The Real Reason You Can't Pick a Lane

EP 39 – When Getting There Feels Wrong: Navigating the Emotional Cycle of Transition

You hit the goal. You made the move. You got the thing — and then the overwhelm hit harder than the excitement.  If that's where you are right now, this episode is your map.In this episode, Hazel Ann breaks down the emotional cycle of change: a five-stage framework that explains why ambition and anxiety aren't opposites — and why feeling like you're falling apart might actually mean you're right on track.  This isn't about pushing through. It's about knowing where you are so you can move with intention, not fear. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: *  Why achieving your goal can trigger self-doubt, overwhelm, and imposter phenomenon — and why that's neurologically normal * The five stages of the emotional cycle of change: from uninformed optimism to the valley of despair to earned confidence * How to recognise which stage you're in right now — and what to do instead of spiral * The neuroscience of stress (the HPA axis, cortisol, and your negativity bias) explained without the jargon * How to use micro-wins, sensory grounding, and effort-focused reframes to rebuild momentum * Why detaching from outcomes isn't giving up — it's how you keep going 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Feeling like you're falling apart might mean you're right where growth lives. The valley of despair isn't failure — it's the stage before informed optimism. You're not behind. You're in it." TIMESTAMPS 00:00 – Why success can trigger overwhelm 00:36 – Introducing the emotional cycle of change 02:08 – Personal transition stories: job search, moving, studying abroad 04:15 – Stage 1: Uninformed optimism 05:27 – Stage 2: Informed pessimism — when reality sets in 07:47 – Stage 3: The valley of despair — what it looks like and why it's normal 09:19 – Strategies for pushing through the valley 13:05 – The neuroscience of stress: cortisol, HPA axis & negativity bias 15:01 – Practical tools: breathing, grounding, micro-wins 17:10 – Reframing goals and fixing focus on effort, not outcomes 20:10 – Consistent action and controlling what you can 24:00 – Becoming someone who moves forward without all the answers 26:07 – How to identify your current stage and what to do next RESOURCES * The Neuroscience of Stress & Cortisol  [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5954619] * Abramson's Hopelessness Theory * Micro-Wins Strategy (Seth Godin) RELEVANT EPISODES * EP 31: You Don't Rise to Your Goals. You Fall to Your Systems  [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rykIgkvcj-s] * EP 32:  How to Become Before You Believe It [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAdaxXFWuNI&t=19s]  This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN * Instagram: @clearlybecoming * TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ * YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

EP 38 - Consistency Creates Clarity

You've been told to get clear, then get consistent. But what if it works the other way around? This week, Erica Somer — marketer, co-founder of HOM, photographer, DJ, and aspiring author — joins Hazel Ann to unpack what it actually means to build momentum before you have a destination. If you're sitting on six passions and zero direction, this one's for you. Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming · Guest Episode ft. Erica Somer IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: * Why waiting to "get clear" before starting is the trap keeping you stuck * How consistency works as a mirror — not a goal — and what it reveals about who you're becoming * What friction-maxxing is and why making things harder on purpose actually accelerates identity change * The neuroscience behind identity encoding — why "I am someone who shows up" rewires your brain differently than "I'm trying to" * How to embrace being multihyphenate without feeling like you're betraying any one part of yourself * The embarrassingly small first step for anyone with multiple interests and no clear path QUOTE OF THE EPISODE * "It's not that deep." – Erica Somer TIMESTAMPS 00:00 Introduction — the contradiction at the heart of this episode04:55 Vancouver → Paris → London: what she was chasing and did she find it?09:16 Defining the multihyphenate and building HOM from a dinner party14:15 Consistency as a mirror, not a goal26:14 The best habit she ever built — and how it actually stuck31:11 Friction-maxxing: when ease is the enemy35:56 Identity encoding and the 800-day Duolingo domino effect40:54 For the person with six interests and zero direction48:50 What she's being consistent about with no clear payoff yet50:45 The 11-day challenge + clarity round RESOURCES * Atomic Habits by James Clear — https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Bep-Change/dp/0735211299 [https://www.amazon.com/Atomic-Habits-Proven-Bep-Change/dp/0735211299] * The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg — https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X [https://www.amazon.com/Power-Habit-What-Life-Business/dp/081298160X] * Range by David Epstein — https://www.amazon.com/Range-Why-Generalists-Win-Science/dp/0735214484 [https://www.amazon.com/Range-Why-Generalists-Win-Science/dp/0735214484] * What Is Identity Encoding and Why It Works Where Affirmations Don't — [link [https://www.encoded.ai/blog/what-is-identity-encoding]] * Role Models, Motivation and Inspiration — https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201311/we-all-need-role-models-to-motivate-and-inspire-us [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/fulfillment-at-any-age/201311/we-all-need-role-models-to-motivate-and-inspire-us] CONNECT WITH ERICA SOMER Instagram: @erica_somer [https://www.instagram.com/erica_somer/#] HOM: @wearehouseofmarketing [https://www.instagram.com/wearehouseofmarketing/]  Substack: @erierierieri This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the word that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN Instagram: @clearlybecoming TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

EP 37 – Is loving your work the same as losing yourself?

EP 37 – Is loving your work the same as losing yourself? Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming · Solo Episode You've been told Gen Z is lazy. Quiet quitting. Bare minimum Mondays. Disengaged. But what if I told you that Gen Z cares so much, so deeply, about the right work, that they have actually started to lose track of where the work ends and you begin? This episode is about that line. The one between loving what you do and being consumed by it. Between choosing your life and drifting into it while being very, very good at it. We're going there via The Devil Wears Prada (that’s right, Miranda, Andy, Emily) and the neuroscience and psychology that explains why even purpose-driven ambition can become a trap. Especially in your twenties, when the developmental task is to keep exploring who you are — not lock it down. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: * The real difference between Miranda Priestly and Emily — and why it's not about work ethic * Why purpose-driven workaholism is harder to spot (it feels righteous) * The dopamine loop behind "one more email", and why Miranda isn't disciplined, she's wired in * What identity foreclosure is, and why your 20s are the highest-risk window for it * The hedonic treadmill: why the reward always moves, and what that means for how you're measuring success How to tell the difference between harmonious passion and obsessive passion, from the inside * Three questions to ask yourself this week: not to work less, but to work with more awareness 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Working hard is not the same as losing yourself. But in your twenties, you have to be awake enough to know the difference." TIMESTAMPS 0:00 — Nigel's quote + the question this episode is really asking 01:30 — Miranda, Andy, Emily: three archetypes, one question — which one are you? 03:00 — Gen Z data: 89% purpose-driven, 44% have quit for lack of meaning, 41% tie identity to work 04:30 — The risk isn't working hard. The risk is mistaking intensity for meaning. 05:00 — The dopamine loop: why stimulating work activates the same pathways as compulsive behaviour 06:30 — Identity foreclosure: what Erikson says about committing too early to one identity 08:00 — The hedonic treadmill: each win raises the baseline. You don't arrive. 09:00 — Harmonious vs obsessive passion — and how Miranda crossed from one to the other 10:00 — The Gen Z version of the trap: when your side hustle is your passion, boundaries feel like betrayal 10:30 — Three tests: can you set it down? Who are you without it? Did you choose this? 13:30 — The clarity round + what Hazel Ann is letting go of 14:30 — Clearly becoming… the narrator of my own life RESOURCES * Erikson's Stages of Psychosocial Development [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK556096/]— identity vs role confusion * Harmonious vs Obsessive Passion — Vallerand et al. (2003) [https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/14561128/] * Deloitte Global Gen Z and Millennial Survey 2025 [https://www.deloitte.com/global/en/issues/work/genz-millennial-survey.html] * Dopamine and Reward Pathways — Psychology Today [https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/no-more-fomo/202505/driven-to-excess-the-role-of-dopamine] RELEVANT EPISODES * EP 22 – How Personal Branding Creates Career Clarity in Your 20s [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRbsJCHmZsE&t=5s] * EP 29 - How to Become Before You Believe It [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YAdaxXFWuNI] This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN * Instagram: @clearlybecoming * TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ * YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

EP 36 – Everything I Wish I Knew Before University

Host: Hazel Ann | Clearly Becoming · Solo Episode You picked your major at 18. You chose your campus, made your plans, showed up. And somewhere between freshers' week and graduation, you became a completely different person. In this episode, I'm closing my university chapter — and being honest about everything I wish I'd known sooner. The risks I should have taken earlier. The rooms I almost didn't walk into. The version of myself I had to unlearn to actually grow. If you're in it right now (or about to be), this one's for you. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: * Why taking risks in your university application is the move — even when it feels terrifying * The alternative pathways into top universities nobody talks about (transfers, study abroad, and who you know) * Why not knowing what you want at 18 is actually normal — and what to do with that * How to get the most out of university by being intentional, not just present * Why studying abroad and placement years are career clarity accelerators * How your major does not define you — and what actually does * The soft skills, values, and self-awareness that matter more than your GPA 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "You are not behind. You are becoming." TIMESTAMPS 0:00 — Closing the university chapter 1:08 — The privilege of education 1:37 — Take more risks — what I wish I'd known 3:53 — Getting your foot in the door 4:37 — Alternative pathways: transfers, study abroad, networking 5:25 — The myth of knowing what you want at 18 6:56 — Your brain at 18 is still developing 7:43 — How to actually make the most of university 9:48 — Connecting with professors and mentors 15:02 — Why studying abroad changed everything 19:01 — Placement years and internships 20:53 — Using university resources before it's too late 23:12 — Your major doesn't define you 27:34 — Effort over speed 30:05 — Facing the fears 32:03 — Unlearning perfectionism 33:51 — Final reflection RELEVANT EPISODES * EP 11 – Learn Faster: The Career Skills No One Teaches You [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZHCrV4uSbVc] * EP 15 –  How to Advocate for yourself  [https://youtu.be/rDyPHinnf5Y?si=nSTrlIZdxf1BSV-p] * EP 25 – Mastering the Art of Interviews: How to Interview Without Freezing or Faking It [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=13SGB6wyR5M] This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN * Instagram: @clearlybecoming * TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ * YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming

EP 35 – why your team sucks (and what to actually do about it)

You were taught that a good team is a harmonious one. Nobody fights. Nobody pushes back. Everyone gets along. That's not collaboration. That's avoidance — and it's quietly killing your growth. In this episode, Hazel Ann unpacks why conflict isn't the enemy of strong teams — it's the evidence that people actually care. From the real cost of pandemic-era soft skill gaps to the psychology of what makes groups either coast or commit, this episode reframes everything you thought you knew about working with other people. Including yourself. Career is the vehicle. Becoming is the destination. IN THIS EPISODE, YOU'LL LEARN: * Why the pandemic quietly dismantled a generation's ability to collaborate — and what that means for you right now * How the Belbin Team Roles framework reveals not just how you work, but who you are * Why conflict is a sign of commitment, not dysfunction * The difference between a team that performs and a team that's just performing * What "overcompensating for loafers" is actually costing you * How to lead by example when you have no formal authority * Why self-acceptance isn't soft — it's the foundation of every strong team contribution 💬 QUOTE OF THE EPISODE – "Overcompensating enables loafers. Leading by example changes them." TIMESTAMPS 00:00 – The Struggles of Collaboration 02:30 – The Impact of the Pandemic on Soft Skills 07:43 – The Importance of Conflict in Teams 11:41 – The Psychology of Teamwork 16:13 – Strategies for Effective Collaboration 20:40 – The Role of Conflict in Personal Evolution RESOURCES * The Five Dysfunctions of a Team by Patrick Lencioni [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=75bO_XWk7fw]  * Managers Don’t Want To Hire Gen-Z Workers, Citing A Lack Of Soft Skills—Survey Says [https://www.forbes.com/sites/lizelting/2024/12/23/managers-dont-want-to-hire-gen-z-workers-citing-a-lack-of-soft-skills-survey-says/] * Neuro-collaboration": The neuroscience of successful collaboration [https://www.wig.co.uk/blogs/neuro-collaboration-the-neuroscience-of-successful-collaboration/#:~:text=Another%20remarkable%20aspect%20of%20neuro,work%20toward%20a%20common%20goal] * Belbin Team Roles    [https://www.belbin.com/about/belbin-team-roles] RELEVANT EPISODES * EP 18 – This Is Why You Feel Stuck (And How to Shift It) [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZ-r-VZCp2k] * EP 22 – How Personal Branding Creates Career Clarity in Your 20s [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YRbsJCHmZsE&t=1s] This is your reminder that you can be ambitious and confused. DM Hazel Ann on Instagram your ONE non-negotiable habit and the WORD that describes who you are clearly becoming. CONNECT WITH HAZEL ANN * Instagram: @clearlybecoming * TikTok: @clearlybecoming_ * YouTube: youtube.com/@clearlybecoming