Ernie Maxwell Scenic Trail: Capitalism, Relationship Dynamics, and Solitude

Nothing Is Truly Yours: The System Is Down, The System Is Down, The System Is Down

Recently, a guy bought two Airtags off me, replaced the batteries, and said, "You just have to unpair them.” Insert spiral. I told him they were probably paired to a device that had been stolen years ago. Whoever still has that stolen phone controls the tags forever because Apple refuses to help me recover the account tied to them. Meanwhile, some people spend hundreds every month storing boxes of junk in garages & storage units they never even visit. Stuff collecting dust, rotting away, getting eaten by bugs & rodents. People hoard objects they don’t even cherish while people like me would do anything just to recover memories that actually mattered. For the buyers sake, I called Apple twice. The first rep felt so helpless & wanted me to be transferred to a senior advisor although admitted, it looks here like you already spoke & nothing was done, but still! So I humored her because let's always have hope, right? The senior rep admitted that she broke her phone & lost access to her data & that Apple would not help her recover her data even as a senior advisor for Apple. These corps are so powerful, yet basic humanity disappears the second somebody falls outside “policy”. Unless you want to become June Osborne and start a revolution and watch millions of people lose their lives & migrate elsewhere . They say it’s about security, but if they truly cared, they could innovate solutions instead of trapping people in dead-end systems forever. People praise billion-dollar growth while customer service gets worse, products become disposable garbage, employees burn out & some just accept it because convenience matters more than humanity now. Oh but look how Amazon was in the red for several years and they never made a single penny. Look how incredible how they turned everything around. Look how cute Steve Jobs was for caring about the beautiful art & detail in all his projects and what a cute lil genesis . We don’t care that he was a raging asshole and left his corp a mess to be fucked with by the next in line. What a great business model he had. Now you are giving us cancer. You prick. We celebrate business models instead of ethics, integrity, or character. What hurts is out of my control. My family in older generations would say, Protest! Contact consumer affairs! Your state assembly! Call the BBB! Ya’ll are cute…but sure, I tried that all to humor you. Instead, years later, I can’t even sell a pair of AirTags without being reminded of everything I lost. And yes, the dude was happy, happy he got his refund. The cherry on top of this sundae was receiving an email after the call saying, "Hi Evelyn, Glad we were able to assist you.” All I’m missing now is some Black Mirror, dystopian music playing in the background with a clown face emoji smiling at me. I learned recently that if people don’t like themselves, why would they gave one about you. They don’t know how. That is a genuine soft skill they never learned or cared too. Maybe in the grander scheme of life, good & evil cannot exist without each other & there's no scale that evens out.
I stress the fuck out every second of every day striving to be a good human. Some people don't want to put in that work though & I can't blame them. Ehh, maybe a little. Si, it's frustrating. Si, you're allowed to care. 
I hate to say si, your feelings are valid, of course they are, but it would be nice if they were valid & something could be done about it right? My Lesson: "What you love is nothing of your own: it has been given to you for the present... as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year." -Epictetus "Nothing, Lucilius, is ours, except time." -Seneca "What are you afraid of losing, when nothing in the world actually belongs to you?" -Marcus Aurelius

Sex Education and Condoms. Safety First!

Say condoms one more time in this episode Evelyn and this will become a drinking game. Ha! The girls at the front desk kept saying, “You know you can go to free health clinics to find free condoms right?” And I said, "I ain't trying to attract no small penises in my life anymore”. And what am I going to do? Grab the whole container? No one size fits small, for me! Shout out to my mom and dad who bought me condoms! I was too frugal to get the good kinds. If my childhood tv shows and movies were Sex and the City and James Bond, I think it’s appropriate. To the man this episode is about: I like how you criticized my work and told me, are you just gonna post about it after attitude, so yes darling, I will. Just for you. It had nothing to do with our schedules, mental health, or living far away from each other and you know it. If the only communication I hear from you is you liking my photos then you cannot convince me of anything other than a surface level connection. You say it’s not a causal mindset, I say it is. I don’t need or want the clicks for validation. The twenty year old me was right. You did not like me enough back then, and you did only have one main intentional mindset and that has not changed. You still make great music and I was singing one of my favorite songs of yours in my car the other day. I do still wish I could attend one of your comedy nights and it’s okay, bash the hell out of me. Maybe you already did. I never got the invite. I learned my love of monsteras from you and how to water them. I remember wearing your green jersey shirt and taking this cute photo of myself in your mirror all those years ago. You were a part of my coming of age journey and you will always have a part of me, obviously. I wish our connection and chemistry wasn’t that vain and sleeping with you did not lead to feelings. You are all grey now and it’s super adorable. But I am proud of the 34 year old woman that I am now who can proudly and respectfully say no. I do however hope that you can learn to trust women again and love someone very special as you are a special dude to me. Not every person or circumstance is the same so please don’t generalize us all or it will be harder to see the beauty and love and art and connection of someone who wants to care and love for you deeply. I know she hurt you babe and you tried hard and your love was deep for a long time. But now is your time to find someone as wonderful as you are and find what is truly important and valuable to you. I see your soul and your beauty so it’s hard for me when I see you acting out in other ways on the surface when I know you better than that. Take as long as you need to heal. And to the point of your text message, I don’t think that process of healing ever stops, it just changes over time. I’m sending you so much love. PS I wonder if you still have those recordings we did and the duet of your song. I would adore to hear them. The lyrics you wrote for me to sing from, the hard copy was stolen years ago when my guitar and music lyrics was taken from me but I still can hear it in my head…”you’ve been going on, your own way/road…and I hope you’ll be a better man, someday…” Did I get it partially right? I can hear the chords better than I can remember the lyrics at this moment in time. Best song you have ever written hands down and honestly I don’t know why you don’t play that literally everywhere and it’s stamped on everything you own. It’s magical, enchanting, beautiful, and real. Why you perform but don’t have Apple Music or Spotify so I can selfishly listen to that song on repeat I won’t ever know. Can you please for me after this post? So you can break some more hearts? Besos dude.

Pond Scum, Tadpoles and Baboons: The Evolution of Dating and Romantic Feelings. With Special Guest: Joseph Nochebuena

Until you reach your goal of a secure and confident attachment style, if that is your goal, you still feel the crushing pain of break-ups, situationships, and the all knowing and famous, “it’s complicated”. It does not matter if you break up with them or them you, it is still agonizing in different ways. Pain is pain. This episode is a special guest episode with my dear friend Joseph who was trying to support me as a friend and give me some dating advice as he has seen me go through the wringer of liking the real “winners”. When I like someone, I see their soul, their potential, their subconscious, their heart, and rarely do I see the reality of the situation or the current state of affairs. I am a firm believer in, you cannot help who you like. But that comes at a cost. Imagine a person loving you so much, in the way they know how to and they reject and hurt you because that is the form of love they have received and have not figured out any other way. I can judge and criticize myself all day long for attracting broken and or hurt people to me. It is not from a lack of self worth or feeling like I could do better, it is seeing their heart and the beauty of a human being who is looking at you through a lens of horror, terror, abuse, hurt, pain, stress, struggles, and trauma. Despite wanting different things, I was shown the hard way growing up with an avoidant father and an anxious mother. But there comes a point in every person's life where you get to choose how you want to live, think, love, and feel. Where you want to find a love that you did not learn growing up. You believe in a love so beautiful, so healthy, that you go down a rabbit hole of self development in your adult years to find ways to attract people who say and do what they say they are going to do, treat you with respect, honor who you are, and don’t criticize and hurt you on a regular basis. I only learned recently and it is tragic to bare, but one of the ways to find the people you are hoping to exist, and to love the ones who hurt you, is to say no more to the person and feelings you have for the ones who cannot give you that. I had to say no to two people this year and when you split up with someone who is on a different journey than you, your feelings have not changed, but your heart and mind fight you tooth and nail because there is something different you need to find with someone else. I used to think make up sex was hot, but it is actually kind of tragic if you think about it. I wish my gents nothing but the best, I care for them dearly, and it was hard to let go and say no more, but I needed to find someone who was capable of love, wants to love and be loved, communicate, take accountability and have some shred of awareness. It feels like I am being an asshole or doing something wrong, it should not feel like this, but what other choice do we have? Keep living psychopathic, tornado run relationships with passion and flare and drama and turmoil? And you hope one or both of you does not end up dead or in jail? Oye. I only wish that one day they can work on finding the love they wish to have one day by showing that love and kindness to themselves. That could be getting themselves out of bad situations and believing they are worthy of something wonderful. I want them so badly to find a beautiful love, I so badly want them to allow themselves to be loved AND receive love. I see you as a wonderful father one day. I want you to be happy and thriving. Even if that is not with me. But you need to allow yourself to feel happiness and love. Even you, deserve it. Please stop being the things that hurt you. Learn another way. And to the assholes who hurt the men who hurt me....I am warning you, if it is not this life and it's the next, don’t you ever cross my path and make yourself known, because I don’t want to go to jail for the ways you will burn in hell.

San Luis Obispo, Solvang, and Santa Barbra, Oh My!

Today I went on a road trip and journey, LITERALLY! Life will always have never ending struggles and challenges along your journey, but how you approach them and react to them gets easier over time by putting in the HARD work. Whatever that looks like for you. No one said it would be fun and easy. It is all in the perspective… An older man falling asleep at the wheel at a traffic stop while braving the West LA traffic could be seen as “That poor old man who is struggling” and you feel bad for him. Another view point is, “Look at him go! He still has a car, is driving and is facing another day. It’s all in how you look at it. Or “AI is taking over the world. It’s feeding me with all this information, sensory overload!” And you could reply to yourself, “Well, where is all that information coming from? How does it receive that information?” You. You and I feed it. We are still here and it cannot live without us. Or even a mini van I saw today with a handicap sticker on the back that read, “life rolls on”. Whatever life you are living right now, maybe not in your ideal timeline, can and will get better. Or different. How do you want to change your life? What are YOU going to do about it? Take a much needed break when the world is constantly spinning regardless? Or make that push to get away for an hour, a day, a weekend, because you worked hard. What will bring you joy? What will make you smile or chuckle? Do you need a more supportive network of friends and loved ones? Do you need to change industries? Do you need to readjust and prioritize what is most important in your life? You do not need to stay or think the same you have always been. That is growth. Do you need to start saying no instead of yes? Or yes instead of no? What about going alone for a while? Or stop going alone? Or in my case today, not choosing to let the bastards grind me down at work when they cannot hold up to their own accountability. Made no bucks today? Try again, tomorrow! When was the last time you had plenty of rest? Have you noticed after a much needed sleep that your mind feels better? And to all of you hopeful and hopeless lovers out there, if finding your partner is only something you can do alone, to find yourself and the love you want to give and receive, then I hope you find what you are looking for. Safe travels out there on your journey. Keywords: go at your own pace, encouragement, live your life, breathe, hike, write, contrarian thinker, philosophy, growth, awareness, reflections of evelyn, meditation, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, inspiration, positivity, guidance, discovery, momentum, consistency, resilience, sustainability, venture, trends, society, russia, england, portugal, united states Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days]⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days%E2%81%A0]https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠] *Update everyone, she found her glasses! One week later under the passenger seat of my car during a car wash. Gifts of life, blessings, whatever you want to call them, do happen. : ) And it will come around in due time and happen for you. Do you see them? Can you notice them when they happen? ; )

You Are Not Alone. Period. End of Sentence.

Everyone has a bad day. Or two. Or three. It’s “fun” when you can get to a point where the pain only lasts a couple of hours because of your growth and you are able to hold on much easier. Whether it is music, a therapist, your favorite sport, treating yourself to a yummy sausage breakfast burrito from Pepe’s Finest, spending time with a loved one, a pet or a cozy movie, hold on to that, take a deep breath in and let it alllllll out, out loud. Over and over again until it works. Slow, easy breaths. Feel how you respond to your breath and question what you need to recover. How does your breath feel? Sound? Hold on to your loved ones. Keep them tight and near. Love hard. Experience all you can, anytime, anywhere. Be open and say yes to “everything”. Let the unexpected, surprise you. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Remember that you do not know everything and there is bigger and better and brighter and smarter and wiser source out there for you. Get out of your bubble. Take a long drive somewhere with no destination. Be safe! Take a run or walk without your headphones and hear, everything! TAKE A HIKE! Get a massage and or facial. Pamper yourself. Take a bath. Volunteer. Tell your favorite people you love them and why. No matter who they are. Pet an animal (ask permission first). Become a plant parent! Talk it out. Be honest. Be vulnerable. If they can’t take it, move on and do it again and again with someone else. Notice when something is wrong and when you are tripping out in your head. This takes time and patience and practice. You got this! Keep trying! Notice when a thought is from your past but that every person or experience is not the same. And don’t treat them as such. Live, laugh, love, breathe, explore, challenge yourself, motivate a stranger when you don’t know the outcome. I recommend trying out some pilates with “Boho Beautiful Yoga” on Youtube. Compliment yourself, and others! Speak life into your soul and be kind to your mind. Sending you so much love and hope. Besos. Encouraging and loving songs on your journey: look up the lyrics, listen to them and sing along! Even cry it out! Scream it out! Crying releases so many feelings and emotions that are keeping you stuck and helps you feel better later. Avril Lavigne -Who Knows Jimmy Eat World-The Middle Frida Hyvonen- Straight Thin Line Flogging Molly- Float The Walkmen- Angela Surf City Fitz and the Tantrums- Tighter Death With Dignity- Sufjan Stevens Spiritualized-Lay It Down Slow Josh Groban- You Are Loved Lastly for those of you who got to the end (<3) here is a post-it note I saved for myself which is an excellent piece of advice I learned on my own journey, credits unknown. For feeling grounded and strong, lift weights! For letting go of stuck emotions, try dancing, yoga, or pilates! For overall health, stretching! ***For creativity and calming an overactive mind and nervous system, try walking or hiking! *** For ease on your joints and increasing focus, try swimming or yoga Song links!⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days]⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days%E2%81%A0]https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠]