Ep 123 - ADHD Negative Thought Loops and How To Question Them

Ep 123 - ADHD Negative Thought Loops and How To Question Them

Does your brain have a story it loves to prove? "I'm behind." "I never finish anything." "I can't stay consistent." "I'm not disciplined." For ADHD brains, these thoughts don't just show up - they collect evidence. Your brain scans for proof, finds it fast, and builds a case so convincing that the story starts to feel like fact. In this solo episode, Coach Mande John breaks down ADHD negative thought loops - how they form, why they feel so true, and how to start questioning the stories that are keeping you stuck. Here's what we explore: * Why your brain wants to be right - and how that backfires * The thought-feeling-action loop that keeps proving painful stories * How Mande believed she was "an anxious person" for years - and what shifted * The most common stories ADHD brains believe (I'm behind, I never finish, I can't be consistent) * Why absolute words like "always," "never," and "can't" are making it worse * The "What else could be true?" question that gently interrupts the loop * The power of the word "yet" - and how one small word changes the whole sentence * How to give your brain a better assignment to look for Free infographic with everything from this episode: www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/thoughtloops [http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/thoughtloops] Subscribe to the weekly newsletter: www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly [http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly] #adhdcoach #adhdcoaching #adultadhd #adultadd #adhdhelp #adhdmindset #adhdthoughts Click here for show note Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/1954263/fan_mail/new] CLICK HERE [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com] for more resources. We're on this journey together!

Ep 122 - ADHD, Hyperfocus, Procrastination and the Work That Actually Matters

Have you ever been incredibly busy - cleaning, answering emails, reorganizing your to-do list - and still somehow avoided the one thing that mattered most? That's not laziness. That's procrastination wearing a productivity costume. In this episode, Coach Mande John breaks down Paul Graham's essay "Good and Bad Procrastination" and applies it directly to the ADHD brain - helping you understand why you avoid big work, how to recognize when you're stuck in busy-but-not-moving mode, and how to redirect your focus toward what actually moves the needle. Here's what we explore: * The three types of procrastination - and why one of them is actually a good thing * Why to-do lists can become a source of overwhelm and avoidance * The "buckets" method for organizing your attention by season * How to define "enough" so you're not endlessly pouring energy into tasks that don't matter * The emotional weight behind big work - and why cleaning the bathroom always wins * How to have a healthier relationship with hyperfocus (without letting it derail your life) * The Hamming question: "What is the most important thing you could be working on - and why aren't you?" * Delegation, simplification, and letting go of what only needs to be done good enough This episode comes with a free PDF of all the reflection questions. Grab it at: www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/biggerwork [http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/biggerwork] Subscribe to the weekly newsletter at www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly [http://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly] #adhdcoach #adhdcoaching #adultadhd #adultadd #adhdhelp #adhdprocrastination #adhdproductivity Click here for show note [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/ep-122-adhd-hyperfocus-procrastination-and-the-work-that-actually-matters/] Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/1954263/fan_mail/new] CLICK HERE [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com] for more resources. We're on this journey together!

Ep 121 - ADHD Emotional Regulation: From Spiral to Self-Compassion

Are your feelings so raw lately that even small things feel like the weight of the world? Do you spiral from "this is hard" to "I can't handle my life" in about three seconds? What if the problem isn't that you have too many feelings - it's that you don't know what to do with them once they show up? In this episode of Learn to Thrive with ADHD, Coach Mande John shares the mental models from CBT and coaching that help her navigate raw feelings without letting them turn into full-body, full-brain spirals. She breaks down a simple framework ADHD brains can actually use when overwhelmed, grieving, stressed, or activated. In this episode, we discuss: * Why ADHD brains move quickly from one thought to a whole story (and from that story to real feelings in the body) * How the spiral works: from "this is a lot" to "I can't handle my life" to "I'm failing" to "I will always be this way" * Why we're not just feeling what happened today - we're feeling today PLUS years of shame and painful memories * The second layer of suffering: judging ourselves for having the original feeling * The simple model: Circumstance → Thought → Feeling → Action → Result (and why this matters for ADHD) * How to catch a "hot thought" - the thought that carries the emotional charge * Why broad, absolute words (always, never, everyone, nothing) are clues you're in a spiral * The power of naming the feeling (not explaining the situation, not telling the story) * Why ADHD feelings often come tangled together (anger with hurt underneath, "lazy" with overwhelm underneath) * Mande's personal example: catching anxiety in real-time when her child flew alone for the first time * The compassionate thought ladder: moving one rung at a time to the next believable thought (not toxic positivity) * Why fake positive thoughts don't work for ADHD brains (we're too smart for that) * The "kindest minimum" question: What is the smallest step I can take right now that still supports me? * How to interrupt all-or-nothing thinking (full workout or nothing, clean the whole room or pick up nothing) * Why allowing yourself to be supported is also self-compassion * The 6-question Spiral to Self-Compassion Reset you can use in real time Mande shares vulnerable personal stories about her recent season of raw feelings - including losing her dog and navigating her child's first solo flight - and exactly how she used these tools to come back to herself sooner. Key Takeaway: Self-compassion is telling yourself the truth without being mean. Raw feelings are not a failure. Spiraling does not mean you're broken. The goal is not to become perfectly calm - it's to notice sooner, soften sooner, and stop making every hard moment mean something terrible about who you are. The win is coming back to yourself faster. Resources Mentioned: * 📖 Book: Feeling Good by Dr. David Burns (upcoming episode) * Weekly ADHD Newsletter: learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly * Instagram: @learntothrivewithadhd Ready to build self-compassion practices that work with your ADHD brain? Book a free coaching consultation with Coach Mande at learntothrivewithadhd.com/services #ADHD #ADHDPodcast #SelfCompassion #EmotionalRegulation #ADHDCoaching #MentalHealth #CBT #ADHDSupport #Neurodiversity #ADHDSpiral Click here [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/ep-121-adhd-emotional-regulation-from-spiral-to-self-compassion/] for full show notes Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/1954263/fan_mail/new] CLICK HERE [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com] for more resources. We're on this journey together!

Ep 120 - Atomic Habits for ADHD: How to Build Habits That Actually Stick

Are you exhausted from trying to build habits that never stick? Do you know exactly what you should be doing but still struggle to follow through consistently? What if the problem isn't that you lack discipline - it's that traditional habit-building advice doesn't account for how ADHD brains actually work? In this episode of Learn to Thrive with ADHD, Coach Mande John breaks down Atomic Habits by James Clear through an ADHD lens. She explains why small changes repeated over time can be transformational for ADHD brains - and how to build habits that reduce executive function load instead of relying on willpower alone. In this episode, we discuss: * Why ADHD makes consistency hard: executive function affects starting, remembering, prioritizing, shifting attention, and tolerating boredom * How habits reduce the executive function load required to do supportive behaviors * The keystone habit concept: choosing the one habit that makes multiple other things easier * Why trying to fix everything at once usually doesn't last (and what to do instead) * Starting smaller than you think you need to: why small habits are easier to start, repeat, and return to after interruption * The 4-part habit framework from Atomic Habits: cue, craving, response, reward * How to troubleshoot habits instead of blaming yourself when they don't stick * Why "Is the cue strong enough?" is a better question than "Why can't I ever get it together?" * Using environment to make cues visible and obvious (out of sight = out of mind for ADHD) * How external support like tracking, reminders, calendars, and accountability helps habits stick * Why habits need to feel satisfying and rewarding to last (especially with ADHD) * The 2-minute rule: making habits so easy to begin that your brain doesn't resist * Why the hardest part isn't the habit itself - it's getting started (activation energy) * The timeline question: why it may take longer for ADHD brains to build habits (and why that doesn't mean you're failing) * Why slow progress is still progress and needing more support doesn't make the habit less real Mande shares personal examples including how her keystone habit of planning on Google Calendar took two years to solidify - and why that's still a win. She explains why small habits aren't about being unambitious; they're about lowering the barrier to entry so the pattern can actually form. Key Takeaway: Habits aren't about becoming perfect. They're about making life more doable. When something becomes habitual, there's less friction, less debate, less starting from scratch. You're no longer depending entirely on your most effortful brain functions to get through daily life. Don't dismiss a system just because it looks simple. Don't assume something isn't working just because it's taking longer than you hoped. The goal is to build systems that make your life easier to follow through on. Resources Mentioned: * 📖 Book: Atomic Habits by James Clear * Weekly ADHD Newsletter: learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly * Instagram: @learntothrivewithadhd Ready to build habits that actually work with your ADHD brain? Book a free coaching consultation with Coach Mande at learntothrivewithadhd.com/services #ADHD #ADHDPodcast #AtomicHabits #ADHDHabits #ADHDCoaching #HabitBuilding #ADHDSupport #Neurodiversity #ExecutiveFunction #ADHDProductivity Click here for full show notes [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/ep-120-atomic-habits-for-adhd-how-to-build-habits-that-actually-stick/] Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/1954263/fan_mail/new] CLICK HERE [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com] for more resources. We're on this journey together!

Ep 119: Standards, Not Shame: The ADHD Way to Reach Your Potential

Are you exhausted from the cycle of setting a standard, missing it once, and labeling yourself a failure? Do you push harder in unsustainable ways or quit completely when shame shows up? What if the problem isn't that you lack discipline - it's that your ADHD brain turns every standard into an all-or-nothing trap? In this episode of Learn to Thrive with ADHD, Coach Mande John breaks down why traditional standards don't work for ADHD brains — and what to do instead. She shares how to build flexible, sustainable standards that guide you instead of judging you. In this episode, we discuss: * Why ADHD turns standards into all-or-nothing thinking (and how to stop it) * The critical difference between values (your deeper why) and standards (your measurable actions) * How to know your standards are being violated: when you get upset or angry * Why measurable standards matter: if your brain can't track it, you'll feel like you're failing even when you're trying * The all-or-nothing trap: when one miss becomes "I failed completely" * How shame shows up and makes you either push harder unsustainably or disconnect and quit * Building flexible standards with minimum, target, and maximum ranges for different capacity weeks * Why minimum isn't "I'll try" — it's a specific floor you can hit even on hard weeks * The review → revise → recommit cycle for getting back on track without shame * The one rule that keeps you engaged: every minute is a restart (no waiting for Monday) * How comparison sabotages your standards (what you see vs. what is) * Reality check questions: Do I have time? Support? Is this a minimum, normal, or maximum season? * Why celebrating progress isn't fluff — it's how you build momentum and evidence that your effort matters * Redefining wins: starting, doing the minimum, finishing one piece, coming back after you drift Mande shares real examples including her 30-minute daily cleaning standard that isn't perfect but is consistent, and how people at her gym simply see working out as "who they are" — not something they force. She explains why rigid standards make you more likely to quit, while flexible standards make you more likely to continue. Key Takeaway: Standards are guideposts, not judgments. They help you stay pointed where you want to go. One miss is data — information about what got in the way (sleep, stress, overwhelm, planning, emotions, capacity). Use it to adjust, not to judge yourself. The skill you're building isn't "never drift" — it's "notice and correct." The win is how fast you come back. Resources Mentioned: * Episode on "Your Perfect Week" (referenced) * Weekly ADHD Newsletter: learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/weekly] * Instagram: @learntothrivewithadhd Connect with Mande:  Learn more about private coaching with Mande: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/ [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/services/]  Free Resources: https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/freeresources/ [https://learntothrivewithadhd.com/freeresources/]  Website: https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/ [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com/]  LinkTree: https://linktr.ee/learntothrivewithadhd [https://linktr.ee/learntothrivewithadhd]  Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/learntothrivewithadhd/ [https://www.instagram.com/learntothrivewithadhd/]  Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/learntothrivewithadhd/ [https://www.facebook.com/learntothrivewithadhd/] #ADHD #ADHDPodcast #ADHDStandards #ADHDCoaching #SelfCompassion #MentalHealth #PersonalDevelopment #LearnToThrive #ADHDSupport #Neurodiversity #ADHDConsistency https://l Send us Fan Mail [https://www.buzzsprout.com/1954263/fan_mail/new] CLICK HERE [https://www.learntothrivewithadhd.com] for more resources. We're on this journey together!