I'd Smash

Want A Peter In Your USB Port

we back

Charleston Locals, I Have Big Nipples And I Care

Liam and Adam slide back into the stew in full cursed life-coach mode, dispensing unsolicited wisdom to the Charleston locals. The episode kicks off with Liam's theory that old people stay alive through constant motion which is why cruise ships exist, and also why Adam's elderly coworker recently motioned himself right off a roof. From there they pivot into the 'poo portfolio,' a tracking ritual Liam insists everyone needs, including a deeply unhinged tangent about parents demanding pictures of their kids' shit. Liam keeps reminding listeners that unlike politicians with their tiny hairy nipples, HE has big nipples and HE actually cares, which becomes the emotional throughline of the episode. Adam also lays out his plot to expose the White House UFC event as fundamentally un-American because it isn't free to the public. Looks maxing, body in motion, praise be to COVID for saving Liam from a family cruise it's all in there.

Extreme Poo Makeover (feat. Phil Carter)

Phil Carter drives down from Columbia to enter the Stew and immediately gets dragged into Liam's drunk Uber driver story, a documented conspiracy of old ladies with trail cams neutering neighborhood cats, and the moral dilemma of whether you can dap up a guy who just put his finger up his own ass. Phil pitches his HGTV show where two old men "repaint the bathroom walls" — and yes, it means exactly what you think it means. Adam tells the cautionary tale of the college friend who admitted he doesn't wash his hands and three months later lost his pancreas, while Liam builds a political platform around stripping cats of their right to fuck. Plus: Uncle Tom the killer whale wingman, the auto-cum button, and Phil's sensory deprivation tank butthole disaster.

Show Me a 40-Foot Tall Man (Serious Inquiries Only)

Liam and Adam plot raiding the Scientology building with a coordinated army of little people, debating the casting process, the heist mechanics, and whether L. Ron Hubbard himself was secretly a midget. The conversation spirals into Liam's increasingly desperate hunt for a 40-foot-tall man, which forces the boys to confront an even bigger question: did the big baby or the big vagina come first? They imagine a future where AI coworkers like Craig the Clanker demand dental plans, PTO, and the right to bring your daughter to the Christmas party — and where humanity evolves not taller, but 40 feet wider. Plus: Audio Cuck's radio takeover, the Federal Cuck of Cucks, and why Spirit Airlines was the Ripley's Believe It or Not of the sky.

I'd Smash

the boys are back in the stew baby