Embracing Conflict in Marriage: The Power of Self-Gift and Vulnerability

"Where Are You?" Using Physical Space and Self-Awareness to Fight Better and Repair Faster

Every couple fights. But not every couple fights in a way that leads somewhere good. A big part of why has nothing to do with communication techniques or emotional intelligence. It has to do with where you are when conflict erupts. In this follow-up to the previous episode, Shae and Adrian pick up the thread of Where Are You? and bring it into the messy, embodied reality of a real fight on a 30-mile bike ride with two kids in tow. They unpack what that particular conflict taught them about the conditions that make repair possible and why most of us are trying to reconcile in environments that are working against us before we even open our mouths. Whether you're married, in a serious relationship, or just trying to understand why you keep getting stuck in the same patterns, this episode will give you something concrete to reflect on: the space you're fighting in, the conditions you're creating (or not creating), and what it might mean to actually be found in the middle of it. Connect with Us: * Learn more about Third Way Mentorship, including marital mentorship: adrianandshae.com [http://adrianandshae.com] * Send us a note: hello@adrianandshae.com [hello@adrianandshae.com] * Follow us on social: @adrianandshae

"Where Are You?" What God's Question to Adam Taught Us About Repairing With Our Kids

What do a soaking-wet bathroom floor, a three-year-old's meltdown, and the first question God asks after the Fall have in common? In this episode, Shae and Adrian walk through a real rupture-and-repair moment with their son. From the chaos of a bath time blow-up to an unexpectedly tender conversation that left Adrian standing outside the door whispering something unprintable to himself. What started as a parenting story became a window into one of the most fundamental questions in all of human experience: Where are you? In this episode, you'll hear: * Why "nip it in the bud" often backfires — and what to do instead when everyone's too activated to talk * The difference between a consequence and a punishment (and why it matters more than you think) * How Shae used parts language with a three-year-old to move him from shame and shutdown to real conversation * What "Grumpy Gill" taught them about separating identity from behavior * Why God's first question to Adam after the Fall wasn't "What did you do?"  and what that reveals about how love actually works * The many ways we've all learned to hide: workaholism, doom scrolling, defensiveness, distancing from prayer * And the question worth sitting with: Who in your life is willing to come looking for you in the bushes? This episode is for anyone who has ever confused what they've done with who they are and for every parent trying to love their kid back to themselves after a hard moment. Connect with Shae and Adrian:  Website: adrianandshae.com  Email: hello@adrianandshae.com  Instagram: @adrianandshae

Is Tending to Yourself Sinful? Self-Love, Family Wounds, and the Catholic Case for Interior Attentiveness

Something one participant said near the end of their first group cohort stopped Shae and Adrian in their tracks: tending to the self doesn't just feel selfish — it feels sinful. In this episode, they unpack why that belief is so common, where it comes from, and why they believe the opposite is true: that interior attentiveness is not a detour from holiness but the very ground it grows from. In this episode: * Why the fear that self-focus is sinful is so deeply formed — and why it masquerades as virtue * What self-abandonment actually looks like in everyday life: people-pleasing, lack of boundaries, resentment, numbness, and the "dam breaking" * The difference between emotional neglect that's dramatic and the kind that quietly stacks up over time in otherwise loving families * Why that internal voice that says "they did their best" or "other people have it worse" isn't always the voice of maturity * What true emotional maturity actually holds: that someone tried their best and fell short, and that both things are real * The Lenten/Easter framework: why we aren't meant to skip over the suffering to get to the resurrection * Luigi Giussani's concept of "the I" and why losing touch with your interior life means losing touch with where God actually meets you * The difference between processing and weaponizing — and why it matters for healing * What it looks like to begin tending to yourself in practical, ordinary terms * How self-love, rightly ordered, is what makes the free gift of self actually possible Reflection prompt from this episode: This week, notice one moment when you're talking yourself out of the way you actually feel. Don't shame yourself for it. Just notice. That's where this practice begins. Connect with Shae and Adrian:  Website: adrianandshae.com  Email: hello@adrianandshae.com  Instagram: @adrianandshae

Embracing Conflict in Marriage: The Power of Self-Gift and Vulnerability

Discover how fighting can be a gateway to deeper intimacy and growth in marriage. Shae and Adrian share raw stories, frameworks, and spiritual insights on how conflict, when approached with tenderness and self-awareness, transforms into a gift that reveals the true depth of love. In this episode: * Why conflict is a normal and essential part of marriage, not the enemy * How childhood wounds and past experiences shape our reactions in disagreements * The importance of vulnerability and raw honesty in building trust * The role of nervous system patterns and self-protection in arguments * Practical steps for fighting to understand, not to defend * The symbolism of cruciformity: marriage as a path of surrender and resurrection * Encouragement to give up the illusion of perfect understanding or control * How to practice tenderness and curiosity during conflict * Personal stories revealing the messiness and beauty of real relationship * Resources for ongoing growth and connection Resources & Links: * adrianandshae.com [http://adrianandshae.com] Remember: Marriage is a journey of cruciform love — embracing vulnerability, suffering, and resurrection. Fight with purpose. Keep fighting to understand and be understood, because you are worth it. Connect with Shae and Adrian:  Website: adrianandshae.com  Email: hello@adrianandshae.com  Instagram: @adrianandshae

Self-Reliance Is a House of Cards: Why “manifesting” can’t save you and what actually can

Self-reliance often begins as survival and slowly becomes a prison. In this episode of Living the Third Way, Shae and Adrian explore how self-reliance forms in families where it wasn’t safe to struggle, need help, or fail. What begins as a protective adaptation can quietly turn into a belief that you must carry life alone and that suffering means you’re doing something wrong. They examine how modern manifestation culture and New Thought spirituality reinforce this pattern by promising control over reality, while subtly placing the full weight of healing, happiness, and meaning back onto the individual. When pain can’t be “thought away,” it easily becomes personal failure. Through the lens of Catholic anthropology and personalism, Shae and Adrian offer a different path: healing that happens in relationship, identity that is received rather than constructed, and a vision of the human person as a mind–body–soul unity. This episode invites listeners to lay down the exhausting work of doing life alone and to discover why dependence, rightly understood, is not weakness, but mercy. Interested in deeper support? We offer daily mentorship for individuals navigating family wounds, emotional overwhelm, and the slow work of healing in relationship. You can find out more at our website: https://adrianandshae.com [https://adrianandshae.com]  We’re also currently building a waitlist for the next cohort of our group program, Unmeshed, which guides participants through disentangling from family enmeshment and reclaiming their God-given identity through psychological and spiritual integration. Email us to express interest or be notified about the next cohort: hello@adrianandshae.com Referenced in this episode * The Mindful Catholic [https://bookshop.catholicpsych.com/products/the-mindful-catholic-finding-god-one-moment-at-a-time] by Dr. Greg Bottaro Connect with Shae and Adrian:  Website: adrianandshae.com  Email: hello@adrianandshae.com  Instagram: @adrianandshae