More than a messy divorce

How you can help

You’ve heard the women’s stories. Now what? You don’t have to be an expert or a superhero. Rabbi Barry Dolinger, executive director of the International Beit Din, and Anna Cable, a social worker and trauma expert, offer some concrete advice. Change is possible.     In This Episode * How to offer support to someone in a coercive relationship * What to do when a friend is trying to escape an abusive marriage * Ways to address domestic abuse in the Jewish community * The role of public actions in influencing gett refusers * How to hold Batei Din accountable * Overview of the work of the International Beit Din Key Moments * [00:01:46] What to do if someone you know is experiencing coercive control * [00:05:18] How to intervene if you see red flags * [00:07:07] How to help a friend considering escaping from their abusive husband * [00:09:24] How to help a community member who’s fled their marriage * [00:16:48] Ways to address gett refusal and domestic abuse on a community level   Learn more, access resources, and read the full transcript at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/. [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/.]   If you or someone you know is being denied a gett, confidential support is available at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/]

Are they free?

Julia, Melissa, Amit, Alla, and Helen continue their stories. How do they get out? We walk through all of the strategies and reveal what works – or doesn’t – for each of them.   In This Episode * An anonymous agunah shares her experience when her husband was shamed publicly. * Amit turns to advocate Adina Sash, aka Flatbush Girl, for help getting her gett. * A beit din in Israel gets creative to convince Helen’s husband to give a gett. * Melissa discovers her husband’s deception, and pursues a heter. * Julia comes to the International Beit Din for help. Key Moments * [00:02:50] Emily explains the impact that public shaming had on her family.  * [00:04:30] Amit turns to advocate Adina Sash for help. * [00:10:39] A beit din gets creative to help Helen.  * [00:16:02] Melissa discovers her husband’s past.  * [00:21:04] The IBD’s mission isn’t to help women remarry, it’s to help them heal from abuse and trauma. * [00:24:38] Julia comes to the International Beit Din for help.    Learn more, access resources, and read the full transcript at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/. [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/.]   If you or someone you know is being denied a gett, confidential support is available at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/]

Yes, the women will be sacrificed

Many family members and rabbis insist that the women make things work, despite violence, verbal, and financial abuse. Not only that, but they support the husband in his gett refusal, expecting or even encouraging extortion. Why are we letting this happen?   In This Episode * Alla’s situation gets worse, and she decides to leave. * Even when women face abuse and violence, people they trust tell them to stay in their marriages.  * If gett refusal is against Jewish law, why do community members encourage it to happen? * When the Jewish community acts like this is normal, what does it do to the women? Key Moments * [00:00:29] The moment Alla decided to leave. * [00:03:31] How Alla’s family reacted to her decision. * [00:07:16] Rabbis encourage the women not to rock the boat. * [00:10:53] Why rabbis sometimes put the interests of the community over the needs of agunot. * [00:17:57] Why do the women think the Jewish community tolerates gett refusal?   Learn more, access resources, and read the full transcript at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/. [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/.]   If you or someone you know is being denied a gett, confidential support is available at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/]

What about the men?

They don’t want their wives back. It’s been years since they lived together. But the husbands won’t grant a religious divorce. Why stay married to someone you despise? What motivates gett refusers? We hear from the men.   In This Episode * Arguments from men who say refusing a gett is ok.  * Results from an International Beit Din study looking at how many of our clients experience abuse during their marriage. * Rabbinical rulings on when husbands should give the gett. * What we hear when we talk to gett-refusing husbands.   Key Moments * [00:01:25] Meet the most famous advocate for gett refusal: Meir Kin * [00:05:07] Meet Nathan Gettisberg * [00:06:44] Is there a “right” to remain married in Jewish Law? * [00:12:33] What Jewish Law says about conditioning a gett * [00:12:54] The ruling of Rabbi Yosef Eliyahu Henkin * [00:14:55] Rabbi Barry Dolinger talks to gett refusers.   See the full transcript of our interview with Nathan Gettisberg at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/]    Learn more, access resources, and read the full transcript at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/].   If you or someone you know is being denied a gett, confidential support is available at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/]

More than a messy divorce

Why does this religious divorce matter to the women? Why don’t they just walk away? They explain, in their own voices. Advocates and legal experts also weigh in on the abuse and violation of Jewish law that fuels the agunah crisis.   In This Episode * What the gett process should look like * Why don’t agunot just leave the marriage without a gett? * The practical consequences of not having a gett * How controlling husbands use this process to delay and extort women   Key Moments * [00:06:00] Why not leave your marriage without a gett? * [00:10:40] How is the gett process supposed to work? * [00:16:58] Misconceptions about Jewish divorce. * [00:20:37] Helen faces litigation abuse. * [00:21:22] Melissa faces extortion.   Learn more, access resources, and read the full transcript at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/gettingfree/].     If you or someone you know is being denied a gett, confidential support is available at https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/ [https://www.internationalbeitdin.org/get-help/]