How Your Childhood Shapes Who You Become When You Lose Control

How Your Childhood Shapes Who You Become When You Lose Control

I didn't first understand my "parts" just through therapy — I learned them through my own journey with alcoholism… and the damage it caused in my relationships, including the one I had with myself. When I drank, I thought I was becoming a completely different person. But in reality, alcohol was revealing the suppressed parts of myself that I had learned to hide growing up. In this episode, I walk through how my childhood shaped the way I show up in relationships — from growing up in an unpredictable environment, to becoming the "strong one," to learning how to suppress parts of myself just to feel safe and loved. We then connect that to: * why you act like a different person when you're drunk * how alcohol lowers your emotional filter * parts work (IFS) and fragmentation * attachment styles and relationship patterns * Carl Jung's concept of shadow work and the unconscious mind * inner child healing and emotional suppression * why the parts of you you reject don't disappear — they come out when you can't control them Through my own experience, I realized alcohol didn't create a different version of me — it revealed the parts of me that never felt safe to exist. If you've ever wondered: * "Why do I act like a different person sometimes?" * "Why do I lose control of my emotions?" * "Why do I overgive, shut down, or push people away?" * "Where do these patterns come from?" This episode will help you understand that nothing about you is random — your patterns, your reactions, and even your "out of control" moments all have roots. 🌿 All my links → https://bio.site/queerlydivine ☕ Support the podcast → https://ko-fi.com/queerlydivine [https://ko-fi.com/queerlydivine] Timestamps: 00:00 Intro - Why You Act Different When You're Drunk 00:52 Personal Story & How I Learned My Patterns 00:52:20 Childhood Background & Family Dynamics 07:39:18 Understanding Attachment Styles 09:19:00 Covert Incest & Emotional Parentification 10:31:03 Soul Fragmentation, Alcohol & Parts Work 22:32:00 Types of Drunk Personalities & What They Mean 26:15:08 Questions for Healing & Self-Reflection 34:57:08 Outro

What Healing from Trauma Actually Looks Like

Season 1, Episode 4 In this episode of Queerly Divine, I talk about what healing from trauma actually looks like — not the aesthetic version, but the real, body-based experience. After stepping back into stand-up comedy, my body went into survival mode. I experienced dissociation, overwhelm, and a nervous system response that reminded me healing isn't about pushing through — it's about listening. We talk about: how trauma is stored in the body dissociation and survival responses why forcing yourself before you're ready can backfire nervous system regulation and safety taking smaller, safer steps toward healing This episode is for anyone navigating trauma, anxiety, or the feeling of "I thought I was healed… so why does this still hurt?" 🌿 All my links → bio.site/queerlydivine [bio.site/queerlydivine]

My Metamorphosis — Leaving My Hometown, Losing Everything & Starting Over | Episode 3

This episode is my story of what it actually looked like to leave my hometown and rebuild my life from the ground up. Not the polished version — the real one. I talk about the moments that pushed me to walk away from everything I knew… from burnout, illness, and toxic environments, to my spiritual awakening and finally coming into my identity — from seeking help through Out Memphis to ultimately moving to Chattanooga and starting over. This episode covers: • Leaving Memphis and moving to Chattanooga • Seeking support through Out Memphis and navigating identity • Hitting rock bottom physically and emotionally • My spiritual awakening and healing journey • Navigating family, identity, and coming out • Outgrowing environments that no longer aligned • Learning to trust myself and start over This is the kind of transformation people don’t talk about — the messy, uncomfortable, in-between phase where nothing feels certain. If you’ve ever felt stuck, disconnected, or like you’re meant for something more… this episode is for you. — 🎙️ Queerly Divine is a space where queerness, fear, healing, and becoming are all allowed — and nothing has to be figured out right away. 🔗 Connect with me, support the podcast, and find all my links here: https://bio.site/queerlydivine [https://bio.site/queerlydivine]

Why Queer People Lose Their Sense of Self

If you’ve ever felt like you don’t fully know who you are, or like you had to become someone else just to survive—this episode is for you. In this episode of Queerly Divine, we explore the psychological roots of identity loss growing up queer. We talk about self-rejection, dissociation, masking, internal family systems (IFS), and even concepts like soul loss and integration—bridging both Western psychology and spiritual frameworks. This episode is about understanding that there are real, valid reasons behind why you may feel disconnected from yourself—and that healing isn’t about becoming someone new, but returning to who you’ve always been. Socials/Community/Support the Podcast: bio.site/queerlydivine [https://www.youtube.com/redirect?event=channel_header&redir_token=QUFFLUhqbXo5RDNQdlRpRjk4NEY5R1dpUFotUUNyZkNDZ3xBQ3Jtc0tub0JweS1SMzhFOGlLWjhPSFJ4WGFEVDJ5dkE3bHpFLWVqZkREblJuQ2FEWnJXVmpjUldNRHVGaTB6YXYxWnpoLTRTZHhLUmUwUVJOX2VWY3huTURBT1lXZmw5eDlObUVQcHJmY3lsb2lXQ2lCQm11WQ&q=https%3A%2F%2Fbio.site%2Fqueerlydivine] Receipts/Links: • Meyer, I. H. (2003). Prejudice, social stress, and mental health in lesbian, gay, and bisexual populations: Conceptual issues and research evidence. Psychological Bulletin, 129(5), 674–697. https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.129.5.674 [https://doi.org/10.1037/0033-2909.129.5.674] • The Beginners Guide to Shamanic Journeying by Sandra Ingerman: http://tiny.cc/e4k0101 [http://tiny.cc/e4k0101]

Growing Up Gay in the Bible Belt | Fear, Shame, and Healing

In this episode of Queerly Divine, I share what it was like growing up gay in the Bible Belt and how internalized homophobia, fear, and shame shaped my identity. This episode explores queer identity, masking, nervous system freeze, and what it means to become yourself after years of not feeling safe. I talk about growing up in the South, knowing I was gay from a young age, and how survival and fear impacted the way I moved through the world. We also get into family dynamics, religion, trauma, healing, and finding your identity after years of hiding. If you've ever felt like you had to shrink yourself to stay safe, this episode is for you. Welcome to Queerly Divine - a space where queerness, fear, and becoming are all allowed, and nothing has to be figured out right away.