The Day I Threw Candy Across the Room: Using My Own Worst Moments to Raise Kids Who Own Their Mistakes

A Generous Tongue: How Specific Words of Encouragement Can Change the Atmosphere of Your Home

What if the most generous thing you could give someone today cost nothing at all?   In today’s episode of Cultivating a Home, Rhonda and Melissa wrap up their two-part conversation on generosity by going beyond money and talents to two things most people never think to give intentionally: their time and their words.   Rhonda shares what it looked like to show up at the home of a grieving family with her children, a Sam's Club cart full of supplies, and no idea how they would get everything inside without making it about themselves. She talks about the difference between saying "let me know if you need anything" and actually showing up, and why being present without having answers is sometimes the most powerful gift you can offer.   Then the conversation shifts to the tongue. Rhonda introduces a phrase she has used in her home for years: " When you think something nice, say it.” She shares the moment her son told a waitress she had excellent people skills, and how that one specific, genuine observation brought the woman to tears.   The episode closes with the special plate tradition, a simple practice any family can start today to build a home where people speak life into each other. Topics Covered in This Episode * What it means to give your time as an act of generosity * Looking for opportunities in the everyday places you already are: sports fields, ballet recitals, neighborhoods * The difference between "let me know if you need anything" and actually showing up with something specific * Texting instead of calling when someone is grieving, and why it works better * The Sam's Club run: showing up at a grieving family's home with a car full of supplies and no plan * The Art of Helping by Lauren Whitlow Briggs [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668] and the do's and don'ts of helping in hard situations * Karen's question about the garden tub: how to make a specific offer that is easy to say yes to * Learning to let people help you: the pride and the blessing on the other side of receiving * A generous tongue: why specific compliments land differently than general ones * When you think something nice, say it. Teaching this as a habit at home before asking kids to do it in public * The waitress story: what one elementary-aged boy noticed and said out loud * Speaking life into people without flattery: the difference between genuine observation and empty words * The special plate tradition: how to honor a family member with specific, real words * How to include toddlers in the special plate even before they can form full sentences * It is never too late to start. Start where you are today.   Key Scripture Proverbs 22:9 (continued from Episode 8) "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor."   The Special Plate Tradition   The special plate is a red plate that says "You Are Special." One person is honored at a time. Everyone at the table goes around and shares something specific about that person: a character quality, a skill, a real story. Not flattery. Real, observed, genuine words.   How to start even if your kids are little: Whisper the words to them line by line and let them repeat. "You are special. Because you are my dad. I like it when you make pancakes with me." They are learning the rhythm long before they can do it on their own.   You do not need the plate. If you are on vacation or away from home, the concept travels. Pull chairs in a circle and do it anyway.   Episode Takeaways 1. [0:00:26] Expanding the Generosity Series to Time 2. [0:01:49] Training Children to See Needs and Serve 3. [0:05:02] Ministry of Presence in Times of Suffering 4. [0:09:56] Practicing Practical, Specific Help in Crisis 5. [0:17:45] Learning to Receive Help and Let Others Bless You 6. [0:21:47] Cultivating a Generous Tongue and Family Honor Traditions   Resources + Links Book Referenced – Art of Helping by Lauren Whitlow Briggs [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668] https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668 [https://www.amazon.com/Art-Helping-What-Someone-Hurting/dp/1589191668]  Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

Expect, Trust, Obey: How to Raise Generous Kids Who Give Without Needing the Credit

Generosity is not just about money. And it is not just for people who have a lot of it.   In this episode of Cultivating a Home, Rhonda and Melissa open up a conversation about what it looks like to raise genuinely generous kids, starting with financial giving and then going somewhere most people never think to look.    Rhonda shares how she took six children to the bank to open savings accounts and set up four envelopes: tithe, give, save, and spend. She talks about keeping a pre-written card and a bill in your purse so you are always ready when God prompts you. And she tells the story of the Christmas gifts that sat in the back of her car for weeks with no plan for delivery, until the doorbell rang at a party, and the answer walked right in.   Then the conversation shifts to something bigger: the talents, skills, and gifts your family already has, and how to start seeing them as tools for blessing others. From coaching youth basketball to showing up with a vacuum cleaner, this episode will change how you look at what you have to offer.   Part one of two. Next week, the conversation continues.   Topics Covered in This Episode * Proverbs 22:9 and what it means to have a "generous eye" * Teaching kids to give anonymously at restaurants, and why anonymity matters * The pre-written card in your purse: a simple, practical way to always be ready to give * The four-envelope money system: tithe, give, save, spend * How Rhonda connected allowance to scripture memory and character goals * Heather's friend, who needed shoes, was taught to notice a need and act on it * The grocery store trip, the Diet Dr. Pepper, and the hair ties nobody planned * Expect. Trust. Obey. The three-word framework for following the still small voice * Why our hesitation to give usually comes down to thinking about ourselves * How to describe someone else's need to your kids without pity or condescension * The Christmas doorbell story: gifts sitting in the back of the car for weeks, and how God solved the delivery problem * Giving talents beyond what you would see in a talent show * Upward basketball, nursing homes, etiquette, organizing, holding babies: what a real talent inventory looks like * "Lord, show me ways you've designed me uniquely" as a daily prayer * Showing up with a vacuum cleaner: what it looks like when the whole family gives their time together   Key Scripture Proverbs 22:9 "He who has a generous eye will be blessed, for he gives of his bread to the poor." Episode Takeaways 1. Put something in an envelope and carry it. It does not have to be a lot. Write a short note inside. Keep it in your purse and wait for the person God puts on your mind. Then give it without waiting for a thank you. 2. Do a talent inventory with your family. Sit down together and list out what each person is actually good at, including the things that would never make it onto a stage. Ask: How could this skill be used to bless someone else right now? Pray over the list. 3. Include your kids the next time you give. Let them help pick the person, contribute from their own giving envelope, and carry the bag to the door. The experience of giving together is the lesson. You do not have to explain it afterward. Timestamps [0:01:56] Developing a “Generous Eye” in Everyday Life [0:02:33] Teaching Kids to Secretly Pay for Someone’s Meal [0:08:05] Kids’ Tithe–Give–Save–Spend System [0:12:02] “Expect, Trust, Obey” as a Lifestyle of Giving [0:22:26] Using Kids’ Talents to Serve Others Resources + Links This topic continues next week in Episode 9. Subscribe so you do not miss part two, and share this episode with a friend who needs a fresh perspective on what generosity can look like. Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

Childish or Disobedient? How to Tell the Difference and Train Ahead for Both

What if the work you're doing right now, the patient, repetitive, invisible work of training your children, is already taking root in ways you can't see yet?   On today’s episode,  Rhonda and Melissa open with Deuteronomy 6:7 and build out one of the most practical episodes yet: a full conversation on training ahead at every stage, toddlers, elementary, and teenagers, and how the small, consistent investments you make now shape who your children become.   Rhonda shares the moment she watched her two-year-old son quietly grab a towel and clean up his own spill at a friend's house without saying a word to anyone, the result of training ahead that started in the high chair. She also walks through how to tell the difference between childish behavior and actual disobedience, the Play-Doh lesson that teaches responsibility and creativity at the same time, and how she prepared her teenage son for a formal banquet by asking questions instead of giving answers.   You'll walk away with practical tools for every age and renewed faith that the work is worth it. Topics Covered in This Episode * Deuteronomy 6:7: what it looks like to teach diligently in the rhythms of everyday life * Morning routines that establish calm instead of chaos, and what to do with kids who are slow to wake * Using car rides, mealtimes, and bedtime as natural opportunities to point kids toward Christ * The power of sitting quietly in the dark -Melissa's mother-in-law's bedtime ritual * How to break generational patterns and parent differently than you were parented * The prayer journal that moved Rhonda to copy down a stranger's prayers for her own family * Warning: parenting for the accolades of others  and how to recognize when you're doing it * Praising character qualities over appearance: what 1 Samuel 16:7 has to do with your daughter's self-image * Childish vs. disobedient:  how to tell the difference and why it matters for how you respond * Training ahead in the high chair: food, plates, and teaching respect for property from the very beginning * The Play-Doh method: introducing new freedoms with clear expectations and a cleanup plan * The two-year-old spill story: the payoff of training ahead you may not see coming * Training ahead for teenagers: the pool story, the prom story, and how to have the conversation before the moment * Amelia on the boat, and  what a three-year-old's response revealed about years of consistent training * The goal isn't perfection: it's progress   Key Scripture Deuteronomy 6:7 "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise."   1 Samuel 16:7 (referenced) "Man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart."   Episode Takeaways   1. Look at your morning and find one intentional moment. It doesn't have to be a formal devotion. A hug, a short prayer, a verse at breakfast, one moment where you're deliberately pointing your kids toward Christ before the rush takes over.   1. Identify one behavior you've been overlooking and train for it ahead of time. Choose a calm, neutral moment, no conflict, no friction, and walk your child through what you expect the next time that situation comes up. Role-play it if they're young enough. Ask questions instead of giving answers if they're a teenager.   1. Check your praise this week. How often do you comment on your child's appearance rather than their character? Find one specific quality, patience, kindness, creativity, perseverance, and name it out loud to your child before the week is out.   Resources + Links Was this episode helpful? Share it with a mom who's in the trenches of training right now and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. Every review helps more families find this show.

Good Chaos vs Bad Chaos: How to Bring Calm to Your Home

Episode Description What’s the difference between a chaotic home and one that’s simply full of life? In this episode, Rhonda and Melissa tackle two of the biggest peace-stealers: clutter and noise, with practical, no-nonsense solutions. Rhonda shares a powerful truth: the clutter in your home often reflects the clutter in your mind. She walks through simple systems like grouping items, using functional containers, and the “touch it once” rule to create a space that actually works for you. Then they shift to noise and busyness. Not all chaos is bad. Kids playing instruments? Good chaos. Constant conflict and tension? That’s the kind to address. The episode wraps with a heartfelt reminder: people over things isn’t just for parenting, it’s how you create a home filled with peace, even in the middle of real life.   Topics Covered in This Episode * Why clutter in your home mirrors clutter in your mind * Don't buy more than you have space for and what to do when you already have * Grouping like items together: the system that changes how a whole family functions * Functional vs. pretty containers: what actually works * The "touch it once" principle for decluttering and daily routines * Being ruthless: two sets of sheets, two staplers, and the freedom of less * The grocery list system that keeps the whole family on the same page * Baby sign language as a tool for teaching communication over screaming * Silent signals for managing behavior in public without a word * The hip-touch method for kids who interrupt * Good chaos vs. bad chaos: how to tell which one you're in * Too many toys, too many choices: how overwhelm contributes to disobedience * Why a child who won't clean their room might just need one instruction at a time * The paper snowflake story: and the daughter who just got her master's in architecture from Penn * "John was here":  what a Bible scribble revealed about a home where kids feel safe Listen in to learn more about [0:01:36] Space With a Purpose Beats Clutter Every Time [0:03:13] Group, Contain, Label: The Organizing Trifecta [0:07:54] Systems That Keep Your Home (and Toilet Paper) Stocked [0:18:43] Train Calm Behavior Before the Chaos Hits [0:33:34] People Over Things: Embracing Good Chaos, Reining in Bad   Episode Takeaways   1. Pick one room and give everything in it a home. Walk through it and ask: Does everything in this room belong here? Group like items together. Get rid of anything that doesn't have a clear place. Start with one room and let the momentum build. 2. Introduce one silent signal in your home this week. Whether it's the hip-touch for interrupting, a hand signal for quieting down, or a look that means "settle," pick one, role-play it at home first, then use it consistently. You only have to teach it once. 3. Name one area of "good chaos" in your home and let it go. Creative mess, loud play, overlapping instruments identify one thing that's been stressing you that might actually be worth protecting. Ask God to give you eyes to see the beauty in it.   Resources + Links Did this episode encourage you? Share it with a friend who needs a little more peace in her life right now and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means more than you know. The Lazy Genius Podcast  [https://docs.google.com/document/d/1feIsNmo06l312gI_MkEtJYhjNwy_AfHYjx92Htn8FtY/edit?tab=t.0#heading=h.utd14ycx5df]   Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  * New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  * Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]  * Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]  *   Did this episode help you? Share it with a friend who's drowning in clutter or noise — and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means everything to a new show.

The Secret Signal That Changed Our Home: How My Son Held Me Accountable About Respect

Rules without relationship will always lead to rebellion. It's one of the most important parenting principles Rhonda has carried through decades of raising six kids — and in this episode of Cultivating a Home, she and Melissa unpack what it actually looks like to put it into practice. Rhonda opens with a story that stuck: the day she heard disrespect coming from her teenage son's mouth and realized, with a jolt, that's exactly what she sounded like. What happened next became one of the most powerful moments in their relationship. She apologized, they created a secret finger code to hold each other accountable, and less than ten minutes later, her son walked behind her husband and used it on her. This episode also covers the full apology framework from Episode 4, first-time obedience, and why "5, 4, 3..." is actually teaching delayed disobedience, how to use role-playing to prepare kids before situations go sideways, and what Rhonda's Rondi bus full of six grandchildren under three taught her about the power of structure, routine, and expecting obedience from the very beginning. Practical, honest, and full of real stories. This one is for every mom who's tired of asking twice.   Topics Covered in This Episode * The complete apology framework: four specific phrases that teach kids to own their part without blame-shifting * Why is it never too late to introduce this framework, no matter your kids' ages * The finger code: how Rhonda and her teenage son created a mutual accountability signal for respect * "Rules without relationship lead to rebellion."   * Why children need to feel valued and heard, not just managed * How to earn your teenager's heart when they push you away * First-time obedience: why counting down is training delayed disobedience * Role-playing obedience before situations happen, not after * The Rondi bus system:  how structure and routine create calm with multiple little ones * "Obedience is doing things right away, all the way, and with a cheerful heart." * Proverbs 29:15:  what unchecked behavior produces in a home * When to be gentle and when to be serious -  reading the moment as a parent   Key Scriptures Proverbs 29:15 (referenced) "A rod and a reprimand impart wisdom, but a child left undisciplined disgraces its mother." (Rhonda's paraphrase: "Unchecked behavior brings disorder and grief in the home.")   The Apology Framework Teach your kids — and model it yourself — using these four steps: 1. "I know I was wrong for ___." (Name the specific action) 2. "I was ___ and ___." (Describe how it affected the other person) 3. "I'm sorry for ___." (Express genuine remorse) 4. "Will you forgive me?" (Ask directly; don't assume) The goal isn't perfect words. It's ownership without blame-shifting. Even introducing this at the family dinner table, starting with your own example, begins to change the atmosphere of your home.   Listen in to learn more:  1. [0:00:11] – Vision for a Christ-Centered Home and Family 2. [0:01:31] – A Clear Four-Part Framework for Real Apologies 3. [0:06:35] – Modeling Humility and Mutual Accountability with Kids 4. [0:11:53] – Relationships Over Rules to Prevent Rebellion 5. [0:19:09] – Training First-Time Obedience Through Role-Play and Structure Resources + Links Did this episode encourage you? Share it with a friend who needs a little more peace in her life right now and leave a review on Apple Podcasts. It means more than you know. Let’s Keep The Conversation Going!  New episodes release every Thursday. Be sure to follow, rate, and subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming next. Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis [https://www.instagram.com/therhondaellis]  Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis [https://www.facebook.com/TheRhondaEllis]    Visit us at: http://cultivatingahome.com [http://cultivatingahome.com]