ADHD in Relationships: Curiosity, Compassion, and Ending the Shame Spiral

When Your Brain Is “Too Much”: ADHD, Chronic Illness, Shame, and Learning to Trust Yourself

What happens when a “fancy brain” collides with chronic illness, medical trauma, and a world that keeps demanding simplicity from someone inherently complex? In this deeply human conversation, I sit down with attorney-turned-disability advocate Alisa Aczel to talk about late-diagnosed neurodivergence, shame, chronic conditions, intuition, and the emotional exhaustion of trying to explain a life that doesn’t fit neatly into anyone else’s boxes. Alisa shares what it was like growing up believing she was “too much,” navigating ADHD alongside complex medical conditions including Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, and learning — slowly and imperfectly — to trust herself again after years of being dismissed by systems that were never designed for complexity. We also explore: * Why neurodivergent women often internalize shame long before diagnosis * The overlap between ADHD, chronic illness, trauma, and medical gaslighting * The hidden grief of untapped potential * Why simplifying complex people can become its own form of harm * How travel creates movement, perspective, connection, and vitality for neurodivergent brains * The tension between uncertainty and trust * What it means to stop forcing yourself into someone else’s version of “normal” This episode is honest, layered, funny, painful, hopeful, and deeply validating for anyone who has ever felt like they were simultaneously “too much” and not enough. And woven throughout the conversation is a reminder I think many women desperately need to hear: You are not failing because you are complex. You may simply need systems, support, and environments that actually honor how your brain and body work. If today’s episode resonates, download the free Decision Filter tool mentioned in the intro. It’s designed to help overwhelmed ADHD brains figure out what actually matters right now — without spiraling, overthinking, or trying to do everything at once. Your Decision Filter is here. [https://www.fit-ology.com/decision-filters] Your Lab Kit: 1. Run your Decision Filter before spiraling. 2. Practice somatic interruptions during overwhelm. 3. Find support items for tough days. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ADHD Alchemy Podcast is where bright, sensitive women finally stop masking and start thriving—with clarity, confidence, and shameless potential. We’re sharing real stories that help us turn friction into flow, liability into leverage, and resistance into rhythm. If your brain feels like a thousand tabs are open and five radio stations are playing at once, you’re in the right place! I’m Jessica Covington and I’ve always had a slightly different way of doing things, including ADHD. In my work, we leverage the body-mind connection to harness the beautiful potential you’ve always known is there but haven’t been able to use. My guests and I are here to help you quiet the shame, trust yourself again, and create a life that feels calm, focused, and fully yours. These are the stories of women like us: the ones who think differently; who’ve tried every damn system, planner, and app but nothing sticks; who’ve spent years and all their energy trying to seem "normal"; and who are finally ready to see ADHD without shame, guilt, or apology. Stick with us here to remember you are NOT a failure, you’re not alone in the chaos, and you are certainly not deficient or disordered. Apply to be a guest and share your own story here. [https://myadhdalchemy.com] Learn more at fit-ology.com. [https://fit-ology.com] Join the conversation [https://www.fit-ology.com/adhd-strength-hub] – it’s in our own little space away from algorithms, and it’s free! Co-work with us in Focus Labs [https://fitology.setmore.com/classes/20e223cd-2545-4f33-b3e6-30b22b25d923] – Tuesdays at 1pm eastern. Free and open to any Fancy Brain (but we need your registration to attend). Grab your copy of “Distracted to Done” [https://www.fit-ology.com/distracted-to-done-by-jessica-fields-covington] Help yourself to the “Move Your Body - Move Your Mind Map” [https://www.fit-ology.com/move-your-body-move-your-mind-map] Learn more about ADHD Alchemy Coaching [https://www.fit-ology.com/alchemymain] (private and group pathways are open now) On the socials (sporadically!): Facebook Page [https://www.facebook.com/fitologyADHDcoach ] Fancy Brains Facebook Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/fancybrains/] Jessica on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacovington/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fitology_adhd/] Blog on Medium [https://medium.com/@fitology] Music credit goes to my son, TAZZFANTO, who composed and produced this song just for us. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes; always check with your healthcare provider before making changes to diet, exercise and mental health care. This episode may contain affiliate links and mentions; we are grateful for your support.

ADHD in Women: Postpartum Brain, Masking, Burnout, and the Identity Shift No One Expects

Motherhood changes your brain. Literally. In this conversation, we explore the complex overlap between ADHD in women, postpartum brain, burnout, and identity shifts that often surface in midlife. Sara brings a therapist’s lens to the nuanced question so many women ask: Is this ADHD — or is this just motherhood? We unpack how hormone changes, sleep deprivation, and the fourth trimester can temporarily mimic executive dysfunction — and when it may signal something deeper. You’ll hear about matrescence (the developmental transition into motherhood), gray matter changes in the brain, and why “mom brain” is not a personal failure. We also explore: * Why burnout is often the first sign something needs attention * How decades of masking can create low-grade nervous system trauma * The shame narrative many bright women carry * How therapy creates space to release internalized self-correction * The difference between therapy and coaching — and how they can complement each other This episode is for the woman who feels exhausted, scattered, overstimulated, or disconnected from herself — especially if she used to feel capable and steady. There is nothing wrong with you. Sometimes the system missed you. Sometimes the season changed you. And sometimes all those are true. Learn more about Sara and her work at www.sarakmorganlpc.com [http://www.sarakmorganlpc.com ] Your Lab Kit: 1. Take a burnout inventory. 2. Rewrite one old narrative. 3. Educate before you evaluate. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ADHD Alchemy Podcast is where bright, sensitive women finally stop masking and start thriving—with clarity, confidence, and shameless potential. We’re sharing real stories that help us turn friction into flow, liability into leverage, and resistance into rhythm. If your brain feels like a thousand tabs are open and five radio stations are playing at once, you’re in the right place! I’m Jessica Covington and I’ve always had a slightly different way of doing things, including ADHD. In my work, we leverage the body-mind connection to harness the beautiful potential you’ve always known is there but haven’t been able to use. My guests and I are here to help you quiet the shame, trust yourself again, and create a life that feels calm, focused, and fully yours. These are the stories of women like us: the ones who think differently; who’ve tried every damn system, planner, and app but nothing sticks; who’ve spent years and all their energy trying to seem "normal"; and who are finally ready to see ADHD without shame, guilt, or apology. Stick with us here to remember you are NOT a failure, you’re not alone in the chaos, and you are certainly not deficient or disordered. Apply to be a guest and share your own story here. [https://myadhdalchemy.com] Learn more at fit-ology.com. [https://fit-ology.com] Join the conversation [https://www.fit-ology.com/adhd-strength-hub] – it’s in our own little space away from algorithms, and it’s free! Co-work with us in Focus Labs [https://fitology.setmore.com/classes/20e223cd-2545-4f33-b3e6-30b22b25d923] – Tuesdays at 1pm eastern. Free and open to any Fancy Brain (but we need your registration to attend). Grab your copy of “Distracted to Done” [https://www.fit-ology.com/distracted-to-done-by-jessica-fields-covington] Help yourself to the “Move Your Body - Move Your Mind Map” [https://www.fit-ology.com/move-your-body-move-your-mind-map] Learn more about ADHD Alchemy Coaching [https://www.fit-ology.com/alchemymain] (private and group pathways are open now) On the socials (sporadically!): Facebook Page [https://www.facebook.com/fitologyADHDcoach ] Fancy Brains Facebook Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/fancybrains/] Jessica on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacovington/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fitology_adhd/] Blog on Medium [https://medium.com/@fitology] Music credit goes to my son, TAZZFANTO, who composed and produced this song just for us. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes; always check with your healthcare provider before making changes to diet, exercise and mental health care. This episode may contain affiliate links and mentions; we are grateful for your support.

ADHD Motivation, Structure, and Dopamine: Why Gamifying Your Life Actually Works

People with ADHD aren’t struggling because they lack discipline. They’re struggling because they’re trying to function inside systems that were never designed for the way their brains work. In this episode, Jessica talks with Heather, founder of Quests for Success, about what happens when you stop trying to force productivity through shame and start building systems that work with your brain instead. Heather shares her journey from perfectionism-driven success to burnout, layoffs, and eventually creating a radically different approach to motivation—one built around gamification, dopamine, and flexible structure. Originally designed for her own neurodivergent kids, Heather’s system turns weekly goals into quests, progress into visible rewards, and everyday effort into something that actually feels engaging. Together, they explore: • Why many ADHD women rely on shame and perfectionism to function • The difference between structure that supports you vs. structure that traps you • How gamification can create dopamine-rich motivation • Why consistency—not perfection—is the real goal • How learning to accept your brain can rebuild self-trust They also talk about something many women experience but rarely name: the emotional rollercoaster of high-capacity days and low-capacity days, and how to work with those natural cycles instead of fighting them. Heather shares a powerful metaphor she uses with her children—and herself: If you have ADHD, you’re not broken. You’re in magic school, learning how to harness your power. Learn more and reach out to Heather: QuestsForSuccess.com [https://www.questsforsuccess.com] info@questsforsuccess.com Lab Kit 1. The "Under-Structured" Test 2. Effort, Not Outcome 3. Create Your Own Quest ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ADHD Alchemy Podcast is where bright, sensitive women finally stop masking and start thriving—with clarity, confidence, and shameless potential. We’re sharing real stories that help us turn friction into flow, liability into leverage, and resistance into rhythm. If your brain feels like a thousand tabs are open and five radio stations are playing at once, you’re in the right place! I’m Jessica Covington and I’ve always had a slightly different way of doing things, including ADHD. In my work, we leverage the body-mind connection to harness the beautiful potential you’ve always known is there but haven’t been able to use. My guests and I are here to help you quiet the shame, trust yourself again, and create a life that feels calm, focused, and fully yours. These are the stories of women like us: the ones who think differently; who’ve tried every damn system, planner, and app but nothing sticks; who’ve spent years and all their energy trying to seem "normal"; and who are finally ready to see ADHD without shame, guilt, or apology. Stick with us here to remember you are NOT a failure, you’re not alone in the chaos, and you are certainly not deficient or disordered. Apply to be a guest and share your own story here. [https://myadhdalchemy.com] Learn more at fit-ology.com. [https://fit-ology.com] Join the conversation [https://www.fit-ology.com/adhd-strength-hub] – it’s in our own little space away from algorithms, and it’s free! Co-work with us in Focus Labs [https://fitology.setmore.com/classes/20e223cd-2545-4f33-b3e6-30b22b25d923] – Tuesdays at 1pm eastern. Free and open to any Fancy Brain (but we need your registration to attend). Grab your copy of “Distracted to Done” [https://www.fit-ology.com/distracted-to-done-by-jessica-fields-covington] Help yourself to the “Move Your Body - Move Your Mind Map” [https://www.fit-ology.com/move-your-body-move-your-mind-map] Learn more about ADHD Alchemy Coaching [https://www.fit-ology.com/alchemymain] (private and group pathways are open now) On the socials (sporadically!): Facebook Page [https://www.facebook.com/fitologyADHDcoach ] Fancy Brains Facebook Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/fancybrains/] Jessica on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacovington/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fitology_adhd/] Blog on Medium [https://medium.com/@fitology] Music credit goes to my son, TAZZFANTO, who composed and produced this song just for us. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes; always check with your healthcare provider before making changes to diet, exercise and mental health care. This episode may contain affiliate links and mentions; we are grateful for your support.

ADHD, Burnout, and Consistency: How to Build a Flexible Life and Business That Actually Works

If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly behind — in your business, your house, or your relationships — this episode is for you. In this episode, I sit down with brand and web designer Tabitha DeSeranno to talk about the real, messy intersection of ADHD and entrepreneurship. We unpack the pressure to be “consistent,” the burnout that comes from forcing rigid productivity systems, and the freedom that comes from building your business around how your brain actually works. Tabitha shares how she learned to stop fighting her hyperfocus, create flexible structure instead of rigid schedules, and design her workflow in a way that supports both her business and her nervous system. We also explore the emotional side of ADHD—shame, overwhelm, relationship struggles, parenting with executive dysfunction, and the quiet fear that maybe you’re secretly just “bad at life.” If you’ve ever felt brilliant one day and utterly incapable the next… if you’re tired of trying to productivity-hack your way into being someone you’re not… this conversation will hit home. Inside this episode: * Why “consistency” often feels impossible with ADHD * How rigid productivity advice backfires for neurodivergent women * The hidden strengths ADHD can bring to entrepreneurship * Why flexible structure works better than strict schedules * How shame and self-criticism quietly fuel burnout * The power of designing your life and business around your actual brain Contact Tabitha: Her website, Spark and Soul Design [https://sparkandsouldesign.com] Instagram [https://instagram.com/sparkandsouldesign] LinkedIn [https://linkedin.com/in/tabithadeseranno] LAB KIT: 1. Flex block 2. Boring first 3. Somatic reset ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ADHD Alchemy Podcast is where bright, sensitive women finally stop masking and start thriving—with clarity, confidence, and shameless potential. We’re sharing real stories that help us turn friction into flow, liability into leverage, and resistance into rhythm. If your brain feels like a thousand tabs are open and five radio stations are playing at once, you’re in the right place! I’m Jessica Covington and I’ve always had a slightly different way of doing things, including ADHD. In my work, we leverage the body-mind connection to harness the beautiful potential you’ve always known is there but haven’t been able to use. My guests and I are here to help you quiet the shame, trust yourself again, and create a life that feels calm, focused, and fully yours. These are the stories of women like us: the ones who think differently; who’ve tried every damn system, planner, and app but nothing sticks; who’ve spent years and all their energy trying to seem "normal"; and who are finally ready to see ADHD without shame, guilt, or apology. Stick with us here to remember you are NOT a failure, you’re not alone in the chaos, and you are certainly not deficient or disordered. Apply to be a guest and share your own story here. [https://myadhdalchemy.com] Learn more at fit-ology.com. [https://fit-ology.com] Join the conversation [https://www.fit-ology.com/adhd-strength-hub] – it’s in our own little space away from algorithms, and it’s free! Co-work with us in Focus Labs [https://fitology.setmore.com/classes/20e223cd-2545-4f33-b3e6-30b22b25d923] – Tuesdays at 1pm eastern. Free and open to any Fancy Brain (but we need your registration to attend). Grab your copy of “Distracted to Done” [https://www.fit-ology.com/distracted-to-done-by-jessica-fields-covington] Help yourself to the “Move Your Body - Move Your Mind Map” [https://www.fit-ology.com/move-your-body-move-your-mind-map] Learn more about ADHD Alchemy Coaching [https://www.fit-ology.com/alchemymain] (private and group pathways are open now) On the socials (sporadically!): Facebook Page [https://www.facebook.com/fitologyADHDcoach ] Fancy Brains Facebook Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/fancybrains/] Jessica on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacovington/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fitology_adhd/] Blog on Medium [https://medium.com/@fitology] Music credit goes to my son, TAZZFANTO, who composed and produced this song just for us. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes; always check with your healthcare provider before making changes to diet, exercise and mental health care. This episode may contain affiliate links and mentions; we are grateful for your support.

ADHD in Relationships: Curiosity, Compassion, and Ending the Shame Spiral

What happens when ADHD shows up inside a relationship? Therapist Ashley Ludwinski explains how curiosity, emotional awareness, and compassion can replace shame spirals—helping couples understand each other and communicate better. ADHD doesn’t just affect the person who has it—it also shapes the dynamics of their closest relationships. In this episode, Jessica talks with licensed clinical social worker Ashley Ludwinski, founder of Redbud Counseling Services in Atlanta, Georgia, about what really happens when ADHD shows up in partnerships. Ashley works extensively with neurodivergent individuals and couples, and she shares a refreshingly compassionate perspective: many relationship struggles around ADHD aren’t about laziness, carelessness, or lack of effort. More often, they’re about misunderstanding how ADHD brains process emotion, attention, and communication. We discuss: * Why shame spirals are one of the most common struggles for people with ADHD * How emotional intensity can be both a strength and a challenge * The powerful role of curiosity and compassion inside relationships * Why psychoeducation can dramatically improve ADHD partnerships * How therapy approaches like Internal Family Systems (IFS) and the Gottman Method support neurodivergent clients * What partners without ADHD often misunderstand—and how to bridge the gap Ashley also shares practical guidance for couples navigating ADHD together, including how to talk about difficult emotions without triggering rejection sensitivity or blame. If you’ve ever wondered: * “Why do small relationship issues escalate so quickly with ADHD?” * “How can partners support each other without creating more shame?” * “What does healthy communication actually look like in an ADHD relationship?” …this episode will give you a compassionate new lens. Because when both partners can slow down, get curious, and understand what’s happening beneath the surface, ADHD can become a doorway to deeper connection instead of constant conflict. Learn more about Redbud Counseling: RedbudCounselingServices.com [www.redbudcounselingservices.com] Connect with Ashley on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/ashleyludwinski/] LAB KIT 1. Notice the shame spiral. 2. Practice the pause. 3. Find the hurting part. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- The ADHD Alchemy Podcast is where bright, sensitive women finally stop masking and start thriving—with clarity, confidence, and shameless potential. We’re sharing real stories that help us turn friction into flow, liability into leverage, and resistance into rhythm. If your brain feels like a thousand tabs are open and five radio stations are playing at once, you’re in the right place! I’m Jessica Covington and I’ve always had a slightly different way of doing things, including ADHD. In my work, we leverage the body-mind connection to harness the beautiful potential you’ve always known is there but haven’t been able to use. My guests and I are here to help you quiet the shame, trust yourself again, and create a life that feels calm, focused, and fully yours. These are the stories of women like us: the ones who think differently; who’ve tried every damn system, planner, and app but nothing sticks; who’ve spent years and all their energy trying to seem "normal"; and who are finally ready to see ADHD without shame, guilt, or apology. Stick with us here to remember you are NOT a failure, you’re not alone in the chaos, and you are certainly not deficient or disordered. Apply to be a guest and share your own story here. [https://myadhdalchemy.com] Learn more at fit-ology.com. [https://fit-ology.com] Join the conversation [https://www.fit-ology.com/adhd-strength-hub] – it’s in our own little space away from algorithms, and it’s free! Co-work with us in Focus Labs [https://fitology.setmore.com/classes/20e223cd-2545-4f33-b3e6-30b22b25d923] – Tuesdays at 1pm eastern. Free and open to any Fancy Brain (but we need your registration to attend). Grab your copy of “Distracted to Done” [https://www.fit-ology.com/distracted-to-done-by-jessica-fields-covington] Help yourself to the “Move Your Body - Move Your Mind Map” [https://www.fit-ology.com/move-your-body-move-your-mind-map] Learn more about ADHD Alchemy Coaching [https://www.fit-ology.com/alchemymain] (private and group pathways are open now) On the socials (sporadically!): Facebook Page [https://www.facebook.com/fitologyADHDcoach ] Fancy Brains Facebook Group [ https://www.facebook.com/groups/fancybrains/] Jessica on LinkedIn [https://www.linkedin.com/in/jessicacovington/] Instagram [https://www.instagram.com/fitology_adhd/] Blog on Medium [https://medium.com/@fitology] Music credit goes to my son, TAZZFANTO, who composed and produced this song just for us. This podcast is for educational and entertainment purposes; always check with your healthcare provider before making changes to diet, exercise and mental health care. This episode may contain affiliate links and mentions; we are grateful for your support.