If No One Was Watching, What Would You Stop Doing Tomorrow

May 2026 Re-introducing Kristen Burrus

Jen goes off script on Embrace Your Value to reintroduce co-host and resident trauma therapist Kristen Burrus of Enlightened Services, who helps clients with trauma, addiction, and building healthy boundaries. Kristen explains why people struggle with boundaries—unclear values and not knowing how to set them—and clarifies that boundaries aren’t about controlling others, but about how you will respond. She emphasizes accountability in relationships, focusing on each person’s part, and notes that relationships are salvageable when both parties are willing to put in effort. Kristen shares practical tools for overwhelm (breathing in for three, hold for three, out for six, plus structure and routine), how mood impacts relationships, and why therapy can help if you’re considering it. She discusses choosing a therapist fit, the meaning behind “Enlightened Services,” her path into trauma work, her self-care, and her hope that listeners leave knowing they matter and have value.00:00 Welcome and Setup02:40 Why Boundaries Are Hard04:12 What Boundaries Really Mean06:10 Relationships and Accountability08:00 Repair or Let Go09:08 Healthy Relationship Balance10:13 Tools for Overwhelm11:25 Mood Impacts Everything12:27 Do I Need Therapy13:52 Finding the Right Therapist15:22 Enlightened Services Origin16:19 Why Trauma Therapy19:20 Self Care and Real Life23:53 Podcast Growth and Meaning26:11 Therapy Advice and Wrap UpIf you enjoyed this episode, connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below!Email us at: embraceyourvalue20@gmail.comLearn more about Kristen here: Instagram: enlighten_servicesWebsite: www.kristenburrus.comFacebook: enlighten_services Learn more about Jen here: Website: https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/Facebook: @thankfulheartscoaching Instagram: @the.jennifer.andersonthankfulheartscoaching@gmail.com

The Fear of Being Judged Is Keeping You Stuck

What we cover: * What judgment fear actually looks like in daily life — and why it's so much quieter and more constant than we think * The neuroscience of why judgment fear is wired for survival, not weakness * Three patterns: why we edit ourselves, why confidence grows when you stop performing, and why authenticity builds better relationships * The specific cost of staying small — including how shrinking trains the people around you to expect less * Three practical tools: the opinion question, the editing catch, and one unedited moment Your homework this week:Write: "What would I do differently if I wasn't afraid of people's opinions?" Then pick one thing from that list and do it this week. Reflection question:What would it feel like to be truly known — not liked by everyone, but genuinely known by someone? References worth exploring: * Brené Brown — Daring Greatly (vulnerability and true belonging) * Susan David — Emotional Agility (self-editing and authentic expression) * Naomi Eisenberger — research on social pain and physical pain (UCLA) If you enjoyed this episode please connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below! Contact us at the podcast at:  embraceyourvalue20@gmail.com Learn more about Kristen here:  Instagram : enlighten_services [https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_services/] Website : www.kristenburrus.com [http://www.kristenburrus.com] Facebook : enlighten_services [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557450505773]  Learn more about Jen here:  Website : https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/ [https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/] Facebook : @thankfulheartscoaching  [https://www.facebook.com/ThankfulHeartsCoaching/] Instagram : @the.jennifer.anderson [https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.anderson/] thankfulheartscoaching@gmail.com

What Permission Are You Waiting For?

Jen Anderson and Kristen Burrus explore why so many smart, capable women keep waiting for “the right time” to pursue what they want—after the kids are older, finances are perfect, work calms down, or someone finally understands. They argue that these conditions are rarely fully met and that waiting often masks fear and avoidance, reinforced by beliefs that joy must be earned and that women’s desires are less legitimate than others’ needs. They explain that confidence comes after action, not before, and frame midlife dissatisfaction as a normal invitation to reevaluate who you’re becoming. The episode emphasizes reclaiming self-authorization through small, consistent steps, tolerating disappointment, and using three tools: a permission-writing prompt, naming what you’re waiting for, and one real act of self-authorization this week. 00:00 What Permission Awaits 03:05 Meet the Hosts 03:57 Waiting for Kids 06:00 Waiting for Money 07:04 Waiting for Validation 09:36 Fear and Avoidance 12:35 Joy Must Be Earned 14:28 Confidence After Action 17:14 Midlife Wake Up Call 19:40 Stop Waiting Start Small 22:21 Three Practical Tools 25:47 Permission Is Yours 26:58 Final Question and Goodbye If you enjoyed this episode, connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below! Email us at:  embraceyourvalue20@gmail.com Learn more about Kristen here:  Instagram : enlighten_services [https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_services/] Website : www.kristenburrus.com [http://www.kristenburrus.com] Facebook : enlighten_services [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557450505773]  Learn more about Jen here:  Website : https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/ [https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/] Facebook : @thankfulheartscoaching  [https://www.facebook.com/ThankfulHeartsCoaching/] Instagram : @the.jennifer.anderson [https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.anderson/] thankfulheartscoaching@gmail.com

If No One Was Watching, What Would You Stop Doing Tomorrow

Trauma therapist Kristin Burrus and co-host Jen Anderson explore “performance mode”—the version of yourself shaped to meet others’ expectations—and what it costs to live there. They unpack how people pleasing often begins as an early survival strategy in unpredictable environments, then persists into adulthood as an automatic “audit life” of self-editing for approval. They name four common patterns: overcommitting, overexplaining boundaries, staying in outgrown roles, and saying yes out of guilt, and discuss how chronic performance can erode identity and make it hard to know what you want. They also describe what it looks like to step out of performance mode—slower, more deliberate responses, discomfort and pushback, and eventual relief—and offer three tools: the audit question, a 24-hour pause before commitments, and setting limits without explanations. The episode closes by revisiting the prompt, “If no one was watching, what would you stop doing tomorrow?” and asking what you’d start if you trusted you were enough. 00:00 The No One Watching Question 02:22 Meet the Hosts and Theme 03:06 What Performance Mode Looks Like 05:49 People Pleasing as Survival 08:27 Four Patterns of Performing 08:43 Overcommitting and Busyness 10:16 Overexplaining Boundaries 11:37 Outgrown Family Roles 13:31 Guilt Driven Yeses 15:30 Losing Your Sense of Self 16:57 Stepping Out of Performance 19:14 Three Tools to Practice 19:22 Tool One Audit Question 20:16 Tool Two 24 Hour Rule 21:00 Tool Three Drop the Receipt 22:02 Closing Questions and Wrap Up If you enjoyed this episode, connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below! Email us at:  embraceyourvalue20@gmail.com Learn more about Kristen here:  Instagram : enlighten_services [https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_services/] Website : www.kristenburrus.com [http://www.kristenburrus.com] Facebook : enlighten_services [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557450505773]  Learn more about Jen here:  Website : https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/ [https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/] Facebook : @thankfulheartscoaching  [https://www.facebook.com/ThankfulHeartsCoaching/] Instagram : @the.jennifer.anderson [https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.anderson/] thankfulheartscoaching@gmail.com

Why We Struggle to Receive Support

Jen Anderson and Kristen Burrus explore why many women struggle to receive support even when it’s offered, using “Maya” as an example of someone overwhelmed by work, family health, and marriage yet reflexively declining help. They explain that difficulty receiving isn’t a character flaw but often a learned adaptation, including patterns from being a parentified child, being praised for being low-maintenance, and tying value to usefulness. They discuss nervous system discomfort with unfamiliar care, the fawn response, and the “capable woman trap,” where competence becomes identity and vulnerability feels unsafe. They outline costs to health, relationships, and self-worth, then share three practices: a two-second pause, saying “thank you,” and starting small while tracking it, ending with a weekly reflection on noticing and gently examining your first reaction to support. 00:00 Maya’s Breaking Point 02:15 Why Receiving Is Hard 03:16 Parentified Child Pattern 04:53 Nervous System and Fawn 06:40 Capable Woman Trap 09:09 Hidden Costs of Doing It Alone 11:10 Three Tools to Practice Receiving 13:33 Worthy Without Earning 15:50 Weekly Reflection Prompt 16:51 Door Holding Example 17:57 Final Takeaways and Goodbye If you enjoyed this episode, connect with your hosts, Kristen or Jen, you can find us at the links below! Email us at:  embraceyourvalue20@gmail.com Learn more about Kristen here:  Instagram : enlighten_services [https://www.instagram.com/enlighten_services/] Website : www.kristenburrus.com [http://www.kristenburrus.com] Facebook : enlighten_services [https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61557450505773]  Learn more about Jen here:  Website : https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/ [https://www.thankfulheartscoaching.com/] Facebook : @thankfulheartscoaching  [https://www.facebook.com/ThankfulHeartsCoaching/] Instagram : @the.jennifer.anderson [https://www.instagram.com/the.jennifer.anderson/] thankfulheartscoaching@gmail.com