The New Grand Tour: Cultivating Old Money Taste in the Modern World

Aristocracy's Raincoat: Barbour, the Sociology of Mud, and Stealth Wealth Fashion

Why does a battered, smelly, 100-year-old raincoat signal more wealth and social standing than a pristine, fresh-off-the-runway Hermes Birkin? In this episode of Awkward Etiquette, Auntie Kiki explores the maddening paradox of class signaling through the lens of the iconic Barbour jacket. We dive deep into the sociology of mud, exploring how the British elite fetishized utility, why looking like you don't care is the ultimate status symbol, and how a garment designed for 19th-century Scottish fishermen became the global uniform for stealth wealth. From the Great Male Renunciation to Princess Diana's Sloane Ranger aesthetic, learn why the highest form of status is convincing people that status never crossed your mind. Key Takeaways & Topics Discussed: - The Paradox of Status: Why the higher people rise socially, the less their clothes need to look overtly expensive. - Historical Context: How the Industrial Revolution and the Great Male Renunciation shifted upper-class fashion from flashy court aesthetics (like Louis XIV) to discreet minimalism. - Pierre Bourdieu & Cultural Capital: Understanding why the aristocracy views inherited identity and status security as superior to purchased luxury. - The British Country Aesthetic: Why mud, horses, and hunting became symbols of elite leisure rather than grueling labor. - Barbour Jacket History & Design: -- Founded in 1894 by John Barbour in South Shields. -- Why classic Barbours don't have hoods. -- The secret utility of the brass ring-pull zipper and the cavernous poacher's pocket. -- Decoding the authentic Scottish tartans hidden inside. - The Princess Diana Effect: How the late Princess of Wales mastered the art of wearing the elite uniform while appearing wonderfully relatable. - Quiet Luxury vs. Old Money: Why the Barbour jacket survives the fleeting quiet luxury trend through pure, historic authenticity. Auntie Kiki's Awkward Etiquette Rules for the Barbour Jacket: 1. Age is Beauty: A Barbour looks best when it is battered, bruised, and well-worn. If you buy a new one, break it in immediately. 2. The Commuter Rule: It is perfectly acceptable to wear a Barbour over a business suit, provided the coat's hem entirely covers your suit jacket. 3. The Cardinal Sin of Cleaning: Never put a waxed Barbour in a washing machine or take it to a standard dry cleaner. Sponge it with cold water and have it professionally re-waxed. 4. Mudroom Etiquette: Barbour jackets left in country house mudrooms are often viewed as communal property. Borrow with grace, but don't be surprised if yours goes missing for the afternoon! 5. No Monograms: Keep it utilitarian. Over-personalizing defeats the jacket's rugged, unbothered aesthetic. Resources & Mentions: - Book Promo: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor. Dive into a world of old money, scandalous perfume dynasties, and an ancient curse. Available now on Amazon (Kindle, Paperback, and Audiobook). - Mentioned Book: Scarlet Fever by Kiki Astor. - Merch: The Dogs and Horses Summer T-Shirt (Available via Amazon and Kiki's website). - Mailing List Bonus: Subscribe to Kiki's newsletter this week for an exclusive guide on the different fits of the Barbour jacket! Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this deep dive into old money aesthetics, please subscribe to Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners and leave a glowing review (Auntie Kiki's ego demands it, darling!).

The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre

In this episode of the Awkward Etiquette- Old Money and New Manners podcast, host Kiki Astor takes a deep dive into the history, sociology, and psychology of jewelry. Moving beyond precious stones and price tags, Kiki explores jewelry as an ancient social technology used to signal belonging, continuity, and wealth. She breaks down the distinct jewelry "languages" of Old Money (which values biography, heirlooms, and continuity) and New Money (which values ornament, optimization, and brand visibility). Finally, she champions the "Nouveau Pauvre" philosophy—an aesthetic approach that prioritizes intentionality, personal joy, and wearing pieces that tell your unique story rather than chasing fleeting trends. Show Notes Podcast: Awkward Etiquette Old Money and New Manners Host: Kiki Astor ("Auntie Kiki") Episode Title: The Hidden Language of Jewelry: Old Money, New Money, and the Nouveau Pauvre In This Episode: Have you ever wondered what your jewelry says about you before you even speak? This week, Auntie Kiki explores the fascinating social codes embedded in the jewelry we wear. Whether it's a dented inherited charm bracelet or a sparkling stack of recognizable designer pieces, jewelry acts as a powerful communicator of status, affiliation, and personal history. Key Topics Covered: The History of Adornment: How jewelry evolved from prehistoric survival talismans and portable wealth to modern-day cultural capital. Biography vs. Ornament: The philosophical divide between Old Money (valuing patina, repair, and family continuity) and New Money (valuing perfect stones, recognizable logos, and conspicuous display). Jewelry Archetypes: Identifying the social logic behind different wearers, from the Heirloom Collector and the Equestrian to the Art World Woman and the Nouveau Pauvre. Decoding the Maisons: What specific elite jewelry houses—like Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, Verdura, and JAR—signal to those who know how to "read" them. Jewelry Etiquette FAQs: Kiki answers your most pressing questions: - Is it acceptable to reset or remake an inherited family stone? - Can you wear faux/costume jewelry or diamonds during the daytime? - Is it tacky to "upgrade" an engagement ring? - Are tiaras ever appropriate for modern events? The Nouveau Pauvre Manifesto: Why you should prioritize intentionality, avoid the performative "wrist stack," and adopt the "never sell the jewelry" ethic to build a meaningful personal archive. Featured Sponsor / Mention: Book Recommendation: Midnight Blue by Kiki Astor – A captivating novel about perfume, power, inheritance, and an ancient curse. Available on Amazon (Kindle, paperback, and audiobook). Question of the Week: If your bank account vanished tomorrow, but your jewelry box survived, what would your collection say about your life? https://www.kikiastor.com [https://www.kikiastor.com] madamexofmontecito@gmail.com [madamexofmontecito@gmail.com]

The Scent of Status: How Perfume Shapes Class & Identity, From Cleopatra to TikTok

This episode of Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners with your Auntie Kiki Astor goes far beyond mere fragrance, exploring perfume as a social language, a class performance, and invisible status signaling. Dive into the fascinating anthropology of scent, from Cleopatra's perfumed sails to the opulent courts of Versailles, uncovering how elites throughout history manipulated fragrance as carefully as architecture or jewels. Host Kiki Astor, author and expert on social intelligence, unpacks the hidden meanings behind what and how we smell. Discover the evolution of perfume etiquette, why "old money" values subtlety and discretion, and how today's quiet luxury scents continue this tradition. We'll journey from ancient rituals that equated pleasant smells with moral purity to the modern phenomenon of PerfumeTok, where fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume elitism, and blind buying reveal contemporary obsessions with identity, aspiration, and the curated self. Learn what your fragrance says about you—whether it's signaling wealth, intellectualism, or seduction—and why, unlike fashion, scent is intimate, invasive, and deeply tied to memory. Kiki also shares insights from her book Midnight Blue, a story infused with the power and mystique of perfume. Buckle up, darling, for an intriguing exploration of how fragrance shapes not just how we smell, but how we are felt and understood in society. Episode Description: Join your Auntie Kiki Astor on Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners for a captivating journey into the world of perfume, not just as a beauty product, but as a profound social and cultural phenomenon. This episode uncovers how fragrance has always served as a powerful tool for class performance, status signaling, and self-expression throughout history and into the digital age. In this episode, we explore: * The Anthropological Power of Scent: From sacred rituals in ancient Egypt to the "perfumed court" of Versailles, discover how fragrance was used to announce divinity, protect against disease, and define aristocracy. * Cleopatra's "Anticipatory Aura": How the legendary queen weaponized scent as political stagecraft, a principle still used by luxury brands today. * The Morality & Class of Smell: Why historical and modern societies equate cleanliness with virtue and how scent becomes a powerful indicator of refinement vs. vulgarity. * Old Money Fragrance Etiquette: The historical emphasis on subtlety, discretion, and quality, and why "loud" fragrances were (and often still are) class-coded. * Modern Fragrance Trends & PerfumeTok: The rise of fragrance wardrobes, niche perfume communities, quiet luxury scents, clean girl aesthetics, and the fascinating digital performance of curated identities. * The Psychology of Perfume: How scent uniquely bypasses cognitive filters, linking directly to memory, emotion, and identity—and why blind buying is such a compelling modern phenomenon. * Perfume Etiquette in Today's World: Navigating nose blindness, communal sensitivity in enclosed spaces, professional settings, and the delicate art of gifting fragrance. * Cultural Nuances: Contrasting attitudes towards perfume in France, Gulf countries, and Japan, revealing diverse social norms. * Layering & the Modular Identity: How modern consumers use fragrance to author unique, ever-evolving versions of themselves. * Kiki Astor's "Midnight Blue": Insights into Kiki's own novel, where the power of perfume drives a tale of inheritance and obsession. Tune in to understand why perfume is the ultimate invisible accessory, telling society who you are before you even speak, and revealing the eternal human desire to control how we are felt. Mentions & Resources: * Host: Kiki Astor – Author, Old Money & Etiquette Expert * Kiki's Books: * Midnight Blue [https://a.co/d/05nKCiAM] (available on Amazon, Kindle, paperback, audiobook) * Service Entrance * Key Historical Figures/Texts: * Plutarch (Cleopatra's story) * Alain Corbin (The Foul and the Fragrant) * Jean de Galimar (Scented gloves) * Catherine de Medici * Louis XIV (Versailles) * Pierre Bourdieu (Cultural Capital) * Fragrance Concepts/Trends: * PerfumeTok * Quiet Luxury Scents * Clean Girl Fragrances * Niche Perfume * Fragrance Wardrobes * Skin Scents * Blind Buying * Anticipatory Aura * Fragrance Brands Mentioned: Creed, Diptyque, Frédéric Malle, Maison Francis Kurkdjian, Le Labo, Byredo, Baccarat Rouge. * Book Comparison: Patrick Süskind's Perfume (mentioned) Connect with Kiki Astor: madamexofmontecito@gmail.com [madamexofmontecito@gmail.com] https://www.kikiastor.com [https://www.kikiastor.com]

Old Money Secrets and Author Life: Behind the Curtain with Kiki Astor

In this season finale, Kiki steps out from behind the microphone to pull back the curtain on her creative process, the psychology behind her books, and the nuanced world of unspoken social codes. Addressing a curated list of reader FAQs, she dives into the intersection of taste, money, and power, exploring what our aesthetic choices actually reveal about us. Kiki also discusses the reality of her persona, teases her upcoming novel Midnight Blue, and shares her real-life next steps, including upcoming literary events and a new creative retreat taking shape in Santa Barbara. She is stepping away to collect more stories, promising to return for the next season with even sharper, more dangerous observations. Episode Description: Welcome to a slightly unusual moment. In our season finale, Kiki is hitting pause, but not before pulling back the curtain on the quiet codes, performed effortlessness, and the psychology of aspiration that fuel her world. This special behind-the-scenes episode tackles your most curious FAQs. We explore the fine line between real taste and trying too hard, the truth behind the Kiki persona, and the slightly obsessive note-taking that builds her literary universes. Plus, get an exclusive sneak peek into her highly anticipated new release, Midnight Blue, and find out what Kiki is building next in Santa Barbara. In This Episode, We Cover: - The Season in Review: A look back at the unspoken social codes, the psychology of money, and the power dynamics of belonging. - The Kiki Persona: When did Kiki stop being a bit and start being uncomfortably accurate? - The Writing Process: What a completely unglamorous writing Tuesday looks like, and how offhand dinner comments become entire subplots. - Inside Midnight Blue: Quiet setups, untrustworthy characters, and the scenes that felt almost too revealing to publish. - The Backlist Deep Dive: Performing taste in Pink Palazzo, old traditions in Scarlet Fever, and the quiet wealth of Low Season in St. Tropez. - The Art of Taste: The exact details that signal trying too hard versus the subtle cues of real, unannounced taste. - What is Next: A look at Kiki's upcoming schedule (Santa Barbara Literary Festival, a Virginia hunting lodge retreat) and the new creative gathering space forming in Santa Barbara. Mentioned in this Episode: - Pre-order/Buy Midnight Blue - Pink Palazzo [https://kikiastor.com/pink-palazzo-by-kiki-astor/] - Low Season in St. Tropez [https://kikiastor.com/low-season-in-st-tropez-by-kiki-astor/] - Scarlet Fever [https://kikiastor.com/books-by-kiki-astor-old-money-romance/] - Santa Barbara Literary Festival [https://www.santabarbaraliteraryfestival.org/] Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this season, be sure to subscribe so you do not miss our return. While we are on a brief pause to collect better stories, step into Kiki's world by exploring her books. https://kikiastor.com/ [https://kikiastor.com/]

The New Grand Tour: Cultivating Old Money Taste in the Modern World

In this insightful episode of "Awkward Etiquette: Old Money and New Manners," Kiki Astor delves into the historical Grand Tour, contrasting it sharply with contemporary travel and offering a powerful framework for cultivating taste, confidence, and a sophisticated worldview in the modern era. Historically, the Grand Tour (17th-18th centuries) was far from a mere holiday; it was a rigorous social rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering for young European elites. Designed to complete one's education, it exposed travelers to art, antiquity, and diverse civilizations, particularly across the European continent. Accompanied by "bear leaders" (tutors) who guided their intellectual and moral development, these young aristocrats were meant to return refined, less insufferably British, and equipped with a portable internal reference system for discernment. Despite intentions, the tours were often rife with gambling, scandal, and personal transformation, sometimes for better, sometimes for worse. Astor meticulously differentiates the Grand Tour's core purpose – the formation of taste and worldview – from modern "influencer travel" (focused on content production, visibility, and fragmented experiences) and "family vacations" (prioritizing rest, ease, and shared memories). She argues that the need for this "finishing school of the world" hasn't disappeared; if anything, it's more urgent today for training perception and understanding how life can be lived differently. The episode then brilliantly reinterprets the Grand Tour for contemporary listeners, regardless of age or budget. Astor suggests modern equivalents for the historical "tutor," including digital tutors (curated intellectual content from museum archives, scholars), taste mentors (discerning friends), using museums as tutors (slow, intentional engagement with fewer objects), and curated reading lists (novels, history, architecture). Practical advice extends to packing (absence of excess, strategic carry-on), itinerary planning (slow travel, fewer places, planned downtime), and even recreating the Grand Tour sensibility at home through art study, literature, local museum visits, and themed dinners. A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Kiki's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour, moving beyond Eurocentrism. This ambitious itinerary spans London, Paris, Rome, Marrakesh, Lagos, Mumbai, Tokyo, Shanghai, Singapore, Mexico City, Sao Paulo, and New York City. Each destination is chosen for its unique lessons on power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, and global synthesis, aiming to produce an individual who understands the world as a complex, interconnected entity. Finally, Astor provides crucial etiquette considerations for sophisticated modern travel, covering aspects like navigating finances with friends, cultural sensitivity (learning local phrases, respecting dress codes, observing before participating), thoughtful preparation (reading, soft landings), polite food refusal, and appropriate communication (what to say/not to say, photo ethics). The ultimate marker of a successful Grand Tour, Kiki concludes, is returning with "better questions, harder to impress or trick, but easier to delight." This episode is a must-listen for anyone seeking to deepen their understanding of elite identity, cultural fluency, and the art of living with profound discernment. --- Show Notes: Episode Title: (Choose one from the list above, e.g., "The Grand Tour Reboot: Cultivating Old Money Taste in a New World") Episode Description: Kiki Astor unpacks the historical Grand Tour, revealing its origins as an old money rite of passage and a system of cultural engineering. Discover why this transformative journey is more relevant than ever for developing taste, confidence, and a global worldview today, and learn how to embark on your own modern Grand Tour – even without leaving home. Key Themes & Topics: * The historical context and purpose of the 17th-18th century Grand Tour. * How the Grand Tour functioned as a "finishing school" for elite identity. * Distinguishing the Grand Tour from modern "influencer travel" and "family vacations." * The role of "bear leaders" (tutors) in shaping young aristocrats. * Practical strategies for recreating the Grand Tour's benefits in today's world. * Modern "tutors": digital resources, discerning mentors, museums, reading lists. * The concept of a "Grand Tour at home" for cultivating sensibility. * Kiki Astor's proposed rebalanced global Grand Tour itinerary. * Essential etiquette and practical advice for cultured, mindful travel. * Developing a trained eye, steady judgment, and confident way of moving through the world. Historical Grand Tour Insights: * A social rite of passage for young men (and some women) of fortune from Britain and Northern Europe. * Not leisure, but a "system of cultural engineering" to produce elite identity. * Destinations like Paris (refinement), Florence (art, beauty), Rome (antiquity), Venice (indulgence). * Traveled with trunks, servants, and tutors ("bear leaders") for guidance and moral supervision. * Often involved gambling debts, romances, and personal "unraveling." * Outcome: Elite cultural knowledge, shared aesthetic codes, rise of guidebooks. Modern Travel Comparisons: * Influencer Travel: Purpose - content production; visible, repetitive hero locations; outfits for visuals; fragmented experience. * Family Vacation: Purpose - rest, shared memory; one destination, stable routines; low friction. * Grand Tour: Purpose - formation of taste, worldview; fewer places, longer stays; intentional sequencing (cities for cultural function); builds internal reference system. Recreating the Grand Tour Today: * Modern "Tutors": * Digital Tutor: Selective intellectual filtration via art historians, museum curators, long-form travel content (e.g., Met Museum Digital Collections). * Taste Mentor: Intentional proximity to discerning individuals; friends who see the deeper meaning in places. * Museum as Tutor: Slow, unhurried engagement with fewer objects; sustained attention to details. * Reading Lists: Books (novels, history, architecture, diaries) relevant to destinations. * Packing Tutor: Absence of excess; carry-on travel to allow for purchases. * Itinerary Tutor: Maximum 1-2 structured activities per day; longer stays in fewer places; allowing for "nothing" to become "something." * The Grand Tour at Home: * Studying art, reading literature from different regions. * Visiting local museums repeatedly. * Hosting themed dinners inspired by different places. * Creating an environment that suggests "I have seen things" (books, objects with stories, layered textiles/lighting). Kiki Astor's Rebalanced Global Grand Tour Itinerary: * Phase 1: Old Power & Foundations * London, UK: Finance, law, language, empire. * Paris, France: Culture as power, art, philosophy, revolution. * Rome, Italy: Civilizational continuity, enduring institutions. * Phase 2: Crossroads & Post-Colonial Identity * Marrakesh, Morocco: Trade, religion, craft, intersection of Africa, Arab world, Europe. * Lagos, Nigeria: Future in motion, fastest-growing cultural/economic hub in Sub-Saharan Africa. * Mumbai, India: Scale and inequality, finance, Bollywood, urban intensity. * Phase 3: Modernity & The Future * Tokyo, Japan: Non-Western modernity, hyper-modern yet culturally continuous. * Shanghai, China: State and capitalism, massive urbanization, manufacturing, geopolitical ambition. * Singapore: Engineered society, efficiency, globalization, governance. * Phase 4: The New World / Americas * Mexico City, Mexico: Layered civilizations, new identity, modern mega-city (art, fashion, design). * Sao Paulo, Brazil: Industrial culture, diversity, Latin America's economic engine. * New York City, USA: Finance, media, culture scale worldwide, Broadway, ballet, opera. * Focus Areas: Power dynamics, urban forms, historical presentation, inequality, global synthesis. Etiquette & Practical Advice for Modern Travel: * Paying: Host one meaningful thing; for peers, aim for rhythmic reciprocity; wealthier person quietly absorbs friction points. * Itinerary: Elegant elasticity (one anchor plan/day); normalize splitting up. * Cultural Sensitivity: Learn 5 local phrases; understand dress codes (scarf is useful); observe first, participate second; avoid comparison or ranking; don't say "Is it safe here?" or "Why isn't this more developed?" * Preparation: Read a novel and a history piece about your destination; book first 48 hours for a "soft landing"; pack intelligently (polished, practical, cross-context outfits); small thoughtful gifts for hosts. * Food Etiquette: Never show disgust; take small portion, try once; decline politely if necessary (sensitive stomach); compliment something specific. * Photography & Social Media: Ask before photographing people; don't geotag small places; don't use people as props; if posting constantly, you're not on the trip. * Hotels & Staff: Learn names, use them; leave places better; tip appropriately without theatrics. The Marker of a Successful Grand Tour: Returning with better questions, harder to impress or trick, but easier to delight. Sponsor Segment (Kiki Astor's offerings): * Novel: Scarlet Fever (Old Money rivalries, hunt club suspense, romance). * Kiki Astor T-shirts (Cheeky old money humor). Connect with Kiki Astor: * Email: madamxofmontecito@gmail.com * Website http://www.kikiastor.com [http://www.kikiastor.com] (for books, shopping, and advisory services)