Steps

Steps

A backwards way of getting things done. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com [https://kellyvohs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Just Me & Her

On the patio this morning. First time this spring I could start my morning outside. I sense something to my left. Last time it was a bear. A turkey comes over the hill. It's cold. But good. So's the coffee. Just me and her. She flips over some leaves with her feet. I've been heads down in a few projects the last couple of weeks. It's been a lot of fun, learning, and mornings with no alarm clocks. Funny how when you are having fun you don't need them. I tried to put the work down to do a little reading and reviewing. Old me set up a morning email that sends me highlights from books I've read. This is the third time Seneca has come my way this week, so maybe that means something. Letters from a Stoic is one of my most highlighted (231!) books. I read through them again and picked a few that jumped out. "greatness develops only at long intervals." If there is one lesson I hope the kids pick up, it's that mastering their craft will take a long time. Hopefully their craft won't require an alarm. That jump-out-of-bed-and-get-after-it feeling. "lighten your baggage for the march." Things. Ideas. Emotions. Memories. Fears. We don't need to keep them in our rucksack. If it's not helpful, leave them on the side of the road. "And as long as nothing satisfies you, you yourself cannot satisfy others." I like this word "satisfaction." People talk about being happy. I'm interested in being satisfied. Getting to a point where you can be at peace with who you are, who you have, and what you have. "If you live according to nature, you will never be poor; if you live according to opinion, you will never be rich." Satisfaction probably never comes if I'm worried about what other people think. "we suffer more often in imagination than in reality." Worry is just time travel and imagination. I hope you get a nice morning outside with your favorite warm something. This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com [https://kellyvohs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

The Price of a Thing

The Price of a Thing Things are expensive. Some things are cheap. Most of us know what we’re paying in dollars. We’re less honest about what we’re paying in life. I’ve paid a lot for what I am now. The good and the bad. The jobs, the travel, the adventure, and now the wonderful life that is today. Some of it worth it. Some of it not. We’ll spend our very selves to get things we think we need. Then one day sit quietly under a porch while it’s raining wondering where we spent well and where we didn’t. I’ve paid for being right. That one has cost me. I’ve damaged relationships trying to win arguments. Needing the other person to see it my way. I think I’ve mostly paid the right price to keep the relationships that matter. But mostly is a word that should keep you up at night. I lost someone close to me not long ago. There’s paperwork and logistics, and underneath all of it, there’s seeing the things you know they loved. A cardinal at the feeder. A ghost wink. There is something harder in that wink. What didn’t I pay. Our relationship needed work. I wasn’t happy with their end of it. But now that they’re gone, I’m realizing something. Maybe they needed more help than I was willing to give. Or able to see. I think they were managing things they couldn’t move past. And my frustration, and anger, didn’t allow me to see that. I was too busy keeping score of what I wasn’t getting to notice what they couldn’t give. I’d trade a lot of things to have another chance. To ask different questions. To try to help in a way that I didn’t. I’d probably trade most things. I don’t know that it would’ve worked. I’m honest enough to say that. Some things are beyond our reach. Some things aren’t. All the hours I spent being frustrated were hours I could have spent trying to understand. The price of my frustration was clarity. And maybe closeness. Both gone now. The price of a thing is life. Not money. Life. And the question isn’t whether we’ll pay. We will. Every day. The question is whether we’re paying attention to what we’re buying. I’ve gotten this wrong, a lot. I’m still getting it wrong. But it’s spring now. No condolences needed. Really. The daffodils are up. More winks. Happy ones. No grief here, friends. Just life. And we are all trying to spend it well. Take care. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com [https://kellyvohs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

Smile Lines

She has smile lines. The library has books. It’s not really a library as I think of it. Low shelves with windows at waist height. Orchid plants without the orchids. All gifts for someone who lives here. But they call it a library, so will I. That’s where we sat for our visit. I’ve been spending a lot of time with my grandmother. Yes, at my age I have one left. One of the boys and I were with her other day. We brought her photos. She talked about the people in them. We asked her questions. She shared. What she could remember. What she kept saying, in one way or another, was be positive. She said she didn’t like that word. But the opposite was worse. “There is no reason to be negative,” she said. I don’t think she completely believes that. Sometimes there are. Then she talks about her husband. She’s talked about wanting to be with him again. He passed away 20 years ago. That’s a long time to be without your person. She will get her wish. Maybe in a month. Maybe in a few years. We will all be very, very sad. I’ll be crushed. And in some small way, happy. For her. And when I think about her, I’ll remember the raisin toast with butter. Lots of butter. The strawberries in cream with a little sugar. And the way she always wanted me to be happy with no strings. Her face has the wrinkles you’d expect, but they mostly go up. She has smile lines. It wasn’t 94 years of smiling. She had a rough childhood. But mostly 94 years of smiling. I’ll remember that. Her smile lines. I hope I’ll have smile lines, too. I think hers took work. Mine will too. Take care. Be good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com [https://kellyvohs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]

The Floor

Valet took the car. We walked in and it was dark. My eyes adjusted. The front room was smaller than I thought. I should’ve worn a jacket. Then I remembered. Princess Buttercup is behind me. They aren’t looking at me anyway. She’s got the room. She always does. The host took us around the corner. The room opened up, but got darker. A beautiful booth was waiting for us. We were excited. My son had already picked out what he was going to order. The family group chat got peppered with menu screens, yellow circles drawn around what he wanted. This is my friend’s place. I think he’s one of the best in the world at this. He’s my age. Actually a year older. We’ve known each other for 25 years. He’s on my 3am list. I know if I call him at 3am he’s in the car before I’m done explaining what I need. He’ll turn 50 next year. For someone as successful as him, the last place you’d expect to find him is on a restaurant floor. Sitting tables, pulling chairs, checking dishes in the pass. Pushing some back. But there he is. That’s what he’s doing. The old idea was “management by walking around.” Get out there. See people. Connect. Be human. Leadership requires connection. But walking around isn’t enough anymore. You have to do the work. As organizations get more complex, people graduate up through layers of management by staying long enough. Eventually they don’t actually know what the job is anymore. They think they do. They don’t. When technology is changing and the market is changing, you can’t tell your team “go do this thing I heard about on a podcast.” You have to go do the thing. Learn the software. Close the sale. Cook the dish. Clear the table. Write the code. Talk to the angry customer. Two reasons. First, the old reason. The team sees you will work. You’re not in your ivory tower. Good. But that’s the smaller reason. The bigger one: you actually understand what you’re asking them to do. Not just what. Not just why. How. See the mechanics. What’s working, what’s not. What’s hard, what doesn’t matter anymore. Most leaders miss that. And if you want people to follow you, they need to know you understand. This sounds simple. Go do the work. But do you? Do you really understand both what you’re trying to do and how it gets done? If you haven’t been in the field lately, chances are you don’t. Not anymore. It used to be called “management by walking around.” I think it should be “leadership by working around.” My friend’s restaurant. The reason it’s packed on a Saturday at 5PM? He doesn’t walk around. He works around. He’s relentless about the team, the product, and the execution. I’m gonna make sure I do less walking around. More working around. Take care. Be Good. -Kelly This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit kellyvohs.substack.com [https://kellyvohs.substack.com?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_1]