San Luis Obispo, Solvang, and Santa Barbra, Oh My!

TAKE ME TO PROM, Dang Nabbit!

I went to prom the other day, fine, okay, I was working one and I could not get over how much older I felt and so ‘mom’ like when I saw all these girls dressed up and ready to have some fun and all I wanted to do was make sure they were safe and well taken care of. My friend made a comment to me, “When did you become such a momma bear” when I kept trying to find the most appropriate way to console and assist this young band performer who was sweating like a dog, chain smoking, and singing at the top of his lungs with no care in the world in the parking lot with this buddies. He was 100% on some sort of methamphetamine and talking 1000 miles a minute. I could not get over the people turning their eyes and ignoring this very young kid, who had some sort of parents, somewhere, and watching this kid throw his youth away for a chance to be a rock star. It was difficult to watch. He could not have been more than 20 years old. I worked up the courage to approach him but how the heck do you approach a young boy when you are my age to show concern when no one else seems to give a damn. My co-workers were saying, “You have to let him be. It is better for you to stay out of the way”, but thankfully just to calm my nerves, my co-worker joined me to not look so intimidating and we walked up to him and I said, “Hey I am just making sure you are good. If you need anything, just let us know, okay?” He thought I was delusional for even mentioning it and I wanted to offer him a ride home because no one in the car he rode with was sober or completely sane at that moment and I felt completely helpless. What was I going to do? Call the cops? Hell no. Contact the organization running the event? They had eyes and ears. I know these kids need to make their own mistakes but at what cost? Who knows, but I needed to do my part. He imprinted my brain and I felt like a mother inside of me, but it made me question how parents raise kids in the type of world we are living in today. I hope to one day have a child or two on my own but I am mostly serious when I say I would need to be a millionaire to do it right. I would want to keep my marriage in tact and not drown in the stress and resentment due to finances, afford to help our children with college and their first car, all of the ballet recitals and soccer games and to pass out a $20 bill every time they go to dinner with their friends. I could not believe that 2 years after the LA fires attacked the school that they still did not have the funds for a school that they believe is up to par enough to give these kids a good education. I had to remind myself, yes Evelyn, this is not the prom you went to, but in their day and age, how wonderful they got to have it at all thanks to the volunteers and people who showed a care. I have been on a recent journey lately of some dating and the older I get, the more I put my foot down for the values I find necessary and important. Sure, none of us are promised to live to 99 years old, but life is so precious and cannot be wasted on people who do not want to focus on their growth and being the best they can be for themselves and others. I am grateful for the people in my life who are compassionate and show unconditional love in this world. To the people who I miss so dearly, I wish them so much love, health, and hope for whatever journey they choose for themselves as long as they are content and find moments of joy. “When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be” - Lao Tzu “Do you realize how rare it is to find someone who sees the world the same way you do, even if only for a single night?” -Fyodor Dostoevsky Keywords: contrarian thinker, real life, no filter, authenticity, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, mindfulness, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, humans with a pulse, real life, no filter, relationships, online dating

It Is Not Your “Job” To Be A Good Person. Be A Good One Anyways.

Here are some of my new favorite quotes I recently discovered to help you get through your day. Read 'em and weep! Which one shakes you to your core? Does it change/help your life? Read these very slowly. In your head once, and out loud once. Boom. You are welcome. You can also commit injustice by doing nothing. -Marcus Aurelius (...because I ran out of characters on Episode 19…I was clearly passionate about that topic…) To be happy, you must eliminate two things: the fear of a bad future, and the memory of a bad past. -Seneca If you are ever tempted to look for outside approval, realize that you have compromised your integrity. If you need a witness, be your own. -Epictetus I wanted to cry out, to ask her not to go. But what right had I to hold her back when her happiness lay in another's arms? -Fyodor Dostoevsky It's not a shame if a man learns something from a woman's heart which makes him more gentle and human. -Nizar Qabbani Don't walk behind me, I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend.-Albert Camus The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane. -Marcus Aurelius (My personal favorite and I will always spam you with this gem…) Give me liberty or give me death. -Patrick Henry Keywords: contrarian thinker, accountability, emotional intelligence, real life, no filter, authenticity, documentary, entanglement, fling, friends with benefits, casual dating, undefined relationship, open-ended romance, undefined companionship, friends, lovers, casual, low effort, not interested, sex education, safety first, protection, hiking, solo hiker, adventure, solitude, isolation, optoutside, journey, destination, socal, mountains, capitalism, america, individual, thinking, contrarian thinker, philosophy, self development, growth, awareness, reflections, reflections of evelyn, meditation, producer evelyn, stream of consciousness, writing, producing, blogs, journaling, mindfulness, yogi, spiritualism, flora, relationships, inspiration, encouragement, positivity, news, journalism, politics, trends, trending, responsibility, accountability, emotional intelligence, maturity, mental health, peace, joy, love, art, humans with a pulse, real life, no filter, authenticity, raw, moving, story telling, eco friendly, economy, subjective, abstract, picture this, documentary, creative, talk therapy, support, guidance, beauty, unknown, canada, russia, uk, poland, united states Follow the duck & Evelyn on her adventures and journeys @ducklifeproductions Song links!⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days]⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days%E2%81%A0]https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [https://distrokid.com/hyperfollow/evelynslatershew/songwriting-days⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠]

Nothing Is Truly Yours: The System Is Down, The System Is Down, The System Is Down

Recently, a guy bought two Airtags off me, replaced the batteries, and said, "You just have to unpair them.” Insert spiral. I told him they were probably paired to a device that had been stolen years ago. Whoever still has that stolen phone controls the tags forever because Apple refuses to help me recover the account tied to them. Meanwhile, some people spend hundreds every month storing boxes of junk in garages & storage units they never even visit. Stuff collecting dust, rotting away, getting eaten by bugs & rodents. People hoard objects they don’t even cherish while people like me would do anything just to recover memories that actually mattered. For the buyers sake, I called Apple twice. The first rep felt so helpless & wanted me to be transferred to a senior advisor although admitted, it looks here like you already spoke & nothing was done, but still! So I humored her because let's always have hope, right? The senior rep admitted that she broke her phone & lost access to her data & that Apple would not help her recover her data even as a senior advisor for Apple. These corps are so powerful, yet basic humanity disappears the second somebody falls outside “policy”. Unless you want to become June Osborne and start a revolution and watch millions of people lose their lives & migrate elsewhere . They say it’s about security, but if they truly cared, they could innovate solutions instead of trapping people in dead-end systems forever. People praise billion-dollar growth while customer service gets worse, products become disposable garbage, employees burn out & some just accept it because convenience matters more than humanity now. Oh but look how Amazon was in the red for several years and they never made a single penny. Look how incredible how they turned everything around. Look how cute Steve Jobs was for caring about the beautiful art & detail in all his projects and what a cute lil genesis . We don’t care that he was a raging asshole and left his corp a mess to be fucked with by the next in line. What a great business model he had. Now you are giving us cancer. You prick. We celebrate business models instead of ethics, integrity, or character. What hurts is out of my control. My family in older generations would say, Protest! Contact consumer affairs! Your state assembly! Call the BBB! Ya’ll are cute…but sure, I tried that all to humor you. Instead, years later, I can’t even sell a pair of AirTags without being reminded of everything I lost. And yes, the dude was happy, happy he got his refund. The cherry on top of this sundae was receiving an email after the call saying, "Hi Evelyn, Glad we were able to assist you.” All I’m missing now is some Black Mirror, dystopian music playing in the background with a clown face emoji smiling at me. I learned recently that if people don’t like themselves, why would they gave one about you. They don’t know how. That is a genuine soft skill they never learned or cared too. Maybe in the grander scheme of life, good & evil cannot exist without each other & there's no scale that evens out.
I stress the fuck out every second of every day striving to be a good human. Some people don't want to put in that work though & I can't blame them. Ehh, maybe a little. Si, it's frustrating. Si, you're allowed to care. 
I hate to say si, your feelings are valid, of course they are, but it would be nice if they were valid & something could be done about it right? My Lesson: "What you love is nothing of your own: it has been given to you for the present... as a fig is given to you or a bunch of grapes at the appointed season of the year." -Epictetus "Nothing, Lucilius, is ours, except time." -Seneca "What are you afraid of losing, when nothing in the world actually belongs to you?" -Marcus Aurelius

Sex Education and Condoms. Safety First!

Say condoms one more time in this episode Evelyn and this will become a drinking game. Ha! The girls at the front desk kept saying, “You know you can go to free health clinics to find free condoms right?” And I said, "I ain't trying to attract no small penises in my life anymore”. And what am I going to do? Grab the whole container? No one size fits small, for me! Shout out to my mom and dad who bought me condoms! I was too frugal to get the good kinds. If my childhood tv shows and movies were Sex and the City and James Bond, I think it’s appropriate. To the man this episode is about: I like how you criticized my work and told me, are you just gonna post about it after attitude, so yes darling, I will. Just for you. It had nothing to do with our schedules, mental health, or living far away from each other and you know it. If the only communication I hear from you is you liking my photos then you cannot convince me of anything other than a surface level connection. You say it’s not a causal mindset, I say it is. I don’t need or want the clicks for validation. The twenty year old me was right. You did not like me enough back then, and you did only have one main intentional mindset and that has not changed. You still make great music and I was singing one of my favorite songs of yours in my car the other day. I do still wish I could attend one of your comedy nights and it’s okay, bash the hell out of me. Maybe you already did. I never got the invite. I learned my love of monsteras from you and how to water them. I remember wearing your green jersey shirt and taking this cute photo of myself in your mirror all those years ago. You were a part of my coming of age journey and you will always have a part of me, obviously. I wish our connection and chemistry wasn’t that vain and sleeping with you did not lead to feelings. You are all grey now and it’s super adorable. But I am proud of the 34 year old woman that I am now who can proudly and respectfully say no. I do however hope that you can learn to trust women again and love someone very special as you are a special dude to me. Not every person or circumstance is the same so please don’t generalize us all or it will be harder to see the beauty and love and art and connection of someone who wants to care and love for you deeply. I know she hurt you babe and you tried hard and your love was deep for a long time. But now is your time to find someone as wonderful as you are and find what is truly important and valuable to you. I see your soul and your beauty so it’s hard for me when I see you acting out in other ways on the surface when I know you better than that. Take as long as you need to heal. And to the point of your text message, I don’t think that process of healing ever stops, it just changes over time. I’m sending you so much love. PS I wonder if you still have those recordings we did and the duet of your song. I would adore to hear them. The lyrics you wrote for me to sing from, the hard copy was stolen years ago when my guitar and music lyrics was taken from me but I still can hear it in my head…”you’ve been going on, your own way/road…and I hope you’ll be a better man, someday…” Did I get it partially right? I can hear the chords better than I can remember the lyrics at this moment in time. Best song you have ever written hands down and honestly I don’t know why you don’t play that literally everywhere and it’s stamped on everything you own. It’s magical, enchanting, beautiful, and real. Why you perform but don’t have Apple Music or Spotify so I can selfishly listen to that song on repeat I won’t ever know. Can you please for me after this post? So you can break some more hearts? Besos dude.

Pond Scum, Tadpoles and Baboons: The Evolution of Dating and Romantic Feelings. With Special Guest: Joseph Nochebuena

Until you reach your goal of a secure and confident attachment style, if that is your goal, you still feel the crushing pain of break-ups, situationships, and the all knowing and famous, “it’s complicated”. It does not matter if you break up with them or them you, it is still agonizing in different ways. Pain is pain. This episode is a special guest episode with my dear friend Joseph who was trying to support me as a friend and give me some dating advice as he has seen me go through the wringer of liking the real “winners”. When I like someone, I see their soul, their potential, their subconscious, their heart, and rarely do I see the reality of the situation or the current state of affairs. I am a firm believer in, you cannot help who you like. But that comes at a cost. Imagine a person loving you so much, in the way they know how to and they reject and hurt you because that is the form of love they have received and have not figured out any other way. I can judge and criticize myself all day long for attracting broken and or hurt people to me. It is not from a lack of self worth or feeling like I could do better, it is seeing their heart and the beauty of a human being who is looking at you through a lens of horror, terror, abuse, hurt, pain, stress, struggles, and trauma. Despite wanting different things, I was shown the hard way growing up with an avoidant father and an anxious mother. But there comes a point in every person's life where you get to choose how you want to live, think, love, and feel. Where you want to find a love that you did not learn growing up. You believe in a love so beautiful, so healthy, that you go down a rabbit hole of self development in your adult years to find ways to attract people who say and do what they say they are going to do, treat you with respect, honor who you are, and don’t criticize and hurt you on a regular basis. I only learned recently and it is tragic to bare, but one of the ways to find the people you are hoping to exist, and to love the ones who hurt you, is to say no more to the person and feelings you have for the ones who cannot give you that. I had to say no to two people this year and when you split up with someone who is on a different journey than you, your feelings have not changed, but your heart and mind fight you tooth and nail because there is something different you need to find with someone else. I used to think make up sex was hot, but it is actually kind of tragic if you think about it. I wish my gents nothing but the best, I care for them dearly, and it was hard to let go and say no more, but I needed to find someone who was capable of love, wants to love and be loved, communicate, take accountability and have some shred of awareness. It feels like I am being an asshole or doing something wrong, it should not feel like this, but what other choice do we have? Keep living psychopathic, tornado run relationships with passion and flare and drama and turmoil? And you hope one or both of you does not end up dead or in jail? Oye. I only wish that one day they can work on finding the love they wish to have one day by showing that love and kindness to themselves. That could be getting themselves out of bad situations and believing they are worthy of something wonderful. I want them so badly to find a beautiful love, I so badly want them to allow themselves to be loved AND receive love. I see you as a wonderful father one day. I want you to be happy and thriving. Even if that is not with me. But you need to allow yourself to feel happiness and love. Even you, deserve it. Please stop being the things that hurt you. Learn another way. And to the assholes who hurt the men who hurt me....I am warning you, if it is not this life and it's the next, don’t you ever cross my path and make yourself known, because I don’t want to go to jail for the ways you will burn in hell.