I've Built My Life Around Other People — Now I Don’t Know Who I Am (Problem Page)

THE CONFIDENCE TRAP THAT STARTS AT 16 AND FOLLOWS YOU ALL THE WAY TO THE TOP - With Rachel Kelly

How do you know when you’ve collected enough evidence to truly feel confident enough? Rachel Kelly is a bestselling writer, public speaker and mental health advocate. She is an ambassador for several mental health charities, including SANE and Rethink Mental Illness. In her book The Gift of Teenagers, Rachel shares how bringing up her five children in an anxious age, and her work for five years with young people in schools and universities has led to her own psychological growth. In this conversation, we explore how the need for approval that starts in our teenage years can follow us all the way to the top, and why (despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary) even the most successful people often still don't feel like enough.. She says: “You need praise, you need job success, you need a string of A stars, you need an outward series of people to say you're okay — and the work is finding ways to be good enough that don't need outward stuff.” In our conversation, we explore: * Why high expectations (not protection) are the biggest predictor of how confident the people around you become. * How to recognise your confidence ‘shark music’. * Why compassion for the sixteen year old you were, and the adult you’ve become might be the key to confidence. You don’t need to be a parent of teenagers to love this! It’s about nurturing your inner teenager to find your true, inner confidence. Listen on the video above or come and find us on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g] Liking, following, re-stacking, sharing, rating, reviewing etc makes a huge difference to this podcast. We’re on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g]. You can also share this episode easily using the button below. To hear more from Rachel, you can visit her website, here [https://rachel-kelly.net/]. Or find her on instagram here [https://www.instagram.com/rachelkellywellbeing/]. This episode was produced by my amazing husband. It’s a job he never knew he wanted! If you’d like to support the making of future episodes, you can buy him a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling [https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling] By the way, I help C-suite leaders and founders build confident, robust teams. If you want help with that, drop me a line here [https://substack.com/redirect/dd16f955-6166-4bd9-aa56-628d687bdc38?j=eyJ1IjoiMnExdDZxIn0.vXdIPenVfg7r58DcZl3lXktX-A5SE29ltiuU7u5GAbQ]. Enjoy the episode - and tell me in the comments what you think. Rosie Get full access to In Confidence at inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Your brain is lying to you and it's killing your confidence with David Robson

What if the secret to confidence was as simple as believing that most people really really like you? David Robson is an award-winning science writer specialising in the extremes of the human brain, body and behaviour - and he thinks it is. In his book The Laws of Connection, he explains how social connection is as essential for our health and happiness as a balanced diet and regular exercise. And how by learning thirteen social strategies that help us fulfil our social potential, we can improve our creativity, increase our life span and crucially - boost our confidence. One of those laws is ‘the liking gap’, which shows we massively underestimate how much people like us, and that false belief is eroding our confidence every day “We can all afford to be a little bit more confident, and we would benefit from that, because it would help us to foster connection if we just had more faith in the fact that we were liked.” In our conversation, we explore: * Why fake it till you make it is wrong: real confidence comes from showing your full self, including the bits you’re ashamed of, not projecting someone you’re not * Asking for help: most people avoid it because they think it makes them look weak; actually it makes people like you more * Sharing your success is a confidence builder, thanks to a fabulous word ‘confelicity’: means the people who love you want to celebrate with you * Honesty is better than niceness: being honest, even when it’s awkward, builds deeper connection than being endlessly kind, and that depth is what really grows confidence You’re going to love this one! Listen on the video above or come and find us on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g] Liking, following, re-stacking, sharing, rating, reviewing etc makes a huge difference to this podcast. We’re on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g]. You can also share this episode easily using the button below. To hear more from David, you can visit his website, here [https://davidrobson.me/]. This episode was produced by my amazing husband. It’s a job he never knew he wanted! If you’d like to support the making of future episodes, you can buy him a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling [https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling] By the way, I help C-suite leaders and founders build confident, robust teams. If you want help with that, drop me a line here [https://substack.com/redirect/dd16f955-6166-4bd9-aa56-628d687bdc38?j=eyJ1IjoiMnExdDZxIn0.vXdIPenVfg7r58DcZl3lXktX-A5SE29ltiuU7u5GAbQ]. Enjoy the episode - and tell me in the comments what you think. Rosie Get full access to In Confidence at inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

Your wardrobe might be killing your confidence — here's what works instead (and it's free) with Alexandra Fullerton

So you've been invited to something that matters — an interview, a party, you're giving a talk. I'm going to bet one of your first thoughts is: what the hell do I wear? Alexandra Fullerton is a stylist and writer. Formerly Fashion Director-at-large of Glamour UK for five years, she was previously Fashion Director at Stylist magazine. She’s worked with everyone who’s anyone in fashion - from David Bailey to Kylie Minogue and is the author of seven books including the best selling How To Dress. Alexandra's work centres on the idea that how you dress directly shapes how you feel — and that with the right tools, anyone can use clothes as a confidence strategy. Her signature method is the three word styling technique: choose three words that define your style, and let them guide every wardrobe decision. She says: “You can totally be your inner self on the outside — or you can let your outer self and the clothes you choose lead how you feel.” In our conversation, we explore: * How to dress for the job, the room, or the life you want — even when you’re not feeling it on the inside. * The three word styling method that will save you time, money, and the 8am wardrobe spiral. * The small tweaks you can make right now — before you walk into the room — that will make you look and feel like you’ve got it together. Liking, following, re-stacking, sharing, rating, reviewing etc makes a huge difference to this podcast. We’re on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g]. You can also share this episode easily using the button below. To hear more from Alex, you can find her on instagram here [https://www.instagram.com/alexandrafullerton/] This episode was produced by my amazing husband. It’s a job he never knew he wanted! If you’d like to support the making of future episodes, you can buy him a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling [https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling] By the way, I help C-suite leaders and founders build confident, robust teams. If you want help with that, drop me a line here [https://substack.com/redirect/dd16f955-6166-4bd9-aa56-628d687bdc38?j=eyJ1IjoiMnExdDZxIn0.vXdIPenVfg7r58DcZl3lXktX-A5SE29ltiuU7u5GAbQ]. Enjoy the episode - and tell me in the comments what you think. Rosie Get full access to In Confidence at inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

I've Built My Life Around Other People — Now I Don’t Know Who I Am (Problem Page)

Write to me with your confidence problem or dilemma at askrosie.inconfidence@gmail.com [http://askrosie.inconfidence@gmail.com/] or send me a voicenote: 07377 231 025 Please read my Terms and Conditions [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com//p/terms-of-service] This week’s letter is from a woman in her 40s in the entertainment business. Dear Rosie, I have a problem, which is that I’m not really sure who I am. I’ve started to notice that I adapt myself to whoever I’m with. I pick up the tone of the room, become interested in whatever the other person is interested in, and generally make people feel comfortable. People seem to like me, but I’m not sure they really know me. The strange thing is that I’m no longer sure I know myself either. When someone asks me what I think about something, or what I care about, I often go blank. Life has been busy and complicated for a long time, and I think I got used to just getting on with things rather than stopping to work out what I actually think or feel. Now that I’m noticing it, I realise I’ve spent years adapting to situations and people without ever really asking who I am underneath it all. So my question is this: how do you build confidence in yourself if you’re not even sure who that “self” is? I give my advice in the podcast episode above. Been through similar? Give this person your tips in the comments? The confidence boosting course I mention is linked here [https://theboostglobal.com/workshops-and-downloads/p/online-course-the-confidence-boost-6-simple-ways-to-get-unstuck]. And guess what, it’s currently 50% until our next episode comes out. If this episode has inspired you to develop your confidence and communication techniques, join us for our Confidence Through Storytelling workshop [https://theboostglobal.com/] on Wednesday 15 April in Soho. I’ll be joined by: • West End director Abbey Wright (National Theatre, Donmar, protégé of Alan Rickman and Danny Boyle)• Award-winning playwright Nina Segal (Royal Court Associate, writer on The Crown and Hanna) Together we’ll show you how actors and performers: • hold a room• tell powerful stories• stay calm and compelling under pressure And I’ll help you translate these techniques into your world — so you can win pitches, bring your team on side, and be seen as a confident leader. Tickets available here: https://theboostglobal.com/workshops-and-downloads/p/the-boost-confidence-through-storytelling-workshop Corporate: £550Individual: £300 with the code IND at check out I’ve saved a couple of spots for anyone who can’t make the fee - get in touch - no questions asked. (See podcast ep RE learning) Liking, following, re-stacking, sharing, rating, reviewing etc makes a huge difference to this podcast. We’re on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g]. You can also share this episode easily using the button below. This episode was produced by my amazing husband. It’s a job he never knew he wanted! If you’d like to support the making of future episodes, you can buy him a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling [https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling] By the way, I help C-suite leaders and founders build confident, robust teams. If you want help with that, drop me a line here [https://substack.com/redirect/dd16f955-6166-4bd9-aa56-628d687bdc38?j=eyJ1IjoiMnExdDZxIn0.vXdIPenVfg7r58DcZl3lXktX-A5SE29ltiuU7u5GAbQ]. Enjoy the episode - and tell me in the comments what you think. Rosie Get full access to In Confidence at inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]

My Mum Went To Dignitas, and I discovered I was Funny - With Bonnie Oddie

Most people think confidence is about how you come across.What if it’s actually about what you’re willing to tell the truth about? Bonnie Oddie is a writer, choreographer, and founder of Your Story Works, a programme that helps individuals and teams unlock confidence through true storytelling. The daughter of Bill Oddie, she grew up around performance and has built a career blending creativity with communication. Her work centres on using personal stories as a tool for connection, confidence and creative thinking, both on stage and within organisations. Bonnie is also the creator of an award-winning one-woman show about accompanying her mother to a Dignitas clinic, a story that revealed her distinctive ability to find humour, humanity and insight in complex, emotional experiences. In this episode, Bonnie explains why true stories are such a powerful tool for developing confidence: She says: “Confidence grows alongside the exploration of something you know is true.” ‘Authenticity’ has become the word of the era. Those who struggle to access it assume it’s a skill to master. Bonnie explains something simpler. You become authentic by exploring something that’s true and expressing it. She says: “Once you’ve felt what it’s like to speak with integrity and sincerity, you can’t unfeel it.” In our conversation, we explore: • Why telling a true story gives you access to a kind of confidence that can’t be faked• How your own story becomes a powerful tool for communication, influence and leadership• What it really takes to give yourself permission to tell your version of a story Bonnie also talks about what it’s like to grow up with a famous father, and the effect it has on her confidence and identity. If this episode has inspired you to develop your confidence and communication techniques, join us for our Confidence Through Storytelling workshop [https://theboostglobal.com/] on Wednesday 15 April in Soho. I’ll be joined by: • West End director Abbey Wright (National Theatre, Donmar, protégé of Alan Rickman and Danny Boyle)• Award-winning playwright Nina Segal (Royal Court Associate, writer on The Crown and Hanna) Together we’ll help you build the confidence to: • represent yourself or your business with confidence• tell powerful stories• own the room, using your voice, body and space And I’ll help you translate these techniques into your world — so you can win pitches, bring your team on side, and be seen as a confident leader. Tickets are available here [https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/confidence-through-storytelling-tickets-1985992249279?lid=0mz72f0w7r5x&utm_source=braze&utm_medium=ebml&utm_campaign=clpo_ceex_lcm_fad_mec_mc_mum_0_0_eventpublished&utm_term=Main_EventPublishedSubPaid_HeroSummary_other%20feature%20usage&utm_content=d83bc845-0544-4274-a9dd-e152eac1a1f7__69c52bb4e3309f803f557f7e09301054__f605d558-54e9-4fbc-aef1-2c09bcef5c27]. Corporates: £550Individuals: £300 Liking, following, re-stacking, sharing, rating, reviewing etc makes a huge difference to this podcast. We’re on apple, spotify [https://open.spotify.com/show/1nsufmZMkAgqstkIBYKeSe?si=88581601f0414e05] and youtube [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCNymJxssxprNgZMhl0mq2_g]. You can also share this episode easily using the button below. To hear more from Bonnie, you can find her on instagram here [https://www.instagram.com/yourstoryworks?igsh=dzJzdHcwd255YWU4&utm_source=qr] and find her on Linked In here [https://www.linkedin.com/in/bonnie-oddie-83a5b016?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app]. This episode was produced by my amazing husband. It’s a job he never knew he wanted! If you’d like to support the making of future episodes, you can buy him a coffee: https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling [https://buymeacoffee.com/rosiedalling] By the way, I help C-suite leaders and founders build confident, robust teams. If you want help with that, drop me a line here [https://substack.com/redirect/dd16f955-6166-4bd9-aa56-628d687bdc38?j=eyJ1IjoiMnExdDZxIn0.vXdIPenVfg7r58DcZl3lXktX-A5SE29ltiuU7u5GAbQ]. Enjoy the episode - and tell me in the comments what you think. Rosie Get full access to In Confidence at inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe [https://inconfidencepod.substack.com/subscribe?utm_medium=podcast&utm_campaign=CTA_4]