Don't Push the River - Sitting with the In-Between

Don't Push the River - Sitting with the In-Between

In this episode, Chris returns after a few months to explore the concept of liminality—that threshold space between where we were and where we're going. Drawing on wisdom from his coach and Gestalt therapist Barry Stevens, Chris reflects on his second Thanksgiving trip with Waverly to London, navigating the complexity of heavy joy—experiencing profound happiness while holding grief. He opens up about the challenges of dating again while grieving, the insecurities that resurface regardless of how much work you've done, and learning to trust his gut as the balance between head and heart. This episode revisits themes from Episode 10 (Certainty is the Enemy of Unity), exploring how the desire for black-and-white answers collides with the reality that life happens in the gray tones. Chris shares vulnerable moments from the trip, discusses the "dinner party voices" in his head, and reflects on what it means to honor the process of not having all the answers. Topics covered: Grief and the holidays, liminality, dating while grieving, insecurities and inner voices, the hopeful romantic vs. reality, heavy joy, one foot/one day/one moment at a time Content note: This episode contains discussions of grief, loss of a spouse, and emotional processing.

My Truth (Today)

In this episode, I speak out loud what’s true for me — today. It’s not about politics or taking sides. It’s about the gap I see between what we say we stand for and how we really show up — in our communities, our faith, our families, and ourselves. I talk about the tension I carry with how I was brought up, the pieces of faith that still live in me, and the parts that left a bad taste in my mouth. I share what I’ve gathered along the way — from Buddhism, recovery, the Four Agreements, Jung — the trail markers that help me live with curiosity instead of certainty. This is about how we turn difference into a weapon, and how even love gets rationed and held hostage. It’s about how we lose the ‘We’ when we forget we’re human together, even when it’s messy. This isn’t me telling you how to think. It’s just me telling you my truth — the fear, the hope, the shadows, the light — and an invitation to look at yours, too. Thanks for holding space with me. Keys: Integration. Presence. Connection.

One Year Later — Redefining Strength

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” – Carl Jung After a long pause, I’m back on the mic—coming up on one year since my wife passed away. In this episode, I share what’s been stirring in me during this milestone month: grief that still sits just below the surface, memories that feel as sharp as ever, and the subtle shifts that show up when we’re not trying so hard to fix anything. I talk about what strength means now, especially as a solo parent to my daughter, and how I’m learning to let her see my sadness—not to burden her, but to model honesty without shame. I get into the complexity of emotion, the moments that catch me off guard, and how I’m trying to make space for what’s real instead of what’s polished. And for the first time, I speak about starting to explore dating again. It’s vulnerable, messy, and something I debated even sharing. But this podcast has always been about showing up with what’s true. So I did. This isn’t an episode with clean takeaways. It’s a reflection in real time—on love, loss, strength, and the kind of courage it takes to feel it all without looking away. If you're holding something heavy right now, you’re not alone.

Integration, Presence, Connection: Three Words for 2025

In this episode of Making the Darkness Conscious, Chris returns after a month-long break to reflect on navigating the holiday season - from Disney trips to Christmas decorations that sparked joy and profound grief. With remarkable candor, he shares the weight of celebrating Blythe's birthday, the complexity of Facebook memories, and finding moments of pure connection with his daughter Waverly. Rather than traditional New Year's resolutions, Chris introduces his three guiding words for 2025: Integration, Presence, and Connection. He explores how these intentions might help navigate the delicate balance between honoring Blythe's memory and remaining open to new experiences and relationships. Through personal stories and vulnerable reflection, Chris reveals how these words shape his approach to grief, parenting, and finding moments of joy amidst loss. This episode offers a raw, honest look at living in the space between past and future, between grief and growth and finding ways to stay present even when emotions feel overwhelming. Chris's story reminds us there's no 'right way' to move forward - only our authentic path, taking one step at a time.

The Space Between: Holding Space While Finding Present Wonder

In this heartfelt episode, Chris reflects on his recent trip to New York City with his 4-year-old daughter over Thanksgiving week, which coincided with six months since the passing of his wife Blythe. He explores the profound realization of the importance of being present - both through experiencing moments of pure joy with his daughter and navigating the complex emotions of grief. Through personal stories from their Broadway shows, the Rockettes, and walks through Manhattan, Chris shares how he simultaneously learned to hold space for grief and wonder. He discusses the challenges of staying present as a single parent while processing loss and how his daughter's genuine reactions helped him understand presence tangibly. Key themes include: * Finding balance between honoring grief while remaining open to joy * Learning to be present through a child's eyes * The impact of presence vs absence in parenting * How past frustrations can overshadow present moments * Creating safe spaces for emotional expression Disclaimer: Chris speaks from personal experience and is not a mental health professional. This podcast represents his journey through grief, parenting, and personal growth. While he shares openly about these topics, his experiences should not be taken as professional advice. If you are struggling with grief or mental health challenges, please seek appropriate professional help. The episode offers authentic, unedited reflections, including emotional moments and personal vulnerabilities. Some content may be triggering for those dealing with loss or grief.