Ep. 13: Pythagorass Didn't Have a Credit Score

Dating Downers

Everyone has a bad date story. Molly and Michaela have enough to fill a true crime series. This week, Molly opens the vault on her Phoenix-era dating life — a city she describes as LA but hotter, drier, and somehow more hostile to human connection. What follows is a story about a man who peaked at three grandma pecks and vanished into the night, and another about a "quiet drink" that escalated into something a lot darker and a lot more real. Michaela fires back with her own dispatches: a lawyer who couldn't be bothered to pick her up and insulted her outfit, a cheap chicken wing date, and a guy who slept over uninvited in a strange impression of a vampire.  In this episode:  * Closed-Mouth Power Walking Jizz Man * The Olive and Ivy date: what it promised, vs. what it delivered * Michaela's rapid-fire anthology: the lawyer, the ranch dressing, the sarcophagus * The 4B movement gets a shoutout, and the bar gets its eulogy (it's in hell) * Big Sis Advice: sometimes one bad date is really a red flag to something much worse. Take our advice and skip the firsthand experience Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday 💌 Join our CommuniTitty on Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 😏 Submit an anonymous confession [https://beacons.ai/brasoffconfessional/getsomethingoffyourchest] 📲 Instagram / Tiktok: @brasoffconfessional

Ep. 14: From the Cutting Room Floor, Pt.2

The cutting room floor lied to you. It told you these clips weren't good enough, that they didn't belong, that they'd just collect dust in the vault. The cutting room floor was wrong. This week we crack open the archive and hand you a variety show of everything that almost didn't make it — which, it turns out, might be some of the funniest, most unhinged content we've ever recorded.  A lesbian couple rewriting the reproduction playbook. A pre-wedding butthole negotiation that may or may not have saved a marriage. A sorority ghost with a very strong opinion about door hardware. Oh, and the BOC voice memos make their podcast debut, featuring a chopstick situation, a menstruation breakdown, and the kind of daily psychosis that passes for friendship when you love someone enough to leave them a 4-minute rambling audio at 7am. It's a chaos buffet. Grab a plate. In this episode: * Why lesbian couple pregnancies are elite * The butthole equity fight that ended in a legally binding contract and a very anticlimactic reveal * The sorority ghost who was actually just kind of a vibe * The "not all men" thought experiment that even Manny couldn't argue with * Voice memo chaos Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday 💌 Join our CommuniTitty on Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 😏 Submit an anonymous confession [https://beacons.ai/brasoffconfessional/getsomethingoffyourchest] 📲 Instagram / Tiktok: @brasoffconfessional

Ep. 13: Pythagorass Didn't Have a Credit Score

Mickey is alive, barely, after spending nearly two weeks being personally victimized by a $4 flat of eggs. She came back to tell us all the gory details, including the split jeans, the granny panties, and the breezy commute home she did not notice until it was far too late. This week's main event: the stuff we were all required to memorize, diagram, recite, and perform in school versus the stuff we actually needed to function as adults and just...never got. Not a rant. More of a forensic examination covering the quadratic formula, state capitals, the recorder, and FDR. There's a real question underneath all of it about what school is actually for, who it serves, and what the people who raised you were quietly responsible for teaching you instead. In this episode: * The curriculum autopsy: things we were required to master that have helped us zero times * The class divide nobody talks about — who your parents were and why it matters * Why blue collar survival skills and white collar social skills are not the same education * Personal finance, contracts, healthcare navigation, and all the things that should have been a class Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday 💌 Join our CommuniTitty on Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 😏 Submit an anonymous confession [https://beacons.ai/brasoffconfessional/getsomethingoffyourchest] 📲 Instagram / Tiktok: @brasoffconfessional

Ep. 12: Bring Your Husband to Work Day

Michaela is out this week, so Molly called in the most convenient backup available: the man who lives in her house and was stupid enough to legally bind his life force to hers. Manny Barella, husband, alleged father, and 5th place finisher on Top Chef Season 21 pulls up a chair for his long-awaited debut on Bras Off Confessional. The listeners have heard about him. Now he gets to speak for himself. Buckle up. In this episode: * What surprised Manny most about filming Top Chef — and what you never see on screen * The hot dog sandwich debate * The Claudio throuple  * Body swapping 101  * Manny's Four H's framework for what your partner actually needs when they come to you with a problem Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday 💌 Join our CommuniTitty on Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 😏 Submit an anonymous confession [https://beacons.ai/brasoffconfessional/getsomethingoffyourchest] 📲 Instagram / Tiktok: @brasoffconfessional

Ep. 11: I've Done Worse for Less

Molly's back from what she's generously calling a vacation, and we are picking up right where we left off — which is to say, fully unhinged and completely unapologetic about it. Before we even get to the topic, Michaela has a new child and a lot of feelings about it. The new addition is adorable, completely unhinged, and apparently not the dog Michaela met at the adoption event.  When we finally land on the actual topic — weird shit we've done for money — buckle up. Between the two of us, we've covered a lot of professional ground. Some of it impressive. Some of it deeply, deeply not.  Molly walks through a career arc that can only be described as a personality disorder in resume form. Michaela has her own highlight reel, including a corporate era she'd rather forget, a spiritual era she mostly misses, and a cash-only client situation that required a lot of creative Photoshopping. And then there's the Target story. We're not going to tell you what happens. We're just going to say: Food Avenue. Hot dogs. A woman named Tara. And at least one walk-in incident that should have shut the whole operation down. In This Episode: * MEET HAZEL!  * Molly's career in full: a personality disorder in resume form * Michaela's spiritual era, her corporate era, and her most legally ambiguous client * The Food Avenue opening procedure no one warned Molly about * Why Feet Finder is harder than it looks * The SpongeBob costume incident Support the show [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 🎙️ New episodes every Wednesday 💌 Join our CommuniTitty on Patreon [https://www.patreon.com/cw/BrasOffConfessional] 😏 Submit an anonymous confession [https://beacons.ai/brasoffconfessional/getsomethingoffyourchest] 📲 Instagram / Tiktok: @brasoffconfessional