The Shit Show Continues, Existential Panic at 5:30am, Surviving the Week Without Numbing Out

Holiday Booked, Old Triggers Back, Why Mounjaro Can't Ever Be My Solution

We booked a holiday. Egypt. Five stars. Caves hotel. Fred and Wilma style. First proper trip as a couple in over twenty years — basically a very late honeymoon. And within about thirty seconds of booking it, my old brain did exactly what it always does. The panic, the timeline, the "I need to do something." And yes — Mounjaro crossed my mind. Of course it did. It's everywhere. But here's why it will never be my solution. Not now, not for this holiday, maybe not ever. Because I'm not overweight because I'm hungry. Hunger is genuinely the last reason I eat. And no medication fixes what's actually broken underneath. This episode is also an honest update on my streak system — including the chocolate cheesecake day that nearly went off the rails and didn't. And what I'm actually planning to do in Egypt. Spoiler: absolutely nothing differently. If you've ever felt that familiar panic the second something nice gets booked — this one's for you. I'm Petra. Don't come to me for advice.

The Streak, The Spiral, and Saying My Weight Out Loud

I scratched my eye trying to put on fake eyelashes, ended up in A&E, felt sorry for myself… and turned it into a full 7-day binge spiral. You know the one. Where one thing turns into “fuck it, the whole week doesn’t count anymore”. I talk about: * the streak system I’m using (very loosely… not a rule book) * how quickly things can slip * why it took me 7 days to get back on track * the internal arguments that nearly make me quit every time And I say my weight out loud. Which I really didn’t want to do. This isn’t advice. It’s just what it actually looks like while you’re in it.

Little Wins, Not Drinking Wine, Not Punching the Condescending Doctor, Still Showing up

This week, having a shower counted as a win. Not exactly the kind of thing you’d post as a transformation, is it? And I think that’s exactly the problem. Because I am so fed up with this constant feeling that I’m somehow not doing enough… not disciplined enough… not strong enough… not “there” yet… just because I don’t look like someone else’s highlight reel on Instagram. The truth is, I am showing up. Just not in a way that looks impressive. This week that looked like: not drinking wine when I wanted to, getting through the day without disappearing into old habits, cooking something instead of ordering rubbish, going to the gym even when I really didn’t feel like it… and yes — sometimes just having a shower. And I’m starting to realise something. These are the things that actually move me forward. Not the big, dramatic, all-or-nothing changes. Not the “this is how you completely transform your life” nonsense. Just… small decisions. Made over and over again. Especially on the days where everything feels a bit shit. In this episode, I’m talking about those little wins. Why they matter more than we think. And why constantly feeling like we’re falling short might be the very thing that keeps us stuck. No big lessons. No perfect plan. Just real life… and trying again anyway.

The Shit Show Continues, Existential Panic at 5:30am, Surviving the Week Without Numbing Out

This week my brain decided I was about to lose my job. Nobody actually said that. Nobody told me I was doing a bad job. But after a colleague was fired and a rather hostile meeting about “being watched and audited,” my nervous system went straight into threat mode. 5:30am wake-ups. Arguing with management in my head. Planning financial collapse before breakfast. Normally weeks like this end in alcohol, junk food and shutting down. This time something different happened. Instead of numbing out, I checked in every day, tried to stay grounded, and focused on what I could actually control. Result: I survived the week… and somehow even lost three pounds. This episode isn’t really about weight loss anymore. It’s about learning how not to burn my life down every time my brain panics.

When Stress Wins for a While, The Dark Place, Learning to Act Myself Out

This episode almost didn’t happen. The last couple of weeks completely stress-tested my ability to cope. Between our pony Elvis being diagnosed with laminitis, work feeling uncertain, and the general chaos of the world right now, my brain tipped into what I call “the dark place.” A weekend of doom scrolling, junk food, wine, and doing absolutely nothing showed me again how quickly stress can knock me off track. In this episode I talk honestly about what happens in my brain during those stress spirals, why you can’t think your way out of them, and how small actions – not motivation – are what slowly pull me back out. I also share how I’ve been using AI as a kind of thinking tool to help me regain control when everything feels overwhelming. This is not a life guide. Just a real conversation about what it looks like to fall down, get back up, and try again.