19 Stories Later: What the Messy Middle of Adulthood Actually Is

19 Stories Later: What the Messy Middle of Adulthood Actually Is

Episode Description To celebrate our landmark 20th episode, host Bethany Wright delivers the ultimate guide to the messy middle of adulthood, synthesising everything learned over the first seven months of powerful, honest conversations. Moving past the multi-millionaire overnight success stories that feel entirely out of reach, this special solo episode explores the real, day-to-day psychological transitions we all face when life looks great on paper but feels disconnected underneath. We walk through the six distinct themes defining modern adulthood - from breaking made-up societal timelines and overriding our biological fear of uncertainty, to managing identity shifts and choosing human presence over digital validation. Bethany frames this phase not as a midlife crisis, but as a midlife awakening. This episode is for anyone who has ever done well on paper but found themselves asking: Is this really the life I want? Episode Summary In this special 20th milestone episode, Bethany reflects on the first seven months of Notes from the Not There Yet Project. Sharing the raw story of her own emotional breakdown in Scotland that catalysed this platform, she maps out the collective wisdom gathered from 19 past conversations. This solo episode reframes the messy middle as an ongoing, evolving journey through adulthood, offering a strategic toolkit to help you navigate pivots with clarity and intention. Themes Explored * Theme 1: Timelines & The Rules We Break – Recognising that traditional milestones are utterly made up and that it is never too late to retrain or start over. * Theme 2: Tearing Up the Script – Understanding the neuroscience behind our fear of uncertainty and entering the highly creative "Neutral Zone". * Theme 3: Identity - The Loss and Rebirth – Moving past identity foreclosure and utilising the "portfolio approach" to diversify self-worth across values and interests. * Theme 4: Choosing Your Own Path – Rejecting the philosophical trap of living in "Bad Faith" to slow down and protect what actually matters. * Theme 5: Redefining Success – Realizing your ladder of ambition might be leaning against the wrong wall and trading grand metrics for daily acts of aligned bravery. * Theme 6: Community is Everything – Dropping the isolated "I'm fine" mask and prioritising human presence over digital validation. If this conversation resonates with your current chapter, please share it with a friend navigating their own messy middle - let us stop navigating this space alone. Key Takeaways * The Milestones Are Made Up: You cannot hold yourself to outdated societal schedules anymore; you are never the wrong age to begin again. * Fear is Biological, Not Factual: When you introduce uncertainty, your brain's amygdala treats it as an immediate threat—navigating transition requires consciously overriding our biology. * Diversify Your Sense of Self: Pinned worth on a single role makes your identity incredibly fragile; use a portfolio approach across your values and interests. * Deceleration Signifies Clarity: Choosing your own path isn't about moving faster; it is about having the courage to slow down and protect depth over constant output. * Check Your Ladder: We often spend the first half of our lives climbing the ladder of success, only to realize at the top that it is leaning against the completely wrong wall.

The Mirror in the Sky | Lou Desborough: Astrology, Identity & The Midlife Pivot

In this episode, we talk to Lou Desborough, founder of Cosmic Kinship, about her transition from a 25-year career in design to becoming a professional astrologer. Lou shares the raw reality of navigating the "messy middle" - balancing the grief of losing a parent with the demands of motherhood and the internal "chatter" that tells us we aren't good enough to pivot. We explore astrology as "The Mirror in the Sky" - a language for self-understanding that helps us navigate identity shifts and understand the "default settings" of those we love. This episode is for you if: * You feel like your life looks "perfect on paper" but feels unsettled underneath. * You are navigating a career pivot or a "beginner" phase in midlife. * You are curious about how ancient tools can provide modern clarity. Episode Show Notes Lou Desborough joins Bethany to discuss the "slow eroding" of her identity in her early 40s and how astrology provided the language she needed to rebuild. From the grit of the design industry to the depth of birth charts, Lou explores how we can use our "blueprint" to find balance and grace in the juggle of adulthood. Themes Explored: The "Sliding Doors" of Career: Navigating the path from Art School to professional astrology. Grief as a Catalyst: How the vulnerability of a parent's illness puts professional "deadlines" into perspective. The Perfectionism Trap: Moving from "1000% effort" to the mantra of "done is better than perfect". Parenting without a Manual: Using astrology to recognize the innate nature of our children rather than trying to change them. Key takeaways * Astrology is a Language, Not a Sentence: It reflects our potential and patterns; it doesn't dictate a fixed destiny. * The Cosmos as a Mirror: Planetary movements reflect our internal state, offering a way to look inward. Done is * Better than Perfect: In transitions, the need for 1000% perfection can be a shackle; sometimes, simply "doing" is the breakthrough. * Accepting the Juggle: It’s okay to run two careers side-by-side while you build your dream; the "limbo" is part of the process. If this conversation resonates, share it with someone navigating their own messy middle. Connect with Lou Desborough:Website: cosmickinship.com [https://www.cosmickinship.com/]Instagram: @cosmic__kinship [https://www.instagram.com/cosmic__kinship/]Connect with The Not There Yet Project:Subscribe to our the newsletter [https://notthereyetproject.co.uk/pages/subscribe-the-not-yets-newsletter]Read the Reflections on Substack. [https://thenotthereyetproject.substack.com/]Follow on Instagram: @TheNotThereYetProject [https://www.instagram.com/notthereyetproject/]

Finding Your 'Positive Mindful Attitude' with Carla Bentele

Episode Summary Carla Bentele, designer and founder of All About Me [https://all-about-me.co/], shares her journey from navigating redundancy in the London fashion world to reclaiming her creativity in the North. We explore the reality of losing a professional identity you loved, the "deathbed" perspective that helped her take a leap, and how she built a brand rooted in mindfulness and community. Show Notes: An honest conversation about ambition, creativity, and learning to build a life that actually fits who you are. Themes Explored: * Redundancy and Identity: What happens when the job you built your life around disappears. * The "Deathbed" Perspective: Using a long-term view to make brave short-term decisions. * Starting Again: The reality of launching a business while navigating motherhood and a new area. * Manifestation: How vision boards and belief can guide your next chapter. If this conversation resonates, share it with someone navigating their own messy middle.

Emma Husband on Starting Again at 35 and Money Confidence

Episode Description Emma Husband [https://partnership.sjp.co.uk/partner/emmahusband] is a Financial Planner, business owner and mum - but her story didn’t begin with a clear plan. In this conversation, Emma shares what it looked like to spend years feeling quietly unfulfilled, to question everything during maternity leave, and to retrain as a financial adviser in her mid-30s while navigating grief, motherhood and self-doubt. We also explore her relationship with money - how it shaped her confidence, why so many women feel “behind”, and what it means to finally feel in control of your finances. It’s a conversation about identity, money, and slowly realising that nothing has gone wrong. This episode is for anyone who feels like they should have figured things out by now… but hasn’t. Show Notes Emma Husband, Financial Planner and Founder, shares her journey from a stable corporate career in health insurance to retraining as a financial advisor in her mid-30s. What began as a sense that something wasn’t quite right grew into a life-changing shift - shaped by motherhood, grief, and a desire to build a life (and career) that actually fit. Themes explored: * Feeling “behind” in your 30s (career + money) * The dissatisfaction with a life that looks fine * Motherhood as a catalyst for change * Starting again as a financial adviser * Grief, pressure and rebuilding identity * Women, money and financial confidence * Redefining success on your own terms If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who might need the reminder that they’re not behind - just in the middle of things. Key takeaways * Feeling behind - in life or money - doesn’t mean you’ve failed * You don’t need a perfect financial plan to start again * Money confidence is learned, not something you’re born with * Growth rarely happens in clean, controlled conditions * You’re allowed to change direction, even if your life looks “fine” * Nothing has gone wrong — you’re just still figuring things out Find out more or share your story [https://notthereyetproject.co.uk/]. Not lost, not arrived, just not there yet.

“I’ve Always Felt Like the Wrong Age” - Kimberley Ford on Starting Again at 40

Episode Description Kimberley Ford has rebuilt her life more than once. From finance to acting, from acting to directing, and eventually founding her own filmmaking business - her path hasn’t followed a straight line. But underneath all of it is a feeling many people quietly carry: being the wrong age. Too early. Too late. Too old to start again. Too young to be taken seriously. In this conversation, we explore identity, reinvention, and what it means to move forward even when your timing doesn’t seem to make sense on paper. This episode is for anyone who’s ever felt behind, out of place, or unsure if it’s too late to begin again. Show notes Kimberley Ford’s journey is one of starting again - not once, but multiple times. From leaving a stable career in finance, to navigating the uncertainty of acting, to returning to education in her late 30s and building a business that feels aligned. At the centre of it all is a feeling many people recognise: being the “wrong age.” This conversation explores how that feeling doesn’t mean you’re behind - it might mean you’re still in the middle of things. THEMES EXPLORED * Feeling like the wrong age at different stages of life * Leaving stability to follow something uncertain * Starting again in your 30s and 40s * Navigating self-doubt and not feeling like you belong * Returning to education later in life * Redefining success beyond external expectations * Choosing alignment over societal timelines If this conversation resonates, share it with someone who might need reminding that they’re not behind - they’re just in the middle of things. Key takeaways * Feeling like the wrong age doesn’t mean you’re on the wrong path * You don’t waste experience — you build from it * Confidence is often something you grow into, not something you start with * There is no single timeline for a life that feels right * Starting again doesn’t mean going backwards * Nothing has gone wrong — you’re still in it Links referenced in this episode: * Kollab Kreate [https://www.kollabkreate.com/] * Kollab Kreate YouTube channel [https://www.youtube.com/@KollabKreate01] * Not There Yet Project [https://notthereyetproject.co.uk/] * ‘Unseen Strength’ [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HXSjSJcMV4E&t=14s] - Won ‘Northern Excellence in Directing’ award at WomenX Film Festival * Grey Area [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P4XmRzfACxU&list=PLsDxlkYUsf3q5iHvAoIZk1WY-b27jtcRp&index=2] (First Ever Short Film Directed at University) won Best film award * Escort - Rime Suspex Music Video [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqkdNzfV2Xc] Companies mentioned in this episode: * Kollab Kreate * Aldi * L'Oreal * Iceland * Empower * UCLan