Your Nervous System Is Destroying Your Relationship — and You Don't Even Know It with EJ & Tarah Kerwin

Fear of Negative Evaluation: The Hidden Pattern Wrecking Men's Careers, Relationships, and Freedom with Andy Riise (An MTM Short)

Our A2A Course is live and at 40% off until Friday, May 29th at 1pm ET. Visit https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course [https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course] to sign up NOW!! Marcus Aurelius said it nearly two thousand years ago: we all love ourselves more than other people, but care more about their opinion than our own. On this episode of Men Talking Mindfulness, hosts Jon Macaskill and Will Schneider sit down with Andy Riise... army officer, mental performance coach for NFL athletes including the Chicago Bears, and host of the Skull Sessions podcast... to break down the approval trap and why it's quietly running most men's lives. Will lays the biological foundation. Fear of negative evaluation, FNE, is one of the most studied patterns in clinical psychology. Your brain processes social rejection through the same neural circuits it uses for physical pain. Getting dismissed in a meeting registers the same way getting punched does. That's evolutionary wiring, not weakness. The guys get into the spotlight effect (Cornell research showing people overestimate how much others notice them by roughly double), Andy's story of deliberately sitting with a different group at the West Point prep school mess hall, and Alyssa Liu's gold medal comeback after quitting figure skating to rediscover why she loved it in the first place. Jon, Will, and Andy walk through how FNE shows up in daily life: the yes-man pattern at work that stalls careers, the reassurance-seeking in relationships that erodes attraction, the Disney dad trap of buying approval instead of earning respect, and the deepest layer... the ghost. Most men are performing for one or two specific people from their past, and they've been doing it for decades. Andy teaches the BASS framework he uses with NFL athletes for real-time emotional regulation. Will adds a values audit and a spotlight effect experiment. And Jon talks about how purpose is the single biggest antidote to approval-seeking, which ties directly into the A2A (Awareness to Action) course launching through Focus Now Training. What you'll hear in this episode: * Why social rejection activates the same brain circuits as physical pain * The spotlight effect: half as many people are watching you as you think * Andy's West Point mess hall story and why crossing social lines is the real macho move * Alyssa Liu's gold medal run and the next-play mindset * How FNE shows up at work, in relationships, with kids, and in community * The ghost concept: who you're still performing for decades later * BASS framework: Breathe, Accept, Separate, Shift * Motivational interviewing basics: OARS (Open questions, Affirmations, Reflective listening, Summarizing) * Purpose as the antidote to approval-seeking * Andy's podcast: Skull Sessions (available everywhere) Andy's TEDx talk: Fight to Win the War from Within Full episode: https://pod.fo/e/3abd25 [https://pod.fo/e/3abd25] Text MTM to 33777 for updates on new episodes, the A2A course, and resources from Focus Now Training. Jon's book, DIAL in Your Leadership: 4 Non-negotiables for Leading with Clarity, Trust, and Purpose, is available now on Amazon. https://a.co/d/0hYwI2Sz [https://a.co/d/0hYwI2Sz] Follow Men Talking Mindfulness, Jon Macaskill, and Will Schneider for more. Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy [https://ausha.co/privacy-policy] for more information.

The Gap Between Stimulus and Response Changes Everything | A2A Course Launch Webinar

What happens in the space between a trigger and your reaction? That gap — the one most people don't even know exists — is where everything changes. In this special episode, Will and Jon break down the concept live during the Awareness to Action (A2A) course launch webinar, walk the audience through a real-time breathwork exercise to experience the gap firsthand, and explain how training this skill can transform the way you lead, parent, and show up in every relationship. Whether you're a maxed-out leader running on fumes, someone searching for a change that actually sticks, or just going through a hard season, this one's for you. Sign up for the Awareness to Action (A2A) course: https://focusnowtraining.com/A2A-course [https://focusnowtraining.com/A2A-course] Or text MTM to 33777 Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy [https://ausha.co/privacy-policy] for more information.

Your Nervous System Is Destroying Your Relationship — and You Don't Even Know It with EJ & Tarah Kerwin

Have you ever been mid-conversation with your partner, felt your jaw tighten, your stomach drop, your brain go sideways — and some part of you already looking for the exit? That's not a character flaw. That's your nervous system treating your partner like a threat. EJ and Tarah Kerwin are couples therapists, founders of Relationship Renovation, and parents of twins born on their honeymoon. EJ — a yoga teacher and therapist — turned avoidant the moment real chaos arrived, and Tarah had a name for it: Buddhist motherf***er. They had to learn everything they now teach by surviving their own marriage in real time. This conversation goes deep on why your success traits destroy your closest relationships, how your childhood nervous system patterns are running your marriage without your consent, and what emotional safety actually feels like when a man finally builds it. IN THIS EPISODE: 1. Why the traits that made you successful at work become your biggest relationship wreckers 2. What a genogram reveals about your patterns — and why compassion always follows 3. FINE = Feelings Inside Not Expressed — and what that silence costs you 4. The difference between hypo arousal and being regulated — most men confuse the two 5. Triple H — Heard, Hugged, or Helped? Ask before you fix 6. Your partner is your greatest teacher — if you stop running from the lesson RELATED EPISODES: 1. Ep. 105 — Learning to Respond Without Reactivity with Dr. Charles Freligh [https://smartlink.ausha.co/men-talking-mindfulness/learning-to-respond-without-reactivity] 2. Ep. 120 — Creating Emotional Stability with Jay Fields [https://smartlink.ausha.co/men-talking-mindfulness/creating-emotional-stability-jay-fields] 3. Ep. 124 — No More Mr. Nice Guy with Dr. Robert Glover [https://smartlink.ausha.co/men-talking-mindfulness/no-more-mr-nice-guy] FOLLOW EJ & TARAH: * Website, Podcast& Couples Coaching: [https://www.relationshiprenovation.com]relationshiprenovation.com [http://relationshiprenovation.com] * Book: Relationship Innovation at Homework — Amazon [https://www.amazon.com] GET MORE FROM MTM: Text MTM to 33777 — free weekly newsletter * Subscribe & All Episodes: [https://mentalkingmindfulness.com]mentalkingmindfulness.com [http://mentalkingmindfulness.com] A2A COURSE: 12 modules on attention, presence & performance. Self-paced. Built for people who hate the word mindfulness. * focusnowtraining.com/a2a [https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a] → This conversation maps directly to Module 4 of A2A: Regulating Your Nervous System Under Pressure BRING FNT TO YOUR TEAM: Custom attention, resilience & leadership training. In-person or online. * focusnowtraining.com/contact [https://focusnowtraining.com/contact] Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy [https://ausha.co/privacy-policy] for more information.

Leadership theater is killing your team (and it's killing you)

Leaders are exhausted from a job they're not actually doing. They're exhausted from the performance of doing it. The mask, the armor, the carefully calibrated version of themselves they put on every morning before walking into the office. In this solo episode, Jon breaks down what leadership theater is costing you, your team, and your family. Why most leaders are running on imposter syndrome and don't know it. What happens when you finally drop the armor. And five honest questions to ask yourself this week to start dismantling the mask. Awareness to Action is here. The course Will and I have been building for the last year officially opens May 27th. Twelve modules that walk you through this exact work. Sit in on the live launch webinar that same day and you'll get a coupon code for 40% off the course, good for 48 hours after the webinar ends. Register for the webinar here: https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_HY7Nta6rQXaoAWZTEEPQGA [https://us02web.zoom.us/webinar/register/WN_HY7Nta6rQXaoAWZTEEPQGA] Text MTM to 33777 to get the course info, the webinar link, and everything else we're doing. Or just click here: https://mentalkingmindfulness.com/linkinbio [https://mentalkingmindfulness.com/linkinbio] Timestamps: (00:01) The Mask of Leadership: Authenticity in the Workplace (02:21) "Leadership Without the Mask: Embracing Authenticity" (07:29) Cultivating Authentic Leadership: Steps to Building Trust and Real Connections (10:05) "Embracing Authentic Leadership: Five Questions for Self-Reflection" (13:53) Embracing Authentic Leadership Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy [https://ausha.co/privacy-policy] for more information.

Start Ugly: What 275 Episodes Taught Us About Getting Started and Finding Your People

We've got a new course, Awareness to Action, launching May 27. Text MTM to 33777 or hit this link to stay in the know: https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course-interest [https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course-interest] Episode notes: We almost didn't make it past the first few episodes. Jon was filming from a yellow Fiat with black racing stripes in a Starbucks parking lot, stealing their wifi. Will was in his old apartment. The dogs walked through every shot. The phone overheated so badly Jon would drop off and Will would carry the show alone. We had no plan, no audience, no producer, and no idea what we were doing. 275 episodes later... we're still figuring it out. And that's kind of the whole point. Today's episode is about two things. Starting before you're ready, and why community is the thing that actually keeps you going once you do. We talk about the moment Will convinced Jon not to quit the show. The gold mine story... how close we came to stopping right before things broke open. Why Gene Roddenberry was embarrassed by the first episode of Star Trek (and why that's a good sign). What we've learned from 275 conversations with people like Jocko Willink, John Eldredge, Sean Fargo, James Nestor, Dr. James Doty, Nir Eyal, Steven Kotler, Howard Behar, Stanley Cup winners, SEALs, Special Forces, Olympic athletes, monks, psychologists, and guys who rebuilt their lives from scratch. Every single one of them started before they were ready. Every single one of them had somebody in their corner. If you've been sitting on something... a project, a business, a conversation, a creative thing you keep putting off... this one's for you. The timing will never be perfect. You will never feel ready. Start anyway. Start ugly. And find your people. We also talk about our new course, Awareness to Action, launching May 27. Text A2A to 33777 or hit this link to stay in the know: https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course-interest [https://focusnowtraining.com/a2a-course-interest] Hosted on Ausha. See ausha.co/privacy-policy [https://ausha.co/privacy-policy] for more information.