Finding Your Inner Compass When Life Gets Hard

Finding Your Inner Compass When Life Gets Hard

S2 Ep #7: There are moments in life when the map disappears. You thought you knew where you were headed, and then something shifts — a loss, a disappointment, an unexpected turn — and suddenly you're navigating without a clear north star. I've been there, and so have many of the clients I work with. This episode is my honest attempt to share what has actually helped me and them find some steadiness in those moments, not a perfect formula, but a set of concepts that can quietly build something I think of as an inner compass. In this solo episode, I'm drawing from Buddhist and yogic philosophy, mindfulness, self-compassion work, psychology, and years of being a deeply curious person trying to understand my own pain a little better. This isn't about bypassing the hard stuff or pushing through it with grit. It's about learning to be with it while staying connected to yourself, which I believe is where real healing begins. What I'm exploring today touches on some of the most profound shifts I've witnessed — both in myself and in the musicians and artists I coach. From the way we relate to pain, to the stories we layer on top of it, to the quiet steadiness we can cultivate even in the middle of a storm, these are concepts that don't just help you survive hard times. Over time, they can genuinely change how you relate to yourself. You'll Discover: - Why remembering impermanence can create unexpected relief when you're inside something really painful - The difference between the original pain and the extra suffering we create around it through storytelling - How letting go of control can feel scary at first but ultimately gives you more agency, not less - What equanimity actually means and why it matters especially for deeply feeling artists - How a loving-kindness practice can act as an accelerator for wellbeing, even when it feels uncomfortably sappy at first - Why remembering our shared common humanity softens the loneliness and shame that often come with hardship - What healthy resilience actually looks like, and why it's not the same as powering through Timestamps: (00:00) welcome and podcast intro (00:32) season two theme: the human behind the art, inner compass (01:20) what this episode is and isn't, no perfect formula for hard times (02:10) the strange gap between the life you planned and the one unfolding (02:58) impermanence: nothing lasts forever, and why that's comforting (04:15) you are not the moment: creating space around the pain (04:50) mindfulness and the difference between pain and the story we add to it (05:25) the second arrow: how we amplify suffering through judgment (06:30) letting go of control and finding freedom in what you can influence (07:52) acceptance as empowerment, redirecting energy toward how you respond (08:45) equanimity: two definitions and the imagery of roots and mountains (10:17) equanimity for artists and emotional regulation (11:10) loving kindness meditation: the 30-second version and the science behind it (12:42) common humanity and softening the loneliness of hard times (14:20) resilience: what it is and what it isn't (15:02) why armor gets heavy, and what healthy resilience actually looks like (16:20) spirituality as a way to widen the frame when life feels very small (17:29) closing summary of all seven concepts (19:00) be your own north star: final reflection and invitation (19:39) closing thoughts, Sharon Salzberg recommendation, and outro Interested in diving deeper into this work with me? Visit mindfulopus.com [https://mindfulopus.com/] to learn how we can work together. MindfulOpus has a video podcast! Visit our YouTube channel to watch: youtube.com/@mindfulopus [https://www.youtube.com/@mindfulopus] Come say hi over on Instagram @mindfulopus [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulopus/]

Theresa Rudolph: Learning to Trust Yourself Again

S2 Ep #6: This episode felt like a conversation I'd been wanting to have for a long time — one that goes beyond the highlight reel and into the real, sometimes messy, always human experience of building a sustainable life as a professional musician. Theresa and I talk about injuries, burnout, rejection, perfectionism, and the surprisingly beautiful things that can grow out of our hardest professional moments. Theresa Rudolph is in her 15th season as Assistant Principal Viola of the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, and she's also on faculty at the University of Toronto and the Taylor Academy at the Royal Conservatory of Music — the gifted high school program at the RCM. She's a chamber musician, a mother of three, and someone whose depth of self-knowledge and body awareness genuinely stopped me in my tracks more than once during this conversation. What Theresa shares here is hard-earned. From recovering from a fractured bow arm early in her career, to navigating the emotional complexity of taking auditions while already holding a wonderful job, to learning what it actually means to practice smarter instead of harder — she brings honesty and warmth to all of it. And her perspective on professional disappointment and rejection as a pathway to self-trust? I wasn't expecting to get a little emotional, but here we are. You'll Discover: -Why breaking her bow arm became a turning point in how Theresa listens to and cares for her body -How stress and emotional strain can show up as physical pain in the same spot as a past injury — and what to do about it -What it really means to give your all when you're a working orchestral musician, teacher, and parent -The role that professional disappointment and rejection played in building Theresa's sense of self-trust -Why excellence over perfection isn't just a nice idea — it's a practice that changes how you play and how you feel -How strategic scheduling protects your body and your playing — and why rest days deserve to be treated as sacred -What the inner critic sounds like for both of us, and how to stop fighting it and start hosting it instead Timestamps: (00:00) welcome and introducing theresa rudolph, violist and educator (02:00) musician parents, growing up in vancouver, and how theresa found the viola (05:30) studying with gerald stanek, being pushed with kindness, and falling in love with the inner voice (08:30) winning detroit symphony at 21, the freedom of not knowing how hard it was (11:00) the fractured bow arm in 2007, ignoring the signals for 18 hours, and what she had to learn (16:00) finding a smaller instrument, having babies, and eight years of zero injury (19:30) the push push push culture, people pleasing on the front stand, and redefining giving it your all (23:00) playing schubert 9 in cleveland, less is more, and learning not to muscle your sound (27:00) body care mid rehearsal, athletic taping, bouncy balls backstage, and normalizing the small things (31:30) when stress shows up as physical pain, breathwork and alexander technique as tools (36:00) professional disappointment and rejection as the unexpected path to self trust (40:30) excellence over perfection, working with the same coach as her dad, and why perfect auditions don't exist (44:00) the inner critic, who do you think you are, and giving anxiety an armchair and a blanket (47:30) scheduling as a body care tool, keeping days off sacred, and listening before you practice (50:00) rapid fire, favorite moments on and off stage, spaghetti bolognese, and the gift of sunshine Learrn more about Therersa: https://www.tso.ca/about/orchestra/members-of-the-orchestra/theresa-rudolph [https://www.tso.ca/about/orchestra/members-of-the-orchestra/theresa-rudolph] Interested in diving deeper into this work with me? Visit mindfulopus.com [https://mindfulopus.com/] to learn how we can work together. MindfulOpus has a video podcast! Visit our YouTube channel to watch: youtube.com/@mindfulopus [https://www.youtube.com/@mindfulopus] Come say hi over on Instagram @mindfulopus [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulopus/]

Transformational Change: Create Lasting Well-Being On and Off Stage

S2 Ep #5: The Four Pillars of Well-Being for Performers Most of us who pursue music or are seeking excellence in any endeavour have been told at some point that it has to be everything. That if you're not living, eating, and breathing the work, you're not serious enough. But I've found the opposite to be true, and this episode offers concrete ways of implementing lasting change in support of your life and well-being. In this solo episode, I'm sharing the four pillars that sit at the core of my coaching philosophy and at the heart of this season's inner compass work. These are the practices I return to in my own life and the framework I use with every client I work with. Together, they offer a way of supporting your inner work, so your outer work is rooted in sustainable well-being. The four pillars are mindfulness, somatic work, mindset, and self-compassion. I break each one down in depth, share a prompt you can use right away, and at the end I tie them all together into a simple tool called the STAR method that you can carry with you into your everyday life. Whether you're heading into a high-pressure audition, just trying to get through a hard practice session, or looking for equanimity in your life, this episode is for you. You'll Discover - Why tending to your well-being off stage support you on stage - How a simple daily mindfulness practice builds the muscle of intentional focus over time - What polyvagal theory reveals about your nervous system and how to work with it rather than against it - How breathwork can help you calm down or energize depending on what the moment calls for - Why your thoughts are creating your feelings, and how one small shift can change everything - How to relate to your inner critic with curiosity instead of resistance - How the STAR method brings all four pillars into one on-the-go practice Timestamps: (00:00) Season two theme: the human behind the art (02:47) Defining well-being and why it matters for performers (04:45) Why zooming out actually enhances your work on stage (06:20) Pillar one: mindfulness and living in the present moment (07:30) Using your instrument as a daily mindfulness practice (08:27) Pillar two: somatic work and the mind-body connection (09:35) Polyvagal theory: the three nervous system states explained (13:14) Breathwork for calming down and for activation (16:26) Pillar three: mindset and the CBT thought model (18:30) Perfectionism vs. excellence and shifting the inner narrative (22:35) Pillar four: self-compassion as the lens for everything else (24:00) What to ask your harshest inner critic (26:14) The STAR method: a simple tool that ties all four pillars together (28:00) Closing thoughts and an invitation to share this work Interested in diving deeper into this work with me? Visit mindfulopus.com [https://mindfulopus.com/] to learn how we can work together. MindfulOpus has a video podcast! Visit our YouTube channel to watch: youtube.com/@mindfulopus [https://www.youtube.com/@mindfulopus] Come say hi over on Instagram @mindfulopus [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulopus/]

Finding Alignment: Saeunn Thorsteinsdottir on Creativity, Authenticity & Change

S2 Ep #4: There comes a point in any creative life where pushing harder stops working. Where the effort that once felt necessary begins to feel depleting, and the question starts to shift from "How do I make this work?" to "Is this actually aligned with who I am?" This conversation explores that turning point—what it means to return to yourself, and the courage it takes to choose that path even when it comes with uncertainty. Host Jo Zakany is joined by cellist Saeunn Thorsteinsdottir, whose career has spanned some of the world's most renowned stages, including Carnegie Hall, Suntory Hall, and the Barbican Centre. After years within the traditional classical music path, she began to listen more deeply to her own inner compass—ultimately stepping away from misaligned structures to build a more meaningful, self-directed creative life. Together, they explore the difference between grind and alignment, the body's role in recognizing what isn't working, and how small moments of authenticity can begin to reshape everything. From improvisation and deep listening to creating music as a form of connection and reflection, this conversation offers a grounded and honest look at what it means to trust yourself—and create from that place. YOU'LL DISCOVER • Why authenticity can feel risky, even when it's true • How the body signals misalignment before the mind understands it • The difference between pushing through and actually being aligned • How small moments of truth can shift your entire creative path • Why improvisation can reconnect you to your voice and intuition • How deep listening transforms both creativity and connection • The role alignment plays in attracting the right people and opportunities Timestamps: (02:10) authenticity, fear, and showing up as yourself (06:35) early career pressure, fitting expectations in music (11:20) fear of losing opportunities, choosing yourself anyway (16:45) academia path, stability versus alignment (22:10) burnout, resistance, and the body saying no (27:55) leaving academia, uncertainty and trust (33:40) why you cannot find the new while in the old (39:15) starting small, finding moments of meaning (44:05) improvisation as a turning point (49:30) rediscovering creativity through play and sound (55:10) three levels of listening, self, others, and environment (01:01:25) creating from truth instead of judgment (01:07:40) soul resonance sessions and meaningful music (01:14:10) alignment versus grind, expectation versus fulfillment ABOUT THE GUEST Saeunn Thorsteinsdottir is a cellist, improviser, and curator who has performed as a soloist with orchestras including the Los Angeles Philharmonic, the Toronto Symphony Orchestra, and the BBC Symphony Orchestra. She has appeared on stages such as Carnegie Hall, Suntory Hall, and the Barbican Centre, and has been praised for her "riveting" performances by The New York Times. Today, she creates deeply meaningful music through her online offerings, The Music Portal and Soul Resonance sessions, and serves as the Artistic Director of Tertulia in New York City—a series that brings world-class chamber music into intimate drinking, dining, and art spaces. CONNECT WITH SAEUNN Website: www.saeunn.com [https://www.saeunn.com] Instagram: @saeunncello [https://www.instagram.com/saeunncello/] Music Portal: www.saeunn.com/music [https://www.saeunn.com/music] Soul Resonance: www.saeunn.com/soul [https://www.saeunn.com/soul] Interested in diving deeper into this work with me? Visit mindfulopus.com [https://mindfulopus.com/] to learn how we can work together. MindfulOpus has a video podcast! Visit our YouTube channel to watch: youtube.com/@mindfulopus [https://www.youtube.com/@mindfulopus] Come say hi over on Instagram @mindfulopus [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulopus/]

Grit Over Grind: How To Work Hard Without Burning Out

S2 Ep #3: How To Work Hard Without Beating Yourself Up Hard work is something most artists know intimately. But the way we relate to that hard work can make the difference between sustainable growth and eventual burnout. In this solo episode, I take a deeper look at a concept that sits at the heart of MindfulOpus: shifting from grind to kind. For many of us, the word grind has become synonymous with ambition and dedication. But over time I began to realize that the internal energy behind that effort matters just as much as the work itself. I share a personal story from an audition preparation moment that helped me recognize the difference between pressure-driven grind and purpose-driven grit. That shift led me to explore research from Carol Dweck, Angela Duckworth, Edward Deci and Richard Ryan, and Kristin Neff, whose work on mindset, motivation, grit, and self-compassion helped me better understand what healthy perseverance actually looks like. This episode explores how we can pursue excellence while also supporting the human behind the art. Because the goal is not to avoid hard work, but to approach it from a place of curiosity, purpose, and self-support rather than fear and pressure. You'll discover: • Why grind and grit can look similar from the outside but feel very different internally • How shifting from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset can change the way we experience mistakes • What Angela Duckworth's research reveals about grit and long-term commitment • The difference between controlled motivation and autonomous motivation • How burnout can develop when pressure becomes the primary driver • Why self-compassion is essential for sustainable excellence • How fierce self-compassion can become the inner coach that helps you keep going Timestamps: (00:00) season theme: the human behind the art (01:45) what I mean by shifting from grind to kind (04:30) audition preparation and recording anxiety (07:10) hearing mistakes in real time and the fear response (09:35) shifting from fixed mindset to growth mindset (12:00) experimenting with uncomfortable practice strategies (15:25) the moment grind started to become grit (18:00) letting go of outcome and focusing on the work (21:10) Angela Duckworth's research on grit (24:30) self determination theory and healthy motivation (28:00) burnout and stepping away to rest (31:20) discovering self-compassion during recovery (34:40) fierce self-compassion and the inner coach (38:30) a simple exercise to shift from grind to grit Interested in diving deeper into this work with me? Visit mindfulopus.com [https://mindfulopus.com/] to learn how we can work together. MindfulOpus has a video podcast! Visit our YouTube channel to watch: youtube.com/@mindfulopus [https://youtube.com/@mindfulopus] Come say hi over on Instagram @mindfulopus [https://www.instagram.com/mindfulopus]!