Motherhood, ADHD, and the Identity Crisis Nobody Warned You About

Motherhood, ADHD, and the Identity Crisis Nobody Warned You About

Motherhood, ADHD & the Identity Crisis Nobody Warned You About What happens when a coach realizes she abandoned her own journey while helping everyone else with theirs? Dr. Gertrude Lyons got a doctorate about it. In this warm, wide-ranging conversation, Steph and Dr. Gertrude bond over late ADHD diagnoses, the chaos of new motherhood, and why "doing it differently" isn't something to apologize for. What we're getting into: * Premarital counseling at 23 — weird then, genius in retrospect * From economic analyst to transformational leadership doctorate — the winding, beautiful road that got her here * What it means to "mother" even if you've never had children (yes, you're already doing it) * The moment she realized she'd been coaching everyone but herself * Her brand new book Rewrite the Mother Code and the eight-year journey it took to write it * Late-in-life ADHD diagnosis talk — the guilt, the grief, the oh thank God that explains it moment * Losing yourself in motherhood (even when you know better) * Why that "gelatinous mass" of new parenthood is actually a massive opportunity for growth * Rewriting your mother code — and what that even means * Both Steph and Dr. Lyons have ADHD — and neither of them found out as kids. Here's what that journey looked like * Letting go of the guilt that you don't work like your (very organized, very linear) partner * Creating structures you'll actually use vs. the ones you think you should use * Neurodiverse kids in a square-box world — a real conversation about accommodations, resilience, and meeting in the middle * Celebrating the wins (a reminder we all apparently need) Find Dr. Gertrude Lyons: * 🌐 www.drgertrudelyons.com [http://www.drgertrudelyons.com] * 🎙️ Podcast: Rewrite the Mother Code [https://www.drgertrudelyons.com/podcast] * 📸 Instagram: @DrGertrudeLyons * 📺 TEDx talk on YouTube [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NZ9ZF8JKIDY] * 📚 Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust  [https://www.drgertrudelyons.com/book-rewrite-the-mother-code]— available now * 🎧 Catch Steph on the Rewrite the Mother Code podcast: Listen here [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/rewrite-the-mother-code-with-dr-gertrude-lyons/id1534581166?i=1000732620151] See Steph LIVE: * 🎟️ LTYM Boulder in-person tickets: Grab yours here [https://events.humanitix.com/2026-listen-to-your-mother-boulder] * 💻 Can't make it in person? Livestream tickets: Get the link here [https://events.humanitix.com/livestream-ltym-boulder-2026] Dr. Gertrude Lyons is the author of Rewrite the Mother Code: From Sacrifice to Stardust - A Cosmic Approach to Motherhood  [https://www.drgertrudelyons.com/book-rewrite-the-mother-code]and is a leading coach and educator in women’s leadership development, parenting, and relationship satisfaction. As the founder of Rewrite the Mother Code, LLC, she inspires women to take control of their own personal transformations and has spent the last 27 years empowering individuals, couples, parents, and families to realize meaningful, successful lives. Dr. Lyons has a Masters degree in coaching and a Whole Brain Living certified coach through Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor. Lyons received her B.B.A. in Finance and Accounting from St. Mary’s College, Notre Dame, her M.A. in Psychology from Antioch University McGregor School and her Ed.D and M.A. in Transformational Leadership and Coaching at the Wright Graduate University. She is a noted media and podcast guest, and the host of the popular podcast, Rewrite the Mother Code. A TEDx speaker, Dr. Lyons has spoken at Google and other

Finally, I Make Sense: An ADHD Diagnosis at 65 and the Little Girl Who Always Knew

Show Notes: What does it feel like to finally receive an ADHD diagnosis at 65? For writer Penny Hawes, it felt like someone had handed her a map—not an excuse, not a crutch, but a way of finally understanding the terrain she'd been navigating her whole life. Penny is the witty, warm, and deeply perceptive voice behind the Substack column Slightly Over the Hill with ADHD [https://phawes.substack.com/], and in this conversation, she and Steph explore what it means to look back at six and a half decades of life through a brand new lens. They talk about the little girls they used to be—perfectionists, people-pleasers, teacher's pets—working so hard to stay safe by being good. They talk about Groundhog Decades: the same three goals on the same list, year after year, and what it means to finally understand why. They dig into rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD), emotional regulation, the ADHD brain's default toward interest over importance, and why so many of us have spent our whole lives bracing— shoulders up around our ears—without ever knowing why. This is a conversation about grief and relief, about retrospect and possibility, about the women we've become and the little girls who deserved so much more compassion along the way. In this episode: * Penny shares how her daughter's curiosity about ADHD led to Penny's own diagnosis at 65—and what it felt like to finally have a name for it * Why so many Gen X women (and beyond) were completely missed by a system that only recognized "hyperactive little boys" * The "groundhog decade"—the same three goals on repeat for 20 years, and why that's not a character flaw * Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD): what it is, why it hits so hard, and the Christmas meltdown that changed everything for Steph * How an ADHD diagnosis can make you more compassionate—with your partner, your kids, and your younger self * The ADHD brain is wired for interest, not importance—and why that reframe is everything * Perfectionism, people-pleasing, and the exhausting work of masking as a "good girl" * Anxiety as a motor: how it keeps high-achieving women going while quietly running them into the ground * Why inattentive-type ADHD looks nothing like the stereotype—and how many women have spent a lifetime not knowing * The very real physical consequences of hyper-focus mode (Steph shares a recent health scare as a cautionary tale) * What Penny would tell her younger self—and why it's never too late for healing, understanding, and a fresh start Resources mentioned: * Penny's Substack: Slightly Over the Hill with ADHD  [https://phawes.substack.com/] * Tracy Otsuka's podcast: ADHD for Smart Ass Women [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/adhd-for-smart-ass-women-with-tracy-otsuka/id1443678424] * Join The Pause Writers [https://www.welcometothepause.com/thepausewriters]—a writing membership for midlife women that includes co-working, connection, writing prompts, accountability, and guest workshops. Learn more about our community at welcometothepause.com [http://welcometothepause.com/].

Midlife is the perfect time to return to your creativity: A conversation with Ann Imig

Show Notes: * Experience a quick, grounding practice (PQ reps) to tune into our bodies * Guest Ann Imig and Steph have a discussion of the concept of saboteurs: patterns that keep us stuck * We overview  common obstacles to our creativity: perfectionism, procrastination, people-pleasing, or being a hyper-achiever * “We don’t outrun our saboteurs, but we learn to turn them down and take action from a different place in our brains—the intuitive, clear, focused place.” * What happens when you feel like you can’t find your spark, your creativity, or even yourself—it’s not lost, we promise! * Learn more about working with Ann here [https://listenlifecoaching.com/]. For those curious about learning more about this, frustrated with creative blocks, or feeling out of touch with your spark, you can learn more about the April workshop here [https://www.welcometothepause.com/surfyourcreativity]. Looking for a community of other creative midlife women? Join us in The Pause.  [https://www.welcometothepause.com/thepausewriters]

The Hormonal Accelerant: How Midlife Brings Patterns to the Surface with Dana Bowman

Steph talks to Dana Bowman, author and TedX speaker, about midlife, recovery, hormones, and identity. • Sobriety & Motherhood - Getting sober while raising young kids and navigating wine culture • Perimenopause as a Catalyst - How hormonal changes during perimenopause can reveal underlying issues and trigger addictive patterns • Process Addictions - Understanding addictions beyond substances (scrolling, sugar, exercise, gambling) and how they emerge during life transitions • The Medical Gap - Why doctors often miss or dismiss perimenopause symptoms, especially for women in recovery • Identity Shifts + Invisible Woman Syndrome - Going gray, aging, and redefining yourself at midlife • Anxiety & Panic - Middle-of-the-night breathing issues, panic attacks, and other lesser-known perimenopause symptoms • Creative Healing - Using writing, creativity, and self-expression as tools for recovery and self-understanding • Getting Curious vs. Getting Critical - Approaching your struggles with curiosity instead of shame • "Be Gentle with Yourself and the Horse" - Learning to extend grace during difficult transitions Takeaway: Midlife hormonal changes can act as an accelerant for whatever's bubbling beneath the surface. Instead of shame, get curious about what your body and behaviors are trying to tell you. Meet Dana:  Dana Bowman is the author of three books. Humble Pie: Addiction, Recovery, and Dessert was published in November of 2025 by Bloomsbury Press. Her two memoirs, Bottled, A Mom’s Guide to Early Recovery, and How To Be Perfect Like Me, were both published by Central Recovery Press. Bottled was selected as a Kansas Notable Book in 2018. A TEDx speaker, [https://youtu.be/iJeIJ86ed2k?si=5XxG-8j-dtlH_wmu] writer for Psychology Today, and occasional stand-up comedian, she shares about beating shame, kicking addictions, and how going gray changed her life.  Dana has collected numerous awards for her humorous writing, and she earned the moniker of “The Erma Bombeck of alcoholics” from her first publisher, a descriptor she is very proud to carry. Her goal is to provide hope, along with a good laugh and a good story, to help heal the addict within all of us.  You can find out more about her over at danabowmancreative.com [http://danabowmancreative.com/]  or at all the socials (even TikTok because she is cool) at @thedanabow Dana's Books: * Humble Pie: Sobriety, Menopause, & The Sweetness of Recovery [https://www.bloomsbury.com/us/humble-pie-9798881800819/] * Bottled: A Mom's Guide to Early Recovery (Kansas Notable Book 2018) * How to Be Perfect Like Me

The Messy Intersection of ADHD + Perimenopause with Dr. Rebecca Richey

* Dr. Rebecca Richey returns to talk about the wild intersection of ADHD and perimenopause, or as she calls it, “When the wheels fall off the bus.” * Anxiety might actually be your ADHD talking – When you treat the ADHD first, the anxiety often gets way quieter. It's not the main problem; it's the monkey on your shoulder that comes with ADHD. * Perimenopause + ADHD Your estrogen is ping-ponging all over the place while your executive function was already struggling. No wonder everything feels impossible. * There's literally no protocol for this – Research on women's hormones and ADHD is basically nonexistent. We're all just figuring it out together through trial and error (and group texts about estrogen patches). * Late diagnosis is super common – So many women get diagnosed in their 40s because they finally hit the point where all their coping systems can't keep up anymore. Career peak + aging parents + big kid problems + perimenopause = diagnosis time. * Stimulants aren't scary – Kids with ADHD who are medicated have better outcomes across the board: fewer car accidents, less substance abuse, better relationships, lower suicide rates. The zombie thing was a 90s problem. * The hypervigilance is real – That constant "am I forgetting something?" anxiety comes from decades of being the "good girl" who couldn't let anyone see how hard things were. BUT: You're not in danger anymore – Your 8-year-old self believed she was in danger when she got in trouble. But you're an adult, and nobody's putting you in timeout. * Perimenopause has gifts too – Like suddenly realizing you're not always wrong. And giving way fewer fucks about what other people think. Welcome to your "actually, I'm the fucking queen" era. * Find practitioners who actually listen – You might try 17 medications before finding the right one. You need someone who won't treat you like a burden. * Hang on—it gets better – Women in post-menopause are the happiest they've ever been (aside from ages 0-10). So buckle up, but know there's light at the end of the tunnel. Follow Steph on IG @stephsprenger, and on Substack at The Reclamation Era. [https://stephsprenger.substack.com/] Looking for a community of creative midlife women? Check out MidCircle [https://www.theherstoriesproject.com/midcircle] Check out Dr. Richey’s appearances on The Mother Plus Podcast: * Why ADHD Women Are “Too Sensitive” [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/136-why-adhd-women-are-too-sensitive-a-conversation/id1596164287?i=1000683165814] * How to Regulate Your Emotions When You’re “Too Sensitive: A Conversation About [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/137-how-to-regulate-your-emotions-when-youre-too-sensitive/id1596164287?i=1000683970464] * RSD with Dr. Rebecca Richey [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/137-how-to-regulate-your-emotions-when-youre-too-sensitive/id1596164287?i=1000683970464] * A Psychologist Explains How the ADHD Mom Can Advocate for Herself: Part I [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/a-psychologist-explains-how-the-adhd-mom-can/id1596164287?i=1000650480444] Part II [https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/99-a-psychologist-explains-how-the-adhd-mom/id1596164287?i=1000651205324] Dr. Rebecca Richey is one of Colorado’s first prescribing psychologists, dedicated to empowering women, girls, and gender-diverse individuals through compassionate, evidence-based care. With advanced training in clinical psychopharmacology and a deep understanding of the unique mental health challenges faced by her clients, Dr. Richey offers an integrative approach that includes medication management, psychedelic therapy, and psychological testing. Learn more here [https://solsticepsychology.com/].