Ep 39: “I’m not a paycheck”: What 16 years as an at-home dad taught Danny Mercer about identity, care and equality

Ep 39: “I’m not a paycheck”: What 16 years as an at-home dad taught Danny Mercer about identity, care and equality

Danny Mercer has spent 16 years as the primary caregiver for his four children, and what started as a practical family decision became a complete redefinition of identity, fatherhood, care and partnership. In this deeply honest conversation, Danny shares what it means to be the default parent as a father: the exhaustion, the invisible labour, the mental load, the resentment, the joy, and the relentless nature of caregiving. He talks openly about losing the identity that came with a paycheck, navigating judgement from society, and why community became essential to survival. As Vice President of the National At-Home Dad Network, Danny also reflects on the growing movement of fathers stepping more fully into caregiving roles, and why many men still struggle to ask for help, build support systems, or believe they are “allowed” to parent this way at all. This episode explores: * how gender shapes caregiving expectations * why the mental load burns out anyone carrying it * the hidden emotional realities of being an at-home dad  * why appreciation, communication and self-care matter more than rigid equality Explore the National at Home Dads Network: athomedad.org [http://athomedad.org] dadsgottatalk.org [http://dadsgottatalk.org] Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino [https://katemangino.com/] and Rachel Childs [https://www.parentsthatwork.co.uk/].

Ep 38: Fatherhood, masculinity, and the care revolution we urgently need. An interview with Taveeshi Gupta

What if the biggest lie we’ve been told about caregiving is that people don’t want to do it? In this powerful conversation, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Dr. Taveeshi Gupta, Senior Director of Research, Evaluation, and Learning from Equimundo to unpack the newly released State of the World’s Fathers 2026 report (a landmark global study spanning 16 countries and 8,000 parents). The findings are both devastating and hopeful. Parents overwhelmingly say caregiving brings joy, purpose and connection. Fathers want meaningful relationships with their children. Mothers and fathers alike say men are doing more care work than previous generations ever did. But the systems surrounding families (workplaces, economies, public policy, gender norms, childcare structures and cultural expectations) are failing caregivers at every turn. In this week’s conversation we explore: * Why care should be treated as a basic human good, like food or shelter * The dangerous rise of hyper-traditional gender narratives among younger men * Why couples who hold more traditional gender beliefs actually report more conflict * Why the manosphere is thriving in an era of economic insecurity * The hidden “fatherhood flexibility stigma” in workplaces * The tension between fathers wanting to care and not always defining care the same way women do * Why caregiving conversations cannot be separated from capitalism, policy and structural inequality * And why Taveeshi believes we are on the brink of a global “care revolution” This is a conversation about the systems we’ve built around care, and whether humanity can survive without rebuilding them. Read the report here: State of the World’s Fathers 2026 [https://www.equimundo.org/resources/state-of-the-worlds-fathers-2026/] Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino [https://katemangino.com/] and Rachel Childs [https://www.parentsthatwork.co.uk/].

Ep 37: Not everything is yours to carry: Rethinking the Mental Load. Part two interview with Prof Leah Ruppaner

Last week, we redefined the mental load. This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino ask the harder question: What do you actually do about it? In Part 2 of our conversation with Professor Leah Ruppanner, we move from awareness to action. Because once you realise you’re not just carrying one mental load (but eight) it can feel even heavier. So how do you: * stop feeling responsible for everything? * challenge the “shoulds” shaping your decisions? * share the load in a way that actually works? Leah introduces a powerful reframe: The goal isn’t doing more. The goal is being intentional about what you carry, and what you don’t. From dropping unnecessary standards to recognising how social norms quietly increase your load, this episode is about reclaiming your time, energy, and headspace. You don’t need to carry it all. In fact, you were never meant to. Click here [https://www.leahruppanner.com/] to find out more about Professor Leah Ruppaner * Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab [https://www.lightenlab.com/] * Buy Drained now [https://www.leahruppanner.com/book] * Listen to Leah on Miss Perceived Podcast [https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/missperceived/id1744434731] Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino [https://katemangino.com/] and Rachel Childs [https://www.parentsthatwork.co.uk/].

Ep 36: The mental load, redefined. An interview with Professor Leah Ruppanner

This week, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino sit down with Professor Leah Ruppanner to unpack one of the most misunderstood (and underestimated) forces shaping modern relationships: the mental load. Leah is Professor of Sociology at the University of Melbourne and Founder of LightenLab [http://lightenlab.com/]. She is the author of Drained: Reduce Your Mental Load to Do Less and Be More [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/762972/drained-by-leah-ruppanner-phd/] and Motherlands: How States Push Mothers Out of Employment [https://www.amazon.com/Motherlands-States-Push-Mothers-Employment/dp/143991866X]. Drawing on years of global research and hundreds of interviews, Leah challenges the narrow way we’ve been taught to think about it. Because it’s not just about remembering the shopping list or organising the calendar. It’s emotional, it’s invisible. it’s boundaryless. And crucially, it doesn’t stop. From “emotional thinking work” to the eight different types of mental load we’re all carrying, this conversation explains why even the most well-intentioned, modern couples still feel overwhelmed—and what we’ve been missing all along. Click here [https://www.leahruppanner.com/] to find out more about Leah Ruppaner * Measure your mental load - Lighten Lab [https://www.lightenlab.com/] * Buy Drained now [https://www.leahruppanner.com/book] Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino [https://katemangino.com/] and Rachel Childs [https://www.parentsthatwork.co.uk/].

Ep 35: Are you raising a child… or managing an outcome? After the interview with Anita Cleare

What if the way you’ve been measuring yourself as a parent is the very thing making it harder? In this raw and reflective “After the Interview” episode, Rachel Childs and Kate Mangino unpack the uncomfortable truths from their conversation with parenting expert Anita Cleare, and what it actually means to live those insights in real life. Because it’s one thing to say “focus on the relationship, not the outcome.” But it’s another thing entirely when your child is: * having a meltdown in public * pushing boundaries * or making choices you fundamentally disagree with Together, we explore: * Why even “progressive parenting” is still often outcome-driven * The hidden pressure of constantly evaluating your child’s behaviour * What “being in relationship” actually looks like in difficult moments * Why letting go of control feels so uncomfortable (especially for high-achievers) * The tension between preparing your child for the real world vs staying connected to them * And the surprising question every couple should ask before (or during) parenthood Meet our guest, Anita Cleare, here [https://anitacleare.co.uk/]. Author of: * The Work/Parent Switch [https://www.google.com/aclk?sa=L&ai=DChsSEwinwP7t8-qTAxW4g4MHHdyeJK8YACICCAEQDxoCZWY&co=1&ase=2&gclid=Cj0KCQjwqPLOBhCiARIsAKRMPZqgEgcAjnpEnB9Uqx6FdUJrx2gLB5xNio3bvO1XledsUlx4R7219bwaAoWEEALw_wcB&ei=2OvcaZXfL9mvi-gP9Z6JoAw&cce=2&category=acrcp_v1_32&sig=AOD64_2wKSX3D945oZ5WrpWK-sefMGAKDQ&ctype=5&q=&nis=4&sqi=2&ved=2ahUKEwiVq_Lt8-qTAxXZ1wIHHXVPAsQQ5bgDKAB6BAgHEAs&adurl=](UK) * (The Working Parent’s Survival Guide [https://www.amazon.com/Working-Parents-Survival-Guide-Smarter/dp/B098BJZLY5/ref=sr_1_1?adgrpid=186302519253&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.xaDMo9B2vIcxnLlAMgdVN3Ym3ZFy_4lAGwLvkcqKxchYH6hqOwdtPlmJxY2UDzcmqoCK3CzUkF00oQVrvZA3vsDBwStJPilPYbnzZwyCFFmgO2ymMvLLXPZR9iBUibossi8G2XXjgv7IfadHMR6JjUuMK3e5XPMJxvukXngX-hzofvsp6DfLV3EyHfqhQdtuzcopZTdrnkUoasq6d3e9yHwEB2zZyFOkWCyj5S1BLA0.YFlsseGjnWMWf7nyQjFPjQEWOLuPEoduVCMo-1X0F14&dib_tag=se&hvadid=779668183643&hvdev=c&hvexpln=0&hvlocphy=9008138&hvnetw=g&hvocijid=2171165432048287383--&hvqmt=e&hvrand=2171165432048287383&hvtargid=kwd-979131827193&hydadcr=7633_13469281_2078591&keywords=the+working+parents+survival+guide&mcid=54cf6403924a38a1b86b0b9350e6a0c0&qid=1775761166&sr=8-1] in the USA) * How To Get Your Teenager Out Of Their Bedroom [https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/761950/how-to-get-your-teenager-out-of-their-bedroom-by-anita-cleare/] Subscribe to Equal-ish on Apple Podcasts or Spotify to be the first to hear the coaching edit from our interview.  Find out more about your hosts Kate Mangino [https://katemangino.com/] and Rachel Childs [https://www.parentsthatwork.co.uk/].