Episode 45: Trauma & Relationship Decision Making

Calm Excellence: How A Committed Client & Visionary Leader RESETS

In this episode, Renee interviewed a dear coaching client, Lisa Brown, who has done the “work” for 10 years. When we started working together, she had it “all” on theoutside – the personal & professional achievements she dreamed of. Like a lot of Enneagram 1 types, she was adept at juggling roles & responsibilities. She pushed through, aimed to please, kept the peace, performed & perfected. She juggled well but she wasn’t experiencing peace, contentment, & confidence. Anxiety was increasing. What used to work, no longer worked well. Her journey unfolded:·      She got quiet, went inward, listened to her truth, gained clarity, & moved through fear & frustration. ·  She stopped the “Ps” to reclaim her personal power. ·  Her sense of worth or safety stopped being dependent upon external validation. ·  She faced pushback & held steady, again & again. ·  She earned her own secure attachment. ·  From a reclamation of Self, new outcomes & possibilities unfolded that she could not have predicted. Today her inner experience matches her external reality: ·   She moves with grounded confidence. ·   Her discernment is fueled by her values, integrity, & purpose. ·   She leans into her feminine essence to lead & mentor her team. ·  Her trust in her intuition informs her strategy in operations & guides her relationships at every level. ·   She has learned to honor her unique essence & granted herself permission to lead with authenticity & that honorsher unique design. Real transformation ignites outcomes beyond what you once thought was possible. CALM EXCELLENCE * Listen to Lisa describe how she originated the idea of CALM EXCELLENCE as an antidote to pressure & perfectionism. * Discover the difference & nuance of a standard versus perfection. * Get clear on how generating safety, inside & out, is essential for relationship health & growth. * Learn how a change process is a journey - inside yourself, interpersonally, or in organizations, systems, or communities where you are the one to steward people & outcomes. * Know that no matter who you are or where you are, you are not alone - community matters. * Witness the benefits of having a shared language & principle or anchor to RESET to, again & again. We can't wait to see what unfolds next for Lisa, but we know her visionary leadership, integrity, intelligence, & beautiful heart & soul will continue to touch & impact all who enter her orbit. About our guest: Lisa Brown is a devoted wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, leader, and lifelong learner. She loves traveling with her husband, Blake, and cherishing the life they’ve built together. Her three beautiful boys keep her busy and remain her greatest and most meaningful work.  For the past 24 years, Lisa has built a successful career in the financial services industry, where she’s passionate about helping both clients and her team achieve their goals. A true Enneagram 1, she is fiercely committed to continuous personal growth. Lisa strives to approach every aspect of life with authenticity, humility, curiosity, and generosity. About our host: A therapist for 25+ years & coach, Renee has guided hundreds of clients through a reclamation process. The work has been condensed into a SIGNATURE PROGRAM: the 90 Day Relationship Reset. Shorten your learning curve & learn more about the program (& Renee) here: https://resetwithrenee.com/relationship-reset [https://resetwithrenee.com/relationship-reset]   Like, follow, share, reveiw, comment - SHARING IS CARING!

Episode 46: Renee's Raw Reset Take 2

Renee is literally & metaphorically ON THE MOVE & in her own rebirth & reset cycle. Listen to this episode for a more personal share about: 1. The context that led up to moving from Arkansas to St. Louis - it has been unfolding for many months! 2. How a late diagnosis of AUDHD means disruptions in environment & routine are more challenging & stressful. If this is you, you are not alone & there is a reason your brain is on the blink: it's about CAPACITY! 3. The real & regular challenge of obtaining adhd meds - which demands more executive functioning & adds to frustration. 4. Feeling DEEPLY means saying goodbye is hard. Extended good byes or abrupt are even more challenging. 5. GenX Cycle Breakers, like Renee, rarely get a chance to "come up for air" before a new or another life challenge arises. Renee will be back "in the saddle" seeing clients soon & can't wait to connect!

Episode 45: Trauma & Relationship Decision Making

Listener Question: It's hard to decide what to do with my relationship & the advice I see seems contradictory or confuses me. I don't know what to think... In this Episode: * Renee discusses the challenges trauma survivors face in making major life decisions, particularly in relationships, due to unresolved attachment wounds and a lack of "codes" for healthy relationships. * She emphasizes the importance of trusting one's intuition and consuming information selectively, taking what resonates and leaving the rest. * Renee advises trauma survivors to seek guidance from trusted mentors and to focus on healing and addressing their own trauma FIRST before making significant relationship decisions. * She also highlights the need for survivors to honor themselves while maintaining healthy relationships, without sacrificing their well-being. Concepts: 1. Health of individuals & relationships is on a continuum. Mainstream advice may not be nuanced enough for trauma survivors or abuse victims. 2. Look for a mentor who has awareness of the "universal patterns" of your particular challenge and can appreciate the nuances of your specific context. 3. Renegotiating relationships or changing/ending relationship contracts ignites primal fear for folks with insecure attachment. Decisions are best made not from fear based trauma energy but from a place of inner authority, clarity, & discernment. 4. Every human is seeking to meet their biological imperative or essential human needs of: SECURITY/SAFETY & BELONGING/CONNECTION/ATTACHMENT. Healthy relationships meet both needs. 5. It is important to CALL IN what you desire & need versus CALL OUT if you want to exit a negative relationship cycle. 6. Do your part. Engage your healing. Keep your side of the street clean & move with your values & integrity intact to minimize harm & minimize regret. 7. Allow an unfolding. There is a divine plan & divine timing. Your job is to be ready to be have the courage to pivot when needed for your growth & evolution. For more information about your host please visit: https://resetwithrenee.com/ [https://resetwithrenee.com/] To join Renee's free community on Mighty Networks - The Reset Collective: https://reset-gathering.mn.co/share/Z2B41TXYimz0wgrm?utm_source=manual [https://reset-gathering.mn.co/share/Z2B41TXYimz0wgrm?utm_source=manual] Thank you for listening! Please like, share, follow, & comment. To support the podcast please leave a tip here: https://donate.stripe.com/14k16P8N8cBqfDi7sA [https://donate.stripe.com/14k16P8N8cBqfDi7sA]

Episode 44: Understanding Neurodivergence: Insights from Michael Herman

Renee chats with Michael Herman , the Autistic Half of "Scenes from a Neurodivergent Marriage". They chat about the nuances of communication styles, the importance of self-acceptance, & the impact of neurodiversity on personal and professional relationships. They also discuss how understanding one's own needs & communicating them effectively can lead to healthier interactions, both in work and personal life. The dialogue emphasizes the significance of vulnerability, especially in the context of social media, and how sharing personal experiences can foster community and healing. They also touch on the challenges faced by neurodivergent individuals in relationships and the importance of mutual understanding and support. Our Guest: Michael is a Chicago-based director, playwright and teacher. He loves nothing more than watching a new play come to life, while increasing access to the arts. Michael studied Architecture at The Cooper Union, holds undergraduate degrees in Theater and English from The State University of New York at Brockport, and an MFA in Dramatic Writing from Carnegie Mellon University. Music is the answer. http://www.outerlooptheater.org/ [http://www.outerlooptheater.org/] http://www.youtube.com/@MyAutisticHusband [http://www.youtube.com/@MyAutisticHusband] https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2? [https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusband] aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusband [https://www.tiktok.com/link/v2?aid=1988&lang=en&scene=bio_url&target=instagram.com%2Fmyautistichusband] https://www.instagram.com/myautistichusband?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw== [https://www.instagram.com/myautistichusband?utm_source=ig_web_button_share_sheet&igsh=ZDNlZDc0MzIxNw==]Our Host: Renee Fleming A therapist turned coach who specializes in trauma healing & late diagnosed neurodivergence. https://resetwithrenee.com/ [https://resetwithrenee.com/] https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/?hl=en [https://www.instagram.com/resetwithrenee/?hl=en] https://www.tiktok.com/@resetwithrenee [https://www.tiktok.com/@resetwithrenee]

Episode 43: The Real Nadine & Run Like Hell

Nadine's Journey to Trauma Bond Expertise Nadine shared her personal journey, including her marriage to the Wolf of Wall Street and her later divorce. She discussed how her experiences led her to pursue a career in therapy & eventually earn a doctorate. Nadine specializes in trauma bonds & betrayal trauma, which she developed after realizing the need for further research in this area. She wrote a book based on her findings, which has been well received. Nadine's Approach to Complex Trauma * symptoms * personality traits * attachment * developmental trauma * reconnect the person with their authentic self, using unconditional positive regard & curiosity * a need for directness when dealing with women in trauma bonds or those who have just left * psychoeducation to empower her clients, * teaching them about the vagus nerve & its role in perceiving safety & danger * regain their autonomy & overcome the power imbalance often present in trauma bonds Navigating Toxic Relationships & Co-Parenting Challenges Nadine shared: * her personal experience of having her ex-husband arrested, which shifted the power balance in her favor. * the importance of emotional support & the need for a protective wall, made of several supports * the re-traumatizing effects of post-separation abuse & the difficulties of mediating with pathological lovers in the family court system. Pathological Relationships & Self-Care Strategies * The importance of self-care, therapy, the need for radical acceptance & an understanding that co-parenting with a pathological person is not possible. * Dr. Christine Cocciola's program, Protected Parents, which helps women dealing with post-separation abuse. Self-Care &Compassion in Trauma Nadine discussed the importance of : * self-care & self-compassion in managing emotional flashbacks & anxiety. * staying calm & responding to aggressive emails or situations. * Sandra Brown's book, Women Who Love Psychopaths, discusses the 5-factor model of personality & how certain traits make individuals vulnerable to pathological relationships. Dealing With Narcissistic Individuals * Narcissists often target empathetic & caring people, & it's crucial to recognize one's own traits to avoid being a perfect prey. * The complexities of human behavior & the need to balance labeling & understanding individuals. * Renee also discussed the intersection of trauma, attachment, & neurodivergence as a potential impact on relationships. Recognizing Trauma Bonds & Coercive Control * recognizing the invisible nature of these dynamics * need for self-care & empowerment * abuse is never the survivors’ fault * a journey of building resilience through therapy & self-reflection is encouraged Our Guest: Dr. Nadine Macaluso, or Dr. Nae, is the real-life inspiration behind Naomi Belfort's character in "The Wolf of Wall Street." She survived a turbulent eight-year marriage to Jordan Belfort, marked by abuse, greed, & trauma. Following her experiences, Dr. Macaluso relocated to California. Her journey of trauma & healing inspired her to return to school at age 39, where she earned her Master's in counseling & a Ph.D. in somatic psychotherapy. She further specialized with a two-year postdoctoral training in the Neuro-affective Relational Model (NARM). As a therapist, Dr. Macaluso combines her education & personal experiences to help others heal from trauma. Her practice focuses on assisting patients in connecting with their authentic selves, fostering confidence, resilience, & agency. Dr. Macaluso firmly believes in the potential for post-traumatic growth, instilling hope in her patients & guiding them to reach their potential in life & love. Be sure to check out Dr. Macaluso’s new book, “Run Like Hell” & her online community on Circle! Our Host: Renee Fleming, therapist & coach, can be found on most social media platforms @Resetwithrenee or www.resetwithrenee.com [www.resetwithrenee.com] Both her free & subscription community & courses can be found on Mighty Networks.