream.

Kissing Babies

My Mom is Italian and my Dad is Irish.   I am in the immigrant cycle of Americans where the immigrants were passing in the first 10 years of my life.   Those born in this country primarily identified with their country origin.   As a kid - When I was with my Dad's side  - I was Irish.   When I was with my Mom's side - I was Italian.   A cultural schizophrenic you might say. Each side of the family embraced a specific set of rules of behavior.   Although the underpinning values of those rules were consistent, the expression of those rules were not the same. I knew each side of the family loved me a great deal. However, one side was decidedly more demonstrative when it came to physical affection.  As a parent, I followed the side of the family that thought it wise to kiss babies until they cried and hold kids tightly in public until they grew physically strong enough to escape your grasp. We've a new baby in the family.   I learned long ago that people in the west,   far from the Italian and Irish neighborhoods of my youth,   did not have the same frame of reference when it came to hugging and familial affection. It was hard not to kiss the new baby until the poor thing couldn't take it anymore.   I managed to control myself.   From a hot July day in the Arizona desert   I am sending you hopes that someone is loving you more than you can stand it.

Our New One

It was a big week in our family.    I have a new niece as of last week.   My brother-in-law and his wife added a perfect little cutie-pie to the family. Mother and baby are happy and healthy. And we are so happy to have the new one.   I am rarely accused of being relaxed or calm. Even in repose, I am thinking of what to do next.   One antidote to my monkey-mind has always been taking a nap with a baby on my chest.   I've yet to squish one and my body's instincts seem to keep them safe even when I am unconscious. It was one of my great discoveries when I first became a parent a very long time ago.   And so, I have another chance to relax for a small bit.     In the hospital where she was born, my sister leads roughly 200 nurses that work with babies in all states of health and sickness.    Walking with my sister and seeing premature babies and the expressions on their families' faces reminded me that truly have no problems.   It reminded me that my worrying is generally wasted and misplaced.   As you would expect, my life’s journey holds my attention most often.   In the presence of the newly born, I find it easier to remember how each person is on their OWN unique journey. Seeing someone at the very beginning of all that awaits them causes me to contemplate what their lives will contain.   Focus and care on another.   That turns out to be the best way to relax.