Heated Rivalry & Why Safe Sex Can Still Be Filthy (Plus: Acting Divorced as Foreplay)

Most Porn Sucks. But It Could Be So Much Better.

PORN IS BROKEN. LET’S TALK ABOUT WHAT IT COULD BE INSTEAD. When most people hear the word porn, they don’t think intimacy, artistry, or connection. They think shame, addiction, exploitation, or something they’re not supposed to want. In this episode, Lilly Sparks (founder of afterglow) and Tolly Moseley (author of Submit Here) unpack why porn has become such a loaded word, how modern porn culture often mirrors the worst parts of the internet, and why that doesn’t mean erotic content itself is the problem. They explore what happens when we separate desire from shame, why women’s pleasure has been sidelined for so long, and how reimagining porn through emotion and real pleasure can transform the way we experience sex. This is a conversation about porn, yes. But it’s also about bodies, conditioning, relationships, and the freedom that comes from wanting what you want. IN THIS EPISODE * Why the word porn triggers such a strong reaction in so many people * Why it gets judged differently than social media, junk food, or other unhealthy habits * The real reason stories and emotions make sex scenes so much hotter * Why Lilly created the porn she wished existed * The making of Lip Service, afterglow’s first film centered on cunnilingus and de-centering penetration * Why receiving pleasure can feel vulnerable, especially for women * Toys, anatomy, and the truth about what many women actually need to orgasm * Why tension, teasing, and anticipation matter more than rushing to the finish line * What straight culture teaches us about desire, pursuit, and gender roles * Why queer communities often model deeper sexual self-awareness * The myths people believe about performers and sex workers * Why men’s desire deserves a healthier conversation too * How shame disconnects all of us from our bodies FAVORITE TAKEAWAYS * Great sex starts in the nervous system, not just the genitals. * Wanting something you don’t have is often the essence of turn-on. * Porn doesn’t have to be empty, degrading, or addictive. It can be art. * Better sex requires curiosity, self-awareness, and honesty. ABOUT THE HOSTS Lilly Sparks is the founder of afterglow, an ethical porn platform for women and couples who want better sex. Tolly Moseley is a sexual wellness writer, former Editorial Director of Sex with Emily and Author of Submit Here on Substack. SPONSORED BY AFTERGLOW Ethical porn that turns you on — and teaches you how to have better sex.

Heated Rivalry & Why Safe Sex Can Still Be Filthy (Plus: Acting Divorced as Foreplay)

COME & GLOW (EP 1): HEATED RIVALRY + WHY SAFE SEX CAN STILL BE FILTHY Welcome to the very first episode of Come & Glow — where we talk about pop culture and sex the way we actually experience it. Messy? Tender? Funny? Yup: us too. In this episode, Lilly Sparks (founder of afterglow) and Tolly Moseley (former Editorial Director of Sex with Emily) dive into the cultural obsession that can't stop/won't stop, Heated Rivalry. Yes, the Canadian hockey romance still has all of us losing our godd*mn minds. We talk about what makes this show so addictive: the emotional safety, the slow burn, the female gaze, and the rare on-screen combo of explicit sex + genuine tenderness. More pls. IN THIS EPISODE, WE GET INTO: 1. Why Heated Rivalry feels like a cultural moment (dare we say, a healing moment) 2. Ilya' “safe dom” energy (and why attention is the real kink) 3. The false binary many of us grew up with: hot sex = dangerous and safe love = boring 4. How the show nails the female gaze (it’s not about bodies — it’s about faces) 5. Queer joy in hyper-masculine spaces 6. The edits + cinematography details that make this show feel smarter than it needs to be 7. The relationship dynamic shift from intimidation-fucking to “are you okay?” 8. A PSA for the people: lube. Where is the lube? 9. The real reason fantasies can feel threatening in monogamy (and how to talk about them without detonating your relationship) 10. The “unconscious coddling” dynamic many couples fall into 11. A spicy closing takeaway: maybe your relationship would improve if you acted a little more divorced LISTENER QUESTION WE WANT YOUR TAKE ON: Do you think safety is more of a turn-on… or is danger more of a turn-on? ALSO: HELP US NAME THIS PODCAST We’re choosing between: 1. Come & Glow 2. The Afters (a podcast about what lingers after sex: feelings, questions, laughter, and the quiet truths we don’t always say out loud) Drop your vote + your pun suggestions. ABOUT THE HOSTS Lilly Sparks is the founder of afterglow, an ethical porn platform for women and couples who want to have better sex. Tolly Mosley is the former Editorial Director of Sex with Emily, and authors the popular Substack Submit Here, exploring human connection. SPONSORED BY AFTERGLOW Ethical porn that turns you on — and teaches you how to have better sex.