Schmactors

In this episode of Schmactors, James and Mark crack open a fresh six-pack of emotional baggage and Red Bull to revisit James’ Buffy-era fitness routine—spoiler alert: it involved starvation, rollerblading disasters, and enough sugar to trigger a Canadian health minister. But it doesn’t stop there. The guys detour into tragic photography gigs, baby handling on British TV sets, and the unspoken truth about producing: most scripts are bad, and even actors don’t trust actors with money. There’s a whole segment on the emotional chaos of trying to get films made as a “nobody with a dream”—and why they now prefer just showing up to play. Also on deck: spike thirst traps, puppy thirst traps (not like that, Mark clarifies), piggyback crushes, and the surprisingly wise words of Mark’s kid Jackson, who’s clearly the only one with moral clarity or a functioning heart. James cries to Coldplay, Mark’s gym teacher steals his girlfriend, and somewhere in there, they almost redefine what it means to be a good person. Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠schmactors.com [https://schmactors.com] ⁠⁠— leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices [https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices]

In this wildly emotional and hilariously revealing episode, James Marsters returns from the convention circuit with juicy Buffy reboot rumors (which he can't actually talk about). Meanwhile, Mark Devine contemplates the delicate art of crying (spoiler: he struggles) and reminisces about his eyebrow-raising appearance on Sex and the City. James reflects on why vampires remain eternally youthful and appealing, sparking a lively debate about supernatural skincare and the magic of CGI de-aging. The Schmactors dive into their deepest stage fright stories, from childhood roles as depressed donkeys to Shakespearean mishaps involving limps that healed mysteriously. Plus, the duo tackles hard-hitting questions from fans: What's your favorite cheese? (Shoutout to Velveeta and smoked Gouda). Would you rather infinite knowledge, infinite money, or infinite time—and how quickly would each ruin your life? Lastly, James reveals a surprising fascination with centaurs and their... anatomical advantages. Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠schmactors.com [https://www.schmactors.com/]⁠⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices [https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices]

This week on Schmactors, it’s time to zap into the void with a cattle prod, question your Beatle loyalty, and wonder aloud if David Caruso is still standing under that same damn porch light. Mark recounts the surreal politics of Hollywood parties (spoiler: Caruso smokes cigars like he’s in a noir), while James waxes philosophical about the dangers of going full Clooney at Seth Green’s birthday. Jason dares to suggest space is cool—if there’s a big enough window—and makes a bold stand against spiders, seafood, and Beatles fandom. Mark gets real about agoraphobia, panic attacks, and childhood trauma, while James advocates for taser-based home defense and tells you why Ringo is the chillest drummer in the biz. Blood donations? Rare. Phobias? Frequent. Rib Fest cover bands? Too real. This one’s got conspiracy theories, fake organs, reversed guts, financial regrets, and just enough “pizza parlor chaos” to keep the lizard people tuning in. Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠schmactors.com [https://www.schmactors.com/]⁠⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices [https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices]

In this episode of Schmactors, James and Mark go from superhero vision exams to existential midlife meltdowns in under 40 minutes. First up: can Clark Kent’s ophthalmologist really be fooled by a pair of glasses? The guys spiral into Superman’s colonoscopy cover stories, locker room etiquette, and how lying to protect a secret identity might actually destroy your soul. Then it’s on to the art of on-screen kissing—who’s the better smoocher: John Barrowman or Sarah Michelle Gellar? James unpacks the awkward dance of “fake hot” lip-locks, nose-smashing dangers, and the day he literally bit a co-star on set. Things get real when the boys take on plastic surgery in Hollywood, the brutal shelf life of actors, and what it means to age when your face is your product. And finally, they dive headfirst into a listener’s question about life satisfaction, delivering raw confessions about regret, reinvention, and the ultimate legacy of being a decent human. It’s vulnerable. It’s ridiculous. It’s Schmactors at its most human. Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠ schmactors.com  [https://schmactors.com/]⁠⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices [https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices]

This week on Schmactors, James and Mark dive into the psychological side effects of method acting, accidental hate-symbol cosplay, and the crushing guilt of being slightly less generous than your saint-like friends. From dialysis dinner duty to Doc Martens and flannel misfires, it’s a journey into the absurdity of good intentions and the existential spiral that follows. The duo also tackles some big listener questions: – Can roles mess with your real-life psyche? – Would you rather meet your ancestors or your descendants? – How the hell do you actually overcome fear (spoiler: not always with grace)? Plus, James opens up about becoming Spike (for real), and Mark shares his subway panic attack origin story. Oh, and someone finally says “My God” with the gravitas it deserves. So fluff up your emotional back hair and strap in, this one’s got it all. Got a burning question? Hit up ⁠⁠schmactors.com [https://schmactors.com]⁠⁠ — leave a voicemail or text, and maybe you’ll hear it on the show. And if you laughed (or at least snorted), do us a favor and share Schmactors with a friend. It’s cheaper than therapy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices [https://podcastchoices.com/adchoices]