Collective Care Without The Romance

Collective Care Without The Romance

Send us your feedback, we'd love to hear from you! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2559779/fan_mail/new] Community is supposed to be where we feel held, but what happens when it is also where we get hurt? We sit down as two licensed mental health professionals to talk about the side of collective care that rarely gets named: the inconvenience, the exhaustion, the conflict, and the fear that showing up again will cost too much. If “find your people” has ever felt like a punchline after religious trauma, workplace exploitation, activist burnout, or painful exclusion, we want you to feel seen. We dig into how harm plays out in identity-based groups, mission-driven communities, and close friendships where people know your tender parts. We talk about what it feels like when your values are thrown back at you, when silence turns into misunderstanding, and when “shared purpose” becomes a lever for guilt and extraction. We also explore why community wounds travel, how a rupture in one group can shape every relationship after, and why disappointment is not proof that connection is failing, it is often part of the real work. From boundaries to “leaving slack” in relationships, we share frameworks for staying human with each other while still protecting ourselves. We reflect on a Plum Village practice sometimes called the Peace Treaty, the idea of naming hurt within 24 to 48 hours, and the complicated truth that not everyone has the skills or nervous system capacity to do that quickly. We end by returning to brave space, imagination, and the kind of future we want to embody as future ancestors. Read more here: https://www.parallax.org/mindfulnessbell/article/the-peace-treaty/ If this conversation brings something up, listen, share it with a friend who is rebuilding trust, and then subscribe and leave a review so more people can find it. What is the hardest part of “community” for you right now? Thanks for listening,  Tolu & Gitika  You can reach us at kinnected.squarespace.com [https://kinnected.squarespace.com/] Tolu is the Founder of Re-member Counseling [https://www.re-membercounseling.com/] & Gitika is the Founder of Pranh Healing & Wellness  [https://www.pranhwellness.com/]

What If The Most Human Space Is Not Safe But Brave

Send us your feedback, we'd love to hear from you! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2559779/fan_mail/new] Tolu is away at a training and we are trying something new! Bonus episodes where we record solo, share poems or other writings that we want to share with each other and YOU! So in this episode, I record one of my favorite poems, a poem that also has some contested history!  “Safe space” is one of the kindest phrases we use in community work and also one of the easiest to overpromise. When humans gather, we bring scars, gaps in knowledge, and the real possibility of hurting each other even when we’re trying our best. So what do we build instead? In this short bonus episode, I offer a different frame: brave space, a shared commitment to truth, care, and growth without pretending we can guarantee perfect safety. I read the poem Invitation to Brave Space twice, because I know poems don’t always land the first time. The lines are simple and sharp: we turn down the noise of the outside world, we amplify voices that fight to be heard, we call each other toward more truth and love, and we keep learning. It’s a powerful resource for facilitators, educators, DEI practitioners, community organisers, and anyone doing relationship-centered work who wants a practical language for group agreements and accountability. I also name the poem’s complicated history, including its original authorship by Beth Strano, the later additions and popularisation by Mickey Scott Bay Jones, and how questions of plagiarism led to a transformative justice dialogue. That context matters because ethical sharing, clear credit, and honest repair are part of collective care, not an afterthought. If you’re building a group, leading a team, or trying to host harder conversations with more integrity, this is a grounding listen. Subscribe, share this bonus with someone who holds space for others, and leave a review, then tell us: what would you add to a brave space agreement? And here is a link to a podcast episode with folks discussing this poem: https://onbeing.org/programs/jennifer-bailey-and-lennon-flowers-an-invitation-to-brave-space/ PLUS, sign up to be informed about the group that Tolu and Gitika will be hosting in a few months! Kinnected Support Group: https://forms.gle/e9JAq7iv6DFi1UCt6 Thanks for listening,  Tolu & Gitika  You can reach us at kinnected.squarespace.com [https://kinnected.squarespace.com/] Tolu is the Founder of Re-member Counseling [https://www.re-membercounseling.com/] & Gitika is the Founder of Pranh Healing & Wellness  [https://www.pranhwellness.com/]

Can Solidarity Hold Difference Without Erasure: how might our values guide collective care?

Send us your feedback, we'd love to hear from you! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2559779/fan_mail/new] Values show up when things get real: the job offer that looks good on paper, the conflict you keep avoiding, the moment you realize you’re exhausted from making the same hard choice over and over.  We’re Tolu and Gitika, two licensed mental health professionals, and we’re back to talk about values as a lived practice for mental health, relationships, and collective care in a world shaped by oppression and survival-mode thinking. We unpack why values can act like a North Star, cutting through decision fatigue and helping you build relationships with more clarity and less shame. Gitika shares what it means to be guided by love in an embodied way, not just as a concept. Tolu names her core values of collaboration, compassion, and curiosity. We explore how curiosity can slow reactivity and open up imagination, the kind we need for liberation and long-term healing. From there, we name the five values that hold the Kinnected universe together: collaboration, coherence, compassion, curiosity, and care. We get practical about care through transformative justice “pods” and the challenge many caregivers face: receiving support. We also dig into coherence, unity that can hold difference without erasure, and why solidarity gets stronger when it can withstand honest conversation. We close by challenging the idea that anyone can declare a space “safe” and instead focus on building trust over time while honouring protective distrust. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone building a more caring life, and leave a review so more people can find us. Thanks for listening,  Tolu & Gitika  You can reach us at kinnected.squarespace.com [https://kinnected.squarespace.com/] Tolu is the Founder of Re-member Counseling [https://www.re-membercounseling.com/] & Gitika is the Founder of Pranh Healing & Wellness  [https://www.pranhwellness.com/]

Collective Grief Rituals For A Busy World

Send us your feedback, we'd love to hear from you! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2559779/fan_mail/new] Grief doesn’t come with an action plan. It shows up, it changes the air in the room, and it refuses to be “solved” by working harder or thinking differently. Today we sit with what happens when death and loss break into ordinary life, and why grief can feel like love with nowhere to go. We also talk about the quiet social rule so many of us learned: apologise for your sadness so nobody else has to feel it. We zoom out to collective grief and the cultural habits that make it harder to mourn together. When bereavement leave is brief and productivity is treated like virtue, grief becomes something you’re expected to manage in private and on a deadline. Even mental health frameworks can send mixed messages when grief gets squeezed into timelines, labels, or “acceptable” durations. As licensed mental health professionals, we ask what gets lost when the collective cannot make room for mourning. Then we get practical about community care and grief rituals. We share concrete ways to support a grieving person without putting the burden on them to direct you, and we explore the idea of anchors: grounding practices, relationships, spirituality, nature, and meaning-making that help you hold on when emotions feel like a rushing river. We close with the practice of continuation, remembering the people we love and letting both joy and sorrow coexist in daily life. If this conversation gives you language for your own loss, subscribe, share it with someone who needs it, and leave a review. What’s one grief ritual or anchor you want your community to normalise? Notes: we referenced the work of Jamila Reddy, https://jamilareddy.me/ Newsletter: https://jamilareddy.substack.com/p/your-grief-is-not-a-problem-to-solve?utm_source=substack&publication_id=2025474&post_id=184494531&utm_medium=email&utm_content=share&utm_campaign=email-share&isFreemail=true&r=5nx3cs&triedRedirect=true Thanks for listening,  Tolu & Gitika  You can reach us at kinnected.squarespace.com [https://kinnected.squarespace.com/] Tolu is the Founder of Re-member Counseling [https://www.re-membercounseling.com/] & Gitika is the Founder of Pranh Healing & Wellness  [https://www.pranhwellness.com/]

Limits That Keep Love Alive: setting boundaries without cutting people off

Send us your feedback, we'd love to hear from you! [https://www.buzzsprout.com/2559779/fan_mail/new] “Boundaries” can sound like a clean solution, but real relationships are messier than a script. We start from that tension and ask a more honest question: how do we set limits in relationships without turning connection into control, and without abandoning ourselves to keep the peace? We break down what boundaries actually are and why the term can feel weaponized. A boundary is about what I will do in response to what happens, not a way to manage someone else. That single shift helps untangle common confusion between boundaries, rules, expectations, and standards, and it opens the door to healthier communication. We also bring in an essential mental health distinction that changes everything: conflict is not the same as abuse. When we collapse those two, we either tolerate harm or refuse the relational work that conflict requires. From there we move into interdependence, culture, and the grief that can come with growth. Cultural scripts often shape what respect looks like, and when generations acculturate differently, the mismatch can trigger people pleasing, shame, or fear of disappointing family. We talk about how to make room for your nervous system, your needs, and your values, while still holding love as something bigger than compliance. We close by inviting you to name your own generative values so you have a north star when relationships get hard. If this resonates, subscribe, share with someone you’re in relationship with, and leave a review so more people can find these conversations. PS: Here are the folks we referenced in the podcast:  Erotics of Liberation: Content created by this amazing practitioner Care (they/them).who describes themself as a "light-skinned Black trans non binary abolitionist somatic practitioner, artist & doula who works on re-membering embodied experiences of awe, connection, miracles & care. Their work blooms at the intersection of Black interiority, somatic memory and queer intimacies." Newsletter: https://substack.com/@eroticsofliberation?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=29eimx [https://substack.com/@eroticsofliberation?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=29eimx] Website : https://www.eroticsofliberation.com/ [https://www.eroticsofliberation.com/] Dr Raquel Martin : https://www.raquelmartinphd.com/ [https://www.raquelmartinphd.com/] Toni Jones, Energy Budget , "people pleasing is not love, it's fear"  https://youtu.be/2OB-6V0_QZ8?si=cAoVDt8zte4u-ke6 [https://youtu.be/2OB-6V0_QZ8?si=cAoVDt8zte4u-ke6] Thanks for listening,  Tolu & Gitika  You can reach us at kinnected.squarespace.com [https://kinnected.squarespace.com/] Tolu is the Founder of Re-member Counseling [https://www.re-membercounseling.com/] & Gitika is the Founder of Pranh Healing & Wellness  [https://www.pranhwellness.com/]